My 13 yr old son, my only son, youngest of three, has no interest in ANYTHING I do. He is smart, almost too smart, a good student, almost too good. He has no interest in anything I do inside or out. He hates old tractors, grease, dirt, heck-anything with a motor. I tried over the years to include him. He could fix stuff if he wanted, he's smart enough, but thinks fixing is a waste of time. We live in the country-have no neighbors under the age of 80 so old time playing like we did is out. I bought a quad runner, I think he rode it twice and that was hard cuz we're not doing good money wise. Hes trying sports-broke leg twice (he's skinny)-but not discouraged. But, its pretty obvious he'll not be an all star. He's got more courage than me. I was the shop class geek in school, hanging out, smoking and working on cars when I was in school. I feel he's lazy. But he does have a ton of homework. I think if I left or dropped dead he wouldn't notice. I beg him to do a few chores which he ALWAYS does half a$$ed. WE have absolutely nothing in common. He's bored and I'm heart broke knowing when he is an adult He'll go and not look back.
- Thread starter redtom
- Start date
Fawteen
Well-known Member
- Location
- Downeast Maine
Key here is that he's 13.
I dealt with it with my son, and I've seen it with my grandsons. Part of growing up is growing away, and thinking Mom and Dad are losers is part of that. It'll be pretty prevalent for a couple of years, maybe three, then it'll start to taper off.
Only thing you can do is maintain an even keel, be consistent with your expectations, don't try too hard to be his buddy, try to control your exasperation.
Mom dealt with the Terrible Twos, you get to deal with the Traumatic Teens.
I dealt with it with my son, and I've seen it with my grandsons. Part of growing up is growing away, and thinking Mom and Dad are losers is part of that. It'll be pretty prevalent for a couple of years, maybe three, then it'll start to taper off.
Only thing you can do is maintain an even keel, be consistent with your expectations, don't try too hard to be his buddy, try to control your exasperation.
Mom dealt with the Terrible Twos, you get to deal with the Traumatic Teens.
My son is 26 and is a little bit like that. If I need help he will not complain about it. Once or twice I think he even enjoyed himself. Last time I asked if he wanted to help me, he asked if it was going to include a tractor. When I said yes, he said No. I have a picture on the wall of him as a little boy shooting a bow. He wanted to be like me. Some how I messed that up and it isn't going to happen any time soon. I made the mistake of trying to help him do things better and the message he received was that he wasn't good enough.
SDE
SDE
larry@stinescorner
Well-known Member
Im not really answering your question,but,,,when I was young I didnt realize how great my dad was,,,I wish I could tell him now,,,, I acted a lot like your son in some ways
BAnNC
Well-known Member
- Location
- Western North Carolina
redtom, sounds like your son is about normal. I know it may not sound good to say that but the same description fits most of the kids I know that age.
I do not have the answer for you nor do I intend to highjack your post. I have two boys ages 10 and 7. I work full time and hobby farm. I love to farm! This past summer/fall I realized it was taking too much time away from my boys. I have made the difficult for me decision to scale back my farming to just the home location. I hope this will give me more time with them. I have stopped asking either one of my boys if they want to help me do things. I tell them they are going to help me. I have started if I am off and doing something they will be there to help, even if it is something simple like hauling off the garbage. I do not know if this will help or not, but I am trying.
My point is I feel your pain. I do not have the answer, but do not give up. Keep trying.
JWalker
My point is I feel your pain. I do not have the answer, but do not give up. Keep trying.
JWalker
Janicholson
Well-known Member
Find out what is meaningful to him.
If he has no claimed interests, there is reason to begin discussing income. Eight years from now is either part way through university work, or ""on ones own"" in the world of work. I deal with JH and HS age kids in outreach programs at SCSU. I believe choosing a path is critical in the sense that directional efforts are made. They can change at 13, from small decisions to 180 degrees, with no penalty. discovering pathways to self financial responsibility (realistic income) may be one corridor. Making a plan that taps into friends in other professions he respects is one way to approach building a life compass. He will not (probably) be like you. My son is in Culinary Arts at a Tech school and it is just fine with me. It has taken years of open coaching to provide opportunities that were not perceived as "what you want me to be".
