What do you do when.....

Sparktrician · May 19, 2010

What do you do when a good friend (17 yrs. +) is about to marry a how should I say....not very nice girl? I have been friends with this guy for over 17 years, he was the best man in my wedding, and I was never "asked" to be in his wedding, just told to go get fitted for a Tux....

It is hard to watch a friend walk into a bear trap......

What do you do???

Ray · May 19, 2010

mind your own bussiness,he's a big boy,not your consern.He will just turn on you if you say anything,so don't.

jim in N M · May 19, 2010

If he's your "Good" friend than go tell him how you feel, If he's your friend he'll understand,if not he'll tell you don't get the tux......Jim in N M

old · May 19, 2010

About the only thing you can do is state your opinion and go on with life and be sure you word it just that way that the woman rubs you the wrong way and then let it go. If he is a true friend he will so ok and go on with things. Other then that you can only be there for him if and when it does fall apart

C.R. · May 19, 2010

Jeez thats a tough one if you say something bad about her you will be the bad guy(even if you are right) if you keep quiet then it will be why didnt you sat something,all you can do is be a friend and offer support when its needed.it sure sounds like a no win deal

paul · May 19, 2010

Both Ray & Jim have very good points that should be followed.

Unfortunately, they are mutually exclusive points.....

--->Paul

MarkB_MI · May 19, 2010

You say nothing, other than to congratulate him on his good fortune and to be respectful and courteous to his bride. If you do anything else, you will lose him as a friend and he will still marry the girl. Some things a fella just has to learn for himself.

Sparktrician · May 19, 2010

I still cant put my finger on all of this, but....it dosent add up.

We used to talk, hang out, work on stuff together on the weekends, and play cards and drink beer every weekend.

I have probobaly seen him 5 times since feburary. (about the time he got engaged)

Everyone around seems to think she is more interested in the best man than the groom. (even the best man, although he wants nothing to do with her)

I doubt Ill say anything, but, I swear I smell a rat...

sotxbill · May 19, 2010

all in the eye of the beholder.. times have changed, rules have changed.. the chasers are now being chased.

you can ask, "Are you sure?".. then back him up either way and hope for the best. he's the one sleeping with her, not you. Sorry, but sometimes your friends go weird directions, but they are still your friends. Hope this helps.

thurlow · May 19, 2010

Shake his hand and offer your congratulations. Many years ago, a fellow of my acquainance was in the local bank and someone said something to him about the sweet little old ladies in line at the teller windows across the lobby. He said, "Hail, they didn't use to be sweet little old ladies. You shoulda known 'em way back when."

Point being, people may not be who they appear to be or they can change.

Anonymous-0 · May 19, 2010

Waul,,,,Maybe he just likes his women a little on the trashy side,,,,I can relate to that....

)

Anonymous-0 · May 19, 2010

If you KNOW something is wrong and he's a good friend, tell him. If you're just missing your drinking buddy, keep quiet.

Love (lust) is blind and sometimes pretty stupid. Was in a bar when I first got over here and there was a couple soldiers about half lit and hitting on a couple drag queens. I tried to tell one and they both wanted to whip me for badmouthing their girls.

They left with them and I just smiled and enjoyed my beer.......

Cockshutt Mike · May 19, 2010

Thurlow has a good point, people can change, just like my first X, she was a sweet young thing when we married, then she became shall we say a cowgirl and rides anything. LOL Hard to do but my advice would be, just support him and be there, he will need you no matter how things turn out. Also i've known of people who said a person was such & such but truth was that person wasn't. Good luck, just hang in there.

Goose · May 19, 2010

I agree with what Ray said. MYOB. The worst that can happen is you'll lose him as a drinking buddy, and after he's married your interaction with him will be decimated, if not non-existant, anyway.

How does she react to you? Also, you've mentioned you haven't seen much of him since he got engaged. Is he afraid you might spill the beans about some of your mutual escapades? It was interesting when I was in the Marine Corps. My best boozing buddies overseas didn't know me when they were back with their wives in the States. And I understood.

Gun guru · May 19, 2010

I would keep my yap shut, unless you have proof that this broad cheated on him, or snorts cocaine or has a criminal past. If any of the items I listed are true then tell him. (or any other real bad habits)

Flurette Farm · May 19, 2010

If he's your friend support him and accept her as his wife. He's a grown up, able to make his own decisions, way, and deal with her. He's also the one marrying her. It may after all be good for both of them.

cj in wisconsin · May 19, 2010

Keep your nose out of it. I have been there through quite a few buds and their wives. First he won't listen , second you may lose a friend, and third after he takes his lumps he will still be your buddy

sd pete · May 19, 2010

Keep your thoughts to yourself and wish him well. That should keep him as a friend

JR.Frye · May 19, 2010

MY GOOD FRIEND:

It is best to say nothing than to to say some thing that you should have not have said at all,
and leave the door open incase he should fall.
JR.FRYE

Anonymous-0 · May 19, 2010

And, when the preacher says "does anybody..........???"

