how about a Will

Not Sure You guys want to read this mess . Farming
Is Going Smooth and we did good financially. . But,
It has been a horrible yr. here family wise . My wife
lost her sister and mother this spring. and then had
major back surgery .
And then i lost 2 great pals that my sisters loved in
separate events that had heart failure in common.
Plus several long time friends have passed on to.
All these great tall oak great americans droppin dead
has made me realize my 30 yr old will with my 1st wife
needs fixed Asap. My wife of 18 yrs is entitled to
half of everything in the wonderful state of Indiana
.. my 4 children get the other half ,,. I get that ..
So do my children. Trouble is My wife over the yrs has
been sending different messages about our final days
and what little she wants ,. She refused to go with
me for the initial visit with my attorney. We talked
over several times , She just wanted all the cash to
leave USA , to go back and live in Sicily with her
sister .a couple weeks ago , She had no quarrel on
land Equipment and what they produced, THAT will all
go to My kids. Since Nov.8th our family lost 2
wonderful men in seperate sudden death incidents.I
Blame the EVIL shot for weakening their immunity and
Mine as well. dear God I feel like i have aged 20 in
the last 2 yrs and it all started from that damshot.
And All of us ending up getting that CHIT anyways.i
nearly died from it and i still have trouble breathing
So, Today I spent most the daylite hours making wood
with My sisters Neighbors Who Came to help her and her
adult children .We ALL Had a Wonderful time and filled
the wood shed to the roof top.So Life ALIVE is Great,
But the hereafter for my kids I, dont Know,. I came
home and that little Italian was in a tizzy, in 2
weeks I meet the attorney again ,Now She wants
everything the law will allow , she is taking
it!..That will most certainly push into a auction of
the land ,,. I would not mind selling the equipment
and splitting proceeds , But I dont want My kids To
have to sell land. . Again My wife dont want to go
see the attorney. and frankly i would like to keep it
that way. These sort of settlements seem to send her
into orbit of irrational thinking. the big D word
came up tonight. and that just blows me away .And i
realize it is true, a man is only loved as long as he
is bringing in the bacon , ,So Now I let her simmer
down. But Golly GeeZ , I did not have near the
heartache making the money, nurturing and building
everthing up as i do now feel from breaking it all
down. She personally wants to take the money run and
hide and never come back .. My 1st wife was just as
bad at this sort of business thinking ,..Golly There
is something wrong with their thinking . It seems that
God set this whole husband and wife and family to fail
,Unless You were extremely Lucky. and worked your tail
off in diplomacy. i just hope my good attorney can
wade thru all this. . .

I don't know the rules for Indiana but maybe a trust is something to be considered here. It can be a way to direct things to keep things from disintegrating. Dealing with the wife is going to be tough without breaking the marriage. Let the experts (lawyers) in the state you live in be the ones to give you the final advice. I think there is a lot going on here that we YT'rs will never get a handle on.

File for a divorce. Keep what you can. Then make out a will for what's left.

I never knew a gal yet, that had much stick around, after they have already threatened to leave. It's kind of like thier mind is already made up, once they say something like that.

What to do about a will, is one thing. But what to do about a rocky marriage, is a whole nother kettle of fish.

I was thinking you can specify in a written will how much money assets your wife gets and how many land assets your wife gets. If the will says she gets this and not that , then that is the way your assets would be divided by the executor of your estate. The attorney will know how to handle this, he maybe should be the named executor of your estate to carry out your wishes specified in the will. Have your will re-written the way you want stuff divided.

Just because she doesn't want to go to an attorney WITH YOU doesn't mean she hasn't already seen one. If she's making plans to move back to Sicily, she's making plans that don't include you. You need to discuss your situation one-on-one with a good attorney before you take one more step. You say your wife 'is entitled to half of everything' but are you sure that's true?

You also need to have a one-on-one talk with each of your kids, and find out what they want. Do any of them intend to keep the land and operate the farm, or will they just cash it all out? Knowing their plans can change your plans.

It sounds like you're in a rough spot, but I'll bet you've pulled through worse situations. It sounds like you're moving to the next chapter in your life, which might turn out to be better than the last one.

Attorney is the way to go,it may not be as bad as you think she may not be able to get the land if you owned it before you married her and its still in just your name.That is a guess get to the attorney ASAP

I feel for you!

Since she brought up the D word, NOW is the time to protect yourself! If you have joint bank accounts, talk to your banker (without her) and secure your assets. Otherwise, she can completely clean you out in a second, and nothing you can do once it's done!

