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Lost my youngest brother

A

Anonymous-0

Well-known Member
I got a phone call from my sister last night. They found my youngest brother hanging in his barn. From the note he left, on tuesday he hung himself, his friend found him on friday. He's had a hard time of it last couple of years lost his job, ran out of unemployment, turned down for disability. Was about to loose his place, no money for his taxes or any health insurance. He was a roofer for years and fell off twice. Couldn't walk very good but wanted a job doing anything. I sent him money trying to help him out, but he needed more help. I didn't have any idea he was so depressed or so far behind in his finances. Such a waste. I'm not looking for sympathy but I do want people who are thinking of the same way out to get help. Talk to friends, clergy, hot lines, anything get help. One thing that does bother me is I know of people that have lived off the gov't for years that can work and don't. Here was a man that wanted to work and couldn't get under a gov't program. He should of been under disabilty but was turned down. Something is wrong with the system.
 
I never know what to say Brad. Having been in a similar situation,I know there's nothing anybody can say. Just my sympathy.
 
I lost a slightly older brother to cancer and can understand that.

What you and your family are going through is horrendous. I know the pain of loss from illness but this would extra hard to deal with.

Best wishes to all of the family in dealing with this loss.
 
Sorry to hear of it. You have our prayers. Everybody I know that tried to get disability, including one guy who was blind, was turned down the 1st time. It took that guy 3 years.
 
Actually, I CAN kinda relate to what may have gone through your brother's mind. I carry enough life insurance that if I die tomorrow, everything I have will be paid for, including the house, PLUS the funeral. Once everything is paid for, the survivors can live a LOT cheaper. Some days I realize that the only thing that keeps me going is the grandkids...but I sometimes wonder how much good I am to them, being a moody sumbitch because I'm trying to figure out how to keep the bills paid while working 40 hours a week as my body wears itself out. Sometimes I think maybe I'm selfish to keep taking up space and oxygen, and being such a burden to everyone, when the money would make everything better for everyone involved.
 
I am sorry to hear that.there is something really wrong with our government. My ex wife is on disability and does not need it.she goes to the bar all the time and the ymca.she is 30 years old and has a so called sleeping disorder. She is getting a full ride, then the people that need it the govmt. Turns t there back.
 
Sorry for your loss, Ill leave the political part out of my reply, as not to offend those here who are taking advantage of the system.
 
Buzz - It breaks my heart to see what you have written.

"Sometimes I think maybe I'm selfish to keep taking up space and oxygen, and being such a burden to everyone, when the money would make everything better for everyone involved."

You don't realize how important you are to those who know you.

Paul
 
Very sorry to hear the sad news, I have lost several friends that have taken their own lives, you do not know what to say, very sorry for you and your family
 
Sorry to hear about your brother. Always hardest on the ones left when someone take their own life. My prayers are with you.
 
Buzzman, I hate to read what you just wrote, your family is important to you and you are important to them, Sometimes I get depressed too, and when I stop to see my mom in the nursing home ,she cant walk at all, and has a great time helping do activitys at the nursing home I say ,why am Icomplaining? There is a girl there with MS that is one year older than me and hasnt walked since she was 19 (she is 56 now) and she is happy to be in a nice place with activitys., she is not complaining, so how could Iwalk in that place being depressed? I know its not easy, and I realize times are tough, but please take the time to think about the good things in life when you get depressed, Think about your family , your knowlege you can teach your grandchildren your beer bread, tractors, international trucks, the list goes on and on There are so many good things that the good outweighs the bad, I am sure Ispeak for everone on the tractor site when I say... Your friends from the tractor site!
 
I have to agree with Larry@stinescorner below. It ain't enough to just talk to people , they need to be taken to witness for themselves what REAL hardship is. From terminally sick children to war torn Vets and everything in between. Them Grandchildren could care less if you have a dime to your name. It's a selfish act to deprive them of a Grandpa! I pray for the family and friends left behind to question "why" and try to cope. As for your brother , I guess he did what he thought he had to. May God Bless you and the family.
 
