Lesson learned again

jon f mn

Well-known Member
How often do you have to learn a lesson before it sticks? For me it must be more than ten or so. Made the mistake of borrowing a gravity box from a neighbor this fall. I pulled it less than a mile to my house, filled it at the dryer and backed it in the shed, then pulled it out and unloaded it and took it less than a mile back. It had a tire with the cords showing which I saw when I got it. Yesterday he brought the box back to my house and said I wore out the tire and need to replace it. I will because I borrowed it and that makes me responsible for it, but I'm still frustrated. I've helped him many times, welded up his trailer, made him an ash pan for his wood stove, fixed his tractor so it would start and gave him corn for his geese as just a few examples. Don't know why I'm always surprised when the same doesn't come back, it's happened enough that I shouldn't be surprised.
 
I don't do that for money because I don't want anyone thinking I have to. I only do it as a favor that way when I'm busy I can say no without regret.
 
I dont lend and I dont borrow, I will come and work for you, or trade work with you, or I will pay you to come work for me. Keeps things square and even. I dont like to be in debt to someone, and I never like trying to collect either.
 
It took me just twice. Had something similar happen with a friend that I grew up with. Second time he lied to me, I haven't spoken to him for twenty one years.
 
I've got a fairly new neighbor who wanted straw two years ago. It went fine. Last year his memory got a little fuzzy on pay, just a little. This year if he comes asking, he's going to get educated. I cannot stand one way relationships.
 
That's too bad but I guess one can expect anything when borrowing. Bruce's policy is probably the best one but as crazy as it might sound, some will take offense to not being able to borrow something from you and then after that, who knows .... and maybe who should care anyways? Yes, an old worn out tire seems crazy, I hope he is willing to accept something similar as a replacement. Good luck with it all ......
 
Next time he wants something I would be too busy, no matter what. People like him will wear you out. Sounds like a neighbor of mine. Called and begged me to sell him a round bale. Eventually I said yes, even though I didnt want to sell any. BUT then, his tractor is broken, would I deliver it. When I get there he wants to put it in a pen so he can catch some cows to sell. SO, now I have to take it to the pen, 2 miles away, cut off the netwrap and drop it. Didnt wait for him to ask me to help him catch the cows. Hes done similar things before but not again, Im too busy.
 
It seems I have been helping people most my life without much return.
I'm not much for asking for help either other than asking questions here and other places. Hopefully when (if) we get to the pearly gates it will be noted. People like that you may just have to be busy next time he needs something.
 
I won't borrow anything as there's just to much possibility of something breaking or, as you experienced, getting blamed for a preexisting condition. If someone wants to borrow from me I will offer to, if I have time, do the work for them operating my own equipment.
 
Relationships with neighbors can be very complicated. If this is the 10th time around then it is time for a change. Is there something that you can part with to up your wagon inventory by one if the money can not be found elsewhere? I don't have the nicest lineup of equipment but most years I have what I need in my own yard. Somedays it would be nice to accomplish more work but at the end of the day I don't answer to anybody other than myself when I use just my equipment. Once again this year I will use my dilapidated Landoll disk chisel which breaks at least once shank bolt per day and periodically breaks a hitch bolt. I'll throw a few bolts in the tractor cab and replace as needed. It beats having to deal with someone else even though their paint may be newer.
 
(quoted from post at 09:29:16 02/25/21) It took me just twice. Had something similar happen with a friend that I grew up with. Second time he lied to me, I haven't spoken to him for twenty one years.

Retired farmer, I feel sorry for you
 
I understand your frustration. With are cell phones with cameras not to hard to take pictures before you leave their yard.

Vito
 
I had one neighbor I borrowed a couple things from, had to fix them before I could use them then returned. Another neighbor I think the only time his stuff got greased or other maintance was when I borrowed it. I just hate to borrow stuff. I worked at a Mac saw dealer once. It seemed like at least half the saws that came in, usually in a basket, were either loaned out and came back that way or someone borrowed them and broke it so had to get it fixed to return
 
Did you point out the cords showing when you picked it up? If you borrow, document the condition when you pick it up.
 
