O:T . Just left the funeral home, What a racket!

Mother in law passed away this morning. Went to funeral home this afternoon, arrangements cost about $ll,000. I let wife and siblings handle the arrangements. It cost $495. to transport mother in law 3 miles from hospital to funeral home. Fixed charges for funeral about $7 thousand, vault and casket about 4 thousand. Boy have these people got you by the balls. Is this in line or have they been screwed.
 
We just burried a relative,casket,funeral home,hearse,5500. An uncle was cremated last year for 800.I see adds for local funeral parlors for complete funerals for 2500.
 
The wife and I just paid for ours but hope we dont need them real soon.We will be cremated at a cost of less than 2K each.There will just be a simple memorial service for each of us

Even with the cheapest service and casket,the cost is 6-7K plus here.You can easily spend 10-15K with an expensive casket..My dear Mother passed away several years ago. She had prepaid 16 years ago at a cost of 3K with a cheaper casket.
 
Sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. You have my condolences.

Typical funeral here is around $6,000, give or take.

Sticks in my mind ten years ago, my mother's funeral was $5800, total. But, you're in Maryland and I'm in Nebraska. Our daughter lives in DC, so I'm aware of the price differences and not unfamiliar with your neck of the woods.

Then, too, there are a lot of variables, including how much competition there is between funeral homes and the ethics of a particular place. After all, they are dealing with people when they're grief stricken, vulnerable, and have a lot of decisions to make on the spot.

Several years ago, on a temporary gig, I spent one entire summer redoing the filing system at the largest cemetary and funeral home in Lincoln, NE. It was a real eye-opener. It definitely takes a special type of person to work in a funeral home, even if they're not a mortician, and those people don't come cheap. I was surprised at the turnover among the people who worked with families making arrangements, "Grief Counselers" as they were called. When one quit, he told me that even after six months he still couldn't face the fact that the only reason he had a job was because someone had died.

Probably more than you wanted to hear, but, again, you and your family have my condolences.
 
As my parents trust administrator, we talked things over and they recently prepaid theirs at a little over 6k each. A morbid task and thought, but also one less thing to decide on. And yes, the one industry that never slows down.
 
We have been checking into costs to prepare for when its time. I want to be cremated but wife wants a plot The cost of a funeral here is about 5500 to 6500 depending what you want. The cost of retrieval of the body is included.
 
We buried my dad a few weeks ago. Cost including 2 cemetary plots was 12,400. I thought it was reasonable and from what I hear thats in line to the low side of Kentucky prices are. The only thing I felt was out of line was that the papers are now charging around 200 bucks to publish a simple obituary.
 
i spent rite at $9000.00 for my fathers funeral back in '02 and that wasnt anything fancy...we even made the preacher ride in the hearse...it was a extra 500 bux for a car for him to ride in.

that was in Texas City,Tx...next town over has a economy funeral joint and its nice enuff...if you donate your body to science they offer a free cremation after the labs are done with you...just straight cremation starts at $699...i told my sister to just throw me on the compost heap and cover me with leaves and kitchen scraps.
 
I am very sorry for your loss.

You do not know half the racket these guys got going.
My grandmother bought a pre pay policy for my mom when she was about 2 years old. She is now 80.
My mom did the same for me and my sisters when we were very young and I am now 51.

About a year or two ago we were informed by the funeral home they could not honor any of the contracts because we paid so little compared to what it cost today. (Inflation) The best part is the state sided with the funeral home so our contract is not worth the yellowed paper it is written on.
They will give us a refund of the price we paid but what I want to know is what happened to all the interest for all these years.

I do not know if this is unique to my state or if this is happening all over the U.S.

At least my mom still owns 3 reusable burial sites. We can bury someone in each one every 10 years or something like that; so at least I do not have to worry about that part.

Once again sorry for your loss but funeral homes sure got a burr stuck in my side lately.
 
In recent times I've buried the three people closest to me, the first in 2004, the second in 2005, the third in 2008, and your $11K is right at what each funeral cost. I couldn't spend less because the deceased would think I was a cheapskate.

It all seems outrageous, including the price of obituaries.

Last year, I prepaid $2,997 for my funeral: cremation that includes 'transfer of remains to funeral home,' 'refrigeration,' and visitation but no service and no obit.

