O.T. Anniversary Rememberance

IA Roy · Nov 6, 2015

My wife passed away at the end of March of this year. Our anniversary date was last Friday. It would have been 39 years. I was wondering whether to expect anniversary cards from the regulars (mostly relatives). The only anniversary card I got was from our Grief Support Group Moderator. I don't know the reasons of which there are many possible for not recognizing this date in our mutual history. I am not angry, just a little sad. (Actually it has been quite a sad couple of weeks). My sister, my closest sibling did call on Saturday evening. I went on a road trip wandering around on Sunday and dropped in on my parents 35 miles away mid afternoon. They said they had planned on calling in the evening and I have no reason to doubt them. When they call that is the normal time.
What are your experiences? I can't say we would have done any different. But now feel I should change my ways as my sister and sister-in-law are both widows last year and 4 years ago.

DeltaRed · Nov 6, 2015

You have my sympathys,Never been widowed.Almost was when the wife was so sick 5 years ago.Worst time of my life.Hard part was,everybody went to see her,asked about her. But nobody came to see me,or ask how I was doing...I understand.

JD Seller · Nov 6, 2015

Roy everyone handles these events differently. The first anniversary after your spouse's passing is usually the hardest. I have not thought of there being an "Anniversary" after one of the spouses dies. The usual thinking is at death you part. Most of the common marriage vows state it that way and most think of them that way. I know your feelings are not that way. I buried my first wife 20 years ago this year. I have even been remarried for 15 years and I dearly love my wife. I do still have feelings of loss over my first wife's death. She is in my thoughts every single day.

So I think it is more "normal" for a person to have thoughts and feelings of loss for much longer than those around you think there should be.

ShadetreeRet · Nov 6, 2015

I lost my wife five years ago. When our anniversary date came around no one sent cards. I really did not expect any. My sister did mention it, though. As JD Seller said, I feel that we, (the spouse), carry those feelings longer than others.
My wife died in March, and as Mother's Day neared my daughter came home one day and started crying. I asked what was wrong, and she said,"I was looking at Mother's day cards and suddenly realized that I no longer have anyone to send one to!" I said, "Well, if it will make you feel better, go ahead and get her one, she would understand." Turned out that we both bought cards, signed them just like always and placed them beside the urn that held her ashes. I honestly believe it helped ease the pain of loss.

JD Seller · Nov 6, 2015

It is hard to watch the person you love most in the world suffer. It really places a load on you. You still have all the everyday issues to deal with like making a living and paying your bills, but plus the added stress of your loved one's suffering.

Steve@Advance · Nov 6, 2015

Sorry to hear you're feeling down. I can only imagine how you feel, I haven't lost a wife.

My wife of 10 years lost her husband about 4 years before we met. She has told me of the same situation, abandonment by friends and family after his death. She experienced severe financial problems, medical bills, no insurance, no income. If it hadn't been for help from her church she would have been out on the streets...

I thing most people are fearful of putting themselves in a awkward situation, afraid they will say the wrong thing, afraid they won't know what to say, afraid they are invading your privacy. The last thing I want is to cause someone to get emotional, though the tears can be healing.

Though I can't speak from direct experience, you may have to make the first move. Make some calls, find a place for morning coffee, make some new friends that you can share as much or as little you choose. Isolation is a choice best avoided!

Hope this helps, God bless!

kent@junction · Nov 7, 2015

Can totally relate to what you are saying, wife passed a year ago last August -the first anything birthday, anniversary, Christmas anything special to you and her are tuff - do they get better I hope so and I take a lot of stock in what others here who have posted here that it will ok-the same never but ok yes. I know I will miss her forever= 44 yrs are full of too many memories to put aside.

fixerupper · Nov 7, 2015

Roy you have my thoughts and prayers. The year if 'firsts' (anniversary, Christmas etc) is so darned tough.

Areo · Nov 7, 2015

I lost a son to cancer 15 years ago. On the wedding anniversary
date we sent our DIL a "thinking of you" card with a personal
note telling her we couldn't let the day pass without acknowledging
the day she became a member of our family. She has since then brought
a wonderful son-in-law into our family. We are blessed, her whole
family is still as close to us a ever.

Janicholson · Nov 7, 2015

I do understand the feeling. Many of the people we grew up with are in that position. Some families send anniversary cards to mark many remembrances. Some never do but call, some do neither. Individuals may decide to not send a card after the spouse's passing due to the risk of reminding you of the loss. It might be hard to find other than a sympathy card as well. I vote for quiet remembrances, kind of internal. But that is me. May your memories be positive and cherished. Jim

O.T. Anniversary Rememberance

IA Roy

Well-known Member

DeltaRed

Well-known Member

JD Seller

Well-known Member

ShadetreeRet

Well-known Member

JD Seller

Well-known Member

Steve@Advance

Well-known Member

kent@junction

Member

fixerupper

Well-known Member

Areo

Member

Janicholson

Well-known Member

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