Re: Getting over it

Posted by Buzzman72 on December 30, 2012 at 16:56:55 from (74.134.25.51):

In Reply to: Getting over it posted by Farmallmaniac on December 30, 2012 at 00:42:55:

My first wife passed away 20 years ago this very night. I can't say I'll EVER "get over it"...but I've come to accept it. Reluctantly, but that's the way it is.

I had 2 kids, ages 8 and 12. I also had a job, and we were living paycheck-to-paycheck. Looking back, I was too busy to properly grieve. But over time, I've managed to deal with it.

As far as the 5 stages of grief go, I skipped over Denial completely. I rode in the front of the ambulance to the hospital, and I saw that her eyes were fixed and dilated when we arrived at the hospital. So logically, denial wasn't an option. As far as Anger goes, who was I going to be angry with...God, for allowing her to die? Her, for leaving me with two kids to raise? Anger wasn't a logical response for me, either. Bargaining also wasn't logical, so I skipped that one, too. And my job required me to deal with the public daily, so depression simply wasn't an option.

Which brings us to Acceptance. I had to accept early on that she was, indeed, dead...She wasn't coming back...And nothing I could ever do would change either of those things. I just had to go on with my life...like it or not. I couldn't afford a "pity party" for me. I couldn't NOT be strong for my kids' sake.

A year and 8 months later, I remarried. I found someone who would help carry the emotional load for me...someone who accepted both me and my kids, who wasn't trying to take anyone else's place, but who was content to make her own place in our lives. My current wife and I have been married almost 18-1/2 years now; my first wife and I only got 14-1/2 years together.

I had lost my dad just a year and 3 months before my first wife, and both died from heart problems. "Pappy" was my best friend in the whole wide world, and my first wife was my next closest friend. So in 15 months, my life was turned upside down.

But I took away some lessons from all this. Life's to short to argue over things that, over the long haul, essentially don't matter. Show those close to you how you truly feel about them. And don't let anyone tell you how you "ought to" deal with your grief. My faith in God and His infinite wisdom leads me to believe that He knows what He's doing, whether I understand it or not. My first wife is no longer in pain. My dad got a well-deserved rest, to be awakened again when The Resurrection occurs. Your beliefs may vary from this; but don't be afraid or reluctant to lean on your belief in something or someone bigger than yourself to help you cope with the difficult days.

Not sure if any of my story will even relate to you, much less be helpful; but I hope you can glean at least one thing from all this that will help your days ahead become easier. God bless you.

Replies:

• Re: Getting over it JerryS 18:48:52 12/30/12 (0)

Add a Reply Name: E-Mail: Subject: Comments: Optional Link URL: Link Title: Optional Image URL: Optional Video Title: Optional Video URL: Advanced Posting Options Email Notification: If you check this box, email will be sent to you whenever someone replies to this message. Your email address must be entered above to receive notification. This notification will be cancelled automatically after 2 weeks.   Advanced Posting Tools   Upload Photo  Select Gallery Photo  Attach Serial # List  Return to Post

TRACTOR PARTS	TRACTOR MANUALS

We sell tractor parts!  We have the parts you need to repair your tractor - the right parts. Our low prices and years of research make us your best choice when you need parts. Shop Online Today. [ About Us ]