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Joke: Missing Wife

D

dgasper

Member
A husband went to the sheriff’s department to report that his wife was missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.

Sergeant: What is her height?

Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant: Weight?

​ Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: Color of eyes?

Husband: Never noticed.

Sergeant: Color of hair?

Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown.

Sergeant: What was she wearing?

Husband: Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don’t remember exactly.

Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?

Husband: She went in my truck.

Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?

Husband: Brand new ​2015 ​Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed. Custom leather seats and “Bubba” floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch. DVD with navigation, 21-channel CB radio, six cup holders, and four power outlets. Added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. Wife put a small scratch on the drivers door.

At this point the husband started choking up.

Sergeant: Don’t worry buddy. We’ll find your truck
 
(quoted from post at 19:21:43 12/12/14)
(quoted from post at 15:56:36 12/12/14) Why would he want the truck back?

Glenn F.
Click to expand...

Cause it's a Ford. Now if it were a FIAT ram he wouldn't care!

Rick :shock: :lol: :lol:
Click to expand...

Found On Road Dead.
Now backwards.
Driver Returned On Foot.
 
Funny! I know we're just funnin here, but I bet over 90% of
the stock cars have 350 Chevy engines. Or just about every
'30s vintage Ford rod in Hot Rod magazine. Pretty hard to
dispute that.

The incredible small block Chevy engine!


Glenn F.
 
perplexed,

I wish, Fix Or Repair Daily !

Since I was a Parts Manager at Ford Dealership for 31 years.

Barely survived as Fords ran and ran and used few parts !

Now we are both joking. (grin)

Seriously, had a very great run as Parts Mgr and as you cam imagine I like my Fords.
 
If it where a dodge she wouldn't of took it, those fords are
lady's trucks, or as I call them grocery getters!
 
Reminds me of this old joke...

Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

Dear Walter:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for
work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as
usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when
my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I
walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home
I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a
neighbor lady making mad passionate love to her.
I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for
twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out
that he went into the back yard and heard a lady scream,
had come to her rescue but found her unconscious. He'd
carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and
began CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking
him and kissing him and he was attempting to break free
when I came back. But when I asked him why neither of
them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that
he'd been having an affair for the past six months.
I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go
from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling
increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much,
but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become
increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to
him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Mrs.. Sheila Usk


Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be
caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by
checking that there is no debris in the fuel line, or it
could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low
delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
Walter
 
Glenn F. I'm basically a Ford man myself, but I will
give credit where credit is due. When GM introduced the little Chevy V8 in 1955, it was one of the best engineered and designed engines ever! And they were able to enlarge it as needed without having to completely re-design it. AND, one would think they designed it for Fords as well, because it was a very simple swap. Small, powerful, and lightweight, what more could anyone want?
 
My neighbors wife had been missing for about two weeks, they told him to be prepared for the worst, so he went down to the Good Will store and bought all her clothes back............
 
Ford 460= 4 mpg @ 60 mph...
Seriously though, live the fords!, have a 93 ranger myself, 172,000 miles and still running strong(well as strong as a 4.0 can be) im more a fan of the older stuff though, if a 300 would fit in my ranger, id do it! The newer stuff im just not that sold on... Plus the cost is so outrageous... And the fact a std trans is all but obsolete.... Bring back the 73-79 series!
 
(quoted from post at 01:00:34 12/13/14) Ford 460= 4 mpg @ 60 mph...
Seriously though, live the fords!, have a 93 ranger myself, 172,000 miles and still running strong(well as strong as a 4.0 can be) im more a fan of the older stuff though, if a 300 would fit in my ranger, id do it! The newer stuff im just not that sold on... Plus the cost is so outrageous... And the fact a std trans is all but obsolete.... Bring back the 73-79 series!
Click to expand...
My '79 F350 - 300/6 - 4 speed.

mvphoto13831.jpg
 
Local airport used to use the 300 to keep planes warm in winter. They also had an old mopar 330 hemi that finally gave up the ghost after close to 20 years of service.
 
