Welcome! Please use the navigational links to explore our website.
PartsASAP LogoCompany Logo Auction Link (800) 853-2651

Shop Now

   Allis Chalmers Case Farmall IH Ford 8N,9N,2N Ford
   Ferguson John Deere Massey Ferguson Minn. Moline Oliver

Tractor Talk Discussion Forum

Pa in Law woes!

Welcome Guest, Log in or Register
Author 
John M

06-13-2005 16:43:50




Report to Moderator

For 13 years now I have tolerated my father in law,hes a good man,would do anything in the world he could to help us,but the last couple of years he has become unbearable when it comes to our house and property,constantly critisizing everything my wife and I do,like going with vinyl siding instead of aluminum because HIs has has aluminum,or building my barn bigger than what I need,just stuff like that.I have grown to overlook his "opinions".But last year he got on this binge about when I should cut my field down.There nothing growing it but fescue,and I cant even give that away,so twice a year I cut it down.Well last fall he started in about it needing to be cut and I just exploded on him,right or wrong,I did and he was queit about it until this past weekend when he asked my oldest son,9 yrs old if i had taught him to run the tractor to cut the feild yet.Knowing him the way Ido,it was his round about way of telling me to cut the feild.I have had it with him and my feild.I dont know of any way to tell him to "mind his own business" without getting mad anymore.Any suggestions on how I can deal with this without blowing my top.Again,I do have alot of respect for him and think of him as a good friend,he just will not listen.

[Log in to Reply]   [No Email]
Illinois Boy

06-14-2005 14:44:35




Report to Moderator
 Re: Pa in Law woes! in reply to John M, 06-13-2005 16:43:50  
Are there any other children at home?
Sounds like he just still needs to be a "Dad" and offer advice on things. I'll bet his heart is in the right place...



[Log in to Reply]  [No Email]
dr.sportster

06-14-2005 12:53:04




Report to Moderator
 Re: Pa in Law woes! in reply to John M, 06-13-2005 16:43:50  
In the first sentence you said hes a good man.Be happy with that.Dont flip out on the guy just tell him politely the things he worries about are not yet top priorities to you.A little communication could go a long way here.Its none of my business but treat him with respect and everything will work itself out and get done eventually.



[Log in to Reply]  [No Email]
Brian in NY

06-14-2005 09:23:21




Report to Moderator
 Re: Pa in Law woes! in reply to John M, 06-13-2005 16:43:50  
John, Any chance your father in law is itching for some seat time on your tractor? Or with the too-big garage is hinting that you might have room to store something of his or build a workshop so he can hang out with you? I know, I know...most likely not...but I have learned that before you get real upset about something you have to turn it around in your head for a while. I have a step father in law who thinks he knows everything, and thinks I should do things differently, and is pretty vocal about it. But after years of drinking beer together and helping each other out and me doing things my own way he knows he can't teach this old dog new tricks. And even though I am sure it frustrates him, I think he respects me for being true to myself. He's a good guy, and even though we don't always see eye to eye, I am glad he is in my corner. So I guess I am saying just be open minded but steady, and everything will work out. Good luck.

[Log in to Reply]  [No Email]
kraigWY

06-14-2005 08:58:38




Report to Moderator
 Re: Pa in Law woes! in reply to John M, 06-13-2005 16:43:50  
I believe there should be a law, saying kids can't live closer then 1000 miles from their parents when they move out and start their own lives. It has been said distance makes the heart grow fonder.
My FIL, a wonderful guy lives about 1200 miles away, we go see him about twice a year to do honey do's his kids that live in the same town wont do. Great set up, everybody stays happey.



[Log in to Reply]  [No Email]
Coldiron

06-14-2005 05:51:28




Report to Moderator
 Re: Pa in Law woes! in reply to John M, 06-13-2005 16:43:50  
Got a brother in law like that who lives in a run down neighborhood in town, has no ambition and a disfunctional family. Still lives as the captain of the football team 43 yrs ago and can`t get out of it. Keeps saying he is gonna put a trailer home on our back acerage when he finally retires. NOT !



[Log in to Reply]  [No Email]
farmermatt

06-13-2005 21:39:52




Report to Moderator
 Re: Pa in Law woes! in reply to John M, 06-13-2005 16:43:50  
Hey, I like fescue hay. Nowhere near NEKS though Im sure. LOL As for FIL probs, I cant help, not married.



