Grins for the day

Let's see if we can see the Lord." Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything.

The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Almighty Lord.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done." Folks in town still talk about how the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of that boy on his bike :)

I didn't think you would know!

"But I am Polish, my son."

There followed a pregnant pause while the salesman thought quickly ... "That's OK, Holy Father, I'll tell you it slowly."

The next day, with the first floor flooded, the old man is on the second floor and a boat goes by. "Jump on and I will take you to high ground" said the operator on the boat. Again his reply, "That's OK son, the Lord will provide."

On the third day the man is sitting on the peak of his roof. A helicopter flies up and the pilot yells, "Climb up the ladder and I will take you to high ground." Again his reply, "That's OK son, the Lord will provide."

Suddenly the house collapses and the man drowns. At the Gates of St. Peter, he asks, "Oh Lord, why did you forsake me?"

"Forsake you??? I sent three men to save you!"

A week later he died. At his funeral, the last men to approach the casket were the lawyer, the doctor and the accountant. Each put a package into the casket. The casket was then sealed, the funeral proceeded and the man was buried.

Afterward the three men went to dinner together. As they conversed, the doctor made a confession. "You know I did a lot of extra work for that man for which I was never compensated. I made house calls, I responded to his pleas for help in the middle of the night on countless occasions. I have to confess that I kept some of that money as compensation for all the work I did for him."

Then it was the lawyer's turn. "You too? I tell ya, that man had me working 18 hours a day on some of his deals. I really should have charged him more than I did for all the messes I had to get him and his son out of over the years. I kept some of that money too."

The accountant was appalled. "I can't believe you would betray the trust of a long-time client like that! It's outrageous and you both should be ashamed of yourselves. I'll have you know that my package contained my personal check for the FULL $1,000,000!"

An angel hears his plea and appears to him.
"Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you."
The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.

The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him.

The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.

Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter.

Seeing the suitcase St. Peter says,
"Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"

But, the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter checks and comes back saying,
"You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."

St. Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims,
"You brought pavement?!!!"

Along about noontime, the boy walks past the house again, but this time he"s a-draggin" that wire with about a half-dozen chickens in it. The boy looks up to the porch, where the old feller"s settin" after havin" his dinner, and calls out to him, "You"d be surprised whatcha kin do with chicken wire if"n ye got a mind to, Mister." The old feller"s jaw drops in surprise.

The next mornin", that same boy is a-hikin" up the road, a-carryin" a big ol" roll of duct tape. The old-timer again calls out to the youngster, "Hey, boy! Where ye goin" today?" And the boy waves to him an" says, "I"m a-gonna go git me some ducks with this here duct tape." The ol" feller laughs and says, "Dang, boy! Don"t ye know ye cain"t catch no ducks with duct tape?" The boy shakes his head and don"t say nothin", jest keeps walkin" along down the road.

Along about noontime, the boy walks past the house again, but this time he"s a-totin" that duct tape with about a dozen fine-lookin" ducks wound up in it. The boy looks up to the porch, where the old feller"s settin" after havin" his dinner, and calls out to him, "You"d be surprised whatcha kin do with duct tape if"n ye got a mind to, Mister." That old feller"s eyes bug out in amazement.

The next mornin" comes, and that ol" feller gets up extra early so"s to be out a-settin" on his porch when that youngster walks by. Sure enough, jest after daybreak he spies that boy a-comin" "round the bend in the road, and today he"s a-carryin" what looks like a bundle of sticks tied "round the middle. "Hey, boy! Whatcha got there today?" The boy waves and says, "I done got me some fine pussywillows here."

The ol" feller says, "Hold on, boy, while I go git my hat!"