Discussion of the topic is often tough for a son to bear (let alone the father/mother). Relatives, friends, and associates can be positive and make a difference. Job shadowing is another potential path finder. People today have 4 to 8 different professions/jobs during their working career.
Education is best when the information is transferable and understood withing a broad context.
I hope this helps remove the feeling that you haven't done some critical thing. It is not possible to direct these choices. It is their's to make. Jim
If he has no claimed interests, there is reason to begin discussing income. Eight years from now is either part way through university work, or ""on ones own"" in the world of work. I deal with JH and HS age kids in outreach programs at SCSU. I believe choosing a path is critical in the sense that directional efforts are made. They can change at 13, from small decisions to 180 degrees, with no penalty. discovering pathways to self financial responsibility (realistic income) may be one corridor. Making a plan that taps into friends in other professions he respects is one way to approach building a life compass. He will not (probably) be like you. My son is in Culinary Arts at a Tech school and it is just fine with me. It has taken years of open coaching to provide opportunities that were not perceived as "what you want me to be".
Discussion of the topic is often tough for a son to bear (let alone the father/mother). Relatives, friends, and associates can be positive and make a difference. Job shadowing is another potential path finder. People today have 4 to 8 different professions/jobs during their working career.
Education is best when the information is transferable and understood withing a broad context.
I hope this helps remove the feeling that you haven't done some critical thing. It is not possible to direct these choices. It is their's to make. Jim
valleview
Member
Don't give up on him- he is only 13. He has just started a period of extensive brain development which will go on for the next 10 years more or less. Most teenagers prefer activities with their own age group, not wanting to do much with the parents. Continue to be a good example of honesty, fairness and hard work. Try to keep communication going- find out what he is interested in and support him if possible. Athletics (as long as grades are good) are much to be preferred to excessive video game playing. He may never join you in the shop, but may excel in other areas and make you proud.
I'm a high school Ag Teacher. I deal with about 90 boys a day, for 14 years now. I hear this from the other side. What I hear from the boys is this (not in words necessarily).
1. they recognize a father that cares, even if they don't show it.
2. they respect a father that works and teaches them things, even when they don't express it today. I hear about "what we did at home," or, "what dad does is..."
3. None of them say or care anything about dad until their about 17. At 13 and 14 very few have anything respectful or positive to say (about much of anything or anyone)
4. I can tell you that all of the boys without a dad (or the one's with 3 and 4 due to divorce, mom's boyfriends etc) would tell you that a chance at doing stuff with a father that cares would change the world for them.
Not sure what to tell you to help out. Here is something I've seen that I think works more than it doesn't.
1. Road trip for an overnight. Go see a family member, a favorite site, a historical site, something you both might like.
1. they recognize a father that cares, even if they don't show it.
2. they respect a father that works and teaches them things, even when they don't express it today. I hear about "what we did at home," or, "what dad does is..."
3. None of them say or care anything about dad until their about 17. At 13 and 14 very few have anything respectful or positive to say (about much of anything or anyone)
4. I can tell you that all of the boys without a dad (or the one's with 3 and 4 due to divorce, mom's boyfriends etc) would tell you that a chance at doing stuff with a father that cares would change the world for them.
Not sure what to tell you to help out. Here is something I've seen that I think works more than it doesn't.
1. Road trip for an overnight. Go see a family member, a favorite site, a historical site, something you both might like.
Anonymous-0
Well-known Member
I remember reading a quote many years ago: "When I was 17 'the old man' was so dumb I could hardly stand to have him around. When I was 22 I was amazed at how much DAD had learned." One of my sons had a mild dose of that in his system. Eye rolls and stuff like that. Later he asked my opinion on alot of challenge's in life. It's called "growing up."
