Posted by Ralph Bauer on April 21, 2012 at 10:50:58 from (75.107.19.155):
In Reply to: What to do posted by Can't win on April 21, 2012 at 02:34:08:
Lots of good relationship advice, not much more to add for me. Except: If things are heading for the Big D, rest assured she will have records of everything you guys own, or pics. And there is always your accountant as a source neither one of you can control.... Hiding things, selling things makes more bad blood, costs way more than it is worth (unless you like to go down with her in $$ "glory"), prolongs things, and psychologically empties you and fills the wallets of BOTH attorneys. Not to give advice, but your personal stuff is yours, just like hers is hers, inhertances, unless kept sepaprate can become y'alls, anything aquired during marriage is splittable, on the asset as well as debt side, same with retirement(s). Even homemakers, mothers get credit for at least that of a minimum wage earner, so her contributary share is never 0%, just like yours is never 100%. Trading this for that is allowed and makes sense a lot of times. If you go down that road, your together pie will be split in your and her pie and neither will be as big as the joint one. Alimony differs from state to state, some will get if "automatically" for specific terms, but in a lot of states, incl. OK, it seems that it is for a certain time period to alllow the career disadvantaged person in the divorce to learn a trade/college degree to better their income and work opportunities. After that it is no more.
Again, if you need to go that route, if both of you can agree to use collaborative attorneys, vs. trial attorneys or a mediator(s) to work out details with you, rather than battle things out in front of a judge, who gets to decide how it should be instead of you, you are so much better off. Plus, you will set a positive example for your children and theirs, your grandchildren, which will always connect you, even beyond divorce, until death.
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