feeling overwhelmed

Guys ,, i need to vent .m,,but mostly i need a magic wand to fix everything back to normal,. i have that "ODD man
Out feeling " . i called a couple friends and a nephew and They all Have Valid reasons They cant help me today .
And I Understand , I Just WISH i Were not sodam NEEDY,. I used to be the RESCUER !.Ever since my cancer episode, i
feel like i need from my family ,friends and neighbors more than i give back " its been a hard harvest , and
realy a hard yr ,.. trying to keep going ..Due to neuropathy in my hands and legs from chemo ,.. things are not as
easily fixed as before and it torments my soul .. tonite after a exasaperating day ,i recited my plans for tomorrow
and todays failures to my sara.,,../ she really did not care to hear any of it,,since she heard me giving a(
sunday school lesson) to a combine part i could not remove ./.NOW ,.. my saras Dr appt at noon , tomorrow , and
i totaly forgot i NEED to Drive Her . she gets pain medicine in her back , When I Gave Her that blank look ..when
She asked , "What else Do i need to do??? ".,. now she is steamed at me because all i ever think about is this
farm ,./...this place just dont bloom with pride anymore ,,. too many projects waiting , To add insult to more
injury ,.. I lost a cow Christmas morning,..some how she went down in a plastic bed liner and her back legs
flailed around til she died... i have poured feed in those things for years and this is the 1st time that ever
happened .. last week my brother finished his harvest , and due toa bad cellphone connection , i misinterpreted
his message that he was willing to finish my beans,, i only have about 7 acres left, . I Know It is Stupid
,,../but, at midnite tonite , I feel like i have 700 acres to go, and all my engines are busted,, and half my cows
are about to die,.. None of Those THINGS ARE TRUE..except i dont look as good to sara ,.She does not like seeing
me get upset and feeling overwhelmed and hopeless,,. neither did the 1st wife,..so i see a bad pattern circle of
struggles ..////// Most Sane People would Quit .., But Rightnow,, I am not sure what to think ?,,.. I Always said
if I ever Quit ,.and sold out i could never see what they done to my farm ,..Everyone is So MUCH smarter than Me
,( Some want me to think That ) so,i really dont want to lease my farm to them , but i mite .And IF I DID , i wont
be happy watching them do what i could do if i just only had a helping handin my desperate time of need ..

Olgent, it is apparent to me that it would not be right for you to quit, but like so many in Steve's thread on retiring, it appears that the time is right to cut back substantially, to a level that is right for you. I did this four years ago. My farming is just a hobby, but for ten years it was 90 acres, then for twenty more it was 45 acres, then three years ago after arthritis got bad and I had some big repair bills, I cut back to twenty acres and it is enjoyable again. I also can reach out to people for help. I have a project lined up for spring and I have an old friend that I am consulting with and a new young friend at church who is going to schedule a day to do the heavy lifting. You should not look at this as a roadblock, just as a curve in the road.

Geez Jim,I don't know what I can say that you don't already know. You're getting a little bit better every day aren't you? Seems like baby steps I'm sure,but look at the big picture,not just a few little things through a keyhole.
You hit a couple of nerves with me. I lost a cow a week ago Tuesday. No idea why she got down. I saw her laying in the barn and had the gnawing feeling that she was the same one I'd seen laying in the same spot the day before. It had warmed up and she was in a soft spot,stuck right there with water around here. I got her in the other barn in dry straw,but she was dead four hours later. The wife wasn't home when I was fooling with here trying to get her out of that mess and in the other barn,and that ticked me off royally.

Then Wednesday morning when it was 18 below zero,I was having a rough morning. Had to jump two tractors,open up a waterer and adjust the float,just everything going backwards and I didn't get in the house til almost 10:30. The wife said something that just rubbed me the wrong way almost as soon as I walked in the door. I didn't really jump all over her,but the way I said what I did hurt her,and I absolutely hate myself when I do that to her.