I agree with you about "one way relationships." I have had my share of them and you get to a point/age where you just have had enough. Then you come to realize you will deal with as much or as little BS as you are willing to tolerate .
 
That dude has to be a fun guy to be around. You sound like the kind of neighbor I'd like to have for whatever that's worth.
 
from Shakespeare's play Hamlet. The old blowhard Polonius is giving parting advice to his son Laertes, who is going off to college: "Neither a borrower nor a lender be, for loan oft loses both itself and friend, and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry."
 
I guess I am lucky here. Sometimes I borrow the neighbors old and beat up JD land plane. Last time I had it I put a new jack on the tounge to make it easy to hook up. If he has an animal that goes down, he asks me to bring my backhoe and dig a grave. Yesterday he got stuck and I came running. Could not tell you what the score is and don't care. He has a couple school boys that help him farm. If he sees me out in the field picking up hay bales he just sends them over. Sometimes I go with him to feed the cows. Have another neighbor that if his baler breaks he asks me to bale the rest. When mine breaks he does the same.
 
With some people documentation won't matter. They will get defensive and point out imaginary other times where they let things go. It's nice to have a flawless relationship with people in your community but real life is often not like that. You can try to barter work or even pay for it but that only works when the neighbor needs you. I remember during the 1980's when things were tough that dad would try to barter or pay for work but there were people that there was no satisfying. You are better off maybe not having so nice equipment but have what you need along with some spare parts to keep it running. If you can't afford to even run old and in need of periodic upkeep then maybe it is time to do something else.
 
I have borrowed things in the past and have had to do some fixing and replace tires as I always wanted things as good or better when I returned them as when I got them. It sort of goes against my nature to ask to borrow things but when I was younger there was a couple times I had no choice. The neighbor I borrowed things from also borrowed sometimes from me and we both always were fair to each other. I also borrowed an old cut-ditioner from a friend of mine I used to help part-time and returned it with all new belts . In your situation I would put a tire on for him and never ask him for anything again. Next time he wants some help I would remember how well he treated you and respond accordingly. If he wants something fixed/welded you might be too busy and mention if he needs it done now better take it somewhere else. Even holding down the recliner with the tv on can count as "to busy" in some cases. That being said if you were my neighbor from what I know of you from this forum I think we would get along just fine and you could borrow something here if you needed it.
 
I didn't have a welder way back and needed some welding done. Simple job, maybe 15-20 minutes tops to do it. I had the neighbor weld it for me. he wouldn't take anything for it but asked if I would help him with some work he needed done in his barn loft. He had a grain bin up there that needed some repairs. I said ok and ended up working most of the day to trade out 15 minutes of welding. I went and bought my own welder for $125 at that time and never asked for his help again.
 
I remember growing up we borrower a loader tractor from a so called friend, if we used a half hour it was a lot. Returned it with a full tank of gas. Three weeks later he comes around and tell us we brought it back with a flat tire, of course between the time we returned it and he came around I saw his grandson and 2 of his friends running up and down the road with it.He had the nerve to say he want a new tire and tube to top it off.
 
Some days your the bug and some days your the windshield. If he is a good friend then you can't keep score.One year I borrowed 4 hay wagons, replaced 9 tires. At times it tough to smile. But I sure if you asked to use wagon again he would say Go get it.
 
I don't know, since I am still alive and trusting people who haven't burned me yet.
The ones that burn me don't get a second chance. I have learned that much.
 
jon, been there done that got the T Shirt lol. Its just how I was raised that if I borrowed something I return it in the same usually better condition then when I borrowed it, but some people dont share the same values Oh well I still try to help my fellow man when I can regardless

John T
 
Hopefully, around 12-13ft working width. Probably will just get by with what I have this spring and see how things look this fall.
 
Only thing I borrow out are my bale racks. Thats enough headaches for me. Anything else you want to borrow--nope. I will come and do it for you but I will not let you use it. Neighbor wanted to use my drill to seed some pasture. Nope!! I went and seeded it for him. He wanted to pay me but I said just bring me a case of Grain Belt. Still waiting.
 
