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Implement Alley Discussion Forum

A cowboy was herding his cows when suddenly.....

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Pooh Bear

10-30-2006 19:16:56




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A cowboy was herding his cows in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand new, BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes has a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government" says the cowboy. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows.....this is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.

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jmixigo

10-31-2006 08:07:06




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 Re: A cowboy was herding his cows when suddenly... in reply to Pooh Bear, 10-30-2006 19:16:56  
A farmer was out walking his fence line when he saw a feller climbing over his fence. As he walked on up he recognized the man as his exwife's lawyer in his recent divorce. Confronting the lawyer he told him to clear off his property. The lawyer, who didn't remember the farmer, informed him that he had just paid a lot of money to go duck hunting and the only duck that he had managed to shoot had fell over on the farmer's land. He then told the farmer that he was an attorney and would sue him over that $5,000.00 duck if he had to. The ole farmer thought a moment an told the lawyer that he would rather settle the matter "country style" with a little contest. The lawyer considered himself a sporting man an said fine. The farmer told the lawyer, "well it goes like this, I get 60 seconds at you then you get 60 seconds at me an we keep at it till one of us jus gives up. Then the ole farmer picked up a 4 foot long black locust limb an frailed the snot out a the lawyer, kicked him in the gonads twice, an said "Heck, I give up you kin have the duck."

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