That is a permanet solution to a temporary problem. You will probably go through a process of blaming yourself and all that type of things.

As far as not knowing, they do that even with experts at hand, one never knows the suffering others go through. Physical pain is bad, mental pain is far worse, especialy when so many fall through the government cracks.

Such a sad sad shame, perhaps some day this can all be avoided. My heart felt fellings go out to you and family.
 
Prayers for your family, cant say anything to make it better, agree if you know someone is feeling down push for help,Mark
 
So sorry about your brother. You and you family have my support. My brother-in-law did the same thing. All of us who were close to him felt guilty for not being there for him when he needed us, only we didn't know it at the time.Jim
 
Sorry, but until you've been on the bottom, you may not understand that, in this life, IT'S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY. Ask your electric company. Ask your gas supplier. Ask your mortgage holder. The bottom line IS the bottom line. If it's not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game...how come they keep score? Because it really IS about whether you win or lose. Leo Durocher wouldn't have said "Nice guys finish last" if there wasn't some truth in it. It may not be about the color of a man's skin anymore, but it's a LOT less about the content of his character than about the contents of his bank account.

Sometimes I pray that I die in my sleep so that my family's money worries will be over.
 
My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. I lost my kid brother under similar circumstances in 99'.
 
I only saying this to try to help, so dont get offended,but you say you are on the bottom, and you are walking, if the girl in the wheelchair could get up and walk, she would be on top of the world! (and she has no money at all) just think about it.... Larry
 
(quoted from post at 17:13:15 02/05/11) I only saying this to try to help, so dont get offended,but you say you are on the bottom, and you are walking, if the girl in the wheelchair could get up and walk, she would be on top of the world! (and she has no money at all) just think about it.... Larry
Click to expand...

Don't worry about the "cup's half empty folks"....
You'll always find them trying to turn someone else's misfortune into attention for themselves...
Bottom line is, if someone thinks that suicide is the answer, then that is their answer. They take that route without regard to how it will effect friends and family. No amount of feeling guilty is gonna change it. All we can do is pay a little extra attention to the ones we have left and move on. Giving as much support as possible to the ones left behind. IMHO, someone that uses this post to draw sympathy/attention to themselves is lower than whale sh!t and shouldn't even get a reply.

That's just me and my impeckable people skills though.

Dave
 
Dont be a quitter, keep going, you must mean something to people close to you, Go make a pot of that chillie you told us about( at least I think you told us about it) with pasta in it? Something out there must make you happy, and smile;) If not then find something, anything, but dont post things like what your posting. People do caare. Or go get some help. J
 
Well Dave2, you never know there could be some mental issuses? Not the right state of mind? I dunno.
 

Bottom line..Brad lost his Brother. Any responses to his original post other than condolences and support are uncalled for IMO.
If any of us has someone we care about we should pay attention and just flat out ask if everything is alright. AND BE READY TO LISTEN and talk as long as necessary. Praying for them and family afterwards doesn't do much to fix things if they go too far.
 
Buzzman, I used to think just like you,But then when my wife and my kids really didn't care to do anything with me or be around me because I was a moody SOB trying to make that money.I discovered that I was fine just enjoying my family and life in general.I still pay my bills and manage to save a little for a rainy day and I'm so much happier enjoying life and my family and friends.Learn to relax and enjoy lifes to short not to.
 