Back in the 70's my grandpa had a graham hoe chisel plow. His neighbor would barrow it and keep it till it needed new shovels or tires. The last time he brought it back all the shovels were wore out. Grandpa didn't want to fix it again. Dad solved the problem. He cut the chisel in half with his torch and let it sit in the yard cut in half till the neighbor came back to barrow it!


Dad had a repair shop. Tried not to loan out tools anymore than he had to. Some customers think they are owed something or think dad's tools are "their" tools for the taking. Dad had a customer named Paul. He was a tight wad that would rarely spend enough to fix anything. Always thought he should get a discount. Paul was always "barrowing" dads pullers. He would walk in the shop acting like he owned the place. Take the puller off the wall and simply walk back out the door. Would never have time to bring it back. We would have to call him multiple times to get the tool back.

Dad had 14 acres he wanted to plant to wheat. Not wanting to transport his drill 8 miles to do it. Dad asked if he could barrow Paul's drill. The drill had two bad hydraulic hoses that dad repaired. When finished dad cleaned the drill and returned it. The next day Paul comes in with a bill for $168.00 for RENTING his drill. Dad said well then I have a bill for the hoses I made for it. Paul wouldn't pay for the hoses. Ended up trading the hoses for the so called rent.
 
No good deed goes unpunished.

Borrowed a rock picker back that I previously owned for a couple of months, I had put 30 hours use maybe and 700$ or so of repairs into it before selling it to him to get him out of a bind. He put hundreds of hours on it with only a tire repair. I borrowed it back, picked two hoppers of rocks in 20 min and the big hydraulic motor blew. Went to take it apart, someone had welded the sprocket onto the motor. So I ended up doing all the picking by hand.

15 hours of work it now has a resealed motor and is back at his place never to visit here again.
 
Neighbor and I are always borrow things back and forth without any problems. If I need a tool I can just go up to his house and borrow it even if he isn't home to ask. The same for him.
Used to have 3 Stihl chain saws until I gave them to him because of my getting a pacemaker. Yesterday he asked if he could use my battery chain saw to cut a piece of wood in his basement. Didn't want the fumes from a Stihl stinking up the house. He used the electric last night for the five minute job. Wife was happy that there were no fumes.
He has always been a Johnsrude owner and made fun of my Stihls. Haven't seen him use that Jillsrude, as another neighbor calls it, very often.
 
(quoted from post at 14:26:40 02/25/21) I guess I am lucky here. Sometimes I borrow the neighbors old and beat up JD land plane. Last time I had it I put a new jack on the tounge to make it easy to hook up. If he has an animal that goes down, he asks me to bring my backhoe and dig a grave. Yesterday he got stuck and I came running. Could not tell you what the score is and don't care. He has a couple school boys that help him farm. If he sees me out in the field picking up hay bales he just sends them over. Sometimes I go with him to feed the cows. Have another neighbor that if his baler breaks he asks me to bale the rest. When mine breaks he does the same.
I consider myself lucky to have had a half dozen of that type of neighbor back when we actively farmed; seems like back then that was just the way it was.....
 
Jon I had a neighbor come looking for a tractor to borrow. Needed on his silage blower. I let him borrow our 1950T thinking he cant hurt it. I was wrong he literally blew the PTO clutch apart. He shows up and tells me you knew that tractor was going to break thats why you let me use it. The rest of the story was the table chain was broke on the blower and they just ran the wagon into the blower and it was not a smooth flow of silage. Like they say you cant fix stupid. He had a barrel spreader the doors rotted off he would just wear a rain suit. Talk about covered in $hit.
 
My biggest problem is finding my memory pills then remembering to take them after I find them. So yes,lesson learned doesn't mean lesson remembered, I think. George
 
Yes, and how are those favor's working out for you ? They are not hence this post.
I have learned Favor's always seem to go only one way.
I have also learned how to say no.
 
