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Way off topic wife's change of life

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8850dave

Member
2.5 years ago just after our youngest graduated high school my wife started changing into someone I didn't know and seeking new emotional male friends which led to a weekend boyfriend of over 2 years. Is there any hope that this woman will ever wake up or do I need to leave her behind and move forward with my life as time keeps marching on and im not getting any younger. I filed for divorce last May but real complicated cause too many assets and she cannot make any decisions other than spending each weekend with the boyfriend.
 
You're barking up the wrong tree if you expect your wife to change. The only person whose actions you can control is yourself. Are you comfortable having your wife shack up with her boyfriend every weekend for the foreseeable future? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who is now a stranger to you? A lot of folks would say "yes", because they'd rather stick with the life they have rather than take a chance on a new life with a new partner or on their own. But if your answer to either of these questions is "no", then you need to move on with your life. It's not going to be any easier ten or fifteen years from now.

Consider your kids: If you die while still married, your wife will get any assets you own together. Based on her current behavior she and her boyfriend might quickly use them up, leaving your kids with nothing. If you finalize your divorce, you're at least protecting half of those assets.
 
you're doing the right thing, like me the first place I turn to in a situation like that is a tractor site.....
 
Who says you lose 1/2 the assets? You need a better lawyer!
This person has broken a contract and abondoned a relationship that does not translate into owning anything.
 
My wife actually told me once she would get 60-70% and lost her job cause of the new lifestyle she was living and still hasn't worked in almost 2 years, but thank God I finally got her moved out of my house a couple of months ago but I am paying her way but I feel much better though my hearts hurts like hell.
 
You filed last May! Get on and over it, your not getting younger life's short, shes using and disrespecting you end it now.
 
What century are you living in, Dave?

Sure, he can TRY to keep all their marital assets. That might make their respective lawyers richer, but he's not going to end up with a nickel more than if they just split everything right down the middle.
 
Haha he is a truck driver just looking for another bump in the road and almost 10 years younger than me and I forgot he rides the Harley and that is what she wants more than anything right know.
 
I think that I read twice that your wife has a weekend boyfriend, and I'm leaning towards her weekend boyfriend is NOT you. Do I understand you correctly? And if I am correct, she still has a weekend boyfriend after a couple of years of having a weekend boyfriend that is NOT you?

I'm not going to tell you what to do. I'm really not. In this changing, transformed America, I'm seen as an unenlightened, unprogressive neandrathal. And as an unenlightened, unprogressive neandrathal, there wouldn't be an issue of my wife having a weekend or any other kind of boyfriend that isn't me in any home that I live in, but that's me, an unenlightened, unprogressive meandrathal living in a changing and transformed America. But, I'm not going to tell you what to do. I will give you this. You live an interesting life. Much more interesting than I would put up with.

Good luck. Much, much, much good luck, and get well soon.

Mark
 
Dave, you're talking tot he wrong people. You need to talk to your lawyer about protecting YOU. Get out, it's over.
 
Start selling or giving away the stuff. Form a corporation with you as the sole member and sell your assets to the corporation.

If the $10,000 tractor is sold to the corporation at a loss for, let's say $2,000, that is life. Then spend the money, buy the Harley and trade the 50 year old spouse in for a pair of 25's.
 
This new information helps explain why your wife is dragging her feet. Why go through the formality of a divorce when she is living the lifestyle she wants and you're paying the bills?

It is possible that she'll soon succumb to her new lifestyle and leave you with everything. (Addicts and alcoholics have short life expectancies.) But I wouldn't bet on it. You need to make a clean break now.
 
As always, my advice as an Attorney (but usually its more the electrical and legal questions that bring everyone crawling out of the woodwork lol).

Consult a trained professional for advice NOT lay persons on a tractor forum especially Billy Bob and Bubba lol lol

Best wishes n God Bless, read the Serenity Prayer

John T The Country Lawyer
 
Boyfriend with a Harley. Yet another reason to cut your losses NOW.

