O/T Speaking at a funeral of a close friend???

Anonymous-0 · Jul 24, 2010

Please don't respond if you have nothing nice to say.
A very good friend of mine who was rather famous and considered a legend by all passed away a few days ago. He had pancreatic cancer that was operated on but about 6 months later a couple spots were found on his liver. He was very weak and could barely get up to even go to the restroom. He was slowly dying and wouldn't have wanted to be layed up in bed needing someone to take care of him. He was in his late 70's so had a pretty good life. He ended his suffering.

They are having a celebration of his life at his funeral and asked if anyone wanted to talk about how he left his mark on them. I learned a lot from him and worked with him for over 10 years and knew him for over 20. He was like a mentor to me, so I'm going say a few words. What's a good length of speach to give and what's the best type of speach to give? I have no idea how hard(or easy) it will be for me and I'm certain that there will be at least 300 people present. He was very much admired by all and one of the greatest people I have ever known. Thanks Dave

huntingreen2day · Jul 24, 2010

I would say a couple minutes. Talk about something good you did together or how he helped you in a big way. If you know something funny he said that might be nice to mention.

paul · Jul 24, 2010

My sis passed away a couple years ago, liver cancer got her.

My condolences.

As the other said, something with a bit of humor or learning in it, doesn't have to be real long.

--->Paul

thurlow · Jul 24, 2010

I grew up with the son and daughter of a dear friend who passed away at 90 years old; I had known her better than 50 years and the daughter asked me and one of her nephews if we'd say a few words at her funeral. I told one funny story and one serious one from the things I remembered about her. I spoke about 3 or 4 minutes as did the nephew; only time I've ever had a speaking part at a funeral, though I've been a pall bearer 35 or 40 times.

VernMN · Jul 24, 2010

Been there. Its not going to be easy. But max a couple minutes, and that may seem long. Something serious about his impact on you or the comunity, and a light humor side.

Good luck.

big fred · Jul 24, 2010

In my experience, you can speak for just a couple minutes or for a half hour, as long as you're not just filling time. At my dad's memorial service, I discovered that my wife had a lot more to say about Dad than I would have expected. Turned out she considered him to be her surrogate dad, since she had never met her own father, who abandoned her mother before she was born. And I've been to services where folks have gone on and on and been very interesting, because they had a different perspective on the deceased than most of the others present. And, of course, there's some who just seem to like to talk, and have gone well past the time they ceased to be interesting. So, sorry, but I can't give any guidance except don't be concerned about getting emotional, after all, it is a funeral of a close friend.

And my deepest condolences on your loss.

JDseller · Jul 25, 2010

Just speak from your heart. It does not make any difference how long it is as long as you are honoring the man"s life. The best we can hope for is that we affect people"s lives in a positive way. It would seem that he was successful with you.
As for making his own decision on when to go. We humans are a strange lot. If my dog or cat is suffering then it is the right and good thing to end their suffering. If it is my wife/child/friend then we are supposed to keep them alive for as long as possible, no matter the pain. My first wife died of cancer. It took four years to kill her at the age of 46. I saw the pain first hand that she went through. Most of these modern doctors don"t even see us as having the right to decide our future. They are "God" and we are stupid. Thank the good Lord that my adopted sister is a doctor and took over my wife"s care the last year. She was mostly pain free even though she was very drugged. One of her old doctors wanted to cause trouble for my sister because she was turning my wife into an addict. ?????? She had months to live at the most. It took the hard drugs to control the pain.
Go and honor your friends life. In doing that you will enrich his memories to those that loved him.

Owen Aaland · Jul 25, 2010

At the dedication of the cemetery at Gettysburg, Lincoln spoke for just over two minutes. The main speaker's address lasted just over two hours. How many people know anything about Edward Everett?

