She will prpbably do just fine

I came back from mowing, and was washing up. the wife couldn't wait to tell me her car had a flat tire, and AAA was coming to change it. First words out of my mouth were, call and cancel them. Then I got to thinking. That's fine, let them come. The guy installed the spare. I will just take the tire and have it patched. The tires were fairly old, so I told the wife to take it over to have new tires installed. I often think how will the wife get along if something were to happen to me. I think she will do just fine. Just like when I retired I wondered who will do my job when I leave. Stan

Good move

I often wonder what my wife will do if she out lives me...

She has no clue about any kind of household repair, no kids she can even ask, just a daughter who is even more helpless.

She does know how to get the mower started, but if gas doesn't make it go, that's it.

I've tried showing her about paying bills, writing checks, but she's not interested. I hope she can if it becomes necessary.

She'll probably do what she did before she found you. Find a guy to fix things for her...LOL

My wife is just the opposite. When we had the business she paid all the bill and collected all the R/A's. She told me one time if something happened to her I wouldn't know what bills to pay.

Been thinking about that a lot lately,,,I dont do anything right now and have lots of time .In reality,,she would do better without me.

Reminds me of a woman I met a couple of years ago at a gas station. About 70? years old, she asked if I could put the gas in her car for her.
I just asked huh? You can't put gas in your car??
She said her husband had just died and she hadn't ever done it on this car before. He had always done it. So I showed her how - did it for her and offered her my sympathies for her loss.
But it did make me wonder. 50 years of clamoring for equal rights, pay and opportunity and they still haven't availed themselves of the right to learn even the simplest mechanical things.

My wife handles the finances. I could do it but she wants to watch the money. She isn't mechanically inclined so she plans to sell the house and move to an apartment or assisted living after I'm gone. I've been leading her is doing some basic things so she doesn't have to be in a hurry to sell the house.

She's still learning how to pump gas. If she goes by herself she usually ends up having the attendant help her. As long as it get done.

I'm with Larry at the Corner, my wife has taken care of all the money for so long my signature is questioned at our bank if I write a check. She can operate any machinery we own and can drive a 10 speed 18 wheeler if needed. Years ago when I was driving truck, she went with me to Riss International orientation and also took the class. Se came out with the 2nd highest in the class, I was 3rd. I wouldn't have any doubt, she would have an auction, get rid of all my junk and sell the house and buy a smaller one. She wouldn't take any advice from the kids because they have not much knowledge of anything here on the farm (only 1 grand son would). My wife too would be better off without me, Keith

Yo Larry, you say "In reality,,she would do better without me" IM NOT BUYING THAT and bet she don't either !!!!!!!!

Take care and get back on the mend

John T

Steve,
I often wonder what my wife will do if she out lives me... Better plan on life insurance so she can.

What if she dies before you? Have you thought about what you will do if you out live her? Mine passed 17 years ago.

geo

she doesnt buy it,,but if I start to point out some facts ,she just wont listen and walks away,,but the facts are clearly there..I dont do anything now and everything is handled.When I get better theres nothing I do that will be missed.

That's kinda a cheap shot at the older generation of women. Many couples of that age have had fixed household rolls since they were married and kept them even as society changed. Granted there are some women in that age group who can't do basic mechanical tasks, but there are likely just as many men who can't in that age bracket who can't cook a decent meal or clean their own house....

I'm more concerned about me if something happens to her. I know she can take care of herself. I'm totally helpless.

I hear ya. My wife is totally inept when it comes to handling money. I handle all of our finances out of necessity. I have my own checking account and savings account and she can't access either one.

Being objective, I think I could cope better without her than the other way around. My parents were the opposite. My father died first, and my mother was far better able to survive without him than had it been the other way around.

Hmmm,
Older generation?
I'll be 64 in a few weeks
But just so you didn't miss my point I'll repeat it.

"But it did make me wonder. 50 years of clamoring for equal rights, pay and opportunity and they still haven't availed themselves of the right to learn even the simplest mechanical things."

Larry, I've never met you, but my guess is you would be greatly missed. You seem like a pretty stand up guy. You can't think of it strictly in terms of physical contributions. You must remember that you are a big piece of a puzzle and that puzzle piece touches a lot of other pieces.

Well, it goes both ways. As a couple we all let the other do certain things and then after time forget anything about it. When you loose a spouse you end up having to take over jobs you either never did or don't remember how to do. Myself I haven't done laundry in 45 years. Recently a customer of mine got a new washer and was asking me questions on how to operate it and I had to get my daughter to answer her questions.