In Missouri.
 
Not trying to be a wiseacre,but Walmart has gotten into the casket business now too.Not in the stores,but online shipped to your local Walmart :(
 
You figure compound intrest over those years, and it's some real money.

I'd not take that laying down. Where's the interest? Gimme the interest.

As much as I will say on a delicate topic, been through it a few times myself with family.

--->Paul
 
My thought about funeral expenses is this. The reason it takes a funeral director so long to "graduate" is this. It only takes a couple weeks to learn the technical aspects of the funeral business and the rest of the time is spent on learning how to keep the smirk off your face when the family hands the check over for "services rendered".
 
John in la. My dad also had the pre-pay here in Ohio. Four + years ago when he passed away we were in the same boat. Our local funeral home set me down and showed me the payment he made, interest and cost. It was ~ $1000.00 more but all of the interest was applied.

-steve
 
I am 28 years old and I graduated high school in 2000. I have since buried three of my close friends. You think that the funeral busines is is a shame? Whats it matter what it cost to bury someone you care about. Some people I hear on this site take a tractor that is worth about $3000 an pour $8000 or more into it without blinking an eye but you only get to bury your friends once, just once. I feel for your loss as I have been to more funerals than I care to talk about for being on the good side of 30. Who cares..... the US mint makes more money every day. My grandmother died at 96 years old and the only thing I can say is she had a good run, and had a long life. If I make it past 80 years old than that is the bonus round for me. All my friends were under 26 years of age. I totally think that the funeral business is a rip off. sorry for venting. sorry to steal your thunder. I have never talked about the friends I have lost before this but it is a racket what a mortician charges.
 
$14,000 in 2008. Ours was rather large for our 15 year old son. Wanted it right, needed a large area and found only 1 school willing to hold the viewing and funeral. Racket, yes, what can you do? Nothing, I wanted it done properly...
 
I have had to do this for my dad and son in the last five years. Our local funeral home was around $6000.00 for both. That included transport of the body, one more than 100 miles. Prep the body, calling hours, flowers, transport to the final resting spot, obit, opening and closing the grave, vault, and nice wood grained casket. My question is what is the 7K "fixed" cost for??? I can't see prep of the body, rental of the home for calling hours, transport to the grave, obit, opening and closing the grave, govt. paperwork, and copies of the death certificate costing 7K???

-steve
 
After reading some of the stupid replies "I wanted it done properly", "Racket, yes, what can you do?", "Who cares..... the US mint makes more money every day.", "I couldn't spend less because the deceased would think I was a cheapskate.", "2 cemetary plots was 12,400. I thought it was reasonable", WHAT THE "H" IS the PROPER way to have a funeral?

It's a pretty slimy and LOW way to make a living to GUILT the survivors into throwing $$$ in the ground (actually the slimball's pocket) when they are the most vulnerable!

How does ANYONE figure putting on a big morbid show with gaudy trappings benefits ANYONE but the undertaker(much less the deceased)!

Just a completely disgusting deal!
 
Dave: My son was 15 also. The local funeral home was great. Calling hours were from 5 - 9 . We got there at 3 and got home at midnight. The county Sheriff Office had to do traffic control for our small town. The next day for graveside services the family went out with an escort, front and rear. When we got to the cemetery almost all of the high school was there. He was in the FFA. He was carried by his fellow FFA male members as pallbearers with female members as escorts. It brings tears to my eyes , then and now, as I'm so thankfull to the kids that did that.

-steve
 
Laws vary from state to state, but in Maine there are ways to cut the cost. LOT of folks not doing the viewing thing, but have a "remembrance" with photos and maybe a few words from people who knew and loved the deceased. No body, no casket, no embalming. Cremate the remains and put 'em in a cardboard box.

My family has instructions to do just that. No urn even, and sprinkle my ashes on the pasture near the stream. Probably WILL put a monument on a space at the cemetery just so the one person that might care will have something to look at while remembering what an SOB I was...
 
I pledged my body to a medical school. funeral will cost my famly nothing.
A pre-arranged very cheap funeral is Ok. Use the money for charity
 
Dave and Steve.