Keep your mouth shut too.......

Just think of all the drinkin times you'll have if it don't work out....

You can say "yea, I knew it, just didn't wanna hurt ya Bro" "Let's get another beer, I'll even let you buy it"

cadet trooper · May 19, 2010

I super echo everyone"s comments! Companionship can be strange i.e. I have a brother who was diagnosed as formally "split personality" now Bi-Polar met a real hellcat of the same diagnoses they have fought like cats and dogs forever my older late brother and I came to blows with him over marrying her. He hasn"t talked to me in like forever and even their kids my nephews won"t even go there but they visit me regularly. Makes no sense to me go figure but just smile at the wedding and wish them well.

IOWA NORTHEAST · May 19, 2010

Love is blind, thats why all the guys are felling around in the dark.

You could be a brother joined at the hips, and you will not change his mind. But on the other hand, I have seen a few work out that should not have.

If you say something, you will probably go down, a no win situation.

Suggest a pre nup, for a saftey net. Mine was well written, but They should be written with biodegradable, earth friendly ink. That way when you use them for tissue paper, it will not chaff yer rear end so bad.

landlord7012 · May 19, 2010

There's concensus here and I'll echo it. I have a good friend of 30+ years who was never judgemental and was there for me for the worst days after my divorce. One day along comes this barfly he picked up who turns out to be completely wacked. They end up having a kid together and lived together for a while. It turned out to be the worst thing that ever could have happened to him (I don't mean the child though). I'm pretty sure she tried to poison his shepard (she failed but crippled him enough that he eventually had to be put down and she was more than willing to take him in for that). I could have said something - believe me I wanted to but I knew if I did it would put great distance between him and I. I imagined he would have to figure it out for himself. She's gone now though she is trying very hard to make his life a living he!!; were still buds. The hardest part now is hearing him say "why didn't I see that coming?".

Good friends,
Bill

Spook · May 19, 2010

MYOB. Nothing else works.

just another old geezer · May 19, 2010

You can work twords helping him understand her with out being confrontaional. Take him out drinking and get him talking about her. get in with a group that knows her. DO NOT BAD MOUTH HER. get him to open up a little about what is going on. if you see something he says that is not right, say,"and you are alright with that??" He may see himself condeming her with his own words, That is the begining of seeing the truth.

Animal · May 19, 2010

I was always told that nice girls put it in for ya!

John M · May 19, 2010

I have a good freind who was married for like 17 or 18 years to his wife. The ybegan to have problems and he was stepping out on her.(Keep reading) They finally got their divorce. Six months later he came for a visit, and I knew he wanted to tell me something, but was ascared of my reaction. He finaaly broke down and told me he was gay and had been seeing agentleman for over a year. I was a bit shocked, but this guy is my friend, and if the guy is your friend, youll stand beside him whatever decision he makes, right or wrong.

WantACaseLASomeday · May 19, 2010

If I read between the lines right she really likes to have a good time - so give your friend hearty congratulations for finding a live wire. As others have said, maybe he likes a little trashiness in his women.

railhead · May 19, 2010

Shoot him. I would forgive anyone that had done that to me. EITHER time.

There is no way to tell a guy that, he wont listen but later, he will ask "why didn't you tell me"??

Marriage is a joke. Women are good for one thing, and after only a few times, the good in that has COMPLETELY expired. Then, time to move on.

olgentdc · May 19, 2010

durn shame , GOD gave a man 2 brains , sadly he only gave him enuf blood to be able to think properly with one ...

kyplowboy · May 20, 2010

I have been on both sides of this. Before I married my first wife I had an aunt and a buddy both asked me if I was sure I wanted to marry her and said they were worried about me. I respected both at the time and more so after the dust settled and lawyers were paid. If any one had flat out told me what an unholy b**** she was I would have gotten mad and not listened to them.

Guess what I am say'n is get a few beers in him and ask him if he is sure he wants to do this, and if it all goes to crap be there when he needs you.

Good luck.

Dave

thurlow · May 20, 2010

Can't imagine what your mother must of been like to have made you so bitter towards women.

John S-B · May 20, 2010

Guess you"re a poor judge of people. I like mine just fine. Evidently, your "technique" is lacking also.

Anonymous-0 · May 20, 2010

I think that was "Got it in for ya".

Anonymous-0 · May 20, 2010

Geeze I wish I could but that's the weekend I have set aside for my fishing trip in Antartica. Sorry.

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