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"Why is it that the Lord made so many more horses asses than He did horses?"
 
If brains were gun powder, he couldn't blow his nose (from the Any Griffith show) "I think you're pickin' you're peaches b-4 they're good and fuzzed up!
 
Back in the day when few people had welders and repairs weren't made till it broke, an old repair guy would look at something almost beyond hope and say " you can't spin gold out of dog s---." I love to hang around his shop when I was a kid. I learned s lot about LIFE.
Dave
 
Our old blacksmith Jim Fines would say, "it'll hold til it breaks."

My personal one is "let people know where you stand and you aren't as likely to get your toes walked on."

gm
 
After repeatedly have trouble making some thing come together for him my Dad would say "this is like fighting Indians with a broken Rifle"
 
Mike Tyson was quoted once as saying ...... "Everyone has a plan 'till they get punched in the mouth". Makes sense to me.
 
FIL had a few.
For a bad deal: "I got the s**t end of the stick"
"He's useful as teats on a boar hog." or teats on a bull.

Comeback for (bald) "Grass doesn't grow on a busy street" "Nor does it grow on infertile soil"
 
keep it simple stupid . . better then a sharp stick in the eye , which by the way my granddad did when he was a kid tried to throw a stick in a hole in the floor of the house and it bounced back and took his eye out👀
 
This is long but its good.

He who knows, and knows not that he knows, is asleep - wake him. He who knows, and knows that he knows, is a wise man - follow him. He who knows not and knows not that he knows not, is a fool ... shun him. He who knows not and knows that he knows not, is ignorant ... teach him.
 
Crazy (or Dumb) like a fox.
As someone enters: Speak of the devil, look what the cat drug in.
Dumber than a box of rocks (or: a fence post).
Spoken when things go bad: well, isn't that just yea, neat, peachy keen!!!

and I can't pass this up, my favorite camp prayer:
Rub-a-dub, thanks for the grub, Lord we've got meat, let's eat, Yea, Jesus!!!!
A side note, I've been banned from using that in front of the Grand kids!
 
There are none so blind as those who will not see.
Another version of it is, There are none so deaf as those who will not listen.
I see said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw.
 
Heard on a commercial for a local plumbing company --- Money can't buy happiness, but crying in a mercedes is more comfortable than crying in a bicycle.
 
If you can't listen, you can feel
You can just get glad in the shoes you got mad in
A strong man will hurt his back
 
Another one that has stuck with me -

The bitterness of poor quality remains long after the sweetness of a cheap price.
 
One I liked was referring to repairing some piece of junk------
"You can't make ice cream out of oats that have been through the horse".
 
Had a friend who once described a substandard item as "about as useful as a half-sucked [synonym for rooster]" That one stuck with me.
 
Two bits of wisdom from Ben Franklin:

He who falls in love with himself will have few rivals.

Keep both eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards.
 
When ever we finished a job, had an Uncle used to say, "Wayll ain't naught left but to call in the dawgs and pizz on the far!"
 
Life is simpler if you plow around the stump.
Growing older is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
It is better to remain quiet and be a fool,than open your mouth and release all doubt.
I see said the blind man to is deaf dog as he picked up his hammer and saw the lame man run. I think there is more....
Don?t force it. Use a bigger hammer.
FOCUS. If you chase two rabbits. Both will escape.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the ?m? is missing.

Murphy?s Law: when you see light at the end of the tunnel....it is an approaching train!
You can make all ?A?s and still flunk life.
You don?t learn much hearing yourself talk.
If you leave Santa Doritos and beer rather than cookies and milk, you will get more gifts.
Good health is the slowest possible way one can die.
Death is the number one killer in the world.
Don?t choose a college because the campus is pretty.
Doing a good job at work is like wetting your pants in a black suit. No one notices but it gives you a warm felling all over.
 
Grandpa always said: You cant take Chicken Sh$$ and make Chicken Soup thought that was funny when I was a kid.
 
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