OT Another milestone...

Dave H (MI) · Jan 30, 2017

The oldest left this morning to live up at school. She found an apartment and signed a lease 3 weeks ago. Took two weeks before she wanted to move most of her things. Another week before she could make herself physically leave here. She has struggled with it. Been hard on mom and dad too. Snow storm on the horizon and she did not want to drive thru it early in the morning so that was the trigger we had been waiting for. I adopted an abused kitten last fall for her to take with her for company. I bought her a nice TV for Christmas and she got herself a Firestick. Gave her a bunch of furniture I had stored. She should be all set and it will be a relief not to have her commuting in all the bad weather. I walked out and waived her on her way. I confess, a few tears were shed. Don't know why. This is a nice safe place and it will make her life a lot easier. Really happy for her but still....it ain't easy. Thanks for listening.

rbhuntn · Jan 30, 2017

(quoted from post at 08:55:20 01/30/17) The oldest left this morning to live up at school. She found an apartment and signed a lease 3 weeks ago. Took two weeks before she wanted to move most of her things. Another week before she could make herself physically leave here. She has struggled with it. Been hard on mom and dad too. Snow storm on the horizon and she did not want to drive thru it early in the morning so that was the trigger we had been waiting for. I adopted an abused kitten last fall for her to take with her for company. I bought her a nice TV for Christmas and she got herself a Firestick. Gave her a bunch of furniture I had stored. She should be all set and it will be a relief not to have her commuting in all the bad weather. I walked out and waived her on her way. I confess, a few tears were shed. Don't know why. This is a nice safe place and it will make her life a lot easier. Really happy for her but still....it ain't easy. Thanks for listening.

Wish her the best. I sort of understand how you feel. We are currently planning with our oldest daughter for the same thing this spring. When she graduates she is planning on moving from Missouri to Arkansas to go to school. She to is nervous about it. Wife and I are trying to get used to the idea as well. Like you I know it won't be easy.

We raise them as best we can and hope that they have learned and grown becoming the men and women we have prayed that they will. Then we have to see them off out into the world to make their own way.

At least she will be living out in the sticks with my brother (a widow) who is a retired teacher. Hopefully this works out well for them both.

I have been out an on my own since the ripe old age of 18. I have made a bunch of mistakes like us all and I know she will too. Hope she learns from them like I did.

She is planning on being a high school English teacher.

SweetFeet · Jan 30, 2017

Dave H (MI) and momma,

Hang in there, Dad and Mom... with time, it gets easier to wave goodbye. And you're so glad to see them when they do pull into your driveway for a visit.

BUT my husband and I... AND all of our children all have cried our eyes out each time one leaves the nest. The youngest will likely be the toughest - because then it's over for sure (sniff).

Excuse me while I grab a Kleenex.

Bob Bancroft · Jan 30, 2017

Consider yourself blessed that you all get along so well that you want to be together. This bodes well for the future. Such is not always the case.

RayP(MI) · Jan 30, 2017

Been there, done that. Is an empty feeling fer sure. Hopefully, she's close enough you can get there fairly quick if the need arises. That happened with our oldest. Had a bad roommate situation and university wanted to move her to another dorm NOW! Drove 35 miles in a blizard with the pu in 4wd all the way.

Our kids are all gone with their own families and careers. Still get the HELP calls from time to time. Otherwise, kind of quiet around here.

Bob in SD · Jan 30, 2017

As the prophet Chris Ledoux said "You're proud when they walk, and scared when they run". My son only moved about 15 minutes away but I do miss having him around (as much). He can still visit, but doesn't that often. Priorities are more with the girlfriend, work, friends than hanging out at the homestead. He knows we're close when he needs something. I mainly see him in town as he borrows or returns tools and we exchange text messages more than we actually talk. I'm proud he can make it on his own, but still a little sad that life is moving on.

It definitely hit Momma a lot harder than me or the other kid.

Goose · Jan 30, 2017

People talk about how traumatic it is when kids leave the nest. I never felt that way with our daughter. I was just fascinated watching her grow into a responsible, self-sufficient adult. I think it was the spring semester of her junior year in high school when the thought struck me that she was thinking like an adult and not like a kid.

Two weeks after graduating from college she loaded all of her worldly possessions into her car and drove 1200 miles to Washington DC to begin building a career. We always raised her to live her own life, and she has done just that. She moved back to Omaha two years ago, but she's maintained ties in DC. When she flew back to DC for a wedding a couple of months ago an attorney she once worked with told her if she moved back to DC he'd pay six figures.

I guess she's done OK.

