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Gonna pop THE question.....

I

Iowa Farmer

Member
Hello,

Finally going to pop the question to my girlfriend of three and a half years. It"s a little soggy here in Central Iowa, and the weather has thwarted two of my previous attempts, so third times a charm right? Waiting for her to come home from class now, so I"m just wasting a little time. I"ve been a member on here since 1998, when I was 14 years old. Although I do not get to post very often, it is a daily, before morning chores, habit to check in on things here. Hope all is well with everyone, and wish the best of luck to many of the farmers in the same boat as I, facing a very long, soggy harvest.

Brandon
 
I can't offer you any advice since my wife and I pretty much came to a mutual agreement to get married, but I wish you all the luck in the world.
 
Go for it Brandon. My wife and are coming up on fifty-nine I have never regreted marrying her. Even though she is in a nursing home she still thinks she has to take care of me.She always checks my shaving and looks for hair in my ears.
gitrib
 
Good luck to you. My wife and I are coming up on our second anniversary on Nov 30. We met on Nov 16 and got married on the 30th, after two wonderful weeks of "dating". We"ve been through more in the past two years than many go through it ten with an ongoing custody battle and the current state of the economy. One thing I had always heard, that we"ve found to be true, is that no matter how much you love each other a marriage won"t last unless you can like each other and be friends before anything else.
 
Hey there Brandon;
My Wife and I just passed our 54th, on 10/02/54.
Just remember, its easier to say, I'm "wrong", than it is to say "I'm sorry". Lots of luck!!
Bob
God Bless
 
I was smarter I waited for my wife to ask me. then when she complains I always say "well it ain't my fault you did the asking not me."
Walt
 
I have a buddy who says he had the first 30 years of his life to be right, now he finds it easier to be happy than right when it comes to his wife. I always tell every one when me and my wife argue I have to have the last word and she has to be right, every fight ends with me saying "your right, sorry I'm a bone head".

Dave
 
Once you're married you will have a helper with those chores. Been married 56 years, time sure does fly by. Good Luck, Hal
 
My wife and I have been happly married for almost ten years now. Married 1-11-64 still can't agree on the happy ones(she almost never gets on my side of the comp.) My advice, a sence of humor has saved my life more than once!
 
The only advice i can give is to be dead sure that she is the one and one that will stand by you . when i asked that question i was scared to death and would have been more comfortable walking point back in Nam . But i made a good choice as it has been over 34 years now with no fights just a couple of disagreements and a lot of ups and down so best wishes and good luck .
 
Why? 95% of women control the whole family...and if there whining..nobody's happy. Then again you can't live with them and you can't shoot'em..Other than that good luck...
 
I see alot of GOOD LUCK on this one, and that's about right, divorce rate is about 60%, so it must take Luck to survive for most.

We've been married going on 50 years now, and it takes Commitment on both parts, then Love is next, your going to have problems, so being Committed to solving them is on the top of the list,

when your First problem comes up, your going to remember what I said,
God Bless your every move, zeke
 
Good Luck
We were married April 1, 1964. I haven't needed to say April Fool's yet, I have a feeling it's too late now.
Iowa Bob
 
A guy I know popped the question a few years ago by using his heavy equipment from his business to spell out, Will you marry me, then took her up in an airplane and had her look down.
I've always thought about cutting, will you marry me, in my hay field if I ever find the right woman.
 
46 years ago I was 175 pounds, Now i'm 240, mine
can sure cook good.Most Young people only Know
how to open cans, if that. OH, mine sews her
own clothes, and did our daughters from kinder-
garten through High school! She's warn out 2
sewing machines in 46 years, is on the 3rd.
 
Well, lessee, if you were 14 in 98 you're 24-25 now. That's a good age to get hitched. Old enough to have played the field but not so old that you're set in your ways. Good luck and enjoy your marriage. You'll enjoy it even more when the grandkids come.Jim
 
Brandon, before you do...be sure you're both in the "we" and "us" mode. Because if you're in the "her" mode...and so is she...it can make for a miserable life. And if you're still more oriented to "I" and "me" than "us" and "we," it's gonna be a difficult journey together as well. The old Biblical line about two becoming one is actually a nugget of wisdom, and something to hang onto. If you put two horses in the harness,but they're not pulling in the same direction, you won't get very far, as th old timers used to say.

