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Redneck Lingo --Your Favorite Sayings ???

A

Adirondack case guy

Well-known Member
In this neck of the woods, we use many ANALOGIES to describe people and happenings. What phrases do you use to describe people or their behavior, or other things. (2 cans short of a six pack---tain't over till the fat lady sings---born with batts in his/her belfry---like shoveling sh## against the tide--- plowed uphill all his life--born with golden spoon) Wow this could be a test in college Psychology course! Did I spell everything wite?? Had to look up a couple words in the dictionary but didn't know how to spell um!!! to check.
 
Instead of saying something you will regret later, it's best to remember "don't pee in the well...you might have to drink it later"...:) Mike
 
A couple of my favorites. I would like to know how big of a bowl of stupid he had for breakfast, or He is so dumb he couldn't pour P** out of a boot with the directions on the heel.
Bob
 
His elevator don't go all the way up.
Coupla blips out of plumb.
The lights are on, but there's nobody home.
Coupla fries short of a happy meal.
 
I heard a southern lady author say that you could say anything about a person as long as you said 'bless his heart' afterward. The example she gave was "if you was to put his brains on the head of a pin they would rattle around like a BB on a six-lane highway, bless his heart."
Zach
 
Some days we don't know whether to let our "blond" girl get on the bus or take the "short bus" - might not make it home!
 
He could screw up a one car parade
Dummber than a post
Not the brightest light in the chandelier
Could'nt find his a_s using both hands and a mirror.
 
1.all their berries arent in the basket.
2.slower than molasses in janurary.
3.messier than a twister in a trailer park.
4.Do you want a fry with that shake?
5.Do you need some cheese to go with that whine?
6.concerning a big poop.its eyes were to close together/too far apart(your choice)so I flushed your new sibling.
 
Ploughed the wrong paddock.
Like the boy peeing in the ocean.[everything helps.]
Shovelling sh## uphill.
Neither my ar## nor my elbow.[when things don't fit]
couple of kangaroos loose in the top paddock.
And you all know "Flash as a Rat with a gold tooth".... I like thaaart.
 
He"s half a bubble off level (Nuts)
He"s three sheets to the wind! (Drunk)
Slicker than calf s***t on a flat rock! (Slippery)
One brick shy of a full load (dumb)
About as sharp as a bag of wet mice (Foghorn Leghorn)
She"s so ugly she"d make a freight train take a dirt road.
 
I started out with nothing and still have most of it left! "Hambone says "if you"re down on something, then you"re not on top of it! My wife"s late uncle , who was a retired N.C. Farm Bureau insurance rep for 35+ years had a ton of sayings and these two are the only ones I can remember at this moment in time.
 
There's one that I've only ever heard here at work. When all the technical and procedural details of something have been worked out we say "It's all been saucered and blowed", which I guess is referring to the way a proper person cools off their tea if it's too hot to drink.
 
Here are my favorites:

A girl------A dreamboat body with a shipwrecked face.

He is so clumsy that he couldnt hit sand if he fell off a camel.

She is as dumb as a rock.
 
1.so broke i cant even pay attention 2.dumb as a box of rocks 3.He could break an anvil with a rubber hammer(or a feather)
 
1. slicker than goose s#*$ on a pump handle

2. as worthless as titz on a boar hog

3. dumb as a loaf of bread

4. slicker than snot on a wet, leather coat sleeve
 
That tractor couldn't pull a setting hen off her nest.
He must of had his head in his azz.
When I say something really stupid, and realize it, my excuse is "it must have been a brain f-rt"
She's so ugly she could stop a Mack truck.
she looks like a 300# cutie to me
 
Now don't go p**sing down the back of my neck and try and tell me it's raining. She was on that like a Duck on a Junebug. You can call me whatever but don't call me late for dinner.
 
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. When a little tongue tied - Got my tongue in front of my eyetooth and couldn't see what I was saying. Dumb as a stump. Certifiable. They could let just anyone out of the nuthouse just to make room for you (or him).
 
Dumber than a box of rocks, lazier than a pet coon. Best one "post turtle", you know turtle stuck on top of a fence post, no clue how he got there or what to do to get down.
 
Then there was the guy that ran into the bank lobby, got nervous and yelled: Alright you motherstickers this is a fugg up, hold up your ars fore I shoot your hands off.
 