I'm not going to say I can relate but...As I mentioned ealier I lost my brother in 99' to suicide, Lost my 20 year career in 2000, Lost Mom and Dad in 2001 and then relative calm with a few potholes for awhile. Then in late 2009 I had a knock down-throw down with my Boss that got me a 3 day suspension and "be in my office next Wednsday to decide if you still have a job!" I'm thinking just great! I'm 49 years old with marginal eyesight, a mortgage, 2 kids in college, a small business that's doing marginal at best and an indifferent wife that can only do what she wants to do. WTF do I do now? LAST RESORT TIME! I sat down and had a little chat with God. He's always been in my life but I wasn't one to ask for help, I gotter' under control! Wrong! I fretted and fussed for a couple days. Along came Wednsday and with a lot of apprehension and my hat in my hand, I went to the Boss's office. But you know, I had a good feeling about it. I apologized and I was welcomed back with a clear understanding of the road ahead. Here I am now 2 weeks into my new job of first shift supervisor. The wife moved on to greener pastures last March, the oldest graduates in May with his BS and the younger one has settled into a major she likes. I'm scabbing another F-150 ride together because I sure can't afford new and the dog greets me at the door everyday tail wagging. Money? you bet it's an issue! Am I going to let it kill me? NO!!! Do I fret over every problem? A little. But I ask God each minute for his help and it would seem that he is in overtime keeping me stable and sane. If you let the money people dictate your life, they will. You let God dictate your life he certainly will and he will also give you good sense in dealing with the money people. It really sounds like you need to step back and decide if it's 308 million other people in this country that have a problem, or if it's you. Most people that have known me for any length of time have stated that they've not seen me at peace with myself until just lately. I'm off my soap box now!
 
It's very sad to lose a family member to suicide when they aren't terminally ill with cancer or something. It's still sad if they are terminally ill but at least they aren't suffering anymore. A lot of times the depressed person doesn't let on just how bad things are to his family and friends(even Dr's). They still have a little pride and disclosing they are at rock bottom makes them feel like they're a failure or a burden on society. I know where you're coming from Buzzman. It is all about the money. The "experts" that say it isn't aren't the ones with the money problems. Ask them if they'd want to trade places and bank accounts? Dave
 
That's very sad. I'm sure your brother thought it was the last resort to end his suffering. There are so many people that have scammed and abused the system that good deserving people are not getting the assistance the programs were designed for. There are even Dr's that help people scam the system. I know someone who had a liver transplant. The Gov't. would pay her disability and supply all the medications and anti-rejection drugs she needed. Once she was feeling better she went back to work as a bartender. Didn't make a lot of money but enjoyed it and lived life to the fullest. The Gov't. in their infinite wisdom would only pay for the absolutely required medications she needed while she worked. Her medications were over $2000/month and she had to pay about $1200 out of her own pocket! How stupid is that!!! On severe disability, the Gov't. paid her around $900/month and the $2000 for her meds. When she went back to work, the Gov't. only paid her $800 for meds. She was saving the Gov't. $10,800 a year by working but the bulk of her income went to pay for the rest of her meds. That's what's wrong with Gov't. programs! Dave
 
It's hard to relax when you're wondering where the money to pay your bills is going to come from! Dave
 
Every persons (rock)bottom is different. When you're an able bodied person in apparently perfect health and can't seem to catch a break, it can lead to serious depression and suicide. The fact that you don't have any disabilities makes it much worse. Look at people like Brad Delph and Michael Hutchins(sp) and even Curt Kobain. All great musicians who seemed to have everything going for them and they didn't have any money problems either. Serious depression can hit anyone and shouldn't be taken lightly. Dave
 
Brad,

Words cannot express the sympathy we feel for you and your family. Remember the fond times you had with him.

I thank you for sharing during this so painful time. It is a good reminder to us all here on YT to be mindful of those who are in need.

Pete and Siobhan
 
My Sympathies to You and yours Brad, I never had a brother,,But can Imagine your Pain Life is really touth sometimes,, larry KF4LKU
 
People weill tell you that time will help and you will get over your loss. That couldn't be further from the truth. Time does help in some ways but you will never get over loosing your brother. As time goes on you will get to where you can live with it better but not over it. I know, I buried our 18 year son in 1988. Our whole family still cries for him today.
 
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