Let's suppose she's riding on the back of said Harley with her beloved and someone makes left turn in front of them. Naturally neither will be wearing helmets because that's not the Harley Way. She ends up a with a closed-head injury that puts her in a nursing home for life. Who will pay her medical bills and long-term care expenses? It won't be her dead trucker boyfriend, that's for sure.
 
#1 After the first "weekend" you should have hired a Private Investigator to document what she was up to and to use as evidence against her in your divorcee filing #2 Filed an Alienation of Affection suit against the boyfriend may or may not get anywhere but you"d of probably blown up their relationship.Marriage is a contract and the one that breaks that contract is usually the one that comes up on the short end in the settlement.Been there done that.
#3 Its amazing to me what some so called men will put up with from a woman.
 
That sounds like a few times i have heard about a guy works all his life to build a dream having a farm etc .your willing to share it with someone and then they change there mind. been there done that and im staying single saves a lot of heartache.
is there a way ( check with lawyer) to have something published that you are no longer responsable for bills? as mentioned if she gets hurt they can but a lien on your farm. also dont trust her i took care of a handicap women for over 14 years her kids talked her into going off meds one of the things they also talked her into was selling the cows she went to her banker said the cattle were hers and without talking to me one day when i was at work the bank came and sent them to a sale barn .
 
(quoted from post at 03:03:13 04/21/14) 2.5 years ago just after our youngest graduated high school my wife started changing into someone I didn't know and seeking new emotional male friends which led to a weekend boyfriend of over 2 years. Is there any hope that this woman will ever wake up or do I need to leave her behind and move forward with my life as time keeps marching on and im not getting any younger. I filed for divorce last May but real complicated cause too many assets and she cannot make any decisions other than spending each weekend with the boyfriend.
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I have been down that road and it isn't easy. She will only get more than 50% if you let it happen. Right now you are probably hurting emotionally. Once you reach the point where you get Po ed, you will go ahead with the divorce. As far as her wages most judges will assign her an hourly earning even if she isn't working. Get on with your life. No one has the right to be putting you through the emotional BS that you are going through.
 
She will wake up after it is to late. My brothers wife found a new toy boy.About a year after. Toy boy got tired and left. She found herself alone and family refused to talk to her.You need a lawyer
 
Decades ago when I was feeling low I read the book: Mans Search for Meaning, By Viktor Frankl. It might help you with the mental part, is readily available at Amazon and else where. John T, gave you two good pieces of advice. I am not very religious but God Bless you any how.
 
So, for 2 years you have been putting up with your wife fooling around on you?? And then she comes home to you to be fed, housed, and clothed??? And you tolerate this over ASSETS???? Are you serious???

I would have given her a one-way ticket out the door, and had filed for divorce the FIRST time she lied. You need a good attorney - one with sharp teeth (read SHARK). I have been down that road. Ex-wife made enough mistakes to end up totally on her own. Good riddance. Now have a lady friend that treats me good, lives in her own house, and we get along fine.
 
Yes, talk to a lawyer, you have to.

But really, all the lawyers in your county will be "with the program" of your county - meaning, if your county is pro-woman, she's going to get hers, no matter what.

Remember that lawyers, and the whole system, profit by d-r-a-w-i-n-g things out. They'll tell you it's all part of the "process". And it is part of the process, the money making process. For them.

The only way to subvert all that is to settle with your wife out of court. Make some decisions, maker her an offer she can't refuse. What will this cost? Possibly everything - but it will be OVER. Remember that it's all just stuff, and someday, you'll have other stuff.

Have your lawyer draw it up, but keep something in reserve for when she comes in with the "11th hour" demand. Then give it to her. Probably how it will go is you can sell everything so you can hand her a big wad of cash. They like cash. Depending on where you live, this should be seen as a lump-sum alimony payment, so you don't have to pay her for the rest of your life. And that's what you want, a clean break, so you can move ahead.