I had a good friend that knew nothing abo9ut the household. Not even the money end. is wife passed away suddenly and he didn't know where his money was or how much he had. When he needed money he asked her for some. HEH

Larry, sounds like you are a bit depressed right now, which would be natural. C,mon Pal, you would be missed by everyone who knows you. Matters not how much work you do or can't do at the moment. Right now you need to concentrate on fighting this and let those who love you take up some of the burden.

She wouldn't be better off without you. We forget that the longer we live with someone as husband and wife we become part of each other. If you died a part of her would die. You both need each other.

From observaton... when they were widowed:
- with my dad (who could cook and clean in addition to do mechanical stuff)
- and with my mother-in-law (who could milk cows, operate tractors, etc.)

That it's just rotten, stinking-hard on the one who is left behind... no matter what.

Even if they can perform many of the skills of the deceased spouse...
after 40, 50, 60-some years together - it makes a person an emotional wreck for a while.
And they were just flat-out lonesome for their spouse.

Come on, Larry. Everything you do is part of her life as well as yours. Nobody would be better off without you. If you were gone, this site would surely miss you. Your family would be deprived of its patriarch. Your daughter would have no one to turn to with your knowledge and ability to get things on the right track again.
Another thing: look back at your past life and the things and beauty that you have created with your own hands. The world is a better place because of your presence here, and your absence will make it a lesser place. If you don't believe me, ask anybody that knows you.

Mornin' Larry. Yup, this post is for you.

...Sssoooooo, you think your wife would be better off without you? Think you're a burden on everyone? Think the world will be a better place without you in it?!?!? Think about this - how many of us (this household included!!) have a pet that, for all intent purposes is absolutely worthless? How many of us feed our pet and take time to care for it? And how many of us cry when that pet dies? How many have this empty chasm inside; sometimes for many years to come?

Larry my friend, you have shown to be an invaluable member of this forum. You've touched the lives of MANY people who have never even met you. ...Know of any animals can pull off that trick?

So next time you start feeling in the dumps and thinking that you're not worth the mud on your boots, just remember, "ALL" life matters!!

So you think your too much burden - maybe too much financial burden - maybe too much physical burden...... Dang Larry, as I've mentioned before, I've got a couple friends down in Arkansas that lived right across the street from Mom & Dad. Another neighbor there didn't know my folks OR the neighbors. They're both in bad shape, and I'm pretty certain that when one passes, the other likely won't be far behind. They have adult kids.....well, one is anyhow; the other two are....well, more of the GoFundMe-types, but their money source is Mom and Dad - you know, the ones who worked hard all their lives to make a good and decent life for their kids. Anyway, that's another story! But Larry, every single life on this planet matters! It isn't about how the world sees "us", but rather what we do with the time we have. If we sit there and squander it, then nothing learned. However, if we spend our lives working hard and helping others, then we have made a tremendous and positive contribution to the world. That does not stop simply because you have cancer and cannot do the things you used to do. I promise you Larry, for your loved ones there, they will GLADLY do whatever is necessary to make sure you're taken care of, and for them, it will be their pleasure - NOT a burden!! Everyone and every family is different, but you're an amazing person (as proven by all your YT friends here) and you STILL DO make a difference in this world! YOU matter, Mr. Larry - never forget that!

Now, that said, 'Life' is a creature of necessity. Once a body dies, one might think that's it, they no longer mattered. Does that mean that their lifelong contributions simply and suddenly vanish? Hmm???? Again, it's what we do with our time here that matters. For the leeches of society, they will be quickly forgotten.....and sadly, probably replaced with at least 2 more leeches! But for the good and caring folks out there, their contributions will go on long after what is noticeable by those who remain. I'm not saying you're gonna be a legend, but.....look at Elvis for example. He gained a lot of popularity and impacted the world through music. Now look at my Grandfather (Dad's dad), who left this world much as you will - loved by family. Pepa helped to build MANY of the early bridges and taller buildings in the Houston area. True, I doubt a single one remains now, but those bridges and buildings paved the way for Houston to become what it is today. .....Ok, ok...bad example! *ROFL* Seriously though, my Pepa left behind impressions that the rest of life built on, and built from. Same with you and each of us. There's no such thing as a simple 'Dirt Farmer'. Anyone who grows any crop to help support life (human or other) has made a SIGNIFICANT contribution to the world! Likewise, anyone who is known and loved by many is even more of a contribution. It's not about what you once were - it's about what's still there in your heart now!

