10 more chemos to go , and i am digusted,

durn heifers got loose today , in the rain ,, went out with 530 case and a buket of feed and the heifers went plum stupid ,,the weather being strange must be the reason for their stupidity , finally got the littlechits in,, and found where a tree had laid down the fence ,, by the time I got the tree off and fence repaired , my hands tingled horribly ,gloves were soaked and 2nd pair was wet , then my throat closed up and jaws felt like tin , got bak on the 530 and made it to the house ..,hated to do it , called my son, to come chek the fence, he did come and we chekt over everything . now I am gonna sell the heifers to his mother ,, if chemo keeps me from being able to function in a emergency situation I just as well quit...I should not be asking anyone to do stuff I cant do,..to top it off,,i got a fella that has been helping all along , that really is taking adavantage of me , just aint working out..

Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. You are more important that livestock, so it sounds like your priorities are right on target. Take care of yourself first and you can sort the other stuff later as you are able.

Hang in there,

Larry

I know how you feel. Since my stroke I have had to sit and watch people. Do things I can no longer do. Tried to push myself and do the work. But just end up at home in bed. Sure glad my nephew lives with me.I try not to depend on him to much. But he has been a blessing to me.

I'm with Larry on this.
Take care of yourself.
Dennis

Your health comes first. Wish you the best.

I have been on chemo for five years (pancreatic cancer). I went in today for an infusion and decided I needed a break and came back home. It grinds on you and it is very frustrating not to be able do the things on the farm that you used to be able to do but you just have to suck it up and do the best you can. Consider the alternative.

When I was first diagnosed, had my operation and started chemo I was pretty demoralized because I could do almost nothing. One thing that was uplifting to me was how my friends and community members stepped up to help me (and my wife) without even being asked. I felt a bit uncomfortable at first but finally decided that it was payback for 50 years of being a volunteer fireman/EMT, mission work I had done and being a pretty good neighbor. Accept it and use it to keep going as best you can. You may have to adjust the things you do regularly but you have got to keep going. I have accepted that I can only lift 40 pounds now, it is more difficult to use tools, you have a lot less energy and I have to wait for my buddy to be able to finish the engine swap on a tractor. It's OK. Again, consider the alternative.

Cancer is a stinking, devious enemy that preys on you physically and mentally. You have to fight it with medicine and attitude. Be strong, accept the help that is offered and every day you get up you have won another round.

Good Luck and God Bless You- DaveK

Dave's got it right. Found that out after a stroke in 2011. I accept limitations but despise sitting on a couch all day.

I am terribly sorry for you illness and hope that you will make a full recovery. If I may off my thoughts. I have always been one who hated asking others for help. As a result I missed out on some good times with my son. I imagine that you are probably one who gladly helps others too. I have learned that my "independence" is actually a form of pride; not wanting to impose etc. People you have helped will be willing to help you and won't think anything about other than they will feel good they could help. Most children recognize that mom and dad raised them and perhaps sacrificed much for them, so they see a need for returning the love and devotion you taught them by your example. Most will want mom and dad to have a good quality of life and if it means helping out when needed so be it. When we refuse the help of others, it robs them of a blessing and an opportunity to share some quality time with you and you with them. Continued refusals of help only drives them away. Don't let your pride get in the way of what could be something great. May be this doesn't fit you, but if it does I hope it helps. It's a lesson I've had to learn the hard way.

What's the deal with the guy taking advantage of you? That's disgusting to kick someone when they are down. Just know -what goes around comes around-. Wish someone would tell him that as they are slapping him up side the face with a board. Get well.

gloen ,, those are wonderful words of wisdom ,,. bless you

dave and glenn , and all of you well wishers have pulled me out of my pity rut,,. thank you ,,. maybe tomorrow will be better ,sure beats the alternative .. and btw,.. flying Belgian , I will fix this guy ,too and he will traighten up or hit the brix,////.what I am kikin myself over is thinkin that chemo aint gonna be a problem , and that I can power on thru, also I am cutting my risk in half by doin chemo , but I still have a 10 percent probability upon completion,. that tinglin stuff really gets out of hand and puts me in near panic mode when I am out side in the rain and extremely vulnerable as I found myself today ,, intense tingling drains me physically and emotionally ,.. and makes me realize that the responsible thing to do is to avoid and remove those things that put me at risk ,,. and I hate it,,.. I worked hard to get here , and I don't want to give up what ihave earned ./

best of luck to you ,coming from NJ

Hang in there! BIL went through that last year, it took a lot out of him until he recovered. Getting well needs to be your top priority.

Sorry for what yur going through and hope things get better.. As a "senior citizen" myself with some severe spinal cord/nerve damage limitations that changed my expectations/outlook for my retired years , I've said the same thing many times. I tell myself that although it's easy growing old , it is a lot harder to grow old "GRACEFULLY" . So now I find things to do that "fit" my new lifestyle rather than just quitting. Also, I recognize that my Grandkids know me and love me as "Grandpa" and My biggest "job" is to see to it that I am in their fondest memories forever. As our life changes, so does our "role" in life. Yes, it's hard to ask for help and harder to stand there and watch, but this is the 1/4 of our life that everyone will remember us for. I have,and still am, learning that . My Grandkids will NEVER hear from me that I am too busy working or that Grandpa hurt himself doing something he had no rational reason to be doing. They don't care one iota what Grandpa did or didn't get done today. It's took me about 3 years now and still have to "catch" myself sometimes but I am now a real Grandpa and won't apologize one minute to anyone for when I get up ,when I go to bed , what I did today , what didn't get done , what I eat or anything else. I'm there, and everyone around me likes it better this way. It , after all , IS Gods plan and one must have faith that one is right where God wants them as He has His reasons. Be open to them.