You're stressed to the breaking point and I understand that too. Forget about that 7 acres of beans until the weather breaks and you're having a good day. They'll still be there. Don't push yourself until you snap. I've done that. I had 12 heifers freshen all within about a week one time when I was milking cows. Things were already stressful in my life already at the time,but that pushed me over the edge. I would have laid a hundred dollar bill in somebody's hand to milk for me just once and give me one milking off,but it didn't happen. Something finally just snapped in me and I didn't feel anything. In fact,I didn't feel anything again for ten years or more. I'm still not the same and probably never will be. I don't have the same passion for a lot of things that I used to have,and any little stress,well,let me just say I have to avoid it at all cost whenever I can.

Just do what has to be done to keep the livestock fed for now,get some rest and let everything else slide until the weather's better and you have the energy to do it,then take one thing at a time.

Life can seem overwhelming to anybody, and especially when you are not feeling up to par. I hope you can maybe shift your focus to taking care of yourself and your wife, and don't worry about the small stuff like the farm. May have to cut back some on the livestock so that is less worry. But I know that God does not give us more than we can handle, with His help. I can see how proud you are of what you have built, and it is very understandable to feel discouraged when you cant take care of it right now like you used to. Hang it there, it will get better.

slow down taks a deep breath and think how lucky you are, then figger out what needs done first, go feed all the cows, and think how luchy you are to be here, your work will be done in time.

I'VE BEEN EXACTLY THERE. My best advice is to start off, get one thing done, only one, but get it done just right. That'll give you some confidence. Then you can see some accomplishment. Then go to number 2.
My other advice is get some professional advice and help. There might be a crisis intervention place, or some mental health helpers, or clinic, or a psychologist. I can tell you, I was in the bottom of the pit once, hopeless, suicidal, and a psychologist asked me.... "Well, did you ever think of this????" And he told me something, which is private, but the clouds parted, and sun shone through, and it was the most help I ever had. It was the start of my cure. I remember he then asked.... "Well I guess you never thought of THAT did you??"

OlGent, have very much enjoyed reading your posts. This one hits me in a soft spot. Wish I knew of the right words, but then I don't suppose it's "words" you need right now. I've never had cancer and never been a farmer, so couldn't relate anyhow in those regards.

If the cow that died is taken care of, and the remaining cows are fed and milked, smile. Nothing can be accomplished faster than doing it, and one person is just that, one person. Sometimes we feel like a half person, sometimes like 110% of a person. but in the end we just get done what we can. The beans will combine later. The reality you face every day can change by your own decisions. Capacity is always a limiting factor. None of us face our physical limits (and the changes in them) very well as we age or have illness. Scaling what you expect to do to your realistic capacity is key. No regrets. The worst is to hate ones circumstances and let it reflect on others. The best is to adjust the situation to make it doable. From getting help with things to reducing things to a manageable level, your stress will dissipate. Larry Bird coaches. Jim

I have always farmed pretty much alone. Used to plan for the day ahead and all the "stuff" that HAD to be done that day. Almost always......never accomplished what HAD to be finished that day.

Then I decided too look at it the opposite way. With no plan......I would put time and effort into what ever was most pressing problem at the time and move on to next , etc. THEN at the end of the day.....would look back and pat myself on the back for WHATEVER I got done. Too me.....much more satisfaction to be looking at what I accomplished rather than what remained to be done.

Cropped as many as 300 acres......have now downsized to 100 acres....will be 75 in April .

