To clear matters up a little

Just read the replies to my post from last night, and for those that were beating me up, thanks....I'm going to try to clear things up a little here since ya'll have ideas of what I should have done, and I assume how my family dynamic is/was in this whole situation....

That said, yes, I am 46 years old and have had my own place since I got out of the military 20 plus years ago. Growing up we had a house fire that took off the top of our old house, including my bedroom and our attic. In that fire I lost pretty much EVERYTHING I had as a kid from my GI Joe stuff, to a Hot Wheels collection that would make most collectors nowdays drool, to hundreds of arrowheads I had spent years collecting.

In other words the very few things I have from my childhood I have a profound appreciation for as there aren't many of them. In fact things like my metal Tonka toys that were in the back yard growing up were about all I had left as all my other stuff was in my room or in the attic right beside my room, and went up in flames.

Now Mom is the type that loves to display things from our childhood. That being the case she has things like my first tool set, my BB gun, etc, etc all at their/now her house. The fact that she got enjoyment out of displaying them meant a lot to me, and in my way of thinking, was a better use for the stuff than sitting in my closet just so I would have it one day for the nostalgia.

After the divorce mom went through a really rough patch so it wouldn't have been a good idea to go 'taking stuff', as I found out later on. Basically I was told get your stuff a few times and then that the lawyers said we couldn't get anything yet, Mom didn't want us to get anything yet, etc, etc. This happened numerous times. When I finally did try to get a few items that belonged to me (things sitting outside)Mom and I got into an argument and I got told not to come back on the property. So, there were right at three years that I didn't even see, or speak to her. During that time she pretty much turned on everyone in the family, us kids included, and spent the time wallowing in her own misery. It was not a good time for any of us.....

Thankfully when the final distribution of goods was signed off on (only took 6 years) she seemed to have a bit of closure and realized what she had done by running all of us off. From that point, and even more so when she decided to sell the house and knew it all had to be moved, she has been very agreeable with us all getting things that belonged to us. In fact I got my tool set the other week, and my baby book, and various other small items last night, along with some of one Grandpa's old books, and things from my other Grandma's place that I always had my eyes on. Basically though things still had to leave on her terms. Given the past scenario of taking what was mine, even after being told to do so, I wasn't going to press my luck by taking something without her approval.

That being the case I had her approval to get the BB gun and quiver, along with Dad's and Grandpa's old recurve bows. I wanted it all the night I got the two bows, but the garage had so much stuff packed into it the BB gun and quiver were not accessible. (think a two car garage wall to wall, and the stuff hanging at ceiling level, which was 12 feet, in the very middle of the side opposite the access point. Not to mention there were also shelves/cabinets underneath it too. That being the case Mom said they would be safe hanging right where she had put them until they got everything out of the way when they had the yard sale. At that point my plan was to get them and take them home with me the first chance I got.....ie when Mom said it was OK...... The day of the sale, while the women were doing that, I was occupied getting more stuff moved from the shop, which was the stuff Dad got in the whole deal. This stuff, in Mom's own words, was a bigger priority for her than the house stuff, because of the heavy equipment and knowledge needed to get the items loaded and moved. Basically Dad and I could get it, or he would default on his stuff and she would have to pay someone to bring in heavy equipment to do it. So, we were told to get it, and given way more than the two weeks ordered by the court to do so because that was the smart thing for Mom to do and didn't cost her an arm and a leg having to hire someone.

In other words I didn't miss getting my stuff because I was just out goofing off and missed the sale, I was doing what Mom had asked me to do.

Now my problem with the whole deal is the garage was supposed to be off limits as everything inside was not for sale, and those doing the sale knew it. Yes, I agree they were helping out, just like I was, and I appreciate that. Thing is you DO NOT go into someone elses house and sell items that weren't priced to sell, were not put in with the sell stuff, and were in an area that was off limits to begin with.

That said, a few other items I had wanted did get sold, and I was a bit upset, but still OK with it as I knew Mom needed the money, and she okayed the sale of said items. Too, they were things readily accessible that I could have taken before hand and I accept my responsibility in the deal by not taking them when I had the chance. BUT the BB gun and quiver was a completely different matter. Common sense, and common courtesy tells you that you don't sell someone elses stuff without consulting them first. Thing is, in 'helping out' someone decided that none of those traits applied since the items being sold meant nothing to them. THAT IS JUST PLAIN WRONG....and I am not the politically correct type to keep my mouth shut and let them think that what they did was right, or OK. If they don't know they did wrong then they need to be told, because obviously, as adults, that's something they missed learning when they were growing up....and I don't want to see someone else put in my position the next time they decide to help........Not to mention I guarantee, as one reply to the other post suggested, if they were put in the same position they would feel the same way I do.

So, to those that beat me up before, in some cases your absolutely right, and I have already done as many said I should and taken responsibility and sucked it up over several items that were sold, and that were fair game because I either didn't say I wanted them, or didn't get when I should have. However, given the situation surrounding the whole mess, and with the BB gun and quiver in particular, it was a whole different story, and I have every right to be upset over that deal, just as I am sure you would have been in my shoes.

Regardless, beat up or not by some, some did give good advice, so thanks for the opportunity to vent.

So there was no shotguns blasts or calls to Dr. Phil ?

(quoted from post at 11:15:14 05/20/14) So there was no shotguns blasts or calls to Dr. Phil ?