(quoted from post at 18:26:14 12/12/14) If it where a dodge she wouldn't of took it, those fords are
lady's trucks, or as I call them grocery getters!
Click to expand...

That's funny, most of the pickups around here earning their keep are Ford and GM while the ladies and boy wannabes are driving Fiat Rams.

That brings up another interesting thing. I've noticed over the last year or so that when you do see one of those Fiat Rams on the road they are newer than about 02, but the Fords and GM's range from the early 80's to new. What happened to all those Dodge's? Did they all get scrapped in that cash for clunkers program???? Cause they all wanted to drive a Fiat?

Rick
 
(quoted from post at 02:14:15 12/13/14)
(quoted from post at 18:26:14 12/12/14) If it where a dodge she wouldn't of took it, those fords are
lady's trucks, or as I call them grocery getters!
Click to expand...

That's funny, most of the pickups around here earning their keep are Ford and GM while the ladies and boy wannabes are driving Fiat Rams.

That brings up another interesting thing. I've noticed over the last year or so that when you do see one of those Fiat Rams on the road they are newer than about 02, but the Fords and GM's range from the early 80's to new. What happened to all those Dodge's? Did they all get scrapped in that cash for clunkers program???? Cause they all wanted to drive a Fiat?

Rick
Click to expand...

I just about cried when I read this. I just went to the New Holland dealer yesterday to get parts for my Ford 7000 row crop. The new sending unit was in the older box but the new filter and tach cable both have labels on them that say, "Fiat Group."

Ever see a man cry in a tractor dealership? Thank the Lord for Missy, the parts clerk. She always makes me smile, and if you saw her, you would too... Until your wife saw you smiling, then you would be crying also.
 
That's funny I drive my old 1979 power wagon about everyday,
one of my co workers has a step side Powerwagon he drives
almost everyday and there's quiet a few around, don't see
many fords or Chevys that old around here. My 79 will start on
the coldest days. And if I wanna drive a new truck I have a
new Powerwagon in the shed and I have a 2005 srt10 truck in
the shed to, if I wanna go fast.
 
(quoted from post at 04:42:28 12/13/14) That's funny I drive my old 1979 power wagon about everyday,
one of my co workers has a step side Powerwagon he drives
almost everyday and there's quiet a few around, don't see
many fords or Chevys that old around here. My 79 will start on
the coldest days. And if I wanna drive a new truck I have a
new Powerwagon in the shed and I have a 2005 srt10 truck in
the shed to, if I wanna go fast.
Click to expand...

Isn't that the one (79) that you just restored?

Driving to work doesn't make it a work truck.

Here, go to a farm auction, livestock auction or tractor dealership. For every Fiat you see there will be 10 Fords or Chevy's that are hooked up to trailers. 99% of the Fiats I see hooked to trailers it's the yuppy crowd with a boat or a camper either on the highway or at the boat ramp trying to figure out how to back that trailer up to launch the boat. 2 old Dodges in the area are not owned by people who work them, it's all they could afford. Now go shopping in town an then you start seeing Fiat Rams. At the mall, at the grocery store, at Target. We see a lot of 18-25 year olds who go to ND to work the oil patch for 2 weeks, then they are home for a week with Fiat Rams, diesel, jacked up with big tires, that get left in Fargo where they get on Amtrak to get to the patch. Crime is so bad out there they don't want to get their toys stolen.

Of all the professional mechanics I know, and that has to be over 20, only one drives a Fiat owned vehicle. His wife insisted on a Caravan. I always thought that was kinda interesting.

Just saying.

Rick
 
(quoted from post at 19:04:17 12/12/14) Glenn F. I'm basically a Ford man myself, but I will
give credit where credit is due. When GM introduced the little Chevy V8 in 1955, it was one of the best engineered and designed engines ever! And they were able to enlarge it as needed without having to completely re-design it. AND, one would think they designed it for Fords as well, because it was a very simple swap. Small, powerful, and lightweight, what more could anyone want?
Click to expand...