John

Many Thanks to the 1st 6 responders?... my wife may call on Ya to carry me to my final resting place LOL ,.. WE AINT GOIN There for aLong TIME OK ,Fellas .. Pardon me for airing my dirty Laundrty . Most of Us Guys are not likely to talk about when the load is too heavy too bear because in our generation OUR PARENTS KEPT IT INSIDE.. but no man can be an island ,and i am the type that wears my heart on my sleeve ,... i just hate seeing anything die,.. and always kinda find a way to blame myself...i was working on stretchin=g a wire up around the south 12 acres of uncut hay borders and corn stubble on Christmas eve,. when the rain pikt up ,, my handswere junk and wet and froze . the wind pikt up and i told me to stay in and stay healthy .that nite the cow got slipt up in the trough,.. i think she was about 12 yrs old . but that buggs me as a preventable death . the day after chrismas , my daughter stoped in to visit and we finished the fence in a half hour ,,. having her with me made my sad spirits rise soar,.. the one character flaw is wish i could change is to stop having a meltdown were i turn into a horrible mr hyde , raving cusin lunatic whenever i cant make things work after a couple days of exasperating troubles that normally should go rite on forward ,. ,. I Dont Throw Things Or Punch anyone,or destroy anything and lay to waste ,.. but i can keep up with most any sailor ./ My Sara is really Sore About that one ,..Since i am a regular Church Goer and a Strong Believer of Heaven and hell ,.. sometimes i just get all ried up in my stupid small struggles ,.i fail to realize that Gods mercy dets spread pretty thin , and there are FARMANYMORE in Worse Shape than Me ,.. Some One Here was VERY RIGHT ,,. I Should COUNT MY BLESSINGS ... and i always Pray For forgiveness when i climb back up from going over the cliff ..

I think your about where most men find themselves later in life. Most important thing that you can do on the farm is to look after Sara. We can all be guilty of not looking after that most important part of the farm if we're not carefull.

Slow down a little bit and at the end of the day do not speak of your failures for the day but what got accomplished. As young men we spoke of plans and accomplishments and never mentioned our failures. As we get older we need to stay focused on the positive. That's what I have to remind myself also.

Anyway take care of Sara. If anybody has a magic wand it will be her.

"the one character flaw is wish i could change is to stop having a meltdown were i turn into a horrible mr hyde , raving cusin lunatic whenever i cant make things work after a couple days of exasperating troubles that normally should go rite on forward"

I know what you mean Jim. I'm the same way. I feel a lot better when I blow up and let off steam,but I'm so ashamed of myself if there's anybody around when it happens.

My problem,and I can imagine yours too,is showing gratitude when somebody does help me out. My appendix burst back in October of 1997 and I spent 8 days in the hospital. The cows still had to be milked and fed. Dad was 73,the oldest boy was 16 and the younger one was 13,so none of them was at a prime age to be doing all of it. The wife had graduated nursing school that spring and had just taken a job at a hospital where she didn't know anybody and she was stressed from that. My younger brother,a cousin and a few older guys around the neighborhood kept the wheels from falling off.
I don't think they ever did know how grateful I was. I'm the guy who gives help,not the one who needs it. It's a whole lot easier for me to say "Don't worry about it,glad to do it" than it is to say "Thank you" and get across just how much I mean it.

Sorry to be late with response.having one tough time seems like everyday something comes up to pile more dissappointments then we cab bear.Most responders are right on.Being age 82 has been tuff.loosing most feelings from neuropathy cant handle small projects,so I KNOW just how you feel with this.I'M SO LUCKY
not having cancer.At my age, wouldn't be able to handle surgery, kemo etc.I'm not a farmer also,but trying to be as helpfull tomy sons#1 & #2,I will say,Give thanks to the Good Lord for all his kindness and blessings daily.Although times seem un-bearable,stay strong and love the wife who is truly the main stay.If I were you, I would downsize to what is manageable and then concentrate on taking care of each other.Remember the vows.LOVE,CHERISH TILL DEATH DO YOU PART,has real meaning for me.Loosing a partner
is a terrible thing.Loosing anything else is not the problem we make of it.Less is more is a good way to look at things.We never really own stuff,It's loaned from the Good Lord to take care of what we get.
I'm taking a lot of meds,including morphine,hydrocordone.Keeps pain down but side effects has it's ups and downs.I want to let you know I'll keep you boh in my prayers.God Bless.
Warmest regards, Lou & Victor.

