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Unmarried people living together

B

Buckeye Oliver collector

Well-known Member
Theres probably a better term for it but I never was a scholar. What do you think of people living together that are not married? I don't understand it myself but I am a Catholic and am probably a dying breed anyway going to church every week I can (missing when I'm sick) and working hard and not wanting to get taxed to death. The scenario I really don't understand is a man and woman living together and.....um....well being more than casual and then they go and get married a couple years later. I don't see much point in getting married AFTER this point. Where is the sacredness,passion, purpose etc. of marriage if you have already been sleeping with each other? Just bothered me today because I know a couple of female cousins that are doing this, and I think they will be setting themselves up for some serious heartbreak if/when they get divorced. I read somewhere that the national divorce rate is 48% and in our county it is 74%....
 
Better to avoid se(e)x, religion and politics on the forum. You may need more expert advice than likely available here. () brackets and extra 'e'added to pass the site spam filter!!!!

Replies here are likely to enflame others. Just my view (and probably the site management and quite a lot of others).

Regards, RAB
 
whats the point in getting married if most of them divorce anyway.
i am married for 36 yrs allready, most people never get there.I am catholic,not married in church cause my women is other [faith].
Tss, don't start about [sacred and church]don't ask wy.

I know of people spending 10 thou or more for that one day,3 yrs later they split[idiots].

About that [ sleeping together before marriage] Did you buy a cat in the bag? Well i did'nt,I sampled lots[same women though].
 
O BOY: you have lit a fuse. Guilty as charged, before we got married, but wish could plead innocent. What we have sinned won't count against us IF we know none of us are worthy to get in to heaven. No excuse to sin, but the only way we will be forgave of our sins is to remember that Jesus died for us. Don't get me started qouting scipture, but narrow is the path to salvation, few shall follow. Not going any further now, and please excuse the bad spelling, typing just a little too fast to look back. Feel free to email any questions about salvation, will do my best to answer. DOUG
 
"Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"

NOT "PC", but as true as it ever was!

(Bob, who was not raised that way and has been married (for better or worse, for almost 26 years).
 
There are millions of people who have been together for years that are very happily un-married. Gene Simmons is one of the most famous. A lot of people agree with him. On the other hand lots of people and professionals think it's a good idea to see how 2 people can live together before they get married. The marriage alone is why a lot of people have got divorced. To each his own, I guess. The big bucks fancy weddings are the ones that usually end up in divorce and seem like a big waste of money to me. In the old days people would stay together and be miserable for years and years. It's not worth the stress and it's also not a good idea to stay together just because of the kids, if you both can't stand each other. The worst situation is when one or both of the parents brings the kids into a divorce. It should be between the adults and the kids should be left out of it entirely except when it comes to where the kids will be or want to be living. Then they should have a say. Judges have made some bad mistakes regarding custody but of course they aren't perfect either. Dave
 
Yea, I know. I figure it will get deleted in a day or less. Oh well. Probably stepping on alot of toes but who is forcing who to respond anyway. I'm not really saying its right or wrong (I can tell I already I worded it wrong),just leaving it for opinion. That is a good point on divorce. Not much sense getting married just to end up divorcing. The 48% kind of startled me when I read it, left me wondering how many married couples there are in U.S. Will have to look that up. Seems like someone in my family is always getting married here lately. For love, money or something else, I don't know.
 
I don't know. I'm kind of lenient when it comes to scripture. All open to interpretation,thats why there are all those letters and the different accounts of the Gospel, or thats the way I see it anyway. Wouldn't make much sense any other way. I think if none of the Ten Commandments are broken one is fine (I don't believe one goes to hell if they never went to church regularly) There will be some accountability for everyone but that is God's work.
 
It may not be your post, but replies which are too close or far across the 'line'

RAB
 
Do you buy cars without driving them first or buy clothes off the shelf without trying them on? Just think about how many MORE divorces etc that there would be if folks jumped in without looking then figured out the water was too cold or hot. I don't set much store by organized religion so can't comment on the Catholic thing, but I live in a predominently Catholic town (200 meters from the Church). That Church must have some real good lightning protection based on your worries. Get tickled everytime I see a wedding and think of Jeff Foxworthy "EEEEEW, she's wearing a white dress!!!!"
 
Not preachy on the subject,but males are favored in these relationships.Females for the most part lose by wasting their fewer years of being attractive partners with men that won't commit,plus being burdened with any child rearing responsibility's that might result from the arrangement.Making them even less attractive to men seeking to marry and raise their own kids.Some women watch their dream lover ride off into the sunset on his $20000 motorcycle,leaving her with kids to raise and no visible means of support.Legal marriage to some extent provides she and her kids a chance of something better than poverty and a miserable life on the public dole.Maybe I am preachy.
 