And some families are old fashioned: sometimes it's a good idea to question the Pop [and ask if he's OK with it] before you pop the question. It's a whole lot easier when her family is pulling FOR you and not AGAINST you [BTDT, got the shirt, wasn't fun].

Having said that...I wish you well in your endeavor, and I wish you many years of love and laughter together.
 
Good luck to ya, I've been married for about 1 1/2 years. Some days it seems longer but it is great.

When you get to the wedding planning just remember to keep it simple. Everyone has a lot more fun when the wedding is simple and relaxed.
 
Congratulations and best wishes to you and your Fiance.

From a woman's perspective -

Marriage is like a new, unknown field. You only have an idea of what the ground is like and what it will produce. You can't just throw seed out, walk away and expect a harvest. What you plant there has to be cared for and nurtured if its going to survive. Continue to do what got you to this point in the first place.

Marriage is rarely a 50-50 deal. Some days your 60% and she's 40%, some days she's 60% and your 40%, etc.

Men and women really do speak a different language. Men tend to be more straightforward with what they say while women frequently communicate with "hints". Example - you're driving somewhere and your wife says "would you like to stop and get something to drink?". You say no and she gets an unhappy look on her face. What she really said was "I'm thirsty and I'd like to stop and get something to drink." If you work at it, you will be able to figure out what she really means and she can learn to be more straightforward in how she says things.

Often times, its not what you say, but how you say it that gets you into or out of trouble.

Women are conversational creatures. We like to talk and be talked to. Conversations between you and your wife can be excellent quality time and opportunities to clear the air before things blow up.

Find what works for the two of you and stick to it, not necessarily what is the "norm" or what friends and "counselors" advise.

Love passionately, deeply and without reservation. Every day is a gift.

May God bless you richly.
 
When getting married, you've got to remember something on your wedding day. If you remember this, everything else will be okay.
If you do a church wedding, (or really any wedding for that matter) there are three things the bride thinks about on her "perfect day".
The first thing is the aisle. She is walking down thinking about how pretty the aisle is decorated.
The next thing she thinks about is the altar. This is where the preacher stands and she needs to pay attention to his instruction.
The third thing she will think about is the hymn. I'm sure she will have all kinds of beautiful music lined up.

In reality, the bride is saying this over and over in her mind:

"I'LL ALTER HIM!!"

If you are okay with that, you will have marriage bliss......


Just kidding folks. My wife is a wonderful person.
 
Nancy has very good advice. There is no such thing as a "perfect partner". It's work. The harder you work at it, the better it is. If you expect everything to work perfect and never put any effort into it, it'll fail. Just like farming.

Best thing I ever did was marry my wife of 7 years this next November 16th. If you ask her, she may not say the same thing ;-)


Best of luck!
 
Good luck but let me be the spoil sport here.

I always tell people to get married by a Judge so that way they can meet the person who will divorce them later on. Not everybody gets that joke.

If she really wants to be married to you, she would say so and be talking about it already. I'd let her ask you to see how committed she is.

Nobody just pops the question anyway. First, you have a lot of serious and frank discussions on how you would live together, what each others goals are in life, and can you both work together to achieve those goals. You also have to look at what your common likes and dislikes are. It doesn't work if like to watch espn all night and she wants to watch love stories which you hate. Makes for long chilly evenings watching separate tvs. Discuss each others pet peeves, hobbies, and personal habits you have with each other and how you are going to deal with them. Even do a written agreement on those issues. I've seen too many people that gloss over those pet peeves thinking that the other one will change when they get married and have kids and therefore settle down. Wrong, people don't change except rarely. She may let you slide for a while but at some point she will get tired of it if she doesn't like your (drinking, running around with your buddies, being away from home hunting, fishing, golfing, whatever).

Then at least in divorce court when she is calling you a bum and everything else cause you don't pick up your dirty socks, you can say we talked about all this before we got married and you were the one who wanted to marry this bum (or she may be the bummette depending upon initiates it).