(quoted from post at 10:39:08 12/29/17) "the one character flaw is wish i could change is to stop having a meltdown were i turn into a horrible mr hyde , raving cusin lunatic whenever i cant make things work after a couple days of exasperating troubles that normally should go rite on forward"

I know what you mean Jim. I'm the same way. I feel a lot better when I blow up and let off steam,but I'm so ashamed of myself if there's anybody around when it happens.

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Yup, same here. What gets me is, I understand that this is how I release too much steam. If you don't, sumpin's gonna blow! I have NEVER even raised a finger or flipped out on someone before, and yet they get all afraid when I take out frustrations on inanimate objects (without damaging them, no less!).

I don't have those "attacks" as often anymore mostly cause I just ain't got that much energy to spare! *lol* ...Also, don't folks know there's a difference between being MAD (angry) and being frustrated? :wink:

Thanx guys for the kind SUPPORTIVE words ...,there are alot of other concerns that came into play of being overwhelmed ..down to the last wheel barrow of wood,. now i have( 4 big truck loads that my son and grandsons 11 and 12 and i worked their tailends off on ), i am currently discussing with a contractor to put in propane heat ,..my sister needs amiracle to dodge her terminal cancer diagnosis , tractors , mower , sprayer ,baler repairs that are needed , the intense discussion with my Sara and my sons all individually about trading one tractor for another and the money needed,.and perhaps renting out the land,,Boy you would Not believe the wide range of reponses ,. Son #1 has the best business head ,.. and then there is my "want to be a county commissioner run " coming this spring ,.,.. and that is just the tip of the ice berg ,.,.., Bottom line, Today was a better day ,,. all Antifreeze is up to snuff for the 0 temps in a couple days,.took in aload of beans,. still got a frozen feed grinder hugging the woodfurnace in the shop,. too many wagons of beans and no place to keep the grinder dry ,.so i wrapped a tarp around ita week ago , and everyone can guess how well that worked ,.. LOL ...enuf ramblin ,,. .,.You Guys are the Best

we must be cousins Randy ,..,LOl ,.. my carnegie book studies ,political and home improvement contractor days taught me to give thanks
to any small effort ,..But I Do relate to what you stated about being pained to thank someone ,. rarely do i Hear Thanks from My neighbors and friends,. But I KNOW they are very Appreciative fo r my help ,.. maybe nexr yr we can divew into the WHY of that Glitch in Our Upbringing .. 18 below ???,,...uuuhgg !!, Remind To come visit in summer monthes LOL ,.. 29 was our hi today in louisville ,.. you would get a kik over the weather girl priz'zin about how cold it is ...

good evening olgentdc, john here, I hear you loud and clear, I'm in the cancer battle myself, lung cancer and lymphnode cancer (3 tumors) we are shrinking them using dca treatment and other natural medicines. I'm 68 this year and I can't do 1/2 what I used to in a day, it seems murphy has moved into my place (anything that can go wrong will go wrong!!) the frustrating and maddening part is I know better than to let little things run me off the rails to where I'm snapping and growling at my wife. I have to keep reminding myself to just do what I can do, deal with each problem as they come up, what I don't get done today will be there tomorrow and we'll deal with it then. (easier said than done somedays) I'm also reminding my self each day to live and enjoy each day and as the immortal mark twain said "embrace and live each day, tomorrow is promised to no one" wishing you and sara all the best in 2018 olgent.

Went to work today and thanked the person that yesterday said to me "I appreciate you".
Told the person "that's the 1st time in 18 years I have been told that"

Ya,I listen to WRVK radio on line out of Mt Vernon Ky. 28 degrees for a high and they're all hunkered down like it's the apocalypse.

Some times the best thing to do, is to do just one thing at a time. I am amazed at how often it only takes a few minutes to finish one little project and then mentally cross it off the list. It lightens the load.

good morning rrlund, tell the folks in mt. Vernon we'll gladly trade em. weather it's -30 below here this morning, no wind this morning, yesterday with the wind it was closer to -40. we are all staying inside and hugging the heater these days the good news is it's supposed to warm up next week.