Humor: Do you feel old?

"$5.37.."

That"s what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bueno said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Emo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It"s OK. I"ll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 58, not even 60 yet, a mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Emo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?

I"ll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile. Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can"t get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn"t turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That"s when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat.. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.. Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Emo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Emo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized. She offered these kind words: "It"s OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius.. And no, I told the officer, I"m not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blanky.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

That is truely sad, 33.

Dean

This is priceless.

That was a good one. I'm not as far along as that, but still my kids like to have little jokes at my expense and I guess the day will come.....

Thanks for the humor.

Christopher

Sometimes, yes. At this point, I don't dare set anything down in other than its appointed spot or I will spend the next 2+ hours looking for it.

James and I are lucky. The things I forget, James remembers. The things James forgets, I remember.

My wife is forever "losing" things. Just sets them down wherever she happens to be. Then goes "looking" for them and can never find them........only takes me a few minutes to find them for her as I know her patterns...........she's almost 30!

Hmmm,Sounds like a bad day that may be funny in a year or two....if you can recall it

Nancy and I had a late dinner at IHOP one night.

When approaching the counter to pay for the meal, one of the cashiers said that I would get a senior discount.

Asked her why I should get the senior discount.

She replied "Because you look old".

A small price to pay for a senior discount.

That's funny! In Rockford, my hometown, there's a Corner Bar that makes great hotdogs--well at least the sauce is great. Two hot dogs costs $4.22 tax included. When I was growing up, two were 25 cents and tasted even better. Talk about feeling old! I always comment on the price difference to the young kid working the takeout window.

Larry

I frequent a racing forum. A few years back several people wished me a happy birthday on my 46th b-day. One poster welcomed me to the "official beginning of old". I started to protest, then realized he was right.
I contend I'm still 23. I don't have a clue who the old man in the mirror is.

Do you drive with your left turn signal on all the time.

You and James sound like me and SWMBO. She's half-blind, and I'm half deaf. Between us, we almost make a whole person!

"8^)

Well, I'm not quite that old in years yet (47),
but my brain operates almost like that about half the time.
Just one more reason for keepin' my wifey around
Kinda scares me what fate the future holds for me.
My Dad was at my me and my wifey's wedding years ago.
Of course she and I have been living together since then.
Dad stopped by the other day just to chat.
During the conversation, he said,"Oh, so you two are married now?"
That's typical for him, and scarin' me about my genetics.
He's a great Dad, though.

That sounds good as long as he doesn't forget your anniversary and you remember!