I am very sorry to hear about your children. NO parent should have to bury a child. My oldest son died in 2003 in a car accident at 26. His job had an ins policy at 2.5 times his annual salary. The cost of his funeral was around $20K. Since he was unmarried, no children of his own, as executors of his estate we put the remainder of the ins policy in a fund for our grandkids.

My prayers to you and your families,
....Don T. ....
 
It was alittle over $8000 for Dad back in April , I thought that was high for what they did , that s was in S.E. IN . If ya want to save a few bucks you can make your oun casket , just check to be sure it will fit in there vault . The cheapest vault they had was $1000 , I can buy a precast septic tank that would hold 4 or 5 people cheaper than that ! I guess your not paying for what you get but to get it done , I would nt want the job for twice the money . They did do a good job , got up at 2 AM and drove 60-70 miles to get him , guess I cant complain to much . It is a racket and they got ya by the bilfold !!
 
My FIL died over 3 years ago and that was $13,500 for viewing/casket/burial/cemetary plot too. The casket was $2700 alone.

I was a nice service, but I agree that it is expensive. Think about it this way-- It is a very morbid business, you call them up with no notice and say "come get my mom, she is dead at the so and so hospital" They drive there pick her up, then fill her with embalming fluid etc. etc.

In the old days, like 100 years ago the viewing was done at the house, in the front room (known as the parlor) So I am told, cause I am not that old. And you paid a mortician to fill your loved one with embalming fluid and your pastor from your church would say some nice words at your house and you were buried on farm, So I am told. (a lot cheaper doing it that way)

When my grandfather died in 1998 it was $10,000 for a semi-prepaid funeral. (cemetary lots were paid for in the 1960's)
It costs a lot to kick off doesnt it?

It almost makes me want to get into that business, cause there would be very few layoffs at funeral homes.

Final note, My dad told me that several years ago one of my uncles died and a certain funeral home was called and they said sorry: we are all booked up you will have to go over to the such and such funeral home on the other side of town.
 
It is a racket. Most funeral homes across the country are owned by a handful of companies, so there's no real competition. There are some honest, sincere morticians in the business, so I don't want to paint all with the same brush, but generally speaking they have the family of the deceased over a barrel and most have no reservations about taking your last dime and then some.

Has anyone here taken care of their own dead? Check this site out.
Caring for your own dead
 
I'd take that prepaid money, figure the principal at 4 % per annum compunded annually and go to small claims court for that amount. You will win it. (The amont paid would double every 18 years)
You say the State sided with them. Who in the state. Only a civil court can make this ruling.

Gordo
 
This post is not meant to be the end all be all of support for the funeral fees you are all talking about. However, you need to consider that all the costs of the funeral have a right now amount figured into them. Everything that needs to happen needs to happen right now. A special trip to pick up the body in professional attire at any time of night happens right now. Embalming the body happens right now. Delivery of the casket happens right now and most likely involves a special trip. The grave opening needs to be done right now. All that is like paying overnight shipping on every part you bought for your tractor and it adds up. Of course don't forget the fact that everything needs to appear and go off perfectly. When the hearse has 60,000 miles on it it needs to be replaced. You can't have it breaking down on the way to the cemetary with grandma in the back. The funeral home needs to be spotless, all the time. If there is a funeral visitation until 9 the night before and a funeral the next day at 10 that might mean a cleaning team of 3 or 4 working from 10PM to 1AM to find every fingerprint on the glass and every visitation flyer tucked behind the plants.
We buried my 21 year old sister (brain cancer) when I was 14. The professionalism necessary in the mortuary areas is probably the most necessary I have ever seen. You pay for that plain and simple.
 
Have you ever seen anyone in ownership of the funeral home drive anything else but a Cadillac, Lincoln, or BMW?
Ever see them dressed shabbily or ever see where they live?
Always thought that would be a job you couldnt mess up too much. . . always folks needing you in good times and bad, same process over and over (not trying to diagnose disease or correct anything with surgery), and clients are sporadic; no regulars to annoy you. . . handle the service and the people are out of your establishment likely for awhile.

Dont want to be too critical, but I have a business that works directly with various funeral homes and I probably bust my backside twice as hard for a quarter of the compensation.
 
When I die I want Marilyn to call a neighbor with a backhoe and have him dig a hole on this one favorite spot on the farm, and throw my body in. She said NO to that and I can't defend myself after I go.