Anonymous-0 · Jul 25, 2010

Thanks for all the responses. I have a couple of funny stories I could tell. Would this one be OK? I was talking to him at a local event and asked him how he did at another event that was quite aways away. He said, in typical fashion, "Well... I ate the big sh_t"! I thought it was hilarious and so did others when I told them what he said. He wasn't hurt or anything. Dave

davediehl@hotmail.com · Jul 25, 2010

If you speak from your heart and talk about your friend, it makes no difference how long. It is still perfect. It can be as short as a few sniffles and a simple I'm sorry to a lengthy written speech. Either way, its fine.

Ultradog MN · Jul 25, 2010

I went to the funeral for a friend's mother a few years ago. The preacher got up to give a eulogy and said when he had discussed the arrangements with the dying woman she told him this:
"You can talk about love and friendship. You can talk about family. And you can talk about 5 minutes."

It was a good joke and everyone chuckled. But the sermon was very brief.

Gun guru · Jul 25, 2010

Be sure to rehearse your speech and make it brief. I have been to a few funerals where the comments dragged on and the person was trying to make themselves look important, instead of the one laying in the casket.

jCarroll · Jul 25, 2010

3-5 minutes. and rehearse it enough that you don't stammer or uhh uhh uhh as you speak. Talk slower than you normally do - people need to hear every word.

Tell of his influence on your life - not something that affected others, or things that everybody knows.

james rumph · Jul 25, 2010

I just went threw the same thing....It sucks....

I have done this several times at this point in time and it doesn't get any easer.

This what i do.

I keep a card in my hand with just a few word on that keep me on track with what i want to say.

Meaning:

It is already a sad day so tell people some funny things you and your friend did.

Come up with several that people may not know about.

Right one word for each story on that card so you don't forget.

Keep peoples minds off death even if it's just for a brief moment.

At the end have everyone give a toast in his honer.

Be strong , keep it funny and not to long.

Good luck ..

Fred Martin · Jul 25, 2010

In regards to a good sermon...it has a short beginning and a short ending....and not very much in between. ohfred

Dave 2N · Jul 25, 2010

Bingo!

Goose · Jul 25, 2010

My condolences. Something as simple as a shared joke works wonders.

When my oldest cousin died about ten years ago, his brother, Bill, made the following comment:

As you all know, Don loved to tell jokes and this was one of his favorites. A fellow died, and during the eulogy at the funeral the preacher opened the floor to anyone who might like to make a few kind comments. Nobody moved.

The preacher thought maybe he hadn't been understood, so he repeated the offer. Still nobody moved.

The preacher said, "Now, out of all the people gathered here, don't tell me no one can think of a few kind words to say about the deceased!"

Finally a man in the middle of the congregation stood up and said, "Well, his brother was worse."

Bill made the day. Probably more than half the people present could personally remember Don telling that joke. I could.

GeneMO · Jul 25, 2010

I too like the funny stories part. Short and to the point. I guess try to say things that you yourself would like to hear.

Gene

Pale Rider · Jul 25, 2010

I vividly recall the very impressive funeral for Ronald Reagan. It was masterfully done in every sense. But I recall best of all when his son Ron Jr. got up and spoke. He touched on numerous points and characteristics of his father. It was somber and dignified but at one point he delivered a light story of his father's manner of seeing the world as he wanted it to be, and his attempts to reinvigorate the thumbs up sign and his misinterpretation of a bystander's own hand sign to his motorcade as it passed by. It broke the moment and I recall how hard Arnold Swarzenagger was laughing. That being said, Ron Jr. moved on and illustrated his father's many other good points with brief memories and recollections. It was masterfully done, and I saved the text.

So saying such a lighter story worked well as a point of departure but it was made so by the fact that it contrasted with the rest of the eulogy. Don't make the mistake of trying to turn this into a stand up routine. Give good examples of his more noble attributes.

Brian Jasper co. Ia · Jul 25, 2010

I don't know if I could get up in front of a room full at a funeral to speak, but I think I'd keep it short with your fondest memories and/or character building moments.