Guess nobody should ever get married then. There should be more to marriage than #%$. Plenty of people get married and don't have kids.

I don't know what to think of my religion most of the time. Just do what I can and believe what I can. I see less and less people under 45 and less people overall. Whether younger people don't know or don't care or both is hard to say. We are somewhat judgemental, like anybody else, with a not so clean past but don't try to force people into faith, or so I hope.
 
Is there really more to marraige than a piece of paper? Really all it seems to be is a legal contract that says she gets half your stuff if the relationship fails, your responsible for each others debts, but it might come in handy so she can't testify against you in court. That piece of paper does not guarantee loyalty or a successful relationship, and its true meaning is mostly in the mind of the beholder. I think with such a tragically high divorce rate and infidelity that the value of marraige has been devalued.

That said I do wish to someday find an awesome girl to marry after I finish college. yes I am crazy enough to want to get married. The thought of a long term committed relationship resulting in marraige with a girl that is my best friend is very appealing to me. The hard part is finding that girl.
 
I think if you didn't worry about it they wouldn't either. You're just wantin to run over there and thump them with your big old bible.
 
Well, I can speak as one who Did Not have my wife live with me before we were married. I had my own home at 23 and my girlfriend (now wife) did not live with me until the night we got married. (we still had $ex on the weekends)
I had enough respect for my parents and my wives parents to not have her live with me until we got married. I was a lonely bachelor in a small house. If my parents knew that my girlfriend lived with me they would be kinda pi$$ed off. We were dating for 5 years before we got married.
 
The government had a term for those sharing housing like that. POSSLQ - People of Opposite S?x Sharing Lining Quarters. One of the options for living arrangements on the 1970 or 1980 Census.
 
I think every couple needs to decide for themselves what is appropriate. I lived in an apartment with my girlfriend for 4 years. I've now been happily married to her for 3 years. You don't really know someone until you live with them, and I'm not refering to bedroom activities. Little things like how different people deal with dirty dishes and laundry may seem minor, but can end up causing big problems if both people in the relationship have different views on them. I'm not saying this will work for everyone, but if people actually got to know each other before they were married there might be fewer divorces.

We look at marriage is a symbol of our relationship and a formalizing of our commitment to each other. It is actually harder to maintain a relationship without being married because there is no contract involved. Either person can simply walk away if they want to.

But that is just my 2 cents...
 
I lived with a woman......to whom I wasn't married......for almost 22 years; we didn't 'sleep' together, but there was nothing casual about our relationship. I wouldn't take anything for the time we spent together. I married another woman better than 42 years ago, but I still miss the first one; she died in 1999.
 
After getting "jose'd" in my first marriage, I was going to make certain that I made the correct choice the second and final time. My wife and I lived together for 2 years before she made an honest man of me- her first ( and only, unless i croak) marriage- and 18 years later we are stronger now than ever.
In many states (and DC) after a certain period of cohabitation, it becomes a "common law" marriage anyway...
I have a sister and "brother-in-law" that have been together for 15 years- they may or may not be married, the practice "don't ask-don't tell" (I suspect they are married, but they won't confirm)

as far as celebrities go, the long term co-habs seem to be pretty successful- more so than the marriages. Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell...Gene Simmons and his partner...probably more.

I dunno....it worked for me, but I probably wouldn't want my daughter to do it....probably wouldn't mind if my son did, as long as it's with a gal!
 
I wonder about statistics such as you posted. example: I work with two women who have each had four divorces. That means when both of them are on the same shift I'm on I have eight divorces to deal with. (That's the hardest part of my job) One of them has married again which is her fifth marriage to her fourth husband. (she married one of the previous husbands twice-and also divorced him twice) The other is actively looking for husband number five. People like that tend to skew the numbers. And then there's Mickey Rooney, Elizabeth Taylor, etc.,etc.
 
I think it is OK only if both of them have a passion for old tractors and share the wrench turning equally. Otherwise no good can come from it.
 