Were it Me I would discuss it with him as follows. (Sam) That wagon was moved a total of 2 miles in all the time I had it. The tire was worn almost to the air when I picked it up here. I can put a tire on it, but you need to pay for the tire. My effort to get the tire and mount it amounts to what I should pay for the wagons use.
Jim's idea
 


It is sad to see so many "half empty" people here, but it is good to see those who are "half full". Life is always so much better with a positive outlook.
 
I can appreciate what you are saying but I doubt that the neighbor would go for that. That wagon was towed back to Jon's for the sole purpose of getting a new tire (and tube). The background should matter to the owner but it does not. People can be strange. The neighbor may not have been aware of the tire but then noticed when the wagon was loaned out. It does not make it right but shows how some people's minds work. If anything the moral of the story is Jon should hang that bill at his desk so every time he gets the urge to go to that neighbor Jon will instead try any number of plans with the neighbor being the last resort after looking at that bill. Also, Jon as well as most of the other posters here should be glad that the neighbor is willing to leave it at that. Too many people get it in their minds that they "need to get even" after a neighbor encounter even when they are in the wrong. Getting even usually involves vandalism and constant trespassing. We never had such a problem here but every time my temper rises I give thought to the best way to end something even if I feel less than personally satisfied about it. I can at least sleep at night when I give thought to some of the dirt bags that could potentially give me problems. I honestly could find a way to deal with a neighbor over a tire versus a guy who wants to figuratively cut my throat.
 
That can be extremely difficult to do as we do not all get the same start in life. I've heard of farmer's having disaster after disaster in their own lives none of which
was of their making. There was a farmer nearby who darn near lost everything because his wife was terminally ill for several years before she passed on. We should
be more compassionate as we age but at the same time not be fools.
 
I have 5 250 bu gravity wagons. My neighbor would always borrow one every year for his harvest which only lasted a few days. I was in the habit of putting my used truck tires on those wagons because I thought they were good enough, and they were. Well, one year I got the wagon back with 4 brand new heavy duty implement tires on it. I guess he didn't like the looks of those old truck tires. He wouldn't take a nickel. A guy like that can borrow anything he wants from me, except my wife. (;>))

cvphoto79660.jpg
 
My friends father would loan me large tools like a cement mixer. I always made sure it was clean and had good belt and even painted it once. I was always welcome
 
I've had some physical problems this past year and one of my neighbors has kept my driveway plowed, even though i had a tractor and blade waiting in my barn. I bought him some of his favorite beverage, because he wouldn't take money. Later on I asked about it, he said "remember when I was farming across the road from you and built a new barn. You wired it for me and wouldn't take a dime. I've owed you for 48 years." The guy has a great memory. Just goes to show you how good some people are.
 
Ive helped a lot of people and a lot have helped me if it feels like I got the short end once in awhile I remember all the times I got the long end and dont let it bother me
 

In my younger years I've borrowed stuff and had mishaps or breakdowns that weren't my fault, but I had no $$ to fix the problems which was why I was borrowing in the first place. I always tried to make it right and usually did. These days I RENT things from people with the understanding that I'm renting it as is and if something breaks I'll pay for if it's MY fault. Bad tires, bearings, stuff falling off, obviously long term issues- nope, not my problem.

Little story that works along these lines. 35 years back I bought a house. The owner had a Gravely tractor I wanted and we made a deal based on his claim there was a brand new in the box jug and piston in the shed with the tractor. This thing had about no compression and a cracked jug. The parts were no where to found and he got mad when I pointed this out and that was the last I heard about it. Years and years later, 150 miles away I'm having breakfast and talking to the guy next to me. Turns out he's the cousin of the guy I bought the house from. We get visiting and in the process the Gravely gets mentioned. He gets this look on his face and describes the machine to a tee. Turns out it was HIS Gravely that his cousin "borrowed with an agreement to buy", never paid him for and had no permission to sell! What goes around comes around I suppose.
 
Its real easy to delete a picture taken with a phone.but that picture with the time and date taken can prove without a doubt what was wrong with whatever you are about to borrow,rent or lease proving the problem was there before you touched it.
 
Whenever something like that happened to my Dad he always said Im glad he did that to me instead of me doing it to him. I always remember that and prefer to be the victim.....
 

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