Click to expand...

I'll bet watching Dr Phil off screen while his wife tells him how "the cow eats the cabbage" would be hilarious!!!!!!!! :wink: :lol: :wink:

Up to a point, I understand where you are coming from. Seems a bit strange for your mom to chase away her children and family members.
I had a similar feeling of anger some years ago when I found my wife (now EX) copying my mother's recipes onto fresh 3 by 5 cards. The recipe box was given to me by Mom, and had most of her handwritten recipes on 3 by 5 cards. Some were stained and faded from years of use. She thought she was doing me a favor by recopying them onto fresh cards. BUT - she was throwing the old ones away. I had a fit, and told her to NEVER touch that box again. Mom passed away 10 years ago, and this was one of the few mementos I had from her. The feelings of initially anger, then loss, and sadness follow. This too shall pass.
Sorry if I seemed a bit harsh, but we are now grown men and women. We need to move on past the hurts and disappointments of life. There will always be things that we miss from the old days. I'm sure that many of my childhood treasures are probably in landfills somewhere. Mom did not know whether or how important they may be to me, but she knew that she needed the space, and out they went. It is a fact that I will never again play with my John Deere pedal tractor. I got too big and old for it. If I had it now, I would only wonder how much it is worth to me, and how much I could sell it for. Then, I probably could not bring myself to sell it anyways. Better that it is gone.

ell, there's things that i wish i had never got rid of. to late now. but, what cha gonna do. ?

I'll bet over 50% of is reading this have more than one story kinda similar in our family tree.

If things are patching up between you and your mom, enjoy what you can get out of that and the material things are just clutter in the corner of the shed. The memories, the words and visits and the people, those are the important things, and see if that side can improve.

All said I understand, it hurts when people toss or sell stuff they shouldn't have no business in, but that happens all the time to everyone.

Venting is good, get it out of your system, then go back to the memories and the people still around that you can try to share more memories and make a few yet.

That's the important part.

Paul

Nah, I started to clear things up with about 60 rounds through my .40 Styer. It's amazing how much frustration can be expended with enough ammo .....Just think how mad I was before going to the bottom to shoot given that I wrote everything last night after expending the ammo....LOL.

Kind of glad the drum mag for my AK hadn't been reloaded since the last time I got this mad or I'd have gone through 73 rounds of 7.62x39 and only had about3 minutes to cool down rather than 15....

And before I get beat up again, yes, I enjoy target shooting, and no, I had no intention of taking the shotgun, or any of my guns for that matter, to anyone, or anything beyond possibly an old TV, a water mellon, or something like that. To me just the concentration and discipline involved helps get me refocused where I need to be and helps me relax.....Until I realize that I just blew $20 worth of ammo in under 3 minutes... Then I have something else to worry about like getting back to work to make that money back to pay bills....LOL

"It's amazing how much frustration can be expended with enough ammo ."

So true !

But also a VERY FINE line between that and going "postal" so to speak so try to stay on the right side of that line. Many people are not quite able to maintain the control.

Some of these people , I call them pickers, are very aggresive at sales and probably climbed over and broke alot of other stuff just to get at your treasures. The person helping Mom may not have even known where they grabbed the items from and threw out a price. I do look in garages for oil cans but as far as the agressive guys I have no part of it .Whatever I see today I will see at another sale. The worst are the LP vinyl collectors . I heard one guy say can you look in that box first cause I didn't look in the one your looking in yet. I had one guy keep pushing my space [in a long row of vinyl] to look at the albums closed on my fingers. Finally I said what are you looking for Beatles. He says yeah. I said well I'm lookin' for Hank Snow so stop being pushy I don't even want what your looking for. Then I gave him the Beatles when I found them. Now you do have a mission to find replacement stuff at more sales.
Sad thing is they probablty sold your BB gun for a buck.

Wayne I am sorry for the loss of your childhood treasures and the anger you have between family members. I was trying to think if there was anything of my toys. There wasn't much and most were past down to younger siblings. The tonkas lasted till our youngest brother got them. One day we got home and he said I want to show you something. He led us to the grassless part of our yard that we all had played. There it was all of the toys of three older brothers plus his own all lined up tightly together in neat rows. He says "this is my junk yard" just as proud as he could be. He had taken a hammer and beat them all up and that was his junk yard.
Ron

When I read your other post my first thought was one of the helpers sold your items to themselves or a friend. I'm sure the thought of that doesn't help any.
Watch ebay and craigs list. Maybe they'll turn up.

I used to have a John Deere pedal tractor as well. It was kind of laying in a heap at a JD dealer. I was trying to convince dad to buy it, and he did, for $7.00. (this was nearly 40 years ago...holy cow..has it been that long? lol) I remember he bought a new front tire for it that cost $4.00. I nearly wore that thing out. I built a lot of implements to use with it as well. It does seem later in life some things you don't forget.

Sorry to hear of your problems Wayne. I understand your frustration. Were I a gambler,I would lay odds that the items were actually not "sold", even though money may have been put into the pot, but some of the relatives "helping" your mother more than likely has them now. Sure, you will survive without them, but it is the principal of the matter that is infuriating and frustrating. Heck, I had an engine long block assembly stored in my daughter's shop, found out yesterday that she had sold it in a load of scrap.She may have gotten $3. or $4. for it max. but it's gonna cost me about three or four hundred to replace it!