Re: What would you do, how would you feel?????

Posted by Billy NY on May 20, 2014 at 06:26:14 from (66.67.105.23):

In Reply to: What would you do, how would you feel????? posted by NCWayne on May 19, 2014 at 21:37:18:

Wayne, I can tell you, that its easy for an outsider to give advice, but I have seen some really nasty situations over material items and members of a family. Everyone has their keepsakes and some cling to them as if it were life itself.

I can also understand, having experienced or seen this so many times, its actually incredible when I think about how much trouble these kinds of situations can cause, as well as the person, you, in this case, those things manifest and embed themselves into your person, these material items, and its gut wrenching at first, from feeling insulted, robbed, disrespected, inconsiderate by another family members thoughtlessness. There is also regret, because looking back you wish you secured these said items before any of this happened. I would not be much different, more so when I was younger, having an appreciation for older items, antiques and things with meaning such as the items you lost in this situation.

You're a smart hardworking guy, and we only know you from your participation here, and although you may get lengthy at times, (like I haven't- there"s a few short novels of mine spread out here somewhere, usually only when I have time or the weather is bad) and that says something about you, that you take the time to write, and or in life probably taking the time to do things right, correctly, the best you can do, with pride in what you do, that's an admirable trait, well in my book it is !

You should consider that none of these material items are worth a darn when thinking of the bigger picture, and the older I get, the more I realized that if I were gone tomorrow, none of this, or these things matter at all. I've got plenty of various things, family keepsakes in the same class as what you lost, my tools and power equipment, and how many other things I am truly thankful to have that make my life a bit easier. If it was gone tomorrow, I would have to accept the situation, dig in real deep with faith, that I can start over and before you know it, things will be better, its getting over that hump that is the toughest thing to do and many have a lot of trouble with it. Additionally, with family keepsakes, and with what I have stated here, I am in no way trying to suggest these things are minimal or less than desirable, it does hurt a person, I've lost various things over the years, some due to family, but I've retained some very important items, and have also found things that I once thought were lost, one, the only photo I have of myself and my grandmother, when my parents were divorced in high school, I was involved in sports and military activities, as I went to an JROTC school, and though she was elderly then, did not like to drive at night, she was a tough woman who got things done and she got me to my sophmore drill competition, which I won and received a ribbon for, someone was kind enough to take a polaroid of us. The photo was in her curio cabinet, and when her place was ransacked by the vultures of the family when she moved and the place was in transition, it was taken, yet it only meant something to me and her, she was in the beginning of dementia, years later, while visiting at my aunts house in California, I saw a photo she had, with the interior of my grandmothers house, and guess what, I could see that photo on display in the curio cabinet!!! I'm like that's the photo, that's the photo !!!! A photo in a photo, I would have gladly been happy with a copy of that, even though it was obscure. Many years later, another of our families houses was in transition, the house I grew up in, was not being sold but my mother decided to buy it back and live there, the place was packed with things, and a 30 yard container was delivered. I got involved and put a stop to it before anything was touched or moved. I made it abundantly clear that nothing is to be touched, nothing goes in that container unless my eyes see it first. Well low and behold, a few boxes in, what do I find, that photo, just haphazardly placed in a box by someone it meant nothing to, and it would have been discarded, it is one of the small treasures I have amongst others that I found, I had to put my foot down hard and I could have caused a huge ruckus by doing so, but I knew what I was doing was the right thing to do without hesitation.

At this point in my life I realize that although I have some things with this kind of meaning, they are worthless to anyone but me. I don't really have anyone to leave anything to, well I have one good candidate to consider and I'm still young enough at this point that it could change, but when thinking about it, these material things, even the ones with high intrinsic value, are worthless in comparison to the bigger picture, all of it could be gone tomorrow, am I going to let that change me?

Give it some thought, see if you can accept what is, I bet with some time, you will see the value in that, I have and I feel better for it, these darned things will own you if you let them and I don't like any rope around my neck with anything in life, and you can't take a speck of any of it with you!

You may be able to put an ad in CL, elsewhere, stating some items were sold in mistake, its not been long, have some faith, I thought that photo was gone for good, it turned up and I think for a reason. If nothing comes of your effort, give yourself credit for trying, then move on, accept what is, be the person you are, not the one with a lanyard to a stack of material items that trouble you, you will feel better without the tether.

I still have an interest in useful things, antiques and what not, that I find on CL, and so many of them have great stories behind them, when the time comes I would enjoy selling all of it off, telling the stories of the items, and knowing someone else will enjoy the use of or display of etc. I've accepted long ago that this day will eventually come, so embrace it and make the best of it. Sure its not been passed down by a relative, but so what the content is the same and the character is the same, it gives the same effect, and I can go out every single day and find items like that if I want, seldom do I do so, I have plenty, but there is satisfaction with it.

These things are not easy, I wish you the best, its something that I have seen that have destroyed families, these kinds of items and is why I responded to your post.

Good luck with your resolution and maintaining your composure in difficult times, its never easy, but always worth it !

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