Yes sir and from that day until GM stopped production of that version of the SBC,the rear main leaked on EVERY one!The single biggest reason there is so many around is because 1) they are dirt cheap and 2)parts,both standard and hop up, are also cheap and plentiful.
The reason they are used in classic hot rods is because of the distributor being in the back end of the engine thus the oil pan sump is also at the back of the engine and dosen't interfere with front suspension pieces.
Nonetheless,I'll be the first to admit it's a pretty fair engine.
This reminds me of a friend who had a very sweet '34 plymouth coupe that had Desoto Fire Dome V8 installed.A genuine little hemi.One day he said to me "I think I'll drop a small block in it"and I said "are you f'n nuts"? He said "just kidding"
 
I guess I should just let this silly thread go, but I've been
running small block Chevy engines for 39 years, (and we
had them in our family cars growing up) and while a few
did, I certainly don't agree with your exclusive leaky rear
mwin seal statement.

Not too many people my age have had more SBC engines
than me.


Glenn F.
 
I haven't restored it yet, its a work in progress, and its my work
truck, pulled all anhydrous tank this fall with it to cover 2500
acres, pull 375 buschel seed tender, livestock trailer. Flatbed
etc. I've hauled some pretty heavy loads and the ole 360 pulls
like a champ. Most fords I see are driving by women, and they
get grocerys, and they reason you see alot of fords is because
there CHEAP when new and don't hold resale as well. And
when you look at trucks pulling I see the majority of cummins, I
prefer the hemi but there's alot of cummins. And there's the
Chevys because they have a good tranny. What does ford
have? Neither the best motor or tranny. They have the
cheapest truck and that's why they sell. You can call them fiat
if you want don't bother me any, don't say it on the truck so
whatever you wanna call them because you know there the
best truck. I will keep my v8 and you can keep you ecoboost
v6 and get "good" mpg when you drive it to town for grocerys.

The reason your mechanic buddy's drive fords and not dodges
is because when they get slow they can work on there own
vehicle where as if they all drove dodges they couldn't put
there skills to work is the way I see it.

Here's a picture of my srt10 with an anhydrous tank, you mean
since I'm pulling something its a work truck. It's the farthest
thing from a work truck, just because you see a truck pulling
something dont mean its a work truck.
a176476.jpg
 
"Dodge is the only thing I drive, never owned nothing but."

That explains a lot. Hard to accurately judge without experience.
Here's a picture of one of my previous Dodges.

mvphoto13848.jpg
 
The company I work for has fords and Chevys, the fords are
constantly in the shop. I have drove them and don't like them.
 
I'm pretty sure the new hellcat would leave you in its tracks.
What do you run in a 1/4 mile, bet my srt10 ram isn't far off,
can run mid to high 12s
 
She runs mid 11s. Hellcat gonna cost ya around 70k. I have no where near that invested. Next summer she gets a whipple on e85. Should get me close to 700hp
 
(quoted from post at 18:23:16 12/13/14) I haven't restored it yet, its a work in progress, and its my work
truck, pulled all anhydrous tank this fall with it to cover 2500
acres, pull 375 buschel seed tender, livestock trailer. Flatbed
etc. I've hauled some pretty heavy loads and the ole 360 pulls
like a champ. Most fords I see are driving by women, and they
get grocerys, and they reason you see alot of fords is because
there CHEAP when new and don't hold resale as well. And
when you look at trucks pulling I see the majority of cummins, I
prefer the hemi but there's alot of cummins. And there's the
Chevys because they have a good tranny. What does ford
have? Neither the best motor or tranny. They have the
cheapest truck and that's why they sell. You can call them fiat
if you want don't bother me any, don't say it on the truck so
whatever you wanna call them because you know there the
best truck. I will keep my v8 and you can keep you ecoboost
v6 and get "good" mpg when you drive it to town for grocerys.

