What's your favorite rural colloquialism?

For something broken: Its like a limp d*ck, its no f*ckin good.

Even a blind hog finds an acorn every now and then

Colder than a witches tiddy.

Colder than a well diggers A&&

Don't just sit there with you thumb up your a&&, get to work

&hit far(fire)Earl

She can do more tricks, than a monkey on a forty foot grape vine.
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Weather -Its been wet enough that there is a pair of trout building a nest outside here in a tree.

Dryer than a 99 year old whQre.

Clear & still / Clear up to your a$$, and still snowing.

Friends and favors, Just charge it to the Dry & Bill it to the Dust.

Ajaycent [sp?] landowner not a neighbor. "I wouldn't pi$$ on that SQB , ifen he was on fire." [if you have never encountered this type of Gommer [one balled bull], you are truely blessed]

What I tell my help, is to get a good nights sleep, cause "efin your going to loaf, I want to see you get a full day in."

"Full as a tick."

He's so short he broke a leg falling off a newspaper.

If brains were made of cotton he wouldn't have enough to make a K0tex for a pi$$ ant.

For a audible fart: Your voice has changed, but your breath smells the same.

Here are a few more...

~"It's better to let people think you are stupid, than open your mouth and prove them right!"
~"Measure twice, cut once!"
~"He'd complain if he were hung with a brand new rope!"
~"If farmin' were easy, everyone would do it!"
~"Do I have to pull this car over?" (one of Mom's)

~"Thick as pea soup!" {if it's foggy}
~"Couldn't hang onto a dollar if it was stapled to his forehead!"
~"Throwin' money down a rathole!"
~"I may be married, but I ain't dead yet!" {reply from a married guy lookin' at a pretty woman}
~"So, what's NOT your point?!" {sarcastic reply}
~"Hotter than the hubs of Hell!" {said during a heat wave}

Like snot on a popcicle stick.

I have no idea what they mean,

She's built like a brick sh*thouse.

Which brings to mind "thunder mug" as a slang term for a chamber pot.

(was said about a neighbor of mine years ago by a local law man)

Grinin like a fox sh1ttin peach seeds.

Rare as hens teeth.

"That thing is 3 days older than God".

"That thing has been around since God was an altar boy".

Hotter than a wh0re on dollar day

Busier than a one armed paper hanger in a windstorm.

Trying to stuff 5 lbs of $hit in a 3 lbs bag.

(better get back to work!)
Edward

Edward

Heavier than the hubs of hell
Fair as a maiden
Shirt off your back (generous)
Sweat like a hog
Hung like a horse (sorry, it's farm related though)
cute as a bug
More than you could shick a stick at
"humble pie"
Want not, waste not
Close the door! Were you born in a barn?
Barn door open (zipper fly)
So dirty you could plant potatos (usually refering to your ears)
Horse sence
Stubborn as a mule
Living high on the hog
Sunday best clothes
Right as rain

From conversation about the black maid...she was so black the lightning bugs followed her in the day time.

For the teen age fellow back in the thirties who was in an old 28 chevy and had just performed the wild thing and was curious as to what that thing looked like...and she caught him and gave him a push...and he skinned his shins sliding down the running board...it reminded him of where a narrow rimmed buggy run over a steak tomato.

I think I'll quit before I'm banned from the site...who won the prize for the best one? There was some pretty good ones. Fred OH

Use this when a repair may not look the best A blind man would be glad to see it!

Here are a few more;

Slicker than snot on a Brass (or Glass) doorknob Crooked like a dogs hind leg. Tougher than a bag of hammers That guys so slippery $*it would not stick to him

"I see said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw"

"..... .said the deaf man to the blind lady who was watching tv"

"Well, you know what they say"

Hotter than a popcorn fart.

Harder than a preachers pr*ck.

I'd like to buy him for what he's worth, and sell him for what he THINKS he's worth!

As clumsy as a cow with a crutch!

If brains were dynamite, he couldn't blow his nose!

Shoot I haven't had so much fun since the hogs ate my little brother.

"ive been to 2 state fairs and one goat f***ing and still aint seen nothing like that before"

when some smart kid around ack him ; did your mother have any children that lived.

Tougher than scrap iron

Successful, prosperous: "Walking in tall cotton" or "Standing in tall cotton"

Rough, crude or coarse: "Rough as a cob"

Useless: "Useless as teats on a boar hog" or "useless as teats on a chicken"

Too busy: "Up to my a** in alligators"

somebody who is nervous - "wound tighter than an 8 day clock"

somebody who takes a spill - "a$$ over elbows"

somebody who is dumb - "dumber than a fencepost" or "dumber than a sack of hammers"

rough road or crude person - "rougher than a corncob"

something is slippery:Slicker than snot on a brass doorknob
Ugly as SIN, Ugly as a mud fence
useless as a bucket of warmed over spit,useless as turnsignals on a bull
deader than 4O'Clock, deader than a hammer

To describe a sleazy person: "Lower than a snakes' belly in a wagon rut"

When something is slippery "Slicker than owl $h!t on a green hickory limb"

"Tougher than boiled owl meat" is another I've used to describe sturdy people or a bolt that won't cooperate.

And when someone offers you something for little or nothing "I'm not the kind of guy that'd thump a free melon"

Long on brains and short on sense

If brains was gunpowder he couldnt blow his nose

(must be b/c I work with teenagers a lot :-))

"He'd trip over a dollar to pick up a dime"

slower than molasses

busier than a one legged cat burying turds on a frozen pond

a few bales shy