I mirror some of MarkB's thoughts. Talk to your kids and see what they want if anything. Then talk to your attorney about maybe moving those things into your kids name now. Seems if its given as a gift to them it becomes theirs at that point. Of course the way attorney/judges have twisted things that may not be true.

Nope.

Spouse is entitled to an elective share, usually 50%, regardless of will.

Your personal attorney may not be the right attorney in this case.

Sounds like you need a good DR attorney at least initially.

Attorneys make no money unless they have clients and usually will not tell potential clients if they are not qualified for the issues involved.

It's nice to get things out to see what others think but you need to get with a lawyer. You may be able to keep most of your assets in a divorce in your state but you will not know for sure until you talk to a lawyer. Honestly, I am having trouble wrapping my mind around this going back to Italy thing. It sounds like she never unpacked her bags when she hooked up with you.

My advice is the same as MarkB advice.Your second wife came after your first wife and kids.Go NOW to a good well educated lawyer without your wife.Not every state is the same.

So in Indiana divorce settlements, a guy's wife gets half his estate and his kids get the other half? If I am reading that correctly, I would suggest that is simply not true (or at least hard to believe). I hope your lawyer is able to sort through all this mess because I sure can't. Good luck with it all ......

I would be getting rid of everything I had and giving to the children as fast as possible without the wife knowing anything.
All I can say is I will never have to worry about any of those things as God chose my wife and it is a blessed marriage that can never go sour.
I read and watch marriages fail around me and it is always the same thing. They didnt make God number one and spouse number two before they dated. It is always a me, me thing and it will never change as long as people are unGodly.

If you let her have the divorce, at least all she'll get is half instead of all of it.

I feel your pain in spades though otherwise Jim. I think we'd all be better off if we had to sell off everything to take care of ourselves in our old age so there was nothing to pass on. I told my brother that I hoped that happened to my folks, and it pretty much did. He and I are happy that we barely got enough to buy a cheeseburger, but some of the others made accusations that they can't ever take back.

No, you are not.

In (nearly?) all states, ignoring civil law states, a surviving spouse is entitled to an elective share of a testator's estate, usually 50%, regardless of what a will states.

I said nothing about divorce settlements where wills have no effect but pre-nups do.

Get to your lawyer or even look for an attorney who is an expert in estate planning. Don't mess around listening to hearsay! Neighbor passed with no will and the family is fighting over the assets. Looks like they may have to sell the property to settle.

You need a will so you can stipulate who gets what, even if it is nothing!

I should mention also Dean that your reply and suggestion earlier was sound advice. You were diplomatic with your use of the term 'doctor' I must say. Obviously there are other things in play in the situation.

Here in Michigan, if her name isn't on the land, Jim could just have the offspring's names put on whatever parcels he wanted them to have, along with his name, and when he goes, it's just theirs automatically. He wouldn't be able to sell it without them signing off, but that'd be up to him if he wanted it tied up that way.

I saw that happen a few years ago at Board of Review. We had a couple of transfers come through. He put his second wife's name on a parcel where she had built her business, his son's name on one parcel of farmland and his daughter's on another. Full rights to survivor and there's nothing to settle or transfer when he's gone.

Not necessarily half. Its getting to be common to use an approach where a wife leaves with the assets she brought in plus what she and the husband built together. It sounds like the OP had his assets built before the second wife came along. The neighbors just up the road from me got divorced a few years ago. The husband who had cheated on the wife kept all that he inherited from his father which was a large sum of value. The wife was not entitled to any of that. Indiana where the OP lives may be different.

As someone who works on estates every day, here is some short advice. I am a CPA not an attorney. I don't set up these things, I work with the mess afterwords. Check out probate costs where you are. In Michigan a trust is usually a better route. Go see an attorney who SPECIALIZES in these things and discuss it. IF you have children that are not your wife's children be absolutely certain that you protect them in your will or trust. I have seen more than one case where the second wife was sole beneficiary of an (your) estate/trust and her children were the beneficiaries of her estate/trust so that, when she passes, the children of the first wife have lost their inheritance. This is sometimes intentional on the part of the second wife, but often is just an oversight.

Same advice I get paid for on a routine basis. You should see the faces of some of these people when they realize what I am telling them. Even if you are still married to your first wife, make sure your children are covered. She could remarry after you pass. I have seen some terrible situations.