Areo
Areo
My oldest son (age 37) and I are pretty close, but he's literary, and I'm practical. I bought a VW bug that needed some work when he was 16- he helped me, and did his best to be interested, but it just wasn't "him". While I'm buttoning up the transaxle, he's writing a poem about the whole experience.
So to each his own. Best advice I ever got about raising kids was this- instead of you trying to make him interested in your world, do it the other way around- you work on supporting what he's interested in. I still remember my Dad, who had no interest in cars or mechanical things at all, taking me to a hot rod car show 60 miles from home when I was 12, and also putting me in charge of fixing stuff around the farm, while he did the stuff you would normally assign a kid to do. He bought me tools, and encouraged me any way he could. And by the time I was grown, I had pretty much figured out the differences between us. Came home on break from college, and he asked if I'd take a look at his work car, because battery wasn't charging. I looked, and the generator belt was completely missing. Could have busted his chops by pointing that out, but instead I just bought another and put it on, gave him the receipt and said "there was a problem with the belt", and we were both happy.
I realize it much harder today, because kids are just interested in video games and cell phones- but you have to grit your teeth and try to find common ground. And remember, its much less useful to be mechanical today that it used to be, because we can't fix much of anything anymore on modern stuff.
So to each his own. Best advice I ever got about raising kids was this- instead of you trying to make him interested in your world, do it the other way around- you work on supporting what he's interested in. I still remember my Dad, who had no interest in cars or mechanical things at all, taking me to a hot rod car show 60 miles from home when I was 12, and also putting me in charge of fixing stuff around the farm, while he did the stuff you would normally assign a kid to do. He bought me tools, and encouraged me any way he could. And by the time I was grown, I had pretty much figured out the differences between us. Came home on break from college, and he asked if I'd take a look at his work car, because battery wasn't charging. I looked, and the generator belt was completely missing. Could have busted his chops by pointing that out, but instead I just bought another and put it on, gave him the receipt and said "there was a problem with the belt", and we were both happy.
I realize it much harder today, because kids are just interested in video games and cell phones- but you have to grit your teeth and try to find common ground. And remember, its much less useful to be mechanical today that it used to be, because we can't fix much of anything anymore on modern stuff.
Fawteen
Well-known Member
- Location
- Downeast Maine
The only good thing about roosters is you can kill 'em and make soup out of them.
Child Protective Services frowns on that solution..."8^)
Child Protective Services frowns on that solution..."8^)
Tony in SD
Well-known Member
One of my boys is smart. Very smart. He hated chores, fixing anything, working on the farm or anything else physical. So I used his brain. Gave him something he could do and do well. Id have him calculate how big of a containment area for the farm fuel storage, bushels that a bin would hold. In other words I gave him story problems to solve. Things I need to know anyway. Some of our closest times were on a road trip, just him and I.
Oh by the way he is now working on his PhD in bio-chemistry studying DNA repair……….. what ever that is. So there is hope.
Oh by the way he is now working on his PhD in bio-chemistry studying DNA repair……….. what ever that is. So there is hope.
Don't know how to answer Redtom - But
My Dad got me going on things he was doing in the 60's and 70's and then helped me well into the 80's, 90's and 2000's. Mom and Dad are now in a retirement home - So I'm trying to pay it back.
Married into a stepson that didn't think ????? but is starting to come around.
Our daughter has been the best thing that has ever happened to me (and probably) the wife.
My Dad got me going on things he was doing in the 60's and 70's and then helped me well into the 80's, 90's and 2000's. Mom and Dad are now in a retirement home - So I'm trying to pay it back.
Married into a stepson that didn't think ????? but is starting to come around.
Our daughter has been the best thing that has ever happened to me (and probably) the wife.
Allan in NE
Well-known Member
What you are experiencing is called life. Totally normal.