My dad, who is 85 and doing well, is about as conservative as anyone can be, so he has his funeral expenses figured out down to the penney. He has put emotions aside and is thinking of his departure purely as a business deal. He will control his money to the grave. He will be cremated, the memorial service will be in his church, one block away from his house and after the funeral his friends will come to his house for coffee. I will dig the hole for his ashes beside my mom's grave in the cemetery at a time of my convenience.

My dad's arrangement works because he is old, a lot of his friends are gone, and most of the emotion involved with dying won't be there. We had a completely different scenario when our daughter, the mother of three little girls, suddenly passed. Emotions were high we were weakened and the funeral home took full advantage of it. They get you when you're down.Jim
 
Thays why I have life insurance. Im fortunate to be able to have a job that pays for it, but I know alot of people dont have it. Just gotta remember to not let the funeral home do alot of the things that you could do, which can be hard. It cost 7500 to bury my Dad in 99, and that included everything! Granted, we didnt go full throttle on alot of things, but it was till very nice, and Dad wouldnt have wanted what we did anyways.Only things special we did was get a casket that was midnight blue, since every truck he ever had was midnight blue. He had a masonic funeral, and the local National Gaurd came as well. (That, even though I was balling my head off, was very special to me, and I did enjoy it!) The only thing I could not do was haul his casket to the graveyard on the hay trailer with his tractor, like he wanted. Some of the family thought it would be tacky, and seems we have a law that a casket has to be hauled in a hearse. I didnt care about the family, and still dont.
 
My parents both died in the last three years. They were in their nineties and had the arrangements all preplanned from having the gravesite purchased, picking out he casket, selecting the minister and singer, and having the wake caterer selected and the type of food to be served. It cost about $9,000 apiece and was paid directly from their estate which was handled by the bank. They were not embarasssed to ask questions about the costs of the services performed by the funeal home and they saved the kids the grief of having to agree on every last item surrounding their death. We were not aware of their preplanning so when we contacted the funeral home it was a great relief at a time when we didn't need any more grief.

Do your own preplanning and save the relatives the grief.
 
When my Grandma died, she was living near Council Bluffs Iowa, but wanted to be buried next to my Grandpa in Mountain Lake Minnesota. Found out we could transport the body ourselves, but it was only in the range of $500 to hire it done, so let the funeral home handle it! Greg
 
Yup, they know all the strings to pull: "closure", "respect", "proper funeral", etc. But there's no law that says you need a big expensive show in a funeral home.

When my father died we had him cremated and put the ashes in an urn. No embalming, no viewing, just get it over with. Anyone who wanted to stop in was welcome to come over to her house. Afterward, my brother thought odd things were starting to happen around the house so they bought a small plot and had the urn buried.
 
I live in western Iowa, burried dad 3 years ago, have to say we were very luck with the funeral home we chose, retrieved remains 100 miles away included, when the family arived to make arrangements they had the priest already there to arrange his end, gave us all the options, priced everything out individually and a package, had no pressure, stood in the hall way and let us take our time choosing caskets and was there just to answer questions. truely sold service. Dad was a vet and and they were able to provide us with everything he was intiled to there also. When we walked out we knew down to the penny what was being spent on preperation, transportation, flowers, the service, buarial, and even the lunch afterword. I have to say it was much better than I ever had expected. As I side note, as dad was a vet his coffin was covered with flag at the veiwing, a burial cloth at the church and a flag again at the cemetery, it didnt make one differance what the coffin looked like. Also dad always said do something for someone when they are alive and dont waste money on "show" to bury them.
 


That's the great thing about America. You're entitled to your opinion, Bob.

That doesn't mean everyone else's opinions are wrong.

It may be very worthwhile for a family to have a big funeral if it helps them feel better; your opinion notwithstanding.

Howard
 
My father(91) and my mother(86) have prepaid their funerals and have there plots complete with a marker with there names on it. All we have to do is call the local furnual director when the time comes. I know I sure appreciate what they have done for us six siblings.
 
My son in law is a mortician, maybe some of you tight asses ought to spend a week with him, doing his job. Most wouldn't last 15 minutes.

He didn't go to school for free and the mortuary college wasn't next door.