You just never know. I sure wouldn't walk in to court without the best lawyer I could get. A neighbor widow married a guy after her husband passed away. They were together a few years then he decided he wanted to go back where he came from to be closer to his grand kids. He literally got everything she had in the divorce except the house she inherited from her mother. The thing that blows me away is that he even for her pension that she was receiving from her factory job she'd had for years. He must have had one heck of a lawyer and she must have walked in alone.

I don't have anything to add but this made me realize I've been lucky in life. However I am not so nieve to realize it couldn't happen to me tomorrow.
I want you to know I hope everything works out for you and your family. Don't let this consume you to the point it effects your health.
Eat right,exercise and get up early every morning with a clear mind and start attacking this one step at a time.

That reminded me of an amusing situation. A guy just outside of town had one son with his first wife. She passed away and he remarried a local widow with some adult ''kids'' of her own. He died first and after she died, her kids came in, had an auction of the farm machinery and personal property. They kept all the proceeds and cut his son out completely. thinking everything was theirs since their mother had outlived her husband and that everything was hers.

They put the farm up for sale, had a buyer, but when a title search was done, they found out the old guy had put his son's name on the deed before he even remarried and the place belonged to him free and clear.

It was funny for a few years, then the son piddled the place away and it's chopped up and developed.

I think a trust works in Indiana like elsewhere. It is a tool that could or should be looked into . A friend had one set up by an attorney. It separated the farm from there would be estate. So I don't think the trust goes thru probate like the rest of your estate will. And your wishes are honored this way without legal hassles when the time comes. You need an attorney for advice on how this would work for your situation.

I am not a lawyer and am not offering legal advice.
That said, Indiana has allowed transfer on death deeds for some years. Indiana also allows transfer on death titles for motor vehicles. I believe that bank and investment accounts generally have a transfer on death ownership option.

The primary reason for most people to use transfer on death ownership is to avoid probate and its associated costs when they die.

While this type of ownership should simplify the transfer of assets when you die, they MAY NOT provide the assurance you wish if you become mentally incompetent, divorce, want Medicaid to pay for your care, etc.

https://www.in.gov/bmv/titles/transfer-on-death/
Ladybird deed

Agreed, and it appears that the OP's issue is a divorce issue rather than an estate issue which is why he needs a good DR attorney.

Without one, there may be little for an estate planning attorney to protect.

Give her some money and a one-way ticket to Sicily and say ''good riddance'' as her plane flies away!

Look at putting a large life insurance policy in place to cover the cost of the farm for your kids. Its a lot cheaper than borrowing money to buy the farm back and everyone gets what they want

olg, Im an attorney who practices in estate planning wills and probate here in Indiana and while its impossible for a lay person let alone an attorney to give competent advice absent MUCH more detailed information and thorough legal research and knowledge, I will just let you know a few basics here in the state where I practice.

You or your spouse can make a valid will regardless if the other likes it or not HOWEVER a person can ONLY pass by Will what they alone own thats NOT subject to Joint ownership or TOD or POD or Beneficiary designations PLUS a spouse can elect to TAKE AGAINST THE WILL if they are dissatisfied with what a spouse left them.

Your concerns are best taken up with a local professional attorney who specializes in estate and probate law and not here but its YOUR decision to do as you please. If you want to do whats advised or offered here (including this attorney absent MUCH more information and specifics) its at your own risk

Best wishes take care

John T BSEE,JD Attorney at Law

While this type of ownership should simplify the transfer of assets when you die, they MAY NOT provide the assurance you wish if you become mentally incompetent, divorce, want Medicaid to pay for your care, etc.

A lot of truth in that. Wills and Probate take place AFTER death while Powers of Attorney generally expire upon death. A Durable POA typically endures the principal becoming later incompetent.

Take care fellow Hoosier Tom, best wishes

John T BSEE,JD Attorney at Law in Indiana

John T And others , Thank You for Your thoughts.I needed that outsider point of view .Please Know I Have one of the best attorney in 3 counties.. Many of You are old friends and that means alot to me. One of these days it would be wonderful to meet one another.Feel free to leave your ph # by my open E-Mail, i Especially would like to speak with You John T. In matters such as these , because of the way I am built i prefer another objective opinion. before I am content with my decisions. And I have read enough on You that i consider your mind a treasure. LOL

It's a good thing you have confidence in your attorney. As I see it you are describing two complicated problems in your life. For what it's worth, I'd suggest separate attorneys for the will and for the divorce. John T probably can explain why better than I can. I used to think I was smarter than most people but I have learned it's more important to keep the smartest people you can find around you for special problems. They come up more often than a guy can imagine, and it looks like you have two of them. Your banker and your financial advisor would be the most likely people to ask who are the best attorneys in your area.