Allan
Allan
Redtom, my son is age 18 and he was never interested in what I do. I worked as a mechanic for 35 yrs and we never had that in common. I would ask his classmate in school sometimes what my son like best or was best at in school. they would tell me science. I did buy him a play station video game system when he was in 6th grade. Only because he told me all the other boys were trading video games at school and he didn't fit in with them any more because he didn't have a play station. I would play games on there with him and he always beat me which would make him laugh but feel good about himself. He is now off to college staying in a dorm only 45 minutes from home, better than driving that far every day. He is taking up Electricity and Control System Technology and is one of the top 3 in his class. My one regret is that I didn't go into electricity field. I now do plant maintenance where I work and get all the electrical jobs. I comes so natural to me. Any way your son sounds normal don't push him for what you want him to do or be because it'll never work.
Interesting reading your posting about your son's interst. I am now the grandfather of a 20 year old grandaughter and a 17 year old grandson, who live across the street from me with the parents, my daughter and SIL. Each generation changes and we don't alway's understand their thought's and ability to accomplish project's that they enjoy. My grandson when in grade 10 last year had very little enjoyment in high school. This year in grade 11, totally differentclaims to have his name on the Honor's Roll, won't lose a day's attendance in school. Likes sports, a goalie on his hockey team. My complaint is attempting to get a good interst in my project's!!!. Last week I offered to pay for the family to take a winter vacation to a warmer climate, grandson response, doesn't want to take time off school and March Break he's booked in for 2 hockey tournaments. Say's he will take the vacation after school so they all have different ideas, respect their views and thoughts and let them know you are there when needed. One thing I have alway's identified is they don't want to be treated as children. Cheers, Murray
GarrettFields
Member
Im not a father, but I can remember being 13 fairly well(im 31 now), and the next hand full of awkward years. I pretty much despised him, and he was thoroughly disgusted with me up until I was 16. I laid awake wondering why me, and I heard him and mom discussing where he/ they had went wrong several times. Dad always encouraged sports, and I even had some form of off road toy from the time I was 5 or 6 years old. Not a ruff childhood at all. My rub was that he somehow managed to change anything fun into a job. Looking back I really appreciate him throwing batting practice for me from the time he got off till dark every day, but at the time I just wanted to play ball that sort of thing. At 16 or so old cars/hotrods gave us a common ground, but when I discovered girls in HS I drove him nuts, and about drove him batsh!t crazy when I discovered alcohol/partying in college. We really didnt get along till I was in my early 20's. Now I consider him my best friend. I even ended up being a rail roader like he was(something I swore I would never do. He helps me farm, were partners in a little dirt work/excavating venture, and generally I find any excuse I can to hang out around him and mom. I guess I said all that to say this. Don't freak out just yet. Dad was at his whits end, and I wished one of us would drop dead(i didn't care who) through all the whippings, and "son life isn't a game" lectures. It turned out I needed every last one of those whippings, and lectures to make me into the person I am today. Give him a chance to find his way, and help him from there.
fixerupper
Well-known Member
Support and love him for what he is, not what you want him to be. If you don't, he will indeed leave and never come back when he's on his own.
My old college friend was a whiz with cars and anything mechanical. His son was very bright but not interested in anything mechanical. College friend kept trying to get his son to like what college friend liked, messing with cars, he just could not understand why his son didn't like to have fun working on cars.
Fast forward 20 years and now his son has a high education and has a good solid job, but he won't have anything to do with his dad. Son didn't even invite his dad to his wedding. Why? Because his dad never supported his true interests.
I don't know what to say about the lack of motivation because I don't know your son or the environment around him. I have a hunch the reason for the lack of motivation is he's given up because he can't please you. Jim
My old college friend was a whiz with cars and anything mechanical. His son was very bright but not interested in anything mechanical. College friend kept trying to get his son to like what college friend liked, messing with cars, he just could not understand why his son didn't like to have fun working on cars.
Fast forward 20 years and now his son has a high education and has a good solid job, but he won't have anything to do with his dad. Son didn't even invite his dad to his wedding. Why? Because his dad never supported his true interests.
