Re: OT--what can I do for a dying friend?

Posted by ShepFL on August 11, 2006 at 12:42:46 from (155.14.118.68):

In Reply to: OT--what can I do for a dying friend? posted by Brian in NY on August 11, 2006 at 10:36:22:

Lots of good advise here. I am going thru this right now with two very dear friends fighting the same battle. Here's some more insight.

ABOVE ALL ELSE REMEMBER THIS - This is the time to say what is in your heart to your friends and loved ones. Don't worry about tears or about saying things the "right" way. There will be no second chance once they are gone.

Everyone has different needs, of course, but some emotions are nearly universal among the dying. To make those last weeks or months as comfortable and stress-free as possible, here are a few pointers to keep in mind:

Your presence is everything.
Dying people are often afraid of abandonment. They often gain tremendous comfort if their loved ones and frieds keep them company - talking, watching movies or simply reading together. Of course, some people would just as soon be left alone. The only way you'll know for sure is to ask.

Be prepared to listen.
Those who are dying may want to share their fears, discuss their uncertainty about the future and talk about their concerns for those they're leaving behind. Keep in mind, however, that men and women often express themselves in different ways. Men, for example, have a tendency to give advice when someone really just wants them to listen. Women, on the other hand, may push people to "let it all out."

Be honest and share information.
Family members naturally want to protect their loved ones, and sometimes they do this by withholding difficult information - news about lab test results, for example, or practical details about real estate or finances. It's usually better to be forthright. People who are dying need to retain a sense of control, and this means being included in family discussions.

Give a lot of reassurance.
Death is rarely the primary thing that people fear most later in life. Rather, most people don't want to be a burden on their family or friends, nor do they want to be in pain. Take the time to let the dying person know how much you value him and how grateful you are for the opportunity to spend this last time together.

Settle unfinished business.
Everyone has regrets - things they wish they'd done, old rifts they wish they'd healed, places they wish they'd seen. It's not always possible to fulfill last wishes for a dying person, but sometimes you can. So it's worth asking if there's anything you can do. For my one friend I am selling his farm equipment for him and with my BSA Troop we are keeping up the yard work.

Respect the need for privacy.
Stay attuned to the dying person's needs. Many people don't want others to see them in poor health.

Pray for them and with them and the family.
I believe that all who receive, by faith, the Lord Jesus Christ are born of the Holy Spirit, and thereby, become children of God.

Furthermore, I believe in the resurrection of the just and the unjust, the everlasting blessedness of the saved, and the everlasting punishment of the lost.

As John 3:16 says "For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life"

Get help for the things you can't do.
Home hospices can help with medications and bumps in the medical road. A lawyer can help with legal issues, and the funeral director can help with burial planning.

God Bless

Replies:

• Re: OT--what can I do for a dying friend? Midwest redneck 17:26:43 08/11/06 (0)

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