Actually, this one thing makes a lot of sense to me:

Let's say you are 60 or 70 or 80 and your spouse dies.

It's completely normal to want to move back to where you are from.
Your husband dies, you have a sister who is still living in the state or the country where you are from.
Yup, I might want to move back. Depends on how attached I am to where I am, how many friends I have, etc.

Actually, I did move back to my home state last year.
I was talking with someone yesterday who is planning to move back to their home state. People do it all the time.

And why wouldn't you want to sell your house, your land, anything you're not that attached to and have the money to live on?

I think this is completely normal.

You don't mention if your kids are farmers. If they're not farmers, then, they may or may not want to sell the land. But they're not as attached to it as you are.

I was talking to an older farmer this summer, who said his kids will be millionaires when he dies and they sell the farm. I thought to myself that maybe HE should sell some of his land, when he wants to slow down, and enjoy some of that money himself.

If she goes the divorce route think of it as a busy deal with no emotion involved. Hope this works out without going there.

Vito

you hit it on the head with my Sara.her children have not embraced her home country , but she Will never forget it , and it would kill her to drive it from her heart. home folks get by on a meager pension. My children have angered her in my time of need , she feels they dont deserve only what the law allows .. as far as the D word,yes its dangerous true,but not really likely , and was used to describe that
settlement scenario as oppossed to death , . and other counts too , No , it is doubtful any of my kids would would ever have the vim and vigor to do what i have done . but they will millionaires when i am gone ,. the 3 rarms have 27, 147,and 44 acres ,this summer i sold 8 acres to my nephew from my parents home place ,for 45 K ,. it would easily fetched 60k , But his dad and i built 2 and remodeled 2 homes for me in 1975-84,(we did this after our work jobs each day ),he repaired . in 90' His Dad was lost to cancer and this kid was just 7. But he did Great. I would not have what i have today without his help. personally if i sold out , i would go somewhere where i would not frequent this area.I probabaly would not like the new ideas some people have. . ,.

100% correct

The only way to be sure your assets go where you want is to do it while youre alive.
You said more about what your wife wants than you did anyone else.
What do each of your kids want.
If there are assets you no longer need or want, start moving them now, much as you did with your nephew.
Any lawyer should start with what youre trying to accomplish and your priorities, and go from there.
Good luck.

Thanks for the kind words. My e mail is [email protected] Im on the road sometimes phone works sometimes not

John T

Bill Perkins wrote a book titled Die with Zero. One of the interesting points that he made is that old people will leave their estates to their children when they die. By that time the children are old enough that they either don't need or don't want what their elderly parents had.

You should evaluate the needs and wants of your children and dispose of everything that they don't want and give them some of their inheritance now. I am not suggesting that you sell everything, just tidy up the loose ends for them.

The flip side of this is that it scares me to see my Dad do anything like this because we don't trust his state of mind anymore.

Texas is a community property state.

The husband leaves the community and the wife gets all the property.

When you're trying to negotiate a deal with somebody, it's a good idea to look at the situation from their perspective. What does your wife want? It sounds like she wants to go back to Sicily with enough money to live there comfortably. I'm guessing she is or soon will be collecting Social Security, which is something but might not go that far back in the old country depending on how she's accustomed to living. Clearly she expects a chunk of cash to fund her Mediterranean retirement. And what she DOES NOT want is your farm or equipment. So you will be expected to come up with a significant amount of cash if you divorce. Frankly, probably the only way you'll be able to come up with it is to sell part or all of your farmland.

Once you have a firm grasp on what SHE wants, figure out what it is YOU want. Do you really want to continue farming as long as you can, or is it maybe a good time to move on to something else? How important is it to you to pass the farm on to your kids? Have you made any plans for the possibility you might go into a nursing home for a very long time? If you keep the farm and go into a nursing home, the farm might very well have to be sold to pay for your long-term care. Selling it now might be the best thing to do, all things considered. You might want to speak to an attorney specializing in 'elder law'; it's a specialty with which many otherwise good attorneys are unfamiliar.

Texas is a community property state, 50-50 and a will is useless until one or the other croaks.