[Log in to Reply]  [No Email]
RayP(MI)

06-13-2005 19:36:39




Report to Moderator
 Re: Pa in Law woes! in reply to John M, 06-13-2005 16:43:50  
Just laid my father-in-law to rest. Called him Dad for 35 years. What a prince of a guy. Sure am going to miss him. He was there for me when I needed him, always made time for me whenever I needed it. His shop was mine to use whenever I needed it. Not all inlaws are bad apples, that"s fer sure! Maybe I got lucky.



[Log in to Reply]  [No Email]
Galen

06-13-2005 19:25:58




Report to Moderator
 Re: Pa in Law woes! in reply to John M, 06-13-2005 16:43:50  
Yup - I feel for ya! My wife's dad (don't have a F-I-L) has been an SOB from the begining - can't do anything right EVEN IF I DO IT HIS WAY! Went about 4 years with out speaking (best four years I've had since I met him!). Began talking to him again about 1 1/2 years ago - getting to the point where it will be silence again. My wife is fed up with him, too! Bad part is - may have to have him move in when the time comes. Maybe I'll get lucky and he'll get hit by a truck before that happens! 8^)

[Log in to Reply]  [No Email]
Les

06-13-2005 19:17:27




Report to Moderator
 Re: Pa in Law woes! in reply to John M, 06-13-2005 16:43:50  
My FiL was kinda like that but we lived 100+ miles away. He was never afraid to tell me what he thought.
I miss him. He's been dead about 7 years. I wish he was still here to tell me his opinion.
Now my MiL, on the other hand..... she'll drive a sane, sober person to drink or go nuts. Sometimes I think maybe he checked out just to have some peace and quiet.
":^/



[Log in to Reply]  [No Email]
Dale in Ar.

06-13-2005 18:40:43




Report to Moderator
 Re: Pa in Law woes! in reply to John M, 06-13-2005 16:43:50  
You can say "yeah,I know it and maybe I'll get to it someday".OR you can say "yep,it's my field and I'l get to it when I want to".After awhile he may get the idea that his input is not needed.As for him going through your son,just explain things to your son and he will be o.k..Patients may run thin at times but hard feelings can run for along time.



[Log in to Reply]  [No Email]
Redmud

06-13-2005 18:11:23




Report to Moderator
 Re: Pa in Law woes! in reply to John M, 06-13-2005 16:43:50  
John, my opinion is, don't ever tell Moms and Dads to mind their own business, be it yours or hers. If you can't come up with a better way, a yes sir will work.



[Log in to Reply]  [No Email]
Mark - IN.

06-13-2005 18:06:38




Report to Moderator
 Some very humbling advice in reply to John M, 06-13-2005 16:43:50  
Thanks to all that have posted up to this point, I've learned plenty. Doesn't hurt to be reminded or humbled occasionally. Thanks again, I appreciate it much, and need more than my share of humblings.

Mark



[Log in to Reply]  [No Email]
Tom Y

06-13-2005 18:00:33




Report to Moderator
 Re: Pa in Law woes! in reply to John M, 06-13-2005 16:43:50  
My wife and I lived next door to my parents.
My wife was concerned without any good reason that my parents would be not minden their own business when we moved there. To my wife surprise and to her admittance, my Parents left us be.(A "I told you so" from me was forthcoming) In fact my wife's own Mom is the one that drives her crazy. But my in-laws arent very nosy about my affairs either so I guess we are the rare exception. When my father in law gived advice If I like it, I take it. If not, I just do as I please

[Log in to Reply]  [No Email]
Chris, wife of JD830 in O

06-13-2005 17:49:23




Report to Moderator
 Re: Pa in Law woes! in reply to John M, 06-13-2005 16:43:50  
Years ago this happened between my father and my husband. Dad was always telling him how to do something and like a good son-in-law, my husband would listen and get upset. I finally advised him to do what I'd been doing for years, listen and thank him for his advise and then JUST DO WHAT I WANTED TO DO IN THE FIRST PLACE. Works like a charm - respect their input, but run your own life. Of course, make a big deal out of it when you do take his advice, otherwise, keep it quiet. It really helps to live more than an hour away from home but respect him and he will learn to respect you. Of course, if he is really loosing his marbles there is nothing you can do except be kind. Also remember: Once in a while they will tell you something that will really make sense and help you a lot. They've been around the block many times over the years and have survived. I can sometimes still hear my dad telling me how to do something even though he has been gone for 15 years.