The reason your mechanic buddy's drive fords and not dodges
is because when they get slow they can work on there own
vehicle where as if they all drove dodges they couldn't put
there skills to work is the way I see it.

Here's a picture of my srt10 with an anhydrous tank, you mean
since I'm pulling something its a work truck. It's the farthest
thing from a work truck, just because you see a truck pulling
something dont mean its a work truck.
a176476.jpg
Click to expand...


Nope sorry, ain't seeing the problems you claim with Ford or GM. And I could park the wife's Suburban in front of a tank like that and take a picture too. Nice looking tank by the way. Why don't you have the front plate LEGALLY mounted?

Rick
 
If I supercharged my truck I bet I wouldn't be off by much, and
the 2015 Hennesey Mustang is a mustang but it has a bunch
of aftermarket mods not done by ford, so technically its really
not impressive, I can buy a 100% stock challenger and have
707hp and mod it myself and be way past that. Dodge waits
for everyone to build there "fast" one and hold off tell the end
and shows everyone up every time.
 
Because there's not a spot to mount it on front bumper, and
I'm not gonna drill holes in it. And I didn't park it in front of a
tank on a blacktop, really? As long as its in the front window
its legal here in Iowa, I've checked with my local law
Enforcement and they said where I have it is fine. Srt10 is my
toy but use it for farm work now and then.
 
That 700hp on the hellkitty is at the crank, not at the wheels!
By the way. I'm just bustin on ya bud! All in good fun!
Horsepower sells cars. Torque wins races!
 
LOL no wonder you brag about being able to pull things......it's flat! Heck my grandkids could pull that tank with a pedal tractor :lol:

You ain't sold anyone on buying one of those Fiats. So don't quit yer other job :twisted: :twisted:

You still haven't figured it out have you? We mess with you over this because it's so funny. We really don't care what you drive. I think most of us know the only reason Fiat bought Chrysler was to get a pre established dealer network to try to sell their cars in the US. Ain't working too well for em when they are having trouble breaking 5K cars a month. They will hold onto Chrysler until their design team brings them down to the level of Fiat's other cars (shouldn't be too hard) then try selling em or just close it down and withdraw from the US market. That is what I see happening.

I do have a friend who owns a transmission shop. Now here you see far more Fords and GM's than you do Fiat rams but he claims that about 50% of his pickup truck transmission repairs are Dodge. Of the mechanics I know none are lacking for work (economy isn't great so people are fixing what they have) both dealer and independents none of them except the one drives Chrysler. And the one exception's wife demands them. He owns his own shop and has a staff of 5 mechanics. He trades that mini van every 2 years. Love to get you face to face with him. He'll tell you right away it's so he doesn't have to mess with it. His driver is a Ford.

Maybe we will actually get to meet sometime. I travel through you area going to visit grand kids. Trust me. I have nothing against you. Just like messing with you!

Just cause I'm curious where did you get your love of MM?

Rick
 
Well honestly I don't really know ever since I was quiet young I
always liked MM tractors, there was always a g1355 in my
neighbors grove and still is that he won't sell and I have
wanted it since as long as I can remember something about it I
liked, none of my family really ever had any, my dad and uncle
had a g1000 vista I'd like to find back but my area there isn't
hardly any MMs, so last year since I was getting tired of
bothering my neighbor I went and bought one out in Indiana
and got it back home and did alot of work and restored it this
past summer.

I'm proud of how it turned out, there's a couple things I could of
done better I think, but that'll be on the next one gotta learn
from mistakes. This is first tractor I've done start to finish on
my own, I've always helped redo old tractors but never did one
100% alone.