When I was a kid they called that "Shacking up" and people were ashamed of it and sneaked around and hid such things best they could, however, since the "s**xual revolution" of the sixties its become common along with an increased divorce rate and mixed marriages and all sorts of related child problems, the liberals and and left wingers see this as "Progress" but I see it as a decline in morals and values. Oh well guess Im just an old fashioned Christian Conservative Fuddy Duddy but I'm glad Im old enough to have seen the country in better moral times past including patriotic dads (The Greatest generation) coming home from WW II and marrying and working hard and raising a family (usually without shacking up as much as today)

To each their own I reckon

Yall take care now

John T (Still married to the "First Wife" That lucky woman lol after 38 years)
 
It's a non issue. Contracts are for retaliation against the untrustworthy. Children create contracts without marrage anyway. Manipulation (no new house, no nnalert)isn't possible without marrage.
 
I agree with John T, I shacked up when young and had a daughter with a woman I later couldnt stand, daughter has lived with me since she was two. Been harder on my daughter than her mom or I. Married now to a great gal with 3 kids combined. I really hope my kids do as I pray, not as I did.
 
Deuteronomy 24 is all about divorce... but so is Mal 2:16. God hates divorce because it is against his intention for marriage, but he allowed and even regulates it in the Old testament. Jesus and Paul both do the same in the New testament. Those who are divorced, even through adultery, will be forgiven by God if they reach out and confess their sin.
and as for one wife: Genesis 25: "Abraham took another wife, whose name was..." Sarah, of course, was still alive and he was still married to her as well. Numerous righteous men in the Old Testament had multiple wives, so the "one wife" deal may not in fact be biblical either
 
for a believer, you've got a pretty nasty demeanor Joe. Trace your lineage all the way back to the Pharisees?
 

all you gotta do to understand living togeher unmarried,,is to get married,have her divorce you the first time she gets unhappy,and take everything youve worked for.. its just that simple. lucas
 
its worse than you think and its not on paper, in divorse, unhappiness, kids, she gets half, thats not all, off paper she will get half of your half , so living together is good in some ways.
 
Its really a non-issue. All the bible thumpers and holy rollers make it out to be something, when its really none of their damn business what other people do with their own lives.
 
For all of those who "quote" scriptures wasn't there something in the old testement about God created woman to serve man ? Thought I heard something about that at a living bible museums Adam and Eve display ?
Now if you could still get women to follow this you could really shut down the divorce rate ! Some cultures and maybe the Amish still folow this don't they ?
 
People do not take marriage seriously enough. Neither men nor women. If a person really believed that it was until death do you part, they would be much more careful with their choice in the first place. In addition, the bumps would be easier to handle if you surrendered the idea of getting out if the going gets tough.

Part of what makes that difficult to accept for people today is the notion everyone has that they have got to look out for number one at all costs. The idea that I am the most important person in the entire universe is absurd. I don't even need to refer to the Bible to prove how wrong it is. But lots of people today walk around with just that attitude.

My wife and I are far from perfect. In fact, if opposites attract, then you couldn't get much more attractive than we are. Opposites not only attract, but they rub and chafe as well. The only reason we are still married today is that we assumed that divorce was out of the question even before we got married. So when we have problems with each other, we work them out rather than quitting.

I normally don't comment on threads like this one, but I just had to. My own parents got divorced when I was young, and I can tell you from first hand experience that it is destructive for children, period.

Christopher
 
It is possible to learn what someone is really like BEFORE getting married and WITHOUT shacking up. It is called HONESTY. However, peoples judgment gets blinded by emotions and desires to the extent that they don't see who is really in front of them, they only see Prince Charming or something like that.

My wife and I were fortunate to have good friends who forced us to see things as they are. I have to say I was more aware of my wifes shortcomings before we got married than of her strengths, because since we have been married I have seen strengths in her that I never suspected were there.

Christopher
 
If two consenting adults choose to share living quarters without getting married, that's their business. Many times they are older folks who've been married before and they just want to protect their assets so their children can inherit them. The father of a friend of mine married when he was in his 70's, then died a couple of years later leaving everything to his wife.

If you want to worry about statistics, try this one out: Almost 40 percent of all girls in the US become pregnant before they are twenty years old. It goes without saying that a huge number of these girls give birth to children who are raised by their grandparents, must be supported by the government, and/or grow up to be criminals. And I will add they most of these girls are neither married nor "shacking up" when they become pregnant. They're living at home.
 
I read all the replies, and didn"t see this one.

My father-figure was physically abusive, sexually abused three of my four sisters, and was a b*stard in every sense of the word.

Thing is, he was a deacon in his church, and was respected and loved by everyone who knew him, outside of the family.

Some of the people with the holiest of guises are some of the most bigoted intolerable hypocritical people I"ve ever met. God will judge a person by every action he has ever made, and not by what he says.