I don't know what to say about the lack of motivation because I don't know your son or the environment around him. I have a hunch the reason for the lack of motivation is he's given up because he can't please you. Jim
Don't have your problem. My youngest works with me in construction and I have made him a partner in the company. He loves old tractors and working on them as I do. Oldest son lives to work on the old tractors. He and I have been working all winter in his shop on one and some other different projects. We all enjoy going to tractor pulls and pulling in them. Grandson is getting into it also. My dad was a mechanic for over 40 years and I grew up working in his shop so it must be in the blood or something.
Anonymous-0
Well-known Member
My dad and grand-dad ran a garage. I hung out at the garage trying to soak up everything I could, even though I had a reputation as a bookworm when I was away from the shop. My brother, his firstborn, broke Dad's heart every day. He stayed as far as he could from the garage, and even at one point told friends he was "ashamed" that his dad had to get his hands dirty to make a living.
My son has tried to do things in the garage with me, but he's not well suited for it. I appreciate the fact that he's tried, but I'm not going to make a big issue of it. [Did I mention he's now 33?] My daughter was actually more mechanically inclined, but she really didn't want to learn all of it...and I didn't feel like the garage was the place for her, either.
Let your kids be who they are. Offer them the opportunity to help, but don't expect a 13-year-old to be anything other than...a 13-year old. Looking back, when I was that age, I was still figuring out who I really was, and I'd bet he is too.
After high school, I went to college. But I was drawn back to the garage, because it was where I felt most comfortable. I spent a lot of the past 40 years in the parts business, and my dad was my best friend in the world. We'd sit up late at night, and talk about anything and everything. And even on the stuff where we disagreed, Dad respected my opinions and let me explain my thoughts without sarcasm or ridicule.
Dad passed away over 20 years ago, and I miss him every day. He didn't expect me to be him...and he didn't expect me to be LIKE him. And because of that, I turned to be more like him than either of us expected.
I suspect that, once you and your son have a little room for some perspective, things will improve between you. UNLESS you insist on trying to mold him into you...then you'll end up driving him away. He'll resent that you don't respect him for being himself, and I'm pretty sure that you'll resent him for resisting your molding and shaping. Teaching him to love mechanical stuff like old tractors isn't like teaching him right from wrong. It's a whole different sort of values, and if he doesn't care for things mechanical, it's NOT a character flaw.
So don't treat it as if it was.
My son has tried to do things in the garage with me, but he's not well suited for it. I appreciate the fact that he's tried, but I'm not going to make a big issue of it. [Did I mention he's now 33?] My daughter was actually more mechanically inclined, but she really didn't want to learn all of it...and I didn't feel like the garage was the place for her, either.
Let your kids be who they are. Offer them the opportunity to help, but don't expect a 13-year-old to be anything other than...a 13-year old. Looking back, when I was that age, I was still figuring out who I really was, and I'd bet he is too.
After high school, I went to college. But I was drawn back to the garage, because it was where I felt most comfortable. I spent a lot of the past 40 years in the parts business, and my dad was my best friend in the world. We'd sit up late at night, and talk about anything and everything. And even on the stuff where we disagreed, Dad respected my opinions and let me explain my thoughts without sarcasm or ridicule.
Dad passed away over 20 years ago, and I miss him every day. He didn't expect me to be him...and he didn't expect me to be LIKE him. And because of that, I turned to be more like him than either of us expected.
I suspect that, once you and your son have a little room for some perspective, things will improve between you. UNLESS you insist on trying to mold him into you...then you'll end up driving him away. He'll resent that you don't respect him for being himself, and I'm pretty sure that you'll resent him for resisting your molding and shaping. Teaching him to love mechanical stuff like old tractors isn't like teaching him right from wrong. It's a whole different sort of values, and if he doesn't care for things mechanical, it's NOT a character flaw.