Sorry - should probably have sent this email, but don't have anyone's email address. However, don't think your friends here will mind very much this post cluttering their forum. ;-)

I'm surprised to read some of these posts. You guys who would say you would be serious trouble if you lost your wife better get a grip on the things she does that you're so dependant on. I Thank God I knew how to take care of myself and the home when my first wife of 20 years marriage left me. We had always managed the family money matters TOGETHER and from being in the military I knew how to do my laundry and keep my home reasonably liveable. True, I ate a lot of meals outside my home after she left, but I learned enough about meal preparation that I could cook and prepare enough food to stay healthy. I remarried in just a year after that divorce, but this second marriage failed after 8 1/2 years too, and I've been single and living alone for 28 years since then. I don't advocate single living at all, but I guess I've been afraid, or smart enough not to, to risk becoming a three-time loser...lol. Anyhow boys, like it's often said about a lot of things......Be prepared!
When my Mom died unexpectedly at only 56 years old, my Dad was lost......all he had paid much attention to was his job at work, his pickup he drove, and having enough money for beer, fishing and hunting, and keeping a great garden. He actually bawled on my shoulder when He had to face life alone....at 55 years of age. It can happen....anytime......

We often don't like to think about it or to give up any "personal teritory", but if one of us gets hurt or becomes ill, the other partner may need to do both partners jobs for the couple. Sharing information and responsibilities may be good long range planning, so long as we don't accidentally kill each other in the process, LOL.

Even though its not Christmas, when such thoughts come to mind, re watch the old Jimmy Stewart classic movie "Its a Wonderful Life" He found out in effect how much he was missed had he not been there.

God Bless

John T

We shouldn't expect that many more women will take on learning mechanical or manual skills. Now there is one man for every two women enrolled in college with many men dropping out after a short time. Women can be expected to have more role in running companies and less chance of getting their hands dirty. If you have one that can fix something, help raise the kids and handle money, grab on to her and keep her.

Mine can handle money (squeeze the buffalo on the nickel until he farts, as her dad said) and keep the house clean and shovel llama manure but she won't drive a tractor and can barely figure out how to work things mechanical and can not fix anything. She also has a bachelors degree in Business she got going at night and deals with complicated insurance legal-related issues, so I'll keep her. But not sure she will be able to stay on the farm if I were to suddenly pass away.

(quoted from post at 13:37:48 06/06/17) I'm more concerned about me if something happens to her. I know she can take care of herself. I'm totally helpless.

Click to expand...

ame here, Mr. Lund. What she doesn't know how to do, she'll figure out a way to get it done. Wish I were as sharp as Mrs. Chili

Mr Larry I do not know you and I sure hope you were just having a rough day. I have never been in your situation but I have been on the other side. My wife battled cancer for 8 years. It was a struggle for sure. She had 11 surgeries during those 8 years. Lots of pain, trips to doctors an hour away, medical bills and so forth. She used to tell me that I would be better off without her because she was too much of a burden and couldn't do anything. She used to take care of our finances, cook, clean, do laundry and stay home with our 3 boys. She passed away 3 years ago. Things still get done. I can cook, clean, do laundry, and raise the boys. This is what I cannot do. I can never talk to her, laugh with her, argue with her. I can't lay down next to her and hold her when she hurts or when she is sick. I have cried myself to sleep for the last 3 mother's days. Not because I lost her but because my boys can not hug their mom or give her a homemade card or bake cookies with her. (This side of heaven anyway)

So please next time you think your wife would be better off with you gone think about the things she will not be able to do that mean so much more than tangible things. You sir are a husband and father and that means more than anything. Hug your wife and your kids. I hope God will provide healing for you and hope you are feeling better.

(quoted from post at 06:20:07 06/06/17) That's kinda a cheap shot at the older generation of women. Many couples of that age have had fixed household rolls since they were married and kept them even as society changed. Granted there are some women in that age group who can't do basic mechanical tasks, but there are likely just as many men who can't in that age bracket who can't cook a decent meal or clean their own house....

Click to expand...

Exactly! My wife can do anything that she puts her mind to AND she's not a quitter! :shock:

Things go best around home if I just do what I am told .