Things kids say

Fordfarmer · Mar 6, 2021

I won't use any names, to protect the... ah... innocent?
A brother and sister (about 7 and 4 years old) were helping me feed silage to the heifers tonight. The sister says,"This smells like beer." I asked how she knew what beer smells like. Her brother pipes up, "Cuz my Dad drinks like three gallons of it every day!"

db4600 · Mar 6, 2021

Dad is a bit of a lush.

Tony in SD · Mar 7, 2021

I local event asked kindergarten kids how to cook a turkey? You can only imagine the answers.

DPittman · Mar 7, 2021

My wife and her friend were catering a dinner at our church and the friends son who was bout 2 years old comes in the kitchen and makes this announcement: Mom, my butt itched and now my finger stinks! I still smile when I think about that. That little guy graduates high school this year. Too soon were too old.

Billy Shafer · Mar 7, 2021

My little brother could not say grass hopper. One Sunday morning in church he saw one. He said look a$$ hopper.Everyone cracked up.

RESLLS · Mar 7, 2021

Mother in law was having trouble talking and trying to clear her throat. My son at about 4 asked what was wrong with her voice. She said she had a frog in her throat. He looked at her really seriously and told her, well spit it out!

Cousin and I took his kids to local dairy/petting farm. His daughter said look at the pretty girl horse. His 5 yr old son says it's a boy horse. I asked how he knew. He said look, he has a drain pipe. It was relaxed and out of sheath. We about peed ourselves right then.

Determined · Mar 7, 2021

(quoted from post at 23:41:21 03/06/21) I won't use any names, to protect the... ah... innocent?
A brother and sister (about 7 and 4 years old) were helping me feed silage to the heifers tonight. The sister says,"This smells like beer." I asked how she knew what beer smells like. Her brother pipes up, "Cuz my Dad drinks like three gallons of it every day!"

While 3 gallons sounds like an awful lot even if he is a big boy I remember reading about Andre the Giant (wrestler) it was reported that he could drink 10+ gallons of beer in one sitting.

4wdtom · Mar 7, 2021

Back when I was a kid there was a TV show Kids Say The Darndest Things, hosted by Art Linkletter and I seem to remember a book too filled with things kids say.

Richard G. · Mar 7, 2021

Friends of ours were sitting in their regular crowded church pew and their little girl came down the aisle and said to her Daddy, I cant find a place to sh--.
Everyone thought it was funny.

Mike Groom · Mar 7, 2021

Wasn't it Art Linkletter that had that show back in the 60's-Kids say the darn-dest things? Wish we had more shows like that now instead of the crap they put on.

Steve@Advance · Mar 7, 2021

This happened many years ago.

There is a local BBQ place that has decent BBQ, wins awards or used to, it is a fairly famous place as it has been around for several generations.

But in reality it is more of a beer joint than restaurant.

Back in the day, they would cater to the college crowd and would have beer chugging contests.

There was a sign on the wall commemorating someone that consumed 6 gallons of beer in x number of minutes!

Doesn't say if he kept it down!

Longknife · Mar 7, 2021

A friend of my sons' had a daughter and would visit us often. We got a fishing pole for her on her fourth birthday. We went to the local lake and I was teaching her how to fish. She would dig the worm out of the container and hand it to me while it wiggled between her fingers. On about the third worm she began inspecting it closely. I just waited while she looked it over very carefully, She then looked up at me and said "Where is his face???" I Never will forget that one!!!

CCer · Mar 7, 2021

We have three Daughters, all grown now. They were all probably less than ten, at the time. We found some sort of problem in our house, There was a search for the guilty person. Our Youngest one sings out "I'm the One who didn't do it!"..... That's a line that we use to this day.

Goose · Mar 7, 2021

When our daughter was little she called them "hass groppers".

Steve@Advance · Mar 7, 2021

Seems like someone tried to bring a show like that back.

I tried to watch it, it just wasn't the same.