So don't treat it as if it was.
fixerupper
Well-known Member
Amen, Buzzman.
showcrop
Well-known Member
It sounds like your son is doing OK Good grades is huge. BUT, what is this begging business? you are not supposed to be your son's buddy, you are supposed to be his example, and his teacher and also disciplinarian. If you don't teach him any work ethic you will not be preparing him for life. Every kid needs to be taught responsibility and CONSEQUENCES for not doing as they know they should. You need to punish him if he does not do as he knows he is supposed to otherwise you will be eventually turning him over to the law to punish. I was raised with discipline and consequences as were my children and they both make no bones about saying how thankful they are. One is 36 with a PHD and on faculty at Harvard and the other has a degree in Divinity and is manager of a Lowes.
When I was a kid my dad worked hard at making me loose interest in mechanics because all I did was clean parts (never good enough) or be the gopher. Shooting was never good enough. He didn't believe in practice, an explanation was supposed to do it and OH by the way, don't miss a wing shot when you are 12 with a .410. I was never patient enough when we were fishing. It went on and on. Then all of a sudden I was a young married soldier with no money and a family to feed. I had to learn to fix, clean parts and be my own gopher. I actually got to practice shooting and it turned out that I could shoot pretty good. Don't get me wrong, dad and I were pretty close after I was an adult.
With my own boys it was hard. I was gone a lot with the Army and really only got to try to work with the 2 youngest. The older of them to loves cars (foreign sports cars) and could care less about a tractor. I really glad I didn't get into tractors shows with him. The evening entertainment would have driven him nuts. No rock???? Shooting/hunting? Oh I did it once, killed a deer, that's enough. Hates fishing. My youngest could care less about anything mechanical that doesn't fire a projectile. Doesn't care for fish. But I still talked to them. Found out what interested them and tried some things I never thought I'd try. Paint ball and air soft come to mind. I still WILL NOT jump out of a perfectly good airplane! But the 2 younger boys and I have come a full circle. We got a 53 JC3 that we are going to start as a project this spring. The younger of the 2 is 30.
Talk to the kid. Find something that you can do [u:08aaa69ced][b:08aaa69ced]together[/b:08aaa69ced][/u:08aaa69ced]. Not you watching him ride a quad. You cannot buy his love. Model trains, paint ball/airsoft, computer games, shooting (fire arms and or archery). Whatever it takes. You may learn something and find something that you enjoy too. You can always sell the quad and spend the proceeds on the new "thing". The big thing with my youngest who was the hardest that got us talking and doing things was paint ball that evolved into airsoft. At 13 he and I would hardy speak. He was shopping with my wife and they past a paint ball display and he got excited. My wife mentioned it to me. I was desperate at the time so I drove 25 miles that day while he was in school and got 2 cheap guns with masks and some paintballs. That was a major turning point with him. He really isn't into tractors but if he's here and I have to work on one he's right there doing whatever he can to help. Gotta butcher? He's right there when needed. A little money and a little effort on my part to find something he liked has been the best time and money I ever spent.
Rick
With my own boys it was hard. I was gone a lot with the Army and really only got to try to work with the 2 youngest. The older of them to loves cars (foreign sports cars) and could care less about a tractor. I really glad I didn't get into tractors shows with him. The evening entertainment would have driven him nuts. No rock???? Shooting/hunting? Oh I did it once, killed a deer, that's enough. Hates fishing. My youngest could care less about anything mechanical that doesn't fire a projectile. Doesn't care for fish. But I still talked to them. Found out what interested them and tried some things I never thought I'd try. Paint ball and air soft come to mind. I still WILL NOT jump out of a perfectly good airplane! But the 2 younger boys and I have come a full circle. We got a 53 JC3 that we are going to start as a project this spring. The younger of the 2 is 30.