Here it is
a176546.jpg
 
(quoted from post at 18:23:16 12/13/14) I haven't restored it yet, its a work in progress, and its my work
truck, pulled all anhydrous tank this fall with it to cover 2500
acres, pull 375 buschel seed tender, livestock trailer. Flatbed
etc. I've hauled some pretty heavy loads and the ole 360 pulls
like a champ. Most fords I see are driving by women, and they
get grocerys, and they reason you see alot of fords is because
there CHEAP when new and don't hold resale as well. And
when you look at trucks pulling I see the majority of cummins, I
prefer the hemi but there's alot of cummins. And there's the
Chevys because they have a good tranny. What does ford
have? Neither the best motor or tranny. They have the
cheapest truck and that's why they sell. You can call them fiat
if you want don't bother me any, don't say it on the truck so
whatever you wanna call them because you know there the
best truck. I will keep my v8 and you can keep you ecoboost
v6 and get "good" mpg when you drive it to town for grocerys.

The reason your mechanic buddy's drive fords and not dodges
is because when they get slow they can work on there own
vehicle where as if they all drove dodges they couldn't put
there skills to work is the way I see it.

Here's a picture of my srt10 with an anhydrous tank, you mean
since I'm pulling something its a work truck. It's the farthest
thing from a work truck, just because you see a truck pulling
something dont mean its a work truck.
a176476.jpg
Click to expand...

First off:The triton engine from Ford was rated one of the 10 best by Wards several years running.To my knowledge Dodge or Chevy or GMC never made it.Second:Ford truck auto X/MIS.rates as good or better than the other two.(none are that good in my opinion).Third:model for model Fords run a little higher price wise than the other two,Dodge being the least expensive.And forth:Generally at trade or resale time the Ford will have more miles and will show more wear and tear just because it's been worked harder.In other words it wasen't just a grocery getter.
 
The 6.2 hemi in the hellcat has 650ft.lb of torque. Don't know if
I can agree with you 100% on torque wins races, look at
trucks, when I went and test drove new trucks the new hemi
was way quicker than the cummins, not that I buy a 3/4 truck
for speed but I'm just saying, and look at drag cars or race
cars, they don't brag they have more torque, they brag on
power. Now only if dodge would get a hellcat truck I'd buy one
to set beside my srt10. Or maybe I will have to make one buy
a new body style in 2016 1500 and put in a 6.2 hemi
 
I guess this post got a little far from the joke. LOL. Guys, I read all the posts about the iron you like most, and that's fine, I have my biases too. I didn't hear anyone mention how much money their favorite company is making for them. I bought some Ford stock awhile back. Some for $4 a share and some for $6 a share. Last week it was a little over $15. I've never owned a Ford anything except for a tiny miniscule chunk of their stock. How much would one of their vehicles return in dollar profit? Jim
 
"How much would one of their vehicles return in dollar profit?"

Much like their stock, none unless you actually sell it! LOL
 
(quoted from post at 17:38:42 12/14/14) I guess this post got a little far from the joke. LOL. Guys, I read all the posts about the iron you like most, and that's fine, I have my biases too. I didn't hear anyone mention how much money their favorite company is making for them. I bought some Ford stock awhile back. Some for $4 a share and some for $6 a share. Last week it was a little over $15. I've never owned a Ford anything except for a tiny miniscule chunk of their stock. How much would one of their vehicles return in dollar profit? Jim
Click to expand...


Funny thing is with most auto companies had you purchased the "right" one and kept it, it would pay a better return. 58 Corvette, any of the Hemi Cuda's, the Cobra all come to mind for what at the time was US manufacturers.

Rick
 

Rick you are right. It's all an investment we hope to see an upturn in. My problem is I, like most folks don't have enough dollars laying around to get into the bigger investments like new cars that are stored away in an environmentally safe place so I have to go with the small dollar investments instead. The investment car is solid property that won't go away and can be insured if it's lost in a fire. Who knows if the company we buy stock in today will be there forty years from now and there is no recourse if it goes belly up. Which one will merely follow inflation through the years? I don't know the answer. I'm getting tired and long winded. Time to hit the sack. LOL
 
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