A marriage has basically 4 components with the percentage of each varying between individuals and the percentages change over time. Friendship (can you talk like friends), companionship (do you like to run around with each other together and alone), love (do you have such deep feelings for someone so much you will do what they say even though you don't want), and bedtime activities to substitue for a word that can't be used here (do each one of you enjoy bedtime activities without harboring resentment because one of you doesn't want to do certain things and also realizing that the percentage of that activity could dwindle to nothing and particularly when she hits menopause). You can evaluate your lives with those factors. If you think you are friends but she really wants a sole mate, then there is resentment. If you want to go hunting for a weekend but she doesn't really like being home alone, then resentment. If she likes to shop at the malls and you don't, then resentment. If she don't like looking at tools with you for hours at harbor freight and home cheapo, then resentment. Then you have kids and she has to stay home alone while you are out fishing, look out. The list goes on and it builds up over time.

Kids are usually the big problems in marriages because each parent has different goals, different ways to parent, amount of time and energy spent with the kids. Finally, before kids, you devote all your attentions on each other. That changes after kids and the attention is focused on the kids and parents ignore each other, sometimes unintentionally, but it happens and then you resent each other.

Finally at some point, all this built up resentment causes couples to distance from each other and grow apart. Then sometimes the wife and/or husband look elsewhere.

I have never been able to understand how people who were so in love at one point can change and become so mean and hateful later on. If she shows a mean streak against others, well rest assured, it can be turned on you.

Good luck from the spoil sport.
 
Well Brandon. My wife and I were married for thirty two years before she passed away. We had our little spats at times,but we always worked them out. Just don't let her try to control everything you do and you should not try to control her. You need time to see friends and you both need to have days out with friends. Watch out for the loaded questions. Remember there is her money and your allowance for the week. As my wife told me. It is my job to spend your money and she was good at it. Good Luck.
 
I have been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years now. We have been getting along great. I will probably be doing the same thing in the next year. Right now i'm unemployed, and I have been trying to get her family's farm up and going to be profitable, along with finishing a lot of projects that have been started years ago and never finished so money has been on the tight side, and job looking hasn't been the greatest. I still learn new things, such as she used to hate going to the hardware store, now its no big deal, and I have to keep her away from the tool section, especially at sears, or we will never leave.
 
Darn it all I was going to ask her myself later on this evening--oh well if she says no, ask her if she is interested in fat bald old men?

Perhaps you will sober off, and realize what you did?

Just remember something in the wedding ring or perhaps in the wedding cake that turns them from a cogar to a angry, unlustful,--well if you were sober I could go on and on--but we already established that you must be pretty drunk.

Just a kiddin, best of luck guy, that and children is what lifes all about.
 
And I thought I was curmudgeonly! (I am my late and sainted mother used to introduce me as the family curmudgeon.)

One of the things you opened with reminded me of an adage I heard a while back. Has some truth to it.

A man is looking for a woman who will never change. A woman looks for a man she can improve.
 
If it ever feels unsure then its not for you.I knew and wife did too on our first date we became friends.Been married near 11 years and wouldnt trade it for anything.She has altered me a little,but Ive also altered her,because she isnt totally the Iowegian preachers daughter that she was.We live and think as one and finish each others sentences.We dated 1 year,never "did it" or lived together,and had kids after the marriage
 
Truer words were never spoken than this; he marries thinking she'll never change and she marries thinking he will; BOTH ARE WRONG!!! Working on 44th year; best decision I ever made; don't know if she'd say that or not.........
 
Religion, it can be a very strong influence in a marriage. It's not as much how religious you are as it's what religious beliefs you hold and how strong they are. Do you both go to the same church or belong to the same religion? This gets sticky, but if one or both of you have different feelings about your church, get it worked out now.

My wife was raised in a strong Catholic family of 17. I was raised in a prostestant family of four. She told me she would only marry me if I joined her church. Love is blind so I went her way. Midway through our 36 years of marriage I did have a problem with 'her' church and it strained the marriage for awhile until we worked it out. She was even going to move out and live with our daughter for awhile. Now we're shooting for 36 more years.

Then there's my grandparents. He was a whisky drinking abundant nnalert and she was a diehard prohibitionist conservative nnalert and they were happily married for darned near 60 years before he passed away. Go figure! Jim
 
Good luck!
My parents were married on Halloween Eve 50+ years ago. At least you'll remember the date you proposed.
 