[Log in to Reply]  [No Email]
Rustyj14

06-13-2005 17:33:20




Report to Moderator
 Re: Pa in Law woes! in reply to John M, 06-13-2005 16:43:50  
Well, i had a paw-in-law like that, too! It was his way or the hiway!His main thing in life was telling me i had it all wrong! So, i bought a nice house 20 miles away. We'd go visit every other week. He'd ask how things were going-i'd say alright, never talked about my work, never advanced any ideas, just smiled and kept the peace-after all i had to live with his daughter!! to make a long story short, the guy was going partially blind, his wife had died, he was living all alone, couldn't see to cook, and couldn't see to drive any more! I made him an offer: If he'd pay for the addition, upper living area, i'd pay for the foundation and garage, and he could live there in our home as long as he lived! He took me up on that offer, and he lived with us until he died, which was quite a while! And, he never said anything bad about me ever again. He and i would sit and watch tv on cold dark evenings, with the snow blowing around! And, i made big points with the rest of the family! so, be nice to F-in-Law. He's probably afraid of losing control of things, as he gets older. so, just smile, say O.K., and do what you want with yer field. And, hide the tractor keys! by: Rustyj

[Log in to Reply]  [No Email]
MarkB_MI

06-13-2005 17:20:05




Report to Moderator
 Re: Pa in Law woes! in reply to John M, 06-13-2005 16:43:50  
If your father-in-law has become crabby in just the last couple of years, maybe there is a medical reason. Speaking from experience, there's a possibility of dementia when an older person's personality changes and they start getting hung up on stuff.



[Log in to Reply]  [No Email]
john in la

06-13-2005 17:10:03




Report to Moderator
 Re: Pa in Law woes! in reply to John M, 06-13-2005 16:43:50  
First ask him straight up why he thinks it needs to be cut. He may even have a good reason in his mind why he thinks it should be cut. To remove small trees; keep snakes away; ect ect.....

Then if you do not agree with him just let it run off your back like water. Remember you will be a old fart father in law that is set in your ways in a few years and may even tell your daughter in law she needs to do this or that.

[Log in to Reply]  [No Email]
Nebraska Cowman

06-13-2005 17:05:28




Report to Moderator
 Re: Pa in Law woes! in reply to John M, 06-13-2005 16:43:50  
If he don't come around too often you might try just saying yes-sir and then doing as you please after he leaves. For your wife and family's sake I'd think it best to be agreable but I know it can be hard. I don't like nobody telling me what for.



[Log in to Reply]  [No Email]
matthies

06-13-2005 20:21:29




Report to Moderator
 Re: Pa in Law woes! in reply to Nebraska Cowman, 06-13-2005 17:05:28  
WELL SAID!! I lost both side of fathers, f.i.l. by him loosing it(mind), my father and step father by death and at 33 I listen to everybody. And when somebody mentions their dad being on their case or getting yelled at, I'd gladly tell them to enjoy it cause you'll miss it once it's gone. I'd do anything for my Dad to scold me one last time. chris



[Log in to Reply]  [No Email]
Vern-MI

06-14-2005 04:30:51




Report to Moderator
 Re: Pa in Law woes! in reply to matthies, 06-13-2005 20:21:29  
Learn from those around you. That is, learn the good and the bad and make sure you don't become the bad when it comes to the treatment of others. The lessons are free!



[Log in to Reply]  [No Email]
Lou

06-14-2005 07:11:17




Report to Moderator
 Re: Pa in Law woes! in reply to Vern-MI, 06-14-2005 04:30:51  
My mother in law lives in the country of Columbia, wonderful lady, we couldnt get along better. Good Luck Lou



[Log in to Reply]  [No Email]
[Options]  [Printer Friendly]  [Posting Help]  [Return to Forum]   [Log in to Reply]

Hop to:


TRACTOR PARTS TRACTOR MANUALS
We sell tractor parts!  We have the parts you need to repair your tractor - the right parts. Our low prices and years of research make us your best choice when you need parts. Shop Online Today. [ About Us ]

Home  |  Forums


Copyright © 1997-2023 Yesterday's Tractor Co.

All Rights Reserved. Reproduction of any part of this website, including design and content, without written permission is strictly prohibited. Trade Marks and Trade Names contained and used in this Website are those of others, and are used in this Website in a descriptive sense to refer to the products of others. Use of this Web site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy

TRADEMARK DISCLAIMER: Tradenames and Trademarks referred to within Yesterday's Tractor Co. products and within the Yesterday's Tractor Co. websites are the property of their respective trademark holders. None of these trademark holders are affiliated with Yesterday's Tractor Co., our products, or our website nor are we sponsored by them. John Deere and its logos are the registered trademarks of the John Deere Corporation. Agco, Agco Allis, White, Massey Ferguson and their logos are the registered trademarks of AGCO Corporation. Case, Case-IH, Farmall, International Harvester, New Holland and their logos are registered trademarks of CNH Global N.V.

Yesterday's Tractors - Antique Tractor Headquarters

Website Accessibility Policy