Got to love those "Blockormore" girls.... referring to a girl that only looks good from a block-or-more away.

Slicker than snot on a door knob

Wouldn"t pull a greasy string out of a cats a--

He"s a couple of bulbs short of a chandaleer

He"s a few bricks shy of a full load

Nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs

His elevator don"t go all the way to the top floor.

He"s dumb as a box of rocks

He"s so thin if she"d turn sideways and stick out her tongue she"d look like a zipper.

She"s so thin he"d have to run around in the shower to get wet

It"s colder out here than Willie the well diggers a--
 
He don't know sh!t from apple butter
Tougher than boiled owl sh!t
She hit every branch falling out of the ugly tree
Pull your head out of your a$$

My Favorite "I'd like to help, but I can't fix stupid" (Ron White I think)
 
Answers to how ya doin.
"If I was any better I"d be twins."
"Better than some worse than others."
To old jokes.
"Last time I heard that the Dead Sea was only slightly Ill."
About how old someone is.
"He is so old his SS number has only 4 digits"
About a less than briliant fast food worker.
"must be a lifer"
 

ACG,

Your #2 above is around here known as a
crainial rectal inversion .

Also , Remember - the toes you step on today
may be attached to the a$$ you have to kiss
tomorrow.

george
 
how about if brains were dynamite he wouldnt have enough to blow his nose!or , when they were handing out brains he thought they said trains and said "I dont mind a slow one"
 
This might not be redneck, but my mother used to say these:

You're so full of --it your eyes are turning brown.

Get out of that bathroom, my back teeth are floating!

Christopher
 
working with some real dim bulbs a while back we used to say right ahead of them we have an I.D. ten T (I D 10 T) error nobody ever got it.but we had some fun picking on the idiots
 
"If I had that (truck, tractor, trailer, etc.) and he had a feather, we'd both be tickled."

"It's better than getting poked in the eye with a sharp stick."

"Happier than a puppy with two peters."
 
He is as sharp as a bowling ball

Couldn't hit a bull in the butt with a scoop shovel

He don't know s_it from shinola

Crazier than a pet coon

She married me for my money and she won't leave until I get some!

Sometimes I add 2 and 2 and get 5

There's a light at the end of the tunnel! I hope it isn't a train! (old country song)

Bright as a burned out lightbulb

He was the smartest kid in special ed

He was the smartest kid on the short bus
 
1: Uglyer than a winrow of a**holes
2:A** deep on a 10 foot indian
3: Joys of farming!
4: If it wernt for bad luck I wouldent have luck at all
5: She's got enough degrees to be a thermometer (book smart people)
6: Like a pack of hound dogs on a three legged cat.
 
[ to city fella laying on the ground gasping] i TOLD you , this here AINT water! its just in a water JUG! shoot,shovel,shutup, applies to politicians lawyers, and revenoers with equal enthusiasim.
 
Hung-over= Eyes like 2 pizz holes in fresh snow.
Cold enough to freeze the balz off a brass monkey
Chaos=who's washing and who is hanging out?
He is so tall he has to stand on a chair to put his hat on.
 
Meaner than a snake.

Harder than a preacher's d*ck.

Couple of sandwiches shy of a picnic.

Colder than a witch's teat in a brass bra.

Lower than whale sh*t.

Ugly as home made sh*t.

Built like a brick sh*t house.

Dumber than a sack of rocks.

About as bright as a 5 watt bulb.

Green as a gourd.

Couldn't pull a sick wh*re out of bed.

Couldn't pull the hat off of your head.

S*xy as socks on a rooster.
 
Meaner than a snake.

Harder than a preacher's d*ck.

Couple of sandwiches shy of a picnic.

Colder than a witch's teat in a brass bra.

Lower than whale sh*t.

Ugly as home made sh*t.

Built like a brick sh*t house.

Dumber than a sack of rocks.

About as bright as a 5 watt bulb.

Green as a gourd.

Couldn't pull a sick wh*re out of bed.

Couldn't pull the hat off of your head.

S*xy as socks on a rooster.
 
"Strong as an ox, and just about as smart", "Sharp as a pound of wet leather", and "Your doin' pleanty of choppin' but you don't have many chips flyin'".
 
