Posted by farmerboy on July 07, 2010 at 12:11:16 from (63.123.154.249):
In Reply to: Tractor jokes needed posted by larryanderson on July 06, 2010 at 19:32:11:
I hear they're making a new tractor for the modern small farmer. It has no seat and no steering wheel for the guy who's lost his butt and doesn't know where to turn!
This ones a little longer, but one of my favorites -
A young high powered New York lawyer heads south for a little time off to hunt ducks. He's out hunting on an exclusive resort and see nothing for six days. On the last day of his vacation, he sees one duck and shoots it. Now it happens fall outside the resorts property line and he jumps the fence to retrieve it. Ol' boy farmer comes waddling up to him and says, "That there's my duck!"
Lawyer says, "No sir, I shot that duck and I was just going to retrieve it."
"No, that's my duck. It landed on my property!"
"Listen old man, that's my duck. I shot it and I darn sure am going to take it!"
"Don't care who shot it, it landed on my property. Get off my property!"
"You see here you old coot, that's my duck and I'm a high powered lawyer from New York City. If you don't let me have it, I'll sue you and get your farm!"
"Well, what we have here is a gentleman's disagreement. We settle these things down here a little different than you fancy pants lawyers."
"How would you like to settle it?"
"Well, we will do it with the "three kicks". We take turns kicking each other three times until one gives up. Since you brought the complaint, I get the first three kicks."
The young lawyer sized up the old farmer and figured he didn't have strength enough to cause the lawyer much harm. Surely he could survive the first three kicks!
"OK, old man, give it your best shot!"
Farmer wound up and kicked the lawyer right in the sack! Lawyer doubled over, and the farmer kneed him square in the nose! Lawyer fell on his back and rolled onto his side, where the farmer kicked him square in the ribs.
Laywer lay there panting and crying and bleeding for several minutes and finally staggered to his feet.
Lawyer says, "I'm gonna give you the beating of your life you ol' coot!"
Farmer steps back and says ,"Nope, I give up. You can take your duck!"
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