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Brent Zappe

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This last week my mom had past on. I had called my brotheer and sister plus I had to go get dad away from his house to bring him back to Riverside. As us kids sat there a talked about the resting place to be for mom we where schocked that mom and dad never plan this. You might say it is a learning experance on what coast when a love one dies. We where lucky enough to say that dads bank account could afford it all. What did not surprise me was when I read my dad dischage papper(the DD 214 form) and it read job before entering the service was Farmmer, farm hand. I wonder why we never got back into farmiing but then I understood he was a disable vet. from the war.
 
Sorry for your loss Brent.
Pre-planning makes a huge difference. My dad had to deal with his mother's estate for over a year and a half. He's learned from the experience and already has all his stuff figured out, planned out; for mom too. Us kids will just need to follow the directions.
 
My condolences on your mother.

My wife and I need to buy cemetery plots, but our cemetery of choice will be opening a veteran's area sometime in the near future and I'd like to be buried there. Guess we could buy other plots and trade if the veteran's section opens before we need it.
 
It is a hard subject to approach with your parents, what do you want to do with your remains if you pass on, but sometimes there is an accident and suddenly both parents are gone and the kids argue over what to do. I had the chat with my folks at one time. As a result they bought cemetary plots and had things such as what kind of service they wanted and who should get some items of furniture and etc. I think the got the form from the senior center here. It was hard to bring it up but I think it was better in the long run and much easier for us to do what they wanted.
 
Did you know that being a Vetran gives you a free plot. WE found this out when dad was working on a place to put moms body to rest. What is going to happen is that mom will be put there in his plot only down deeper than when he dies. Than he will be there on top of hers. The interesting part is that there is a two week waiting for this to happen. Mom will be at the Arington Vetrans place in Riverside Ca. Do to the fact dad is a disable purple heart vet form the korean war.So you see it pays some times to be a vetran.
 
Here it is the kids who won't discuss it. We have a plot but that is about it. Little life insurance and house, but if one of us ends up in nursing home, they take the life insurance also. Can assign insurance by way of irrevocable trust but if wrong one goes first, that won't work either. HMMMMM.
 
I am sorry for your loss. This is a tough subject and can result in family fights. My sister and I both knew what our folks wanted and were in total agreement. Now a more sensitive subject. My wife passed in 2014 at 63. Again, we had talked about things and done the legal work and I knew what SHE wanted and had the authority to do it. I have not only done a will and other POA's but have written instructions for my kids as to the disposition of things not covered by the will. Not easy to do but think of your loved ones.
 
My condolences, as well, Brent.

My maternal Grandfather died suddenly at age 60, Mom was just 38 years old. EVERYTHING was in his name only, no planning at all. Grandma had to sell the house, cars, business all because she was not on the deed and did not get full rights as there was no will- stuff got split up between her and three living kids and the offspring of the fourth. My Dad was chosen Executor (he and Mom were the only responsible ones in the whole bunch). Took a couple years to straighten it all out.

My folks learned so well from that when Dad passed, he even had the hymns chosen for the funeral service and had written his own obituary (three full columns in the paper, he REALLY liked to talk). At a minimum, take an hour to think about it, and write some stuff down now, so someone can follow your wishes. You can always adjust it as you go along, but don't make them make all the choices.
 
My Dad passed away without a will. Fortunately, all of us kids were of age so we renounced our share of the estate so Mom would keep the property and have an income for the rest of her life. We just got our shares of the estate several years later after Mom passed away.
 
We have had a lot for 40 + years, a marker for 10, and arrangements made but NOT scheduled.
The kids thanked us!

Fred
 
We have had a lot for 40+ years, a marker for 10, and arrangements made, but NOT scheduled.
The kids thanked us!

Fred
 
Had similar experience when my wife passed suddenly at 63 in '14, we had approached the subject due to her poor health and all the children were amicable with what was done and they know how my time is to be handled. They are aware of the present will and most of what it contains. Whe my parents passed Mom 1st then Dad there was a will and my brother and I abided by it, the sticky situation arose when he died in an accident, I was the only heir, his significant other though not intitled to any of his inheritance caused a lot of trouble for quite a while, they were living in the folks house and were paying rent to my half and we shared costts on house maintenace and such, no rent after he died, took several months to get her out, seems she thought I should assume all utilites since it was half mine, she finally left when the electric was cut for being 4 mos past due-stuck me with over $2000 in bills.
 
Brent I am sorry for your loss. Many do not "plan" for their deaths. Many do not like to think about what happens in life. We ALL will die. All we really can control is how big a mess we leave behind. We have plots in the family cemetery and both services are prepaid. There is life insurance for any other debts. The property is all taken care of by deed and trusts.

I have been involved in estates where there are no wills. It makes a mess. The general law is all the personal property(household type of stuff) with half the "real" property going to the surviving spouse and the rest goes to the children.

Think about this: My first wife died at the age of 45. If we would not have had a will, half the real estate would have gone to the kids. That would have caused it all to be sold as I could not have made it work with just half.
 
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