Re: OT: dont know what to do...wife probs.

Posted by NE IA Dave on June 04, 2007 at 21:20:11 from (12.215.72.127):

In Reply to: OT: dont know what to do...wife probs. posted by marriage problems. on June 03, 2007 at 15:40:46:

I sincerly hope not to poision your relationship, or put a grey cloud over your head. But frankly I kind of think it's there already.

I've been divorced twice, and good sound advise is to listen to yourself. If it walks like a duck, amd quacks like a duck, well you know.

There is no worldly comfort dealing with the devistation when we are faced with the fact that the person that you would have given your last drop of blood for would like to see that last drop drip from your heart by her stepping on it.

I have great respect for those who can keep it together. I have lots and lots of respect for those that have been married for 25 plus years, yet they can be thankful that perhaps they are not starting up in the ---todays world. Let them brag about knowing all the answers, and credit being bible holders if it makes them feel good. From now on you will realize they haven't got a clue for the most part, and you will never convince them it could have happened to them. JUST don't let that part get you down. Divorce is a terrible cancer in our society, and no one knows the answers. When we do not have the answers we must then deal with it. You are going to hear those exact words (deal with it)alot in the months ahead.

I certianly respect your religion. You no doubt think you have let the Lord, your wife, the system as well as youself down. Maybe not as much as it seems right now.

Marriage conselors have a batting average like our weathermen, not so good that is, and maybe tomorrow they will get it right.

I certianly chime in on the no children means no hurt children, that is without question the darkest it gets. Having a one persons opinion decide on who gets the kids, who gets to pay the bills, who gets the possesions, viitation, child support, medical insurance, and all that stuff is simply a crock of horse crap. There should be a jury to decide this, as we use jurys to decide on who was at falt for a bent fender. But that is what we have to ----deal with---.

I help with a unoficial support group for the uncertian spouces that has a bad hand delt to them. Seldom does it ever go without fear of the unknown, and many times there is a third party involved.

You have a golden opertunity to deal with matters before the attorneys get involved sucking the last cent out of your wallet. Get your ducks in a row and give it your best shot to make it work within reason. You are certianly unhappy, and my guess is she is to. A good rule of thumb is to have me ask you the exact questions you just asked, what advise could you give me if you were not involed? Most times we know the answer, just hate to admit it to others or ourselves for that matter.

I wish you the very best of luck, and I certianly hope you can live happy together forever. But I will sign off with these words that have alot of meaning in your time of need.

Sleeping alone is not necesarly the lonliest time you will experiance, some one in bed with you can be far worse as you probably well know by now.

The other advise is WRITE IT DOWN regardless what it is as long as it may be somewhat negative. Your attorney can not make things up nor can he give general time frames etc. Your attorney must sort through your notes that have dates and times,and witnesses. You darn right you might forget--- so----- wright it down. Do not get careless with your notes, cell phone records, phone calls etc. as they somehow seem to be found by others. And I'm hear to tell you that OTHERS do not always play fair in court. So keep your amunition, till you have to use it. Amunition is for the court room, not when your temper decides to tell the OTHER person off. Others must never ever know what lies ahead till it goes off like a gernade ---IN THE COURT ROOM----(one of the biggest mistakes made)

The uncertianty is goint to kick you in the gut more often than you can possibly understand at this point, but it does get better. The sun will shine again. I would not wish this on my worse enemy.

I am not Catholic, but we are very fortunate to have a active Catholic charities in our comunity that has helped many down and out folks regardless of their religious beliefs.

So try to get some sleep---yea I understand---I said try to get some sleep, it is going to get better, and I hope soon for you.

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