Stimulus package explained

"Sometime this year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

"Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
"A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

"Q. Where will the government get this money?
"A. From taxpayers.

"Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
"A. No, they are borrowing it from China. You children are expected to repay the Chinese.

"Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
"A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

"Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
"A. Shut up."


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.

If you spend it on gasoline it will go to Hugo Chavez, the Arabs and Al Queda

If you purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan.

If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, Chile, and Guatemala.

If you buy a car it will go to Japan and Korea.

If you purchase prescription drugs it will go to India

If you purchase heroin it will go to the Taliban in Afghanistan

If you give it to a charitable cause, it will go to Nigeria.

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

Just a little humor folks........ Don't get bent out of shape.


Dave

I was with you untill the part about domestic beer. That is asking to much.

What I wouldn't give for a case of Old Milwaukee Light or some Hamms....

Actually, I prefer some domestic whiskey, like maybe Jack Daniel's Old No. 7...or Maker's Mark, if my pockets are particularly deep today.

Other than that, I'm with ya.

Agreed!

Christopher

Guess mine will go to Canada for Crown Royal

Well mine is getting low and need resupplyen . Wonder if ya can get C/R in a 55 gal. barrel??????

How about a fifth of mint julep,Kentucky whiskey. Bud

Now, is there any domestic beer left? I know Shiner Bock from Shiner, Texas. But Bud and Miller are both foreigners now.

You could spend it at Sears on some Craftsman hand tools. All still US made. Surprisingly I was lookin at buying some bulk chainsaw chain and found the cheapest was actually the US made. Woodland Pro brand and is as good or better than the Stihl brand. Who'da thunk!

You bet, if you want a brand with national distribution, you got Sam Adams, but every place in the country that I've visited has local microbrews that put any of the big names to shame. One of the few good things about business travel is sampling the local brews.

you better look at your Sears tool see lots of them the say CHINA

Gave my last check to the county for a small part of property taxes. We sure have some nice BIG snow plows that run three abreast down my street.

Waiting for the next one got two from Bush hope the new guy is as good! Gotta check with Shasa?

The US still makes the best whiskey in the world (I prefer Knob Creek for "special occasion" bourbon, Jack Daniels otherwise). Same is true for firearms and old tractors. Spend it on whiskey, guns, and old iron-that'll keep it in the US.