From the other side of the pond :-
'You can always tell a Yorkshireman , but you can't tell him anything'
'As much use as a chocolate tea pot' (or fireguard)
'If wit was s*** he would be constipated'
' He hangs around like a fart in a phone box'
 
On seeing something remarkable: "I've been to three County Fairs, two Goat Ropin's, and a Windmill Greasin', but I ain't never seen nothin' like that!"

To an impatient person:
"Lay down and let yer pups suck!"

General insult:
"He was a twin. The smart one died and the ugly one lived..."

"My highschool was so small, we had only one school color!"

To a complainer: "You'd b*tch if you was hung with a new rope!"
 
Dumer than a run over duck.
Stupider than a storm drain.
And if anyone knows this one please explain it to me, my dad used it and never could figure it out. "He talks like a person with a paper %^^%&hole"
 
Friend of mine told this to his boss when the boss told him to speed up: I got two speeds, if you don't like this one, you da&m shore won't like the other one.
 
Friend I usta have who was from Childress, Texas (He's with God now) told me "My High School was so small I got my Driver's Education and Adult Education in the same car". (Adult has to be used in place of more discriptive word which is not allowed on this forum.)

Posted in the Model Shop Foreman's office:

In every project there comes a time to shoot the engineer, burn the plans, and start production.

"Who asked you, Einstein?"
 
Dumber than a fence post.

Ugly enough to make a freight train take a dirt road.

Smells bad enough to make a charging rhinocerous reverse direction.

Not the wisest owl in the tree.

Slicker than snot on linoleum.
 
Mom use to say, don't sweep the neighbors pourch till you sweep your own - Also would say, I didn't bring you up that way ( by the way dumb response was, then who did ? Dad use to say, boy I brought you into this world and I can take you out - That person has the world by the a$$ on a down hill pull - That person is lower then a snkes belly - Raining like a cow pi$$ing on a flat rock - Person so ugly you have to tie a bone around there neck to get the dog to play with them
 
I started out with nothin', and I still got most of it left...

slicker than snot on a door knob...

uglier than a barrel full of pickled a$$holes...

he hit bottom, and kept on digging...
 
He's as sharp as a mashed potato sandwich

He's busier than a one armed paper hanger

She's dumber than a rock

He's so slow he couldn't catch a cold

I'm so broke I couldn't pay attention

Jim in N M
 

Was talking to a friend, about 70 years old. He allowed he was going to marry a nice looking lady, about age 50. Said his hands were tired! I told him to not get his hopes up--just remember, ya can't push a wagon up-hill with a rope! Don't know how long he lasted---
 
If someone tells me to have a good one(meaning a good day). I usually tell them I got a good one now I want a longer one!
 
When asked if I got a raise, I say "Yeah, Leather goods - a belt to the mouth and a boot to the azz"

"He talks out his azz because his mouth know better"

"Ain't got the sense God gave a squirrel."

"He works so slow, you gotta set stakes to see if he's moving."

"I'd call you a jackazz, but I don't wanna insult the animal."
 
1 for ugly men, he would scare the maggots off of a gut wagon. 2 for ugly women, I wouldn't take her to a dog fight (even if she did have a chance of winning.) 3 dumber than a sack of hammers. 4 sharp as a marble. Steven
 
When some one is whining looking for sympathy, If I like them I listen. If I don't my response is: If you want some sympathy look in the dictionary, it's between sh*t and syphilis.
Some of my buddies are hornier than a 2 peckered billy goat.
His/her lights are on but nobodies home.
To the worthless ones: oxygen thieves
worthless as t*ts on a boar.
My grandfather's favorite: God dod damn dirty pups.
 
"It's enough to make a preacher cuss." My Dad always told me, "You would argue with a signpost." I disagreed heartily. Also "Use your head for somethin' besides a hat rack." If my Irish mom got mad at somebody, "You can just lick my behind." THE END
 
Dad died about a month ago at the age of 91, but here are a few that I remember that he repeated:

Don't pee before the water comes.

Be careful you don't get the wrong wrinkle. (when he saw you taking a leak around the corner of the barn on a cold day)

Scarce as hens teeth.

He who waits on a dead man's shoes goes barefoot.

Corn had ears like mule pricks, long as your arm and thick as your fist.

If it's worth doin, it's worth doin right.
 
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