OT Thank you to all! Long

I have been following the posts about raising children the last couple days. Reading all of them has reminded me again what my true job is. I am 38 and am a little like JD Sellers boys. My dad made things easier for me. By teaching me how to work hard and to work smart. He and mom had hard times and for a short while received food stamps when I was little. I know that hurt his heart and his pride but he needed food for us kids. Mom and dad have been married 39 years and I never seen them fight (not that they didn't, we just didn't see it). They took us to church and taught us that anything is possible with God and that God will never give up on us, ever.

Just like every other teenager, when I was young I thought dad was stupid. Every waking hour was work, fire wood, garden, side jobs that he had picked up(construction). Very seldom was it hunting or fishing. However, when I was old enough to start baling hay for others(13 or 14) I secretly used all the things that dad taught me. Like, it is ok to work hard but work smart as well. I wasn't quite strong enough to throw bales high so I went as far as I could then built me a step with bales to finish off the last row and the tie. Dad taught me how to operate a tractor. After a few years working for every farmer in the country, one guy offered me a full time job every summer. He trusted me with the equipment and I mowed, raked, and ran the baler for him for three years. I never touched a bale til we unloaded the last wagons.

Fast forward from there I bought a house when I was 20. It needed a lot of work which I could do myself because of dads teaching.

I was fortunate enough at 23 to marry a great woman who helped me get closer to God. We have 3 boys. Shortly after our youngest was born my wife had her first surgery for cancer. 8 years and 11 surgeries later she passed away on Aug 31, 2013. Now I am raising 3 boys by myself. Because mom and dad made their marriage a priority I made mine a priority as well. My wife thought that she was ruining my life because of all of her medical issues. I reminded her that the vows said "til death do us part" not til it got hard and we didn't want to try anymore.

Don't worry about your kids learning from hard times. My parents did everything they could to make life easier on me and my sisters. Life will deliver adversity. My boys have been through enough adversity already in their short lives and I tried my best to make things easier for them.

All that being said I get back to my original thought by saying thank you all for reminding me again what my true job is. Teach my boys about God, hard work is ok, know how to handle money, love your brothers and hugs are good, stand up for what you believe in, help others when you are able and the list goes on.

Thank you

you are wise beyond your years Craig and a model for this younger generation. God Bless you in all you do.

Well said. Your strength has proven to be using that which has been freely given and firmly learned. Wisdom is the realization that your "faith" is amplified as a multiplication of your effort. Thanks. Jim

Craig,Thanks for your post.I pastor a small church,I love God and All my congreation.I feel sometimes I have become a failure.This mourning I had a nerveous break-down.My wife lost a sister last night,even though my wife goes to church with me sometimes she doesnt support me like I think she should.Her nerves are bad and she hasnt even gone to see her sister while she was sick,so Im dealing with this.My wife also plays bingo and I beleive she is addictaed to the point she puts it first in her life.We are trying to help our Grand-childern,but get very little respect from them,matter of fact I just had a aurgement with one of them,and they say Im not much of a preacher every time they dont get there way.Theres time I need to talk with someone but preachers dont have someone to talk with.I know prayer works but sometimes you need a shoulder to cry on.Your message meant so much to me,Dont get me wrong its not like this all the time,but satan seems to know how to attack us.

jimmy

I always tried be an example to my kids. Tell them what the difference between right and wrong behavior, work ethic etc. Listen to them when they wanted to talk and just let them take there own route. Hasn"t always been a good experience but they are coming around to there own and am proud of all 3 of them for what they have accomplished.

My folks told me I can do and be anything I want to be. Depends on how bad you want it. I told my kids the same thing.

In retrospect I sort of wish I would have taken a different path with my own life but on the other hand I wouldn"t have or experienced the things I have now. It has royally sucked in a lot of respects but I can"t see it in any other way.

And to the other posts I will add, kids do not need you to be their friend, they need parents(to love them and guide them) It took my youngest till age 30 to realize if you make bad choices you may have to work two jobs to dig your self out.(Lazy as a kid)

Wow. Do you ever have a tough row to hoe. I am just an elder, not a pastor, and I can't imagine doing it without the love, help and support of a great woman. You are "sharing in the sufferings of Christ" (Rom 8:17, 2Cor 1:5) As for your grandchild calling you a poor preacher for not giving in, not giving in proves you are a good preacher by standing up for what is right. Every single prophet who stood up for what God said was persecuted, and most were killed, including John the Baptist and Jesus himself. Someone who doesn't know that is in no position to judge a preacher. In fact, if you don't say things that hurt the conscience or feelings of those you are ministering to sometimes, you are likely failing God by not preaching His word. God rewards faithfulness, not numbers. Email me if you want.
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Preacher, LOOK to God.

I feel for you . I do not know if I could have gone on if my wife had died and I admire your strength.

Craig, your God given wisdom and ethics are
amazing! You've been through a lot, keep your eyes
on Jesus, He will provide.

Prayers for you and the boys.

Jimmy, I feel for you. You are not a failure! You are doing Gods work in spite of Satan's attacks.

I've heard from my pastor that it's hard to find someone they can talk to without being judged or opening the gossip mill. You're among friends here, lots of Godly wisdom, and a level of anonymity for good measure.

God bless you, your family and your congregation.

Graig: I am sorry for your great loss!!! I KNOW the words mean little compared to your pain. I lost my first wife in 1995. She still is in my heart and mind. I find I still see things I want to tell/talk to her about.

Here are somethings I have found in MY life.

1) Keep your focus on your children and make them a large part of your life BUT not all of your life. It is too easy to try and smother them after THEIR loss of their Mother.

2) Morn your wife but do not close your heart. Maybe you will not remarry but you may find another woman to share your life and love with.

3) DO not make your kids life a revolving door of relationships. Only involve your children in a new relationship IF you think it will be a serious one.

4) Be prepared for your children to hate anyone that you try to have a relationship with. They may feel your being disloyal to your wife/their mother by dating again. It will take a special person to love them beside their Mother's love not replace it.

5) You value religion in your life use that yard stick when looking for a another soul mate if you ever do.

6) If you have a good relationship with your in-laws work at keeping them involved in your children's lives. Watch that they do not over compensate for their loss of their daughter but keep them involved.


I wish you well in your life with your children. I feel you will do fine. You seem to have goals that are in keeping with being a good Father and husband. You have faith and that alone helps.

Feel free to email me. I would be glad to be a sounding board if you ever need it.