Talk to the kid. Find something that you can do [u:08aaa69ced][b:08aaa69ced]together[/b:08aaa69ced][/u:08aaa69ced]. Not you watching him ride a quad. You cannot buy his love. Model trains, paint ball/airsoft, computer games, shooting (fire arms and or archery). Whatever it takes. You may learn something and find something that you enjoy too. You can always sell the quad and spend the proceeds on the new "thing". The big thing with my youngest who was the hardest that got us talking and doing things was paint ball that evolved into airsoft. At 13 he and I would hardy speak. He was shopping with my wife and they past a paint ball display and he got excited. My wife mentioned it to me. I was desperate at the time so I drove 25 miles that day while he was in school and got 2 cheap guns with masks and some paintballs. That was a major turning point with him. He really isn't into tractors but if he's here and I have to work on one he's right there doing whatever he can to help. Gotta butcher? He's right there when needed. A little money and a little effort on my part to find something he liked has been the best time and money I ever spent.
Rick
I taught high school ag for 34 years and had my own two children. I understand what you are feeling and thinking. The first thing which isn't really going to help you is - remember who the adult is. You have to think and be smart. Secondly, have tolerance. Everyone is different - emotionally, physically, biologically. Don't blame things like this on yourself. I have known several farmers/dads who tried to change their sons and seriously lost. The lost so bad they put a permanent wedge in between them and their son(s) and "cutoff" the relationship forever. One farmer I know was so upset he cutoff the relationship with his son and eventually wrote him out of the will - gave everything to the school district. I think their relationship was tainted by the fact the son didn't want to work as hard as dad. True, the father was very successful, but probably at the cost of truely living and enjoying life. The son was more social. Parenting might take as much time thinking as it does action. As was mentioned the teen years can be tough. Not wanting to do chores or manual labor would be a common concern voiced by parents. All I can say is tread lightly. All of this is sort of like the saying "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink". How true. Today everyone has rights. Social services is right around the corner. It is a different time from when my dad or myself grew up. My dad was disiplined with a green tree switch. I was disiplined with a yard stick. Neither of us very often I might add. We are in a different time. Don't ruin your relationship with your son by making demands that he doesn't care to do. Be a smart parent by figuring things out and doing things that could build the relationship. The best thing you can do is teach by example - hardwork, tolerance, understanding, and caring. Goodluck.
Flustraiting & I am walking in your shoes.
Instead of sports it was band & He was darn
good at it.
I just wanted out of high school , he was
straight A student & now a 4.0 Grade in college.
I Bought him a Ranger with a stick Trans, he
said Dad, I don't really want a stick tranny.
So I sold it, made a Bunch of Money on it &
invested in another tractor to restore...
Doesn't care about tractors & much of anything
mechanical.... But when I repair something
he is impressed with it when I'm done.
I Love to hunt, he rather just shoot a tin
can with a 22LR. He has hunted with me, but
if game is in short supply his intrest faid
rather quickly, I say that why it's hunting?
Recently I bought him a Ford Escape, & it's
a Stick Trans. 4cylinder getting 28mpg in the
winter. He loves the stick trans & say's its
too bad they don't build Escape anymore with
a stick.. Slowly but slowly & inch by inch he
now show's some intrest in what my projects
are. My son will never be me & I don't want
him to be.
Lazy I feel he is at times, but he takes care
of what he has, especailly what he's has
purchased.
So far at 21 years old, he has kept his Nose
clean, show respect to others & I am proud of
that. & I love him very much. And Yes he needs
a hair cut, but thank God there is no Piercings
or tatoos.....
Instead of sports it was band & He was darn
good at it.
I just wanted out of high school , he was
straight A student & now a 4.0 Grade in college.
I Bought him a Ranger with a stick Trans, he
said Dad, I don't really want a stick tranny.
So I sold it, made a Bunch of Money on it &
invested in another tractor to restore...
Doesn't care about tractors & much of anything
mechanical.... But when I repair something
he is impressed with it when I'm done.
I Love to hunt, he rather just shoot a tin
can with a 22LR. He has hunted with me, but
if game is in short supply his intrest faid
rather quickly, I say that why it's hunting?
