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Tractor Talk Discussion Forum

OT,sorta......need advice

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John M

12-05-2004 05:14:05




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Let me start by saying Ihave no ill will towards this guy,hes a nice guy,but has become almost a nuisance to many at some of the local tractors shows around.Some of you may have one of these type guys.
About 5 years ago I ran into a former employer of my brothers.Not knowing who he was I carried on a rather lenghty conversaion with him regarding the tractors I had brought to the show.My brother was out wandering around the show grounds.Well,he seemed nice enough and pleasant to talk to.During the conversation we had,my brother comes up and joins in.They guy remembered my brother,so now at nearly every show we go to,we see him.This is where the problem starts.We havent been able to go to and enjoy displaying our tractors without him coming up just to chat,and we end up spending most of the day with this guy and cant "get rid" of him.I normally wouldnt mind,but all he wants to do is sit and brag about what he has and when somewoner asks a question about our tractors,he butts in and tells his version of "the way it should be",almost like hes knocking what we did.When he finally does leave us,he goes around to thers and imposses himself on them,in much the same way he does us.This guy is a semi-retired business owner and I can appreciate what he has done,and I know hes just out trying to enjoy himself,but it has gotten to the point where one show we attend is thinking about cancelling next year simply because of the number of complaints the show officalsare getting about him.(very small show,maybe 30 tractors but fun anyways)Its gotten so bad that he has now started coming to my house and others just to sit down and try to get that free meal orbrag about his unrestored collection of tractors.As much as I hate to say it,I have considered moving from my childhood home just to get away from this character.I,as well as others,have tried politley to tel him to leave,but that doesnt work.I ask your advice on what to do next,give up showing!?

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Davis In SC

12-05-2004 17:49:22




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 Re: OT,sorta......need advice in reply to John M, 12-05-2004 05:14:05  
Since this guy has so much time, it seems he could use it to restore some of the tractors he brags about. On the subject of hanging around & keeping you from getting things done, I had the same problem. About 12 years ago, we started a machine shop. Having huge payments, we had to make every minute count... Soon after we started, people started to drop by to visit, some would stay for hours. It got to the point, that I could not even work at times, so I would have to work late at night & weekends to get jobs done. I tried to be polite & diplomatic, but no one would take the hint. Finally, I had to get rude & just tell them to leave. Several people still will not speak to me even now, but that is their problem, at least I can work in peace now. In hind sight, I wish I had taken action on this problem much earlier.. Regards, Davis

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Gene Davis (Ga.)

12-07-2004 21:53:45




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 Re: OT,sorta......need advice in reply to Davis In SC, 12-05-2004 17:49:22  
In the 50's I worked at my father's Deere dealership shop, and was plagued by 3 insurance salesmen one day,to the point that I asked him to get rid of them. He said, "no problem"! He walked up and introduced himself to them, told them I worked for him, and that his shop labor was $25.00 per hr.(1950's wages) and that he had assigned me that particular job to do. He told them if they wanted to continue talking to me they would have to they would pay the shop labor rate in advance. He asked them how much time they wanted to buy starting with a 1 hour minimum, and we were not bothered with them anymore. Gene Davis

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JoeMN

12-05-2004 16:00:09




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 Re: OT,sorta......need advice in reply to John M, 12-05-2004 05:14:05  
Control seems to be a central issue here. This clown is probably used to being in control and telling others what to do in his own business. As long as you are polite enough to let him retain control of your time, conversations, friendships and tractor shows he will be there. When you take that away from him he will be gone. If he shows up at your home tell him you have four hours of work and two hours to do it. Hand him a pitchfork, broom, fencing plier etc. and tell him he can converse while he's working. Don't let these saps impose on your time, peace, and personal space. He will be gone when he is not controlling what you do.

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mike in New Mexico

12-05-2004 13:12:20




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 Re: OT,sorta......need advice in reply to John M, 12-05-2004 05:14:05  
Just put the guy to work, say something like"sorry,I'm behind in my chores and point to the wood pile and the axe, and I bet he will politely beg off and leave.-mike



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Hayman

12-05-2004 10:16:32




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 Re: OT,sorta......need advice in reply to John M, 12-05-2004 05:14:05  
Is it really easier to move than to tell the loser to Fxxk off? What's the matter?You are grown up now and sometimes you do have to do unpleasant things. DO IT!



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John M

12-05-2004 12:40:04




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 Re: OT,sorta......need advice in reply to Hayman, 12-05-2004 10:16:32  
Although I understand where youre coming from,Im not the type of person to tell someone to go f%^&% off,I do have a heart!Perhaps youre right though,maybe its time to just put my foot down.



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Sloroll

12-05-2004 10:29:23




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 Re: OT,sorta......need advice in reply to Hayman, 12-05-2004 10:16:32  
Sometimes people just don't realize they're jerks when treated subtlely.



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Dug

12-05-2004 07:19:56




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 Re: OT,sorta......need advice in reply to John M, 12-05-2004 05:14:05  
John,

It's an unfortunate position you find yourself in. Most of us have been there and don't want to go back! With that said, nobody wants to intentionally hurt another individual, however sometimes the best thing one can do for another is provide a thorough butt kicking; proverbially speaking in this instance. I had a "buddy" once very similar to the one you write about. After several years of trying to deal with it in a kind manner, I told him point blank what I thought of him and his outlook on life in general. Well, that was about four years ago and I haven't heard from him since. I wish him the best, but am very happy to be rid of the guy. Best of luck in whatever you do.

Dug

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Steve/TN

12-05-2004 06:28:49




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 Re: OT,sorta......need advice in reply to John M, 12-05-2004 05:14:05  
John, I don't know what to tell you concerning the shows. Maybe I can give you a line for his showing up uninvited at your home. Tell him that you are sorry that you can not visit with him because you have other plans for the day, night, or whatever. Then load up and leave. You can always drive around for 10 min. and come back home. If he comes back, do it again. He will get the message. People who show up uninvited should not be allowed to wreck your plans. Have at it.

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bo

12-05-2004 05:37:22




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 Re: OT,sorta......need advice in reply to John M, 12-05-2004 05:14:05  
Guys like this never get subtle hints. I'm afraid you'll have to take the frontal approach and tell him that you don't appreciate his attention. How you do it, depends on your personality. I can be pretty blunt but maybe you can't.



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txblu

12-05-2004 06:18:19




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 Re: OT,sorta......need advice in reply to bo, 12-05-2004 05:37:22  
Have had situations where they had to be told outright and sometimes more than once.

Makes you feel like a dog, but you didn't ask for his attention; directly. You may have unknowingly provided an attractive limb upon which he could perch.

Had/have neighbors like that . Have no hobbies perse of their own. I'm always busy doing something and they come over to nose around and have something to do.

Like yesterday I was trying to get my pad finished for the new shop before dark and the rain in today's forecast (it's here). Here comes mr nose (even admitted he couldn't stand the fact that I was doing something and he didn't know about it) and starts looking for me to entertain him, along with telling me how to do what I had been doing for the past 2 days.

I just ignored him and kept spreadin and levelin. Before long he got the hint and left. Some you have to do as mentioned.

HTH,

Mark

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