Re: Gonna pop THE question.....

Posted by bc on October 30, 2009 at 09:14:52 from (67.66.111.187):

In Reply to: Gonna pop THE question..... posted by Iowa Farmer on October 29, 2009 at 20:04:55:

Good luck but let me be the spoil sport here.

I always tell people to get married by a Judge so that way they can meet the person who will divorce them later on. Not everybody gets that joke.

If she really wants to be married to you, she would say so and be talking about it already. I'd let her ask you to see how committed she is.

Nobody just pops the question anyway. First, you have a lot of serious and frank discussions on how you would live together, what each others goals are in life, and can you both work together to achieve those goals. You also have to look at what your common likes and dislikes are. It doesn't work if like to watch espn all night and she wants to watch love stories which you hate. Makes for long chilly evenings watching separate tvs. Discuss each others pet peeves, hobbies, and personal habits you have with each other and how you are going to deal with them. Even do a written agreement on those issues. I've seen too many people that gloss over those pet peeves thinking that the other one will change when they get married and have kids and therefore settle down. Wrong, people don't change except rarely. She may let you slide for a while but at some point she will get tired of it if she doesn't like your (drinking, running around with your buddies, being away from home hunting, fishing, golfing, whatever).

Then at least in divorce court when she is calling you a bum and everything else cause you don't pick up your dirty socks, you can say we talked about all this before we got married and you were the one who wanted to marry this bum (or she may be the bummette depending upon initiates it).

A marriage has basically 4 components with the percentage of each varying between individuals and the percentages change over time. Friendship (can you talk like friends), companionship (do you like to run around with each other together and alone), love (do you have such deep feelings for someone so much you will do what they say even though you don't want), and bedtime activities to substitue for a word that can't be used here (do each one of you enjoy bedtime activities without harboring resentment because one of you doesn't want to do certain things and also realizing that the percentage of that activity could dwindle to nothing and particularly when she hits menopause). You can evaluate your lives with those factors. If you think you are friends but she really wants a sole mate, then there is resentment. If you want to go hunting for a weekend but she doesn't really like being home alone, then resentment. If she likes to shop at the malls and you don't, then resentment. If she don't like looking at tools with you for hours at harbor freight and home cheapo, then resentment. Then you have kids and she has to stay home alone while you are out fishing, look out. The list goes on and it builds up over time.

Kids are usually the big problems in marriages because each parent has different goals, different ways to parent, amount of time and energy spent with the kids. Finally, before kids, you devote all your attentions on each other. That changes after kids and the attention is focused on the kids and parents ignore each other, sometimes unintentionally, but it happens and then you resent each other.

Finally at some point, all this built up resentment causes couples to distance from each other and grow apart. Then sometimes the wife and/or husband look elsewhere.

I have never been able to understand how people who were so in love at one point can change and become so mean and hateful later on. If she shows a mean streak against others, well rest assured, it can be turned on you.

Good luck from the spoil sport.

Replies:

• Re: Gonna pop THE question..... ScottyHOMEy 10:18:08 10/30/09 (0)

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