Once it's over, you can start again. I did.

Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's WORTH IT.
 
I once had a woman dump much the same way, though it hadn't reached the point of marriage yet. I got even with the guy who took her away from my in the sickest, meanest, most disgusting way imaginable. I LET HIM KEEP HER!. Good luck.
 
TF, what is a PI going to tell him he doesn't already know? And if he's in a state with "no-fault" divorce it doesn't really matter, does it? (All states now have no-fault divorce, BTW.)

"Alienation of affection"? This is 2014, not 1814. And even if he was able to prevail in such a lawsuit, I'm fairly confident Mr. Harley Trucker doesn't have a pot to p*** in.
 
Get an attorney involved. They WILL get it resolved. The threat to her is:
either settle for "this" now or I'll drag it out till there's nothing left.

Typical long and drawn out divorces typically get split 4 ways. 2 attorneys and the husband and wife.

CUT HER MONEY OFF NOW!!! That will bring her to the table.
 
ADAM -an association for soon to be divorced men. You need the best lawyer you can get to protect your assets. American Divorce Attorneys for Men.
 

What ever you do, don't do what a friend of mine did... gave her everything AND signed away his rights to his daughter and let the new husband adopt and raise her! He sorely regrets all that now, that he didn't fight for what was rightly his. Has little to nothing for retirement assets and his daughter won't have anything to do with him.
 
I guess you could say I'm lucky there,the wife had a hysterectomy when she was 26 and we dealt with it then.
HOWEVER,the women in my family have a history of going nuts when the change happens. I always wished my mother would pass away first so Dad could enjoy life for at least a little while,but it didn't work that way. She's so nuts,she hasn't even spoken to me for a few years now.
My oldest sister did exactly what your wife did. My younger sister begged her husband to get her to a doctor if it happened to her. It did,but she wouldn't go. Her husband,one of my best friends,let her handle the divorce and just went along with whatever she wanted so as not to upset her. Huge mistake. The guy she was fooling around with,known as Mr Perfect,turned out to be not so perfect. She didn't live with him very long. She has completely split our family with her insane B.S.

Somebody mentioned A.D.A.M. DO IT! They'll probably want you to document everything she's been doing. Why should you loose anything over this,I mean really? She's the one who disrupted your life,not you. Don't give half your stuff to her boyfriend!!

Get rid of her!!!
 
When I saw the title of this thread I expected to read some comments about hot flashes.
Make no mistake. This is not about your wife's change of life.
This is about getting out of a very bad situation with someone you'd be much better off having out of your life. Get a lawyer, not just any lawyer. Get one that specializes in representing men in divorce proceedings.
It also sounds like you need to talk to a therapist.
 
Actually there have been several civil suits in the courts the last couple years that amount to alienation of affection and he has a Harley.And yes it does still matter about who is at fault as a judge will use his/her opinion on the situation to decide a lot of things and the PI would be just to get certification on what was going on rather than he said/she said when it went to court.No such thing as 'cut and dry' when it comes to legal issues.
 
""Says she"s had enough of me, I"ve had enough of her too.
I might as well go on and set her free, she"s already turned me loose""

George Strait, easy come, easy go.

Whatever it costs you monetarily the rest of your life is worth it. Good luck.
 
My wife went through the change of life about 6 years ago. My wife didn't run around on me but would go off on me for no reason at all. She did go to doctor and he gave her some medication that did help some. Today she is off medication and is fine. You have some decision to make and you are the one to make them and if you need help talk to somebody that deals with this. What ever you decide I hope it turns out good for you.
 
A few pictures are worth a thousand words. It's your word against hers in court. Don't see how a judge will give a cheating wife anything. Don't know for sure, haven't gone down that road. Stan
 
Sorry to hear this. You are in a difficult situation. I have 2 recommendations. 1) see a good lawyer. 2) if she spends a weekend with her BF, she can't spend the week with you. She has to choose. Right now she is getting everything her way with zero consequences.