Didn't last long.

steve_in_mo · Mar 7, 2021

That's why I can't stand to watch any more.
The commercials are less annoying than the shows.

SDE · Mar 7, 2021

If I remember the story correctly, one of my sisters thought it was funny that my brother had a tail. Let's just leave it at that.

Then there's the time that a not very smart teenager was trying to describe how well he could bait a fishing line.
He said it loud enough that a lot of the restaurant patrons heard him claim to be a master baiter. He hasn't gotten any smarter either.

Bob Collins · Mar 7, 2021

When my daughter was about 5 years old I asked her the riddle: "Did you hear the joke about the two deep holes?"
and the answer was "Well, well." She laughed and I thought she got it, later I heard her tell it to someone else,
but her answer was "My, my!" We still use the "my my " answer and get a laugh.

timcasbolt · Mar 7, 2021

(quoted from post at 09:52:38 03/07/21)

(quoted from post at 23:41:21 03/06/21) I won't use any names, to protect the... ah... innocent?
A brother and sister (about 7 and 4 years old) were helping me feed silage to the heifers tonight. The sister says,"This smells like beer." I asked how she knew what beer smells like. Her brother pipes up, "Cuz my Dad drinks like three gallons of it every day!"

Click to expand...

While 3 gallons sounds like an awful lot even if he is a big boy I remember reading about Andre the Giant (wrestler) it was reported that he could drink 10+ gallons of beer in one sitting.

nd he died young. That's not a coincidence.

Pete in Holland MI · Mar 7, 2021

Visiting my parents when the boys were a few years old, the boys were in sleeping bags on the floor near an outside door at the back of the house. Gramma walked in and put a towel at the base of the door. One of the boys asked why she did that, and gramma replies "I don't want the draft to get ya". An hour or so later, I went in to hear one of the boys sobbing. Asked what the matter was. He replied "I don't want the draft to get me....."

Another occasion, we were all in the truck heading for a camping weekend. Wife was showing the 4 year old on the map where we were and how much farther we had to go. Approaching the next town, she pointed out on the map the red dot, that represented the town. He started straining on his seat looking out the window. When asked what he was doing, he replied "looking for the red dot".

Phil-mar Farms · Mar 7, 2021

One Christmas uncle Mike asked Hailey if Santa Claus had got her everything she wanted. She replied no but grandma did.

Crazy Horse · Mar 7, 2021

Sme mentioned the kids show for Art Linklater ..... did he not have an earlier show called People Are Funny ???

Bill(Wis) · Mar 7, 2021

"That's why because."
"That's not a book! That's a mazagine."
"John almost saw an Indian in the woods."

Rich'sToys · Mar 7, 2021

(quoted from post at 06:43:13 03/07/21) I local event asked kindergarten kids how to cook a turkey? You can only imagine the answers.

When one of our kids was in kindergarten the teacher asked each kid what their favorite food was, then asked them how to make it. She wrote everything down and compiled it into a "recipe book" which was the Christmas present from the kids to their parents that year. Very much fun to read!

Goose · Mar 7, 2021

When our daughter was about 3, we were eating in a local restaurant. Daughter stood up in the seat and told the couple in the next booth, "Mom won't let me eat chili soup 'cause it gives me diarrhea".

I'm sure that's what they wanted to hear while eating.

farmalldan4 · Mar 7, 2021

My grandson was about 6 years old. Him and his mother were living in Ohio at the time. Every summer Ryan would come out to visit with Grandma and Grandpa. This year it was my turn to fly back to Ohio to escort young Ryan. I was at the dining table packing my bag and Ryan and Grandma were in his room packing for his adventure. Ryan came trotting down the hallway, approached me and stated "Grandpa I need a plastic bag". I wrongly assumed that the proper response to that was "what kind of plastic bag do you need"? Ryan never hesitated or thought for a moment he just matter-of-factly stated " an empty one".

teddy52food · Mar 7, 2021

Maybe had leaky boots too!

TJV · Mar 9, 2021

It was Bill Cosby that tried to do that show a few years back

Things kids say

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