Posted by NCWayne on April 08, 2013 at 20:15:04 from (173.188.169.54):
In Reply to: Re: Irresponsible Dad posted by JD Seller on April 08, 2013 at 19:19:52:
I understand what your saying now, and in that case your right, but still only to a degree. In our case I have accepted the little girl as my own since day one, and as far as she is concerned I am her Daddy. As far as that part goes, I couldn't care less if the man ever pays a dime.
The problem is both my wife and I have with the situation is we both work our a$$es off to have what we do, and to provide for our daughter. Unfortunately due to his continued demands to exercise his "rights" we have to keep paying for an attorney to handle his continuing BS. Things like him taking us back to court to insure his 'rights' (ie visitation) are on paper even though he had been seeing her every other weekend for over a year without any paperwork. We never did anything to prevent him from seeing his child, wether he paid or not, as long as he respected our family. To that end he has never paid a full month of support in the nearly 5 years this action has been going on....and he is the one that initiated the whole thing when the child was 3. Until that point he had never seen the child and continued to claim she was not hisuntil he saw a picture. That turned into a lawsuit asking for full custody and my wife to pay him support. Between lawyers, court ordered therapists to "reunify" a relationship that never existed, etc, etc, etc I'd guess we are in the hole close to $50,000 since it all began.
As it stands we are surviving on portable A/C units, oil filled heaters, and a wood stove for our HVAC since we can't seem to find the $4,000 needed to put in a new system because the last money we had had to go to a lawyer to make sure the order for his visitations was written properly. When you get demand letters several days after court from his attorney telling you you ARE going to do this or that because "the judge said so", and the 'order' he has come up with is so far off of what the judge actually said it's not funny, you have to do something. My wife has gone in pro-se in this deal when possible, and done really well, but one thing we found early on is when it comes to anything pertaining to needing 'contact' with the judge, like getting an order signed and in place, the system does not treat you the same as it does a lawyer. So, ultimately, getting a lawyer is about the only course of action you can follow if you don't want to get run all over. As it is just getting through the BS he caused by going back to get his 'rights' on paper has cost us a bit over $3000....there's the majority of our HVAC replacement fund.
That all said, because of his continued actions my wife is still paying back loans against her 401K from having to deal with his BS, I have to spend more hours working (not seeing my family) than I like, to insure that we not only get the bills paid, but also get a little put back for emergencies to replace all that has already been spent dealing with the biological "emergency". Time I could be spending with my wife and daughter I have to spend cutting and splitting wood for the fire. The list of crap you have to do to support a child and insure her, and the families needs met are endless as you well know.
A the same time we are doing all the things we do, all the things I stated before about the biological father apply. He has money to go the beach but not pay support. His wife, who wasn't working for a long time, always had money to continue her 'beauty shop/spa' routine, he could afford to keep several dogs, several vehicles, satelite TV, two cell phones, a horse, two car payments, a tanning bed, a pool, etc, etc, etc. Like I said, at one point he turned in a sheet showing his monthly bills totaled to nearly $3000 but he somehow kept it all paid with an income of only $700.
Mind you I have no doubt the man 'loves' his child, but he is more concerned about insureing he and his wife have the things they want than he is insuring his child upport payment is paid. Like I said I do it because I love my daughter, and couldn't really car less what he does as far as the actual money goes. Thing is when his actions, or lack thereof effect my being able to do things I want with my family because I am having to work twice as hard to insure he has his rights while his resposnbilities don't seem to exist at all, I begin to have BIG problem. Unfortunately, as I stated earler, the state really doesn't have the capabilities or time to deal with all of the deadbeats nowdays so it's on the custodial parent to insure the deadbeat is held accountable for his/her actions. For those that seem to think otherwise, they either don't have a clue as to how things work nowdays. I way that because I know guys that were paying support 20 plue years ago and it was completely different then. Explain the way thing work now and they simply can not understand it. If there are states/counties that are doing things different, and following the old ways all I can say is the custodial parent should be thanking their lucky stars, because they aren't all like that....as we have come to find over the past 5 years.
That said, we did talk to the state a month or so back so we could avoid some of the attorney fees. Nowdays in NC it cost you $25 per year for them to do anything on your behalf. At the time we talked to the guy he said it would take at least 3 months before they had time to do anything as the backlog of cases was so high.
In the end the wife and I have lived the nightmare. While she was having to do the talking for the pro-se court sessions, I did all of the research. So, as far as what the courts can do, vs what they actually do in practice, I can say from experience there is a big difference. Until both the custodial parents and the court systems both start putting the needs of the child (ie the deadbeat paying his/her support) first again, and denying said deadbeat any 'rights' until their responsibilities are handled, then the system is going to stay broke and the deadbeats will simply continue to skate on by doing as little as possible......because you have to PROVE they are doing it on purpose....and it's all but impossible to do with guys like we are talking about.....or the courts do nothing but slap them on the wrist an tell them to try to do better over and over and over......
We sell tractor parts! We have the parts you need to repair your tractor - the right parts. Our low prices and years of research make us your best choice when you need parts. Shop Online Today. [ About Us ]
Today's Featured Article - Choosin, Mounting and Using a Bush Hog Type Mower - by Francis Robinson. Looking around at my new neighbors, most of whom are city raised and have recently acquired their first mini-farms of five to fifteen acres and also from reading questions ask at various discussion sites on the web it is frighteningly apparent that a great many guys (and a few gals) are learning by trial and error and mostly error how to use a very dangerous piece of farm equipment. It is also very apparent that these folks are getting a lot of very poor and often very dangerous advice fro
... [Read Article]
Latest Ad:
Sell 1958 Hi-Altitude Massey Fergerson tractor, original condition. three point hitch pto engine, Runs well, photos available upon request
[More Ads]
All Rights Reserved. Reproduction of any part of this website, including design and content, without written permission is strictly prohibited. Trade Marks and Trade Names contained and used in this Website are those of others, and are used in this Website in a descriptive sense to refer to the products of others. Use of this Web site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy
TRADEMARK DISCLAIMER: Tradenames and Trademarks referred to within Yesterday's Tractor Co. products and within the Yesterday's Tractor Co. websites are the property of their respective trademark holders. None of these trademark holders are affiliated with Yesterday's Tractor Co., our products, or our website nor are we sponsored by them. John Deere and its logos are the registered trademarks of the John Deere Corporation. Agco, Agco Allis, White, Massey Ferguson and their logos are the registered trademarks of AGCO Corporation. Case, Case-IH, Farmall, International Harvester, New Holland and their logos are registered trademarks of CNH Global N.V.
