Thanks guys

To those that responded to my post below with something constructive to say I offer up a hearfelt THANK YOU. It may sound bad to say but from some of the posts at least I know we aren't alone in dealing with a mess like this. I feel sorry for those others that are in the same boat and wish them well.

It was alot of reading, just like getting through my post was, but I did read all of the responses. I won't go over everything recommendation but I can tell you as I read them I ticked off each one as to things we have done and, believe it or not, EVERYTHING suggested has been covered many many times.....From the documentation (pages and pages, email after email), to what others have seen at the visits, to things the therapist has said and done, to things HIS lawyer has told us concerning lies he was told by the guy (things said in the spirit of working things out outside the courtroom that backfired), etc etc etc. The fact we have all of this stuff and are still going through this mess is the main thing making all of this soooo damm frustrating for my wife and I.

Animosity aside ALL we have asked of the guy is to do is listen to "his daughter" and allow her to form the relationship on her own terms. When he has been backed off by 'force'and the pressure to do things with him is diminished she has no problems wanting to get to call him and get to know him, after all he is her biological father. When he forces the issue is when she feels her 'real' family (me and her Mom) is being threatened. Basically the harder he forces the issue the more she feels he wants to take her from her family. That is the main reason for the kicking pics, etc. That said, please don't misunderstand that part, this guy has never physically abused her, in fact he has never been allowed to be alone with her. I think I made things clear the first visit after court what would happen if something like this were to happen, the same way her grandfather did me when her mom and I got married.............Ok, enough said. I hope everybody had a great Thanksgiving and thanks again for the replies...just wish someone had known a good lawyer........

I didn't reply, as I really have nothing to offer.

I hear many such stories - from both sides of such a case - and it is just so sad. They can drag on & on for no reason.

I'm in the middle of a court battle with family right now myself, and it just gets so frustrating. Nothing like you have going on, no 'people' involved in it.

I wish you all well with it.

That is about all I have to offer.

--->Paul

One thing that really bothers me in the whole topic below , is the fact that he may want to have a relationship with his daughter but contributes nothing towards her support .
I feel this is not the object ,but it still means he wants all the benefits of being dad and not the responsibility fo contributing to her life.

I consider him to be a deadbeat because the domestic relations has goofed or he has just spent monies that were to go towards her keep.

Pa has laws that will attach a paychek for these reasons



I know you love her as your own. This is good and It makes it a bad situation when her father keeps interrupting her life ,not letting her be herself at her young age.

He will probably end up driving her away from himself because she wont want these feelings to continue and totally end up blocking him from her mind.

This is not good because he will then blame you for it.

I hear her crying out for help but I don't know the next step either.

All we can do is pray for a good outcome.

It's funny every one we know that knows anything about the situation says the same things you are saying...Sadly the man could probably be a really likeable guy, as he's alot like the rest of us on here, if it weren't for the way he has chosen to do things...In the end though you find out just how many real rights you have, or rather don't have, with our government and laws, even when it comes to your children.

I adopted our oldest as his donor was not paying anything (money or attention) to his son. Been glad ever since. We moved to a new place and then started again getting mail addressed to him, wondered how that is then got ot realizing that it always happened around fathers day and my boys birthday. Sounds like a reminder of him to me. I would just as soon have no contact and my wife feels mostly the same, and he has NO rights, but makes me wonder how bad of a guy he is then, probably not all that bad, just some bad ideas.

Wayne, I kind of thumbed through, really can't add anything to this, quite the "quandry" you're dealing with, hope all goes well.

One thing I've wondered is because this is a public forum, is there anything you should be careful of when posting, legally, say if any or all of the content thereof was in the wrong hands ? I thought it worth mention, just in case.

Again wish you and your family the best, I've had some experience in that area, but certainly not to that level with an absent father and ensuing legal situation, but I do know from my own experiences how this can be tough on any kid, especially at that age, though they are often times very resilient and will cope well, being good to them and helping them through this should be something, they'll never forget, persistence and poise will go a long way, regardless of any dilemma you may face.

All I can say is I Know your circumstances rather well. As I was a Foster parent.

After raising a child for 6 years , from three mo old. the Mother wanted her child back.

I wanted to fight it but it was known when we took this child it could / would happen that he would be returned back to paternal mother.

We had already planned Christmas for the child and we ask for a visitation for his last holiday with us .

They OK'd it and when we returned him back I was told they took his presents off him that we gave him and he cried so much the step father put him in a room till he stopped. I never went back as to create a scene for this child. I felt it best to leave him be and get the life he needed even though I felt all through the whole matter was a a choice of bad decisions from Child welfare and the courts.

Anyway to make a long story short, two years later the step father got drunk and for some stupid reason knocked this child down the steps. causing brain damage.

I saw this child 20 years later where I worked in a MH/ MR facility. it tore me up to see him as he was basically homeless because no one wanted to take care of him He is still in a group home.

He is now 31 years old and has the mental capacity of a 10 year old.

You don't think that hurts ??

This is why I'm so compassionate for your circumstances.

Not really worried about that as I have no 'real' legal standing nothing I say or do can really be used against my wife. Even then there is nothing I said, or mentioned in the post, that both the wife and I haven't already said and done more than once over the past year.