Danny Prosser · Jan 30, 2017

My wife and I have raised the 7 grandkids (long story)the eldest girl graduated high school year before last and she was looking at UT or Florida for college. I got her a little Ford Escort and fixed it up for her. I said you know the University of Memphis is a good school to and if you go to one of the other places you can't call and say Paw Paw something is wrong with my car or I need some money. I said and you know when I cook my soup that they all love or Nanny fixes her chili you can't drop by and take an ice cream bucket full you. She's going to University of Memphis. I hope I didn't influence her in anyway! But her and some of her friends rent an apartment right by the school and she's doing very well. I text her sometimes and tell her I love you and miss you and in a day or two she comes to the house.

pms · Jan 30, 2017

God bless you for what you are doing.

Paul

cuby · Jan 30, 2017

I walked my daughter down the asile 33yrs ago,a lot of tears came from my eyes at that time. She married,has a family and doing good,only 1 1/2 hrs away but dont see her much.
The son lives about the same distance,doing good for himself w/fed.job. Dont see him much either. But everytime that I do see them they get a BIG hug and a BIG kiss from the old man. Love them both equally.

Usedtobeiowadave · Jan 30, 2017

Our 2nd (last) daughter started college this year. It's been tough but it's getting better. Funny to watch them come home for Christmas break and watch their joy turn to "Mom and Dad are crazy, I'm ready to go back to school".

Dick2 · Jan 30, 2017

There is a saying: "Happiness is when the old dog dies and the last kid leaves home." In our case, we found that to be true.

JML755 · Jan 30, 2017

Funny, but the wife and I never had problems with our 3 girls leaving home. We raised them to be strong, independent women and that they are. We were excited for each one when we dropped them off at their dorm rooms their freshman year of college and told them so with no tears involved. They've all come home for short periods when in transition (usually just a couple of months) between college and law or graduate school. We also made it clear our home is a safety net and they'll always be welcome but should not be their "Plan A".

I think a lot of it is due to the fact that both my wife and I left home to go to college, never looked back. We were insistent our girls did the same.

Not trying to rain on anyone's parade who has strong emotional feelings about their kids moving out, just saying what our experience has been.

Phil9N3667 · Jan 30, 2017

We have the opposite here, our daughter got her Master's Degree in Teaching in "13 and is staying home with us. She's trying to pay down $40,000 plus in student loans while teaching and living here, bought her first car last April and really helps at home with cooking, etc. The son left a few years ago, only 35 minutes away. If she does stick around here and become an old maid, she'll get the place we're living in and be the 5th generation of my Mama's family to live here!

Donald Lehman · Jan 30, 2017

Our oldest granddaughter left for college last fall. Her Mamma and her shed a few tears but they both have adapted well to the transition. She's doing well with her vet training, She's doing quite well with her swimming. She won a 100 meter breast stroke and she was part of the 4 than won the medley last weekend. Her whole swim team got a commendation for maintaining a 3.2 academic average. Her swim coach got a commendation for transforming a swim team who had never won a single meet into a team that has won almost all of their meets this year. Life changes and kids off to college is one of the major ones.

Mashbox · Jan 30, 2017

Oldest daughter left for college 7 years ago and I had no problem with it. She was at the age she thought she knew more than she did and needed to be out from under our roof. Didn't take long and she came around. It helped that she was only 1 1/2 hours away.

Son graduated and chose to go the first two years at the local community college, which has worked well for him. He will finish up there this spring and has plans to continue his education at Missouri S&T. I know he well do well, I know he can take care of himself, but I hate the thought of him being 14 hours from home.

Third child went to PA the fall of 2015 to attend Bryn Mawr University. Did not deal with her leaving home very well at all. After a couple months she was back home for a visit, had an accident and ended up with a concussion that caused a lot of problems. So much she had to drop out for medical reasons. Came home, got better and signed up for a tour with Americorp. She seems to love it, although it is a lot of hard work. She will finish her tour in April, and plans to come home for a few months before moving to northern VA to be closer to her boyfriend and go to school online. Not sure how that will work out but we will see.

So starting this fall we will only have my youngest daughter, who will be a high school junior, at home. Although it has been gradual, going from four wonderful kids to only one in the house is gonna be a heck of a transition.

Super-H-Mike · Jan 30, 2017

This is a timely topic for me as well. One in college, and one just turned 18 and graduated HS early, will go to college in the fall. I have one 14 YO still at home. All girls. I really miss the good times when they were little, it isn't near as much fun when they are teenagers ! , but I still love em to pieces. It is hard not to be sad when they start to move on and detach from you. I try to hide it from them as best as I can, but I struggle with it personally. I do want them to strike out on their own and find their own path, and make their own mistakes. So much to learn.... One quote I keep in mind is " Be neither an anchor to hold them back, nor a sail to take them there, but rather a guiding light to show the way"

rrlund · Jan 30, 2017

It's tough. It was honest to God yesterday when you held her in the hospital for the first time wasn't it?

gab · Jan 30, 2017

I've been through all of that too except my daughter went to college in Elgin in the burbs of Chicago, Chicago scares me. She's moved three times since closer to down town each time. She got married last summer and she's doing good. Son moved out shortly after she did. He went to Springfield Ill., 4 hours away and then it really got quiet around here. Now him and his wife moved back N West of Chicago, can't figure out why them kids want to be subjected to gridlock and gun fights but they like it.