Goose · Jul 25, 2010

I'm a member of a Missouri Synod Lutheran Church of about 2500 members, including a K-8 school. Our school principal had been a highly respected icon in the church and school for 20 years, both as a teacher and then as the principal.

About eight years ago, he committed suicide after charges of se--al misconduct were leveled against him by a couple of former students. The misconduct apparently occured some 20 years prior. The charges themselves were shaky, and the statute of limitations had long expired, but for whatever reason he chose to take his own life rather that face the ordeal.

At the time we had a bone-headed head pastor we were already trying to get rid or, and this pastor refused to perform a funeral service for someone who had committed suicide. So the service was done jointly by two professors from our LCMS University across the street, who are both ordained ministers in their own right. The sermon was a masterpiece, and I later stated that opinion to the prof who delivered it. The main theme was, if the Lord forgives all our sins, will He not also forgive a final sin of suicide?

As far as anyone could tell, that was the largest funeral in the 125 year history of the church. Estimates were at 1400.

(We finally got rid of the pastor who refused to do the service. Even the President of the Nebraska District of the LCMS told him to his face it was time to move on. I was Chairman of the Board of Trustees at the time, and when word came out that he was leaving, the gal who chaired the Finance Board and I "high-fived" in the parking lot next to the church. Kalispel, Montana was the unlucky recipient when he left.)

Anonymous-0 · Jul 25, 2010

If I read between the lines correctly, his last deed was to spare his friends & family the torture of watching him waste away. Can't imagine he'd want a mournful service Keep that in mind and keep it simple and happy. Don't disrespect him by saying things that you wouldn't have said to his face just because you think the croud wants to hear it.

Keep your head up.

Dave

plow hand · Jul 25, 2010

Iam sorry for your loss....sir could you ask your spiritual leader,priest,pastor or other say a few words from you and his closest friends what he meant to you and everyone at the end of the service..The point will come across very strong of what kind of a human being he was..

Paul from MI · Jul 25, 2010

Kinda depends on the person. I was asked to do a eulogy for a really good man and friend who was my boss for a lot of years. It wasn't too hard to come up with things to talk about because Woody had always had an off-the-wall sense of humor. Best advise I can give is speak from your heart, keep it light. That's what I want when my turn comes.

730 virgil · Jul 25, 2010

one of our veteranarian was killed in car wreck this past winter his son and daughter spoke about their dad told many stories about him and what he meant to them. they did a graet job.
people rememberd his life and the way he livied not his lose to his family and friends

Old Roy · Jul 26, 2010

I would say two or three min would be enough.
Do like others said keep it light hearted .

You are celebrating his life, Give thoughts to others there that will last. His dead shell will be in the casket, but his soul will guide you, by reminding you of things he want's remembered by.

Although his spirit has went with the Lord those that know him when they think of something about him or his Life and impact he had with others ,he will live on as good memories in at least 300 peoples hearts. As long as one of those people or anyone in their family s is alive
,he will remain alive in spirit here on earth.

Has to be hard for a friend to do this but keep happy thoughts . it will be easier to control your emotions too.

Anonymous-0 · Jul 26, 2010

You were incorrect. He didn't want to be lying in a bed and needing someone else to do EVERYTHING for him. I admire his courage and totally respect his decision. I think I came up with a good speech about a couple minutes long that will have some people laughing. Dave

36 Coupe · Jul 26, 2010

I could not do this.The tears would flood every word.

JDB · Jul 26, 2010

You will be surprised how much can be said in a minute. The rule of thumb is one typed page can be spoken in a minute. Tell your favorite story, or most memorable time spent with him, what he taught you and how much he means/meant to you. I would say 3 - 5 minutes tops. I have done public speaking. i was my best friends paul bearer last year but did not speak at his service. Being a paul bearer was all I could muster and i could bearly see while doing that. There is no shame is grieving your best friend.

O/T Speaking at a funeral of a close friend???

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