Funny

I think I may have seen this one here before - but saw it again today and it made me laugh:

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in a rural town.He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence to collect the bird, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The lawyer replied, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field. Now I'm going in to retrieve it."

The old farmer looked the lawyer in the eyes and stated firmly, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The lawyer huffed angrily, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the country. If you don't let me get my duck, I'll sue you."

The old farmer smiled. "Apparently, you don't know how we do things around here. We settle small disagreements like this with the Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What's the Three Kick Rule?"

The Farmer answered, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The attorney thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the lawyer.

His first kick to the shin had the lawyer hopping around on one foot when suddenly the farmer planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. The attorney was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to pass out.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot, now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck.

I may have seen it before but it still has me laughing out loud.

Old farmer out in his field, stranger stops by on the road, steps over the fence and asks "Say old boy, sorry to bother you, which way back to town???" Old boy tells him, then says "Say, stranger, you don't know me, but I raise the best pointers anywhere around, and this dog is pointing right at you! You been hunting quails lately?" "No, not me." Dog is still pointing. "You been huntinf pheasant?" "No.' "You been hunting duck?" "No." "You been hunting ANYTHING???" Old dog is pointing right at the stranger. "No. Don't hunt." "Say, what's your name stranger???" "Bob white."

Old boy driving down the road, comes across a chicken by the side of the road. Driving 50. Chicken takes off, running alongside, keeps up easy. Old boy is amazed. Speeds up to 60, chicken keeps up. Speeds up to 70, chicken keeps up. Old boy notices chicken has THREE legs, is galloping along going calump-calump-calump... calump-calump-calump...
Comes to a farm driveway, the chicken takes off up the drive. Old boy, just has to stop, go back, find out what the heck??? He turns around and goes up, finds the old farmer in the barn yard. [ Might be the same old farmer... ] He gets out, goes up to fence to ask sbout the chicken, notices the barn yard is FULL of three-legged chickens. He asks "Say, sorry to bother, but I just saw your three-legged chicken, chasing me, and now your barn-yard FULL of three-legged chickens, If you don't mind, telling me, what in the world??? Farmer laughs, tells him "Well my three boys each like the thigh and the drumstick, and only way to keep peace was to specialize in three-legged chicken, so I grow them. Specialize in them." Mans laughs, says thanks, gets back in car, then thinks "Say, by the way, how do they taste?" Old famer says "Walll, we don't know, never have caught one."

I cracked up when I got to the last line.
Richard in NW SC

All these are funny!

An old farmer saw a man in his pasture cupping water out of his pond with his hand and drinking it.

The farmer yelled in German, "Nicht trinken der vasser! Der koo haben gescheisen". Translates to, "Don't drink the water, the cows have sh*t in it".

The man yelled back, "Speak English, old man. I'm a nnalert and I don't understand German".

The farmer replied, "Use both hands. You'll get more water".

Me too!