I know it is easy to say when I am not emotionally involved, but to me this is a one strike and you're out game.
 
If she had made such a claim to me my folks would be visiting me in the state pen after the murder sentence was given.
 
Why anyone would waste a single day of his remaining time on earth trying to get money out of a penniless lowlife or his unfaithful wife is a mystery to me. But I guess lawyers and private investigators gotta eat too.
 
A wife like that is like a mean bull. Don't trust them and believe what they show you. My first marriage ended like yours after five years. There was always a good excuse and it made me question whether I was crazy. I wasn't. I've moved on and been happily married for 7 years. I hear the same things are still going on with the other side. Glad I'm not in the middle of that worry anymore.
 
What a wench you must still have feelings for get counseling for booth of you and if she doesn't want to go or make it work get the counseling yourself to help you move forward.
 
I'm so sorry that you have been going through this for so long. I had this happen 12 years ago when my wife freaked out and had a fling. Praise God we are still together have 5 kids and have never been happier! So, yes, there is hope. However, hope is a two- way street and you have to see some change in her before you decide to stick it out. For me, I took all the money and put it in my name in my own account! If she doesn't work or work a lot that will force her to face the facts Real quick!!! If she does work, she will have to learn how to live on her own income without yours and paying for half of everything! But it is also ok to let go, friend! I know that it hurts. It hurts real bad. That means that you love her and that's ok. But we don't have to keep letting people hurt us even if we love them. I'll be thinking about you, hang in there! Dan
 
(quoted from post at 03:03:13 04/21/14) 2.5 years ago just after our youngest graduated high school my wife started changing into someone I didn't know and seeking new emotional male friends which led to a weekend boyfriend of over 2 years. Is there any hope that this woman will ever wake up or do I need to leave her behind and move forward with my life as time keeps marching on and im not getting any younger. I filed for divorce last May but real complicated cause too many assets and she cannot make any decisions other than spending each weekend with the boyfriend.
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After being married long enough for your youngest to graduate high school you will likely need a therapist/psychologist before being able to move on with your life. I realize you are more than likely still in love with your wife. They will guide you when you are ready to get yourself a good attorney. Take care of yourself and good luck to you. Prayers sent.
 
If the guy leaves the scene you can bet the woman will be easier to deal with and how do you know his financial situation? If there is a judgement against him he'll have a hard time getting a loan for anything too.
 
I went through a bad breakup with my girlfriend 21 months ago. What I meen by bad is, it was very hurtful to me. She told me she didn't have any interest in getting married again, she wanted to go back to school full time, didn't want to be involved with anyone while going to school, and she called it off. What really happened was she only went to school part time, and re-married again 1 year after she broke up with me. And she married a guy that was her ex live in boyfriend from 20 years ago. Who according to her she dispized. I spent alot of long nights sitting at the kitchen table. Should of got some counceling, but bud-weiser helped me get through it. I absolutely will not tolerate any cheating or seeing someone else. My advice 1. Sit her down and tell her how things are going to be, see what she wants to do, then tell her how things are going to be according to that. 2. If stay together on your terms, then fine but otherwise go through with the split. 3. If going that way, try to work it out civil, if not get a good divorce attourney for men. 4. Get counceling if you want, otherwise I suggest alot of alcohol for the pain. I am just now feeling like I got my heart back from what that last B!tci-i did to me.
 
Get a good lawyer and turn them loose. My dad got screwed by the lawyers on my parents' divorce. They kept making a better and better offer and she said she'd take it but when it came time to sign, the answer was no. Turns out grandpa paid the lawyer so he had to do what grandpa said. Dad could have taken them to the cleaners but his lawyer was more worried about getting it done than protecting dad.

Grandpa finally told her she could sign a couple months short of when the judge could have granted dad the divorce and left mom with nothing. Bastages.