And if my Mom had had the strength to dump my waste and felon of a fake-pious father, we all would have been far better off.
 
Just remember god is a fair and loving person. how you take it up with him is your choice and we shouldn,t judge This problem has been going on for ages so we can,t just blame it today. Bob
 
I wish I could remember a couple of great comedy skitts about that subject. One was a comedian who was supposed to be a minister marrying such a couple.The other was a poem that Charles Kurault wrote when he had his CBS radio show. He said that the Census Bureau had an acronym for it. POSSLQ,persons of oposite s*x living together. It was a whole love poem devoted to his "poselque".
 
Your statement brings out a point - the decay of society! It's because people think they can do what they want, like shacking-up, that the young kids think it's ok also. It's more than just their business! Parents need to lead by example!
 
you talk about woman as they should be slaves,

Do as I say.or else

woman,don't speak until spoken to.
 
Actually, that was Charles Osgood, (same Sunday Morning show as Charles Kuralt) and the poem was titled, "There's Nothing That I Wouldn't Do, If You Would Be My POSSLQ"

Persons of Opposite S*x Sharing Living Quarters. Only the gubbermint could come up with something like that.

Osgood is pretty good at seizing on things like that and having fun with them.
 
Born a Catholic, married at 19 in 1979, divorced in 85, both went our separate ways for a few years, got back together through some good communication to sort things out. Been together ever since. Everything we own is in her name, 100 percent devoted to each other. Don't do the church thing, grew up doing it. We quite in our younger days right after we got a bill from the church showing how much we had given to the church and how much we should give. What a joke . By the way that was a Catholic church in Minnesota.
My church is getting up everyday and I thank god my life and health are good.
I go to "church" every day and thank god more than just once a week. I don't care to "show off" or "show up" for church.
Use to be nice tax breaks for being married . Can't think of any now.
But to each their own and i "try" not to judge to much.

Take Care

Farmer
 
if there married or not,its not really anybodys business, but i can tell you from personal experience that there are a bunch of barracuda females out there that have been trained by their mothers to take a man for everything he's got by marrying him then in a few years divorcing him, the courts favor the woman and these types know this,i know of one localy who has done this to 4 different men, and is apparently getting to do it again as she is ballencing a husband with a boyfriend, she's in her '60's , any man whos smart will live with a woman for a few years until he is able to figure out what her game is, or vice versa, theres some usless males out there as well, it isnt about commitment,or sacredness these days, its about personal survival, some people have managed to amass a whole lot of money and other items of value in life, and theres always a woman willing to do a little flirt and twirl for him and try to get her hands on some of it, thats experience talking not idle thoughts, i can spot these kind a mile off now, lol [ my 2nd wife is not like this and we've been happily married for years]
 
I will be married 25 years in November. I got to know my wife for 6 months before we got married by talking to her and spending time with her. I found out all I needed to know about this special person in that time. I got married for the good times and the bad. I didn't live WITH her before we were married but I will live FOR her for the rest of my life. Every night before I say MY prayer, I ask her if there is anything I can do for her. Marriage is all about the other person not about ME ME ME. I am not a RELIGOUS person but I do what I feel God wants me to do. I too had a "FATHER" who did one thing on Sunday and something else the rest of the week. My Mother put up with a lot but she stayed to practice what she preached and I am better for it....James
 
I rememebr that as well. I am Catholic, but I really had a hard time with the chrch when they were demanding to know what the congregations annual incomes were and if I remember right sent out what people should be contributing. If I rememebr it was about 30% of your annual income. It also was just before all the preist relocations/ payoffs and such became public knowledge and made the news for a couple years. We give $10 a week, $20 on Christ's mass and Easter week's. Wife and kids are all Lutheran, but I go to church with them when I go. Pretty much is the same a Catholic.
 
Its funny how people are so quick to judge when it comes to this. What difference does it make to you? Are they hurting you? Or are they just making you look bad in front of your church crowd? And bible quoting, do you not understand that this is just the thoughts and views of the people of the time. Yes they lived in a great time to witness all of it but religion is the cause of more death and violence than anything else. So before you judge talk to them, maybe they have a good reason that you are not aware of.
 
I am sure they have a reason for not getting married. Perhaps someone would lose their welfare check, food stamps or Sect 8 housing assistance. I am a true romantic, but a guy has to be practical.
 