None of you realize what is involved when it comes time to retrieve the dearly departed. Most folks expire in the hospital....the corpse is generally full of tubes or extra holes...that you rarely see. All that leaks. Some are covered with bed sores....some still have wounds from failed operations....most have a smell...you never forget. These are the 'good' bodies. The bad ones have their heads gone, are burnt to a crisp, in multiple pieces....or stuck to the couch/chair where they laid for 5 days last August before they were found. Then there are a few with their brains scattered all over from a well placed 12 gauge.....or picked up out of a field after a bushhog has rearranged their former configuration. Then....there are the children...you just never get used to the children. But he and those like him, do this everyday....while we are insulated from these horrors. After they get to the funeral home, the body must be prepared....it isn't pretty or for the faint of heart. Try building noses and ears and lips that have been torn, burned, or shot off...it taskes more than a can of Bondo and sandpaper. It costs close to one million dollars to secure commercial property and then build a new funeral home. The insurance and grounds maintenance is extremely high and on going. You don't see very many Chevy hearses...price a new Cadillac hearse sometime...they are custom built. Add to that a Cadillac Limo and a van or similar to haul the flowers. Private contractors open and close the grave, the vault company handles it's product...those costs are merely passed on at cost. Somebody has to do these things and it is an honorable vocation. They do it 'on call' 24/7 and in a professional manner. Most often, the dearly departed is under ground within 3 days, start to finish....that's a lot to handle and make it as stress free on the survivors as possible.

The vast majority of funeral homes in the US and Canada are now owned by a huge conglomerate out of Canada. My son in law works for a salary and he does it for less than I would....for the work he does. The private homes still in business general reflect several generations of being in the community...great grandpa built the business and suffered the investment costs, the next generation began to enjoy some fruit from their labors and if a third generation continues, they generally do rather well.

I wouldn't have a mortician's job at any price...and neither would most people. You can complain about being ripped off....but you can also take an hour and go visit a funeral home and plan ahead, saving thousands of dollars in the process.
 
If you look at the funeral industry strictly in terms of dollars, you can certainly come to the conclusion that it's a gigantic ripoff. But sometimes in life there are more considerations than dollars.

My grandfather drowned in a horseback riding accident in a remote area at a local river. The funeral directors were family friends, and they handled all the details with respect and dignity. His death and funeral certainly disrupted any plans they had for the Fourth of July that year, but they were there when we needed them.

My first wife died unexpectedly from a heart attack at age 36. As the husband, I had a lot of control over the arrangements, but since she had 5 surviving siblings, they had a great deal to say about how arrangements were handled. The funeral directors did everything the family asked, and made sure we had enough certified copies of the death certificate to handle any and all business affairs pertaining to her. Without their guidance, I wouldn't have known about the need for the certified copies, among other things.

We didn't go with the most expensive casket, nor did we buy the most expensive burial vault...nor did we erect a huge monument at the cemetery. Spending huge amounts after the "recipient" of our generosity is deceased is, in my eyes, wasteful. In my wife's case, I still had two kids to raise, and the money would be [and was] better spent in that effort. THAT was a better monument to her than any stone or bronze edifice I could have erected, IMHO.

I have plenty more thoughts on that subject, but I've probably taken up enough space in this thread as it is.
 
Local funeral home we use he lives upstairs in the home and has the records of the family for the past probably 70+ years. When parents passed they had small life insurance policys that were not what the price figured out to but he took just what the police was for.
 
Where would you be at that you have to use a herse? Few year ago friend died, was a car collector, he knew time was comming and wanted to be taken to cemetary in his Model T Ford truck and that is the way it was done.
 
(quoted from post at 14:01:57 01/16/10) Where would you be at that you have to use a herse? quote]

Where would you be at that a funeral home without a hearse would be in business for more than 1 month?
 
some one is mad lol,i work in a grave yard,most people think that the vaults wont fill with water but they do even tho they say they dont ,ive see many of them hold water and its a smell that you wont ever forget, most of the funeral homes around here its a 500% mark up on everthing most of them wont half of the money up front and that covers the cost of everything.
 