Dave H (MI) · Jan 30, 2017

Yup...and a lot of water under the bridge since then! Boggles the mind when I try to remember all the stuff. I have photos to prove it...I never let a chance go by to do something with my kids.

Dave H (MI) · Jan 30, 2017

Yes, Mike. You pretty much summed it up how I feel. Rrlund also. A year ago when we found out she was accepted and that the program would require her to be within 5 minutes of the college, Randy had some good stories about taking his boy to school and leaving him there. It helped a lot. Told myself this AM in the mirror...NO TEARS! I did pretty good until the car pulled away...then a few came down. Just enough to get my sinuses in an uproar and leave me with a headache for the rest of the day!!! LOL!

Dave H (MI) · Jan 30, 2017

I agree. I cook for them all the time. If I want her home one night all I have to do is text her that I am cooking dinner. Ticks her mom off a little but everyone laughs about it. I worked and trained as a chef for a couple years in my misspent youth. I also take them out to eat a lot and to movies, shopping, on trips....etc. The more time you spend with your kids, the more likely they will get to really know you and like you. AND....the harder it is if they have to leave for a time. I imagine she will come back, but God decides these things...not me.

Dave H (MI) · Jan 30, 2017

Well, I only have the two. The younger is in college but commuting like her sister. She wants to enter the same program and, if she makes it, they will share accommodations. She came home this afternoon and I told her. "Your sister left this morning with the kitten and her TV, not sure we will see her for a while." She was clearly not happy...they are very close. She spared us any more upset though by suggesting it was the kitten she was really going to miss. Good girl.

Super-H-Mike · Jan 30, 2017

Someone once told me this regarding raising kids, "The days go slowly , but the years fly by ". It is so true.

1948CaseVAI · Jan 30, 2017

I think the day I was the most proud and thrilled was the day I waved goodbye to my youngest daughter when she boarded the transport to start her year-long deployment on a forward operating base in Iraq. She ran convoys there for the year and some of her convoys got hit by IEDs but she was never injured.

The joke between us was that she was sure safer in Iraq than Detroit!

Bruce from Can. · Jan 30, 2017

We didn't have any girls, just three boys. Wife and I keep making up plans to run away , and get a place of our own, lol. I am sure you will adjust , I am willing to try .

JD Seller · Jan 30, 2017

Dave My kids mostly flew the nest after high school but did not fly very far away. The boys all live within five miles of where they were born. My daughter moved to St. Louis after she got married. I did not like that as they both worked in bad neighborhoods. She now lives just two miles away. So I guess I never had to go with not having any of them close by. I was happy for them to be moving on with their own lives.

johnlobb · Jan 30, 2017

I didn't catch where she's going, but probably CMU or WMU or MSU. Wish her the best. (And her sister, too!)

Dave H (MI) · Jan 30, 2017

Thanks! The last one.

Dave H (MI) · Jan 30, 2017

Yes, I am also. She has been texting me this evening. Honestly the worst of this is I am so darn under the weather with some kind of bug. I usually don't get sick for another week. All the early bird tax filers come in here with their post holiday viruses. This year I am the one sick so I can just lay in wait for them this week! I don't do 1040's until February. I need January to get the corporates and LLC's in line.

Dave H (MI) · Jan 30, 2017

Sitting here like I am about 30-40 miles outside of Detroit, I get your point. They complain about Chicago! There are areas of Chicago I would walk thru at night but not one block in downtown Detroit.

showcrop · Jan 30, 2017

It has been about 22 years since my oldest moved 15 hours away to go to school. At around that time that she was still leaving to go back after vacations the Dixie Chicks came out with "Wide Open Spaces" about the daughter leaving home for the first time. It had the line......."Her daddy yelled check the oil" I thought that it was one of the most poignant lines ever. My son who is four years younger laughed at it. He of course couldn't understand.

wisbaker · Jan 31, 2017

Our youngest moved out over winter break, it hasn't been that hard on Mom and Dad because she moved about 15 miles up the road so we still see her. You raise them up to leave and feel sad when they do. So we upgraded our empty nester status from part time to full time. It's been a little easier with the youngest as she goes to school locally (heck my wife works where she goes to school, the free tuition is great) and of course the first one leaving kind of taught us what to expect.

Paul from MI · Feb 2, 2017

Dave,
You and Mrs. are getting one step closer to "couples liberation". That's when the kids leave home and the dog dies. The first one to is the hardest I think. Taking a kid from Branch County and dropping him off at 7 mile and Livernois in Detroit is tough, but he and his brothers all made it just fine. Have faith--couples liberation is worth the wait.

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