Posted by JD Seller on February 02, 2014 at 07:42:38 from (208.126.196.144):
I was born into a very dysfunctional family.
My Father was the oldest of eight kids. He is a very smart man plus he was considered handsome in his younger days. MY Grand Mother spoiled him as he was always her favorite. He was the first Grand child on either side of the extended family so the whole group let him get away with murder.
School came easy for him. He had high grades but in those days (late 1940s) few scholarships where to be had. HE went to college in Dubuque and has a Mechanical engineering degree.
My Mother and he started dating in High School. She was a real pretty young woman.
When he was to go away to college she became pregnant. I as born in 1950. She went on to be pregnant 14 times. She had eight live births. two babies only lived less than a week. So I am one of six children.
My Grand Father paid for my Father to go to college in Dubuque. My Father spoke of how he was cheated out of better schooling because of me being born.
My Father and Grand Father co-signed a large bank loan in the early 1960s for two of my Uncles to start farming. The Uncles both went broke in less than 3 years. They just walked away from the debt leaving my Father and Grand Dad on the hook with the bank. They both had land that the bank could take.
My Father took a different job in the Quad Cities for more money. That is one hundred miles away. He would travel home on the weekends and evening when the farm demanded extra labor in the spring and fall. He rented a room form a co-worked to stay in during the week. (That was his story)
Now where he lost any of my respect.
1) He aways was riding us kids down as holding him back. He really focused that on me as I stopped his "GRAND" education.
2) He treated my Mother like dirt. I now know she was keeping pregnant to try and make him stay with her. She had/has very low self esteem. She saw Dad as her Knight in shiny armor. It took him 30 years of treating her like dirt for her to lose that outlook even a little.
3)My Father never would leave my Mother with much money. He always claimed he was tied down paying the bank back. She struggled to fed us kids most of the time. She worked her butt off keeping us feed and clothed with little help from him.
4) When I was just 14 I over heard a fight My Mother and Father had about money. She was telling him she needed more money for food for us kids. The store in town would not allow her to charge anymore groceries until the current bill was paid. His comments basically was that it was HER problem since she wanted all the kids not him.
The next week I started working at the feed mill. With my first check I went and paid the store off. I then gave her money for food out of every pay check. I did this until my last sister moved out.
5) Shortly after that I found out he was living with another woman in the Quad Cites. He could have gotten a transfer to Cedar Rapids for the same company and wage.
6) I found out he was not paying the bank at all. My Grand Father was paying the old note off. That is why he could not help my Mother out much. He did give her beef and pork for us kids but he was just about to lose his farm too.
So at the age of fourteen I found out my Father would not/could not provide for his family. He was also an adulterous man. He also would lie about anything to do with money. His morals where all centered around his wants/needs.
I never called him Dad or Father to his face after that. He beat me a few times for that but after about six months or so handling the feed bags at the mill he could no longer beat me. I could and did defend myself. He then tried to throw me out of the house. I told him he did not have any right to try that as he did not own the house/farm my Mother did. (Her parent's farm) Since he did not pay for my food, clothing or shelter he did not have any rights over me. I know the law would have not seen it that way but this was one thing my Mother stood up to him for.
So here are the points I am trying to make. I love and respect my Mother greatly. She has her weaknesses but she did her best in raising us kids. There was always LOVE from her toward us kids. I have helped support her from the time I was fourteen and I will until she is gone to Heaven. My "Father" is a man that I have zero respect or love for. He lost that right years ago. I am now responsible for his well being. I only do it as a favor for my Mother and God tells us to "respect" our parants. Well I just can't force myself to respect him so I hope making sure he is cared for is enough. In my mind he just donated the DNA for me to be here, Not much else.
I know that is off the subject but I see where many of you speak highly of your Fathers. I envied you having that relationship with your Father. My "father" figures where my Grand Fathers on each side. They where very honorable men that showed me the correct way to treat your WIFE and KIDS.
So tell us about how good or bad your Fathers where/are.
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