Mark, you're being a little unkind...
There's a Cadillac dealer here, and no doubt a lot of good people working there, but we feel no duty to buy a Cadillac to keep them in business, even tho I'm sure they're all worried about their jobs...
Morticians are the same: I've no doubt many are good people doing their best, but we feel no duty to support their businesses...
I wish your son in law only the best, but we won't be seeking his professions services; we're going the cheapest way we can find, period, as we feel money should be spent on the living.
If any of our relatives can't accept that, they can do as they please (we won't be here to object)!!
 
You have to respect the dead and give them your regrets, but you shouldn't have to give the funeral home and/or the ceremony that goes with the death of a cared one a major fortune. They prey on mourning people like vultures over a kill. I couldn't sleep at night asking what they do for a funeral service. It's immoral, and should be illegal.
 
I know some ain't gonna like here'n this but I know a family that grandma died and no one had the $10,000 they wanted to put her in the ground. The family checked around with several state agencies and the list of legal requirements to bury some one on private ground was pretty short. They picked a nice spot under an oak tree on the family farm, one grandson built a box and another borrowed a buddies backhoe.

Dave
 
noncompos,

No, I am really not being unkind...just forthright, upfront....and honest.

If folks would prearrange their final wishes, many costs can be kept down.

But, they wait until somebody croaks and then show up on the funeral home doorstep crying....Mommy just died...somebody go get her and.....boo-hoo, make her look good! Sometimes that is a big order...but it generally gets filled to the letter. Most "only want the best for dear old dad". Mainly because they don"t want to appear cheap while sending the dearly departed off. But when it comes time to settle up, they just about schitt on the spot. "Nobody told me the newspaper charges "per word" when I wrote that flowery 3 column obit detailing all of daddy"s accomplishments as a prize hog farmer and his FFA awards in the class of "36!" Well Clotine....they do....that"ll be $687. "Nobody said the limo was extra.....and we didn"t want mommy to have to follow the hearse in our cattle truck!" You should have asked RayGene, or else went to Budget and rented a clean Chevette for the funeral. The list goes on and on.....bottom line is, people expect the works to soothe their grief and then suffer the bleeding schitts when they get the bill and then cry, Foul!

Maybe people would like it if the body got crammed in a cardboard box, hauled to the cemetery in the bed of a pickup and a cross made from a 2x4 jabbed in the dirt over the grave. That"d be cheap....and that seems to be what this thread was all about....wanting and expecting premium services....for a cut rate price.

You get what you pay for...if you want less, just tell the funeral home to cremate the remains and scatter them on Potter"s Field. You should get that for around $800.

When grandma sits down and has that heart to heart talk about her final wishes...how she wants a knotty pine casket and a silk shroud with her initials embroidered across the front and full floral spread on the coffin and of course...the finest vault money can buy and for Brother Thurlow Longwind to present the eulogy down at the 1st Baptist Church, with the choir singing the 8 songs she has selected and 2 nights of viewing so everybody can come see her off.......tell her that ain"t happening! tell her, your butt is going to the furnace in a cardboard box and we"re spending that money on hog panels and fuel injector parts! That isn"t happening either....and we both know it.

It costs a lot of money to run a funeral home and their services aren"t cheap......don"t expect them to be. Some States permit you to dispose of the body yourselves. If it isn"t embalmed....you generally have 24 hours. Get a death certificate, take the old case backhoe...or a shovel, and dig hole. Roll the corpse in.....no need in making a box.....lumber costs too much to just bury....kick the dirt in and walk away. I promise the dead will never know the difference....only you will.
 
Mark: Funeral/burial customs are a very interesting field of history, and, in our society, often considered a delicate subject.
While I personally don"t feel preservation or ritualized handling (embalming, viewing, burial etc) of my physical remains is of any use, I have no argument with any who feel otherwise.
I"d appreciate your contacting me at [email protected], to discuss why you seem to feel those like me are somehow uncaring or lacking in the normal human feelings.
 
I agree, this is the way to go. I have been involved in two funerals like this. one was my grandmother who only had two sons and both predecessed her, so she had all her arrangements made and paid for, even down to the songs she wanted sung at her service. It sure made my job as her POA and PR easier, The estate even got about 3200.00 back from funeral home that over the years the account had accured more interest than inflation costs. I really thought that wa hard to believe, they sure could have kept the extra and we would have nothing to go on??
 

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