Congrats.
The only advise that I can give after 10 years being married is:
Remember its easier to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission.
Let her know that some days she cant stop you- she can only hope to contain you.
You are responsible for keeping Her HAPPY, because if she isnt happy then nobodys happy.
Just tongue in cheek things that my wife and I have realized work for us- hopefully they'll work for you to.
Good luck
Pete
 
Congrats, what Nancy said. You were smart to spend 3 and a half years getting to know each other, but you will still learn so much more...
 
Brandon,
Im a lot like you in that i got on here at the same age and time. Im 25 and Ive been married for 19 months and i love it. Its the best thing Ive ever done in my life. My advice to you is dont rush out to have kids, my wife and I didnt live together til we were married and its so amazing to come home to just her. No babies to feed or clothe. We are going to have children if the lord is willing but first we wanted to have each other while we are young. We travel a lot and just enjoy life because we are careful not to have children at this time. Four couples that got married around us have children and I can safely say that they are struggling to make the marriage work. This is my experience and no two cases are alike. Its your marriage and YOU are the only one that can chose to make it or break it. Best of luck and God speed.

Caleb
 
Congratulations Brandon!!

Best wishes for a long, happy, healthy and prosperous marraige.

My advice: Never anger the cook!

God bless your family
Paul (married to same gal for 42 years)
 
(quoted from post at 20:04:55 10/29/09) Hello,

Finally going to pop the question to my girlfriend of three and a half years. It"s a little soggy here in Central Iowa, and the weather has thwarted two of my previous attempts, so third times a charm right? Waiting for her to come home from class now, so I"m just wasting a little time. I"ve been a member on here since 1998, when I was 14 years old. Although I do not get to post very often, it is a daily, before morning chores, habit to check in on things here. Hope all is well with everyone, and wish the best of luck to many of the farmers in the same boat as I, facing a very long, soggy harvest.

Brandon
Click to expand...

She either said yes and you haven't been able to come up for air, or she said no and you haven't sobered up yet.

Really want me to keep guessing??????????
 
Well,
Another one bites the dust. Or so the song goes.
Us bachelors haven't anything to complain about.
We have more tractors and less furniture than you married guys. More hardware than software if you know what I mean.
Of course you do have to pick all those paint colors for the bedroom and bathroom which can try a man. And you gotta do all the cooking, laundry and keep the floors swept and the house tidy too. But that can be done. It's easier than when I built the house for sure.
Perhaps the saying's true - that a bachelor's work is never done.
But batching it gives you certain inalienable rights too. For example; when it comes to who you can take a second notice of.
If you get my drift.
Lets you come late and leave early and not have to explain why, lets you mainly discuss things with those who understand the 4 cycles of an engine, Archimedes Principle, that honey dews are like cantelope only green, Saturdays are reserved for hunting, college games or local auctions and there's a darned good reason I haven't shaved for 3 days.
Of course I still had to scrimp, save and go without for months to buy that new Tikka and Leupold but I didn't have to ask. You know?
Oh, and another thing; It lets you have more liberties around the kitchen.
For example, when the recipe calls for 1/3 pound of hamburger you more than likely have the tools at hand (and permission to use them)to add just that anount.
Yes sir. You'll be giving up a lot don't you know?
But seriously, Let your love be great and your kindness be greater. And your understanding and patience be greater still. Best wishes to you and her. And I mean that.

P1010031.jpg


PS, The Blue paint on my thumb is from painting my buddy's Ford. Just to keep the topic on tractors -
 
Just be sure and study hard for your house hold chores license. I think you have to requalify every four years. I lost my laundry licenses at one time. Because I put her new red blouse in with her white pants. So be careful and study hard. Then you will also have to study for your honey do licenses.
 
Yeah, I lost my laundry license too. Using hot water for jeans, strike one. Mixing blue stuff and red stuff together, strike two. Drying jeans on high heat instead of knit, strike three. I'm out of the laundry room. I'd like to say something about my shirts that don't get hung up before they get a wrinkle or two but I'm not in the game anymore so I keep my mouth shut.
 
When the disagreements come, and they will, it always helps to remember the mans prayer.
"I'm a man,
but I can change,
if I have to,
I guess"
It has worked for me for almost 45 years, good luck,
Paul
 
Just remember she is not and never will be perfect, neither will you. Another thought to remember in coming disagreements; Would you rather be right or happy?
 
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