Re: OT: Long, How to handle unstable aging relatives

Posted by jackinok on August 11, 2011 at 06:37:11 from (162.58.82.136):

In Reply to: OT: Long, How to handle unstable aging relatives posted by redtom on August 10, 2011 at 18:24:06:

I know what i would do,if i were the renter i would simply walk away.run out the lease and give it up.absolutely no reason for everyone to be upset,and trust me having been there my ownself more than once,it doesnt matter what you say,or do,or anyone else for that matter. if his(or her) mind tells them something,even something so far fetched as to be completly stupid,to them it is absolutely 100% real.MY wife and I took care of her grandmother for close to 30 years,she was rarely rational,and the things her mind told her she saw was 100% fact.my old mother god bless her,is the same way now.I had to remove a rug from her room at the assisted living center shes at because she absolutly KNEW the flowered design on it was snakes.its a sad thing,and its not easy,but its a fact of life.better to stop the problems now,rather than letting them escalate.just explain to the renter what the problem is,let your uncle be at peace as much as possible,because trust me it doesnt get better.Just dont ever make the mistake of aggreeing with him,try to explain whats real even if he gets mad (and he will,they all do). if you start aggreeing with him,that just reinforces his beliefs.and things can get out of hand very very fast.its hard but you have to try to keep him grounded.its very easy to say ok,ok, and walk away.its hard to say time and time again he's wrong,but thats what you have to do.dont argue ,that makes you a lowlife also in their minds,just explain the situation as it really is,and let it go.I feel for you, its a hard thing to watch and deal with.I'm beginning to see it taking hold of my wife whos been Ill for sevaral years now.her mind is going,she cant remember anything,everyone and everything is against her,and shes sees things that to her is absolutly real.best you can hope for is to when they start acting like that is to completly change he subject,find something you know he was interested in,even though he comes up with some crazy answer,question him about it,let his mind fixate on something positive instead of all ways negative.its sad but the human mind all ways tends to hang up on the negative,we all see that every day,its like when one of our old tractors quits and we immediatly assume the worst.what you want to do as much as possible,is to turn his mind away from the bad and focus on something positive.when he starts talking bad about his neighbor,simply change the subject around to the good things about him.good luck!

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