Recently I bought him a Ford Escape, & it's
a Stick Trans. 4cylinder getting 28mpg in the
winter. He loves the stick trans & say's its
too bad they don't build Escape anymore with
a stick.. Slowly but slowly & inch by inch he
now show's some intrest in what my projects
are. My son will never be me & I don't want
him to be.
Lazy I feel he is at times, but he takes care
of what he has, especailly what he's has
purchased.
So far at 21 years old, he has kept his Nose
clean, show respect to others & I am proud of
that. & I love him very much. And Yes he needs
a hair cut, but thank God there is no Piercings
or tatoos.....
Anonymous-0
Well-known Member
Do you hunt? Do you fish? Do you do anything for recreation? Or is it all work, 24/7/365? My dad liked to hunt and fish, and he included me in that part of his life. Part of the reason that I had no problem sharing the work at the garage with Dad is because he shared some of the FUN stuff with me.
If you only want to include him in the stuff that, to him, is no fun...well...you'll continue to get what you're apparently getting now.
Have you tried to get involved with the stuff your son considers fun? Do you know what he considers fun? Do you care?
If all he thinks of when he's with you is work and responsibilities that aren't things he wants to deal with, he'll end up rejecting that as not what he wants out of life. My grand-dad spent every daylight hour outside the garage working in his garden. He managed to convince me that I didn't want to ever have a garden, because it was all work, all the time. Is that what your son sees in the things YOU consider fun?
I'm not condemning you. I'm just asking you to examine your relationship with your son. Are you and your son friends when you're not assigning him tasks and "laying down the law"?? The way you talk of him, I wonder. Do you ever have a heart-to-heart talk with him, where you actually listen to HIM, rather than having a "sit down and shut up" kind of discussion?
Now, some kids DO need a drill sergeant approach to keep them on the straight and narrow...and some never get it. These are the ones who end up in jail, or on drugs, or dead. If your son doesn't need a drill sergeant, maybe he needs a fun outlet WITH Dad.
Just suggesting some things to think about. I'm almost 60, and and I'm a grandfather. My kids are a couple of my best friends, even if we don't agree on a few things. My son is a sports nut, and on Sunday he'll be at a Super Bowl party, cooking most of the food. I probably won't even watch the Super Bowl. But when he talks sports, I listen...because I know it's one of his passions, and I often learn something. We tell kids to find what they love, and then do what they love in order to have a happy life. Sometimes what THEY love and what WE love is different. It doesn't mean you've failed as a parent, and it doesn't mean your kid is a failure, either.
So don't make him feel like one, or you'll keep driving him away.
If you only want to include him in the stuff that, to him, is no fun...well...you'll continue to get what you're apparently getting now.
Have you tried to get involved with the stuff your son considers fun? Do you know what he considers fun? Do you care?
If all he thinks of when he's with you is work and responsibilities that aren't things he wants to deal with, he'll end up rejecting that as not what he wants out of life. My grand-dad spent every daylight hour outside the garage working in his garden. He managed to convince me that I didn't want to ever have a garden, because it was all work, all the time. Is that what your son sees in the things YOU consider fun?
I'm not condemning you. I'm just asking you to examine your relationship with your son. Are you and your son friends when you're not assigning him tasks and "laying down the law"?? The way you talk of him, I wonder. Do you ever have a heart-to-heart talk with him, where you actually listen to HIM, rather than having a "sit down and shut up" kind of discussion?
Now, some kids DO need a drill sergeant approach to keep them on the straight and narrow...and some never get it. These are the ones who end up in jail, or on drugs, or dead. If your son doesn't need a drill sergeant, maybe he needs a fun outlet WITH Dad.
Just suggesting some things to think about. I'm almost 60, and and I'm a grandfather. My kids are a couple of my best friends, even if we don't agree on a few things. My son is a sports nut, and on Sunday he'll be at a Super Bowl party, cooking most of the food. I probably won't even watch the Super Bowl