I worked with men that got married had a great big wedding invited everyone & had to go in debt for the wedding. One of them had a daughter that got married in a big Catholic wedding and went to splitsville in less than 6 months. She was pregnant too. Hal
 
I lived with my wife for 3 years before we got married. I guess i would recomend anyone that is thinking of getting married live together for at least a year.That way you can see if you can stand to be around each other that much before maybey making a mistake in getting married and ending up with a divorce. Marrige is for life so you better make sure you are ready for the long haul.
 
BINGO!You hit the nail on the head. I know a lot of them around our area that do it for that reason. I was in Wal-Mart last night and saw about 5 couples in there that had about 20 miscellaneous kids between them. Boyfriends were not smart enough to be a door stop. WIC cards were blazing last night.Funny too because the woman is always the Alpha in those kinds of relationships. He walks around behind her with the cart and 3 dirty kids and she shouts out orders to him on what they are buying. The welfare checks must have just been mailed because they were out in full force.
 
In certian parts of this city it is possible to buy crack cocain and chrystal meth with USDA food stamps. The dealers do well on the day the coupons are recieved in the mail. They call it "Mothers Day". Is this a great country or what ? Think of the oppertunities!
 
our Almighty God has nothing to do with it.

Marriage was invented by people , who seem to need a written contract for everything they fancy,and then proceed to dishonor them anyway.
that's the reason liers[lawyers]where invented next.

religeon's and churches used the concept to control their flock so only same faith persons could marry.
 
"There's nothing that I wouldn't do,
If you would be my Posslq,
You'd live for me and I for you
If you would be my Posslq.
We'd live forever, you and me,
In blessed posslq-ity!"

– Charles Osgood
 
They have this marriagfe thing all backwards. It should take 6 months and a fair bit of money to get married so only the serious ones would.

And marriage liscences should require renewal every few years just like all other liscences.
 
very good replys Joe !! ...hard to believe that there are that many lost folks out there ....go with GOD brother ...Kent
 
CAN'T WE JUST TALK ABOUT TRACTORS-I'M SURE THERE ARE WEB SITES OUT THERE FOR DISCUSSION ON RELIGION, POLOTICS--WHAT EVER YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT. TRACTORS-I DON'T CARE WHAT COLOR, HOW MANY CYLINDERS,JUST TRACTORS!!!!!
 
Show me where we have to be married by our mans law, in the Bible.
All I see is you have to be married in Gods eyes.
It don't cost a fortune to be married if you do the things that are required.within the "10 Commandments"

It sure costs a lot for a divorce though.

Truly believe what happened, and why on that Cross, [John 3:16 ],and love God for What He has shown to you through this incident and He promises Everlasting life ,as not believing this is the only unforgivable sin.

Mortal man is not perfect,We can only try to Live a life Of those 10 commandments,but instead we are all sinners, there is something every day that you and I do against some of these rules. By the Grace of our God we are forgiven.

I was married 30 years by mans law,working hard every day bringing home a good pay not asking of anything, thinking the finances were doing well. Usually buying appliances and some of the routine house maintenance items with cash. Only to be told She wanted a divorce. I drove over the road at the time and she told me she was only married for 24 years and was having an affair with someone else.Long story short. I no longer am a married man by mans law .

I live with a widow.We love each other more than anyone can imagine,the past almost 14 years I have felt more of a marriage than I ever had.

No it's not that either one of us had money or material things. But we had a common knowledge of what life should be.By the way Pennsylvania does not recognize "Common Law Marriages".

Mans law won't let us get married now because there will be a loss in our income Uncle Sam wants to take what was Her income from her previous husband, She Has sugar diabetes and pays for the insulin that we can't afford if we were married.

Don't worry though we are 63 years old and not planning to make any babies for you to take care of.

One question comes to mind .What religion is the real/correct, one? I have been in several different churches, They all talk of our God, but I have heard different explanations on the same subject.
This makes me think That a Minister,Pastor,Father,etc. are mortal Men.
and possibly they have their interpretations wrong.But if the they understand the same things differently,don't that make someone a false witness?

I will pass on to those that want to talk about the New World edition of the Bible as I can understand it better, because I believe in the word and the works in that book. therefore I consider myself a Christian, but it's up to God to tell me I ain't.
 
Couples sometime get along better without getting married. My late brother was married 5 times to women he knew nothing about. He was as a star football player in high school voted all county and all state and never took any girls out. He met all of them through Lonely Hearts that he married. I wouldn't give up that income from her late husband either. One of my co-worker's was in the same fix when his wife died and found another woman whose husband was killed in a War and would've had to give up her survivor annunity
if she got married. They both had grown kids. Still together as far as I know. Hal
 
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