OT: need advice on how to deal with Sis inlaw.

I work 60 to 70 hours per week and do everything I can for myself by myself. We live in a decent house on a nice acreage and have NEVER asked the families for anything. In the same point they never offer anything either. My family has told us numerous times that If you wnat or need something you will just work more and get it yourself. If my sister needs a different couch My mom will go buy a new one and give her the old one(maybe 2 yrs old).

I have asked both families about their complete and total lack of equality in "gifts" of money to the other sibling and the response from both sides is always the same..."We dont worry about you guys because you are more responsible with your money and what you have, but your brother/sister arent responsible and need some extra help."

My brother makes 30,000 a year more than me but drinks all the time and gambles all the time, and last year my mother gave him over $7000 dollars in help. When I suggest cutting them off and making them be responsible I always get told "If we cut them off now they will never make it."

What a crock! But life goes on and at the end of the day when my wife and I go to bed we feel good about getting what we have, by ourselves.

Leave your mother-in-law out of it. She's done nothing wrong.

Forget about the truck. It's history.

Have your wife ask her sister for the $175 she owes you one more time. If she doesn't pay up, write it off. Believe me, it will probably be cheaper in the long run to eat the $175 than to collect it.

Well your the reason we all need wills. Ya don't get to *issed just yet.

Your asking your MIL to be pychyic to who wants what. Your SIL beat you to the truck. Even if she didn't win the race, MIL still has final say on who gets the truck. You lost! Suck it up and get on with life. Did you really think you could beat out one of "daddy's little girls" ?

U gave a $2500 gift without attachments but now you want "special favors" to attach too that gift. Shame on you.

For $175 your nit picking. Ya it's the correct thing to do but everyone takes death different and one day SIL just may snap back and give your WIFE the $175 she owes HER, not you as your demoted to "just" a BIL by marriage in this case. Think about that. There's a fine line here that your trying to cross and you don't belong on that other side right now.

You asked remember? Be a good SIL and shell out money and keep your mouth shut like all good SIL do. Your MIL may well thank you some where down the line before she dies, but doubtful as she will most likely be in shock from loosing a husband until she also dies.

T_Bone

Let me start by saying that I sympathize with you for your losses---both family and financial. I think that when family members exhibit self-centeredness and greed in these circumstances it often creates hard feelings that never go away.

In rereading your posting after going through the responses you've received so far, I notice that your calculations and those in many of the responses are making the situation seem worse than it has to be. In the first place, your SIL agreed to split the cost of the flowers with you and has (so far) reneged on that obligation. But you stated that the total cost of the flowers was $350, so your hit there is $175, not $350.

Second, and more important in my opinion, your MIL's decision to give her daughter a truck that you had considered offering $5,000 for has nothing to do with the $2,500 you gave your MIL for funeral expenses unless there were some big, fat strings attached. My guess is that there weren't. Would you have given the $2,500 if there hadn't been anything your MIL could give you in return? I'll bet you would have. If so you're not out $2,500 because of who got the truck. It wasn't fair, and it wasn't very nice, but you're old enough that you shouldn't still be getting your feelings hurt when things aren't fair or nice (I'm guessing you're over the age of ten.)

Your wife sounds like the good one in that family to me. I also know from years of reading Tractor Talk that you're a good one yourself. Count yourself lucky for what you've got, and for being able to be generous rather than being tempted to be a petty chiseler.

You have a right to ask your SIL if she can pay you the $175 she owes you for the flowers now. Maybe she will. A lot of people won't step up to repay a debt without being asked.

In my experience, two things you get to spend a lot of time regretting are the good things you didn't say and the angry things you did.

All the best, and Merry Christmas, Stan

Really, really, REALLY think about this situation and how you want to approach it. I know that tyour first inclination is to spout off, and for good reason. But:

1. You have to live with these people in your life and

2. Sometimes people are stupid because they don't know any better. In fact, it NEVER OCCURS to them that they are being selfish idiots.

Maybe just keep these things in mind and try to convey your message in a confident, but diplomatic matter. And whatever you do, don't just "let it go." You will go to your grave pissed off about this unless you make your feelings known NOW.