OT... Way OT, sorry... concerned about friend

I have a friend I am very concerned about. She started comforting her high school sweetheart after he lost his soul mate wife of 13 years on June 10. They became a couple august 12 and then moved into together August 16. Has anyone heard of something like this working out?

mmidlam- I assume they are adults. So why worry about it?

She is asking me for advice.

Growing up we had some neighbors that went from their first date to married in three weeks (they were teens). It was bumpy sometimes but not more than any other marriage. They were married until the death of one of them from disease at age 70.

Sometimes you know. If they are older it may be just fine. I kind of think that you know right away if you are older. Younger kids think everyone is the one. I had one bad marriage before the current one. I knew right away this was the one to "death do us part". I thought the first one was but I was sadly mistaken. I was also young enough to still have one those rose colored glasses.

Might work and might not. Seems a little fast to me. He might see things differently when done grieving.

You cannot really give her advice, she has to decide herself.

Tell her to slow down.
He is on the mend and she is apparently lonely.
Although NOT lonely enough to NOT be worried herself.
One day at a time.
I myself would have ran if I were her and fast.

My wife and I were married. Two months after I came back from Nam.Never met before that. Lasted 32 years before she died. You never know.

(quoted from post at 19:28:02 09/24/14) She is asking me for advice.

Click to expand...

Seems a little late to ask advice, seeing as how she done did the deed.

Gene

Starting a relationship while on the rebound isn't the best idea,, but a lot of people do it. Some work out.

If she is asking for advice after the fact then she already knows she made a mistake, which is all it is, a mistake, not the end of the world.

Times can change for people and old flames can be re-united later in life. I am not a believer in that, but have seen it happen numerous times. My personal opinion is, she is moving way to fast, and he needs more time to heal the grief wounds before jumping into another relationship. Alot of difference between loving somebody and just being lonely, heartbroke, or simply trying to fill the void. Why things didn't work for them to begin with could still be an issue. Becoming a couple and moving in together 4 days later is moving entirely way to fast regardless of any situation. Ya know, some one told me something one time and so far I have found it to be true. It takes 3 years of seeing someone to really know them. I think that kinda goes hand in hand with taking that long to know if you really think the relationship has a shot at really working. I know I have thought I really knew someone up front, and 2 1/2 years later and after the break up I decided that I really didn't know them at all. Takes about that long to dig into the skelletons in the closet I geuss.

I don't know anything about the grief side of the equation, and how it is playing into both of their actions, but with our feelings playing a HUGE part in our interaction with the opposite s3x, I think they will both be in for a rude awakening when those feelings fade.

That said, my wife and I met on November 16, basically moved in together two days later, and then got married on November 30. That was almost 7 years ago. I freely admit that we have our hard times, and both of us have had our issues with each other in those years. Thing is, that's normal, and healthy for a relationship, regardless of how long two people are together.

I think what really helped us is that we didn't have any of the ingrained, preconceived notions that most develop when dating for a long period of time....only to discover that those notions aren't right when the marriage finally comes about and they are together all the time. As such you take things one day at a time, and just understand that regardless of how much you LOVE each other, your not always going to LIKE each other. Then get past it and go on for yet another day, week, month, year, decade, etc.

That all said, I think that as long as both the man, and your lady friend are adults, your best bet will be to stay out of the whole deal and mind your own business, even when asked what you think. I say this because regardless of what your advice is, they are going to do what they want anyways. Worse, should your advice go against what they want, or what eventually happens, there is the potential for it to cause problems with your friendship.....Not something most people want.

I knew two different guys that passed away and their wives remarried within 30 days. Don't know if that worked out, but think there must have been something going on before the husbands died?

Friend of mine was in a similar situation. Husband died unexpectedly end of May and she was in a serious relationship by October. I know for a fact there was no prior connection while her husband was alive. Neither of them had any children, so the adults needed only worry about themselves. She is in a good marriage situation of 9 years and has two children. Her second husband is a great guy. Do I recommend it? No. Can it work? Yes.

It can work. A friend lost his wife to cancer (I shouldn't speak ill of the dead but it was not a bad thing for him, she was mentally ill also and his life at the end was hell). He hooked up with a divorced (younger too!) lady at work less than a year later and they were married just after that. These two couldn't be more perfectly matched and she is a delight to be around. Sometimes a closing door forces new and better ones to open.

Knew a guy at work that started an affair with a divorcee in the office before his terminally ill wife passed away.

After his wife passed away, he married the divorcee and learned what he!! was all about. Last time I saw her she had doubled her weight and could yell at him like a hog caller.

How did the husbands die? Sounds a little like a soap story.

My late older brother was married 5 times when his third wife died be brought another girl friend
to the funeral, but he didn't marry her. Hal

When we were in California in the Marine Corps, a buddy of mine took off for Vegas one evening with a gal he'd known for 8 days. They were married in the middle of the night, got back to Santa Ana around 6am, both had to be to work at 8am, and they didn't even have a place to live.

Now, some 50 years, a military career, and two kids later, they're still happily married.

It's a crap shoot any way you look at it.

I know two different guys who were killed and their Wives brought their boy friends to the funeral home.

Myabe she has always liked this guy, and missed the opportunity in high school. Now that the guys wife has passed this is now her chance.

He also could be the lonely type too, looking for someone to fill the void.

Dont know what advice you could give her. If they are both happy, all should be good.

Rick

Speaking from experience: if it clicks, it clicks, irrespective of the timing. The older you are, the more true this is. With older folks s3x becomes a secondary issue, with the quality of the relationship itself becoming more important and fulfilling.

In short, never underestimate the power of love (or something like it.)

I would say it is none of your business!

Probably works out as often as it doesn't. I wouldn't think I would do something like that but then I've never lost a wife either.

Thanks guys. I will keep my mouth shut and tell her to write Dear Abby or something.