I still think that short old Italian died thinking dad and I had millions stashed away and trying to find a way to use mom to get his hands on it. Even after he watched the auctioneer give the place away.
 
I did. But my ex did not try to take me to the cleaners. Been divorced 11 years and yesterday she sent me the best pecan pie a man would want to eat. No strings attached.
 
You've been given a lot of good advice here about legalities. My response is to your question of "Will this woman ever wake up...." and come back to your loving embrace. The answer is no. She's done with you emotionally, and apparently has been for some time. Do what you need to do.
 
ohiojim,
I think you and I need to start in about how unfaithful our tractors are. Why just last week my tractor ran out of gas. Now, I ask you, why did that tractor let that happen? And so suddenly? Was it feeling unappreciated? Was it"s feelings hurt that I glanced at a JD the week before? (It wasn"t like I was flirting with the JD, but I admit I liked her new tires).
Last summer my tractor suddenly developed a miss in the engine....and I think that was because I saw an Oliver and listened to her purr so nice.
Tractors; who needs them? Why do we put up with them? Maybe we need to keep them outside at night and let them see how good they had it while I shedded them and dusted them and smoothed out their old-age wrinkles.

Jim, how do you handle the situation when things are going badly in your machine shed?
LA in WI
 
[reply to "8850dave"](post at 03:03:13 04/21/14)

Get yorself a girlfriend and be happy, mite wake yor wife up too seen this a lot and it happened tome too rite about that age a woman don't know what she wants all she knows is she don't want what shes got :roll:
 
BTDT. My ex went through the change and overnight, she was angry at me all the time. The more I tried to be supportive, the more angry she became. So, I started avoiding her. Not all the time, but I did take up a new hobby. And when she stopped liking something we'd enjoyed together for years, I'd just keep on doing it. She also picked up new hobbies. But through it all I loved her and longed to be with her. Then, one day I approached her and she acted like I had the plague. Over the next few days, she revealed a boyfriend and that she wanted a divorce. Like you, I tried to hold onto any thread she would give me.

Until one morning when I asked if I could take her out for supper that evening. She already had plans to go dancing and lectured me for about an hour about moving on with my life and having a plan in case things didn't work out. When she finished, she asked if I had anything to say. I looked deep in her eyes and said, "Happy Anniversary." At that moment, I made my decision to get out while I was still alive. I no longer trusted her. I couldn't enjoy my time with her or away from her. She had become a stranger, but looked so familiar. I had kept my feelings hidden from nearly all of my friends-partly from shame, partly because she didn't want others to see our dirty laundry. And though I never drank before and still never touch the stuff, I was one drink away from becoming an alcoholic.

I do have some words of wisdom that may sound like advice you got years ago. Before you decide to divorce, make dam sure it's the right decision. Unlike marriage, divorce is forever. She still comes to visit me in my dreams almost every night. If the radio plays our song, I have to turn it off. Though she cheated on me and tried to change nearly every thing about me that makes me me, I still long to hold her in my arms. So, make sure it's the right decision, and that you can live with this decision for the rest of your life.
 
your marriage is over.
get the paperwork that makes it official.
too much emphasis on 'assets'. who cares.
2 strong hands and a good work ethic will get it all again over time.
The woman? again, who cares.
There will always be another one, and even if you don't think so at the time, you will care just as much for the next one.
 
Shoe's on the other foot - When my first husband and I split, my mom got very upset because he ripped me off big time. She couldn't understand why it didn't matter. I really didn't care about the stuff. If I hadn't gotten out, I would not be living right now. No physical abuse, but the mental abuse nearly killed me.

Get out now.
 
(quoted from post at 21:05:32 04/21/14) I did. But my ex did not try to take me to the cleaners. Been divorced 11 years and yesterday she sent me the best pecan pie a man would want to eat. No strings attached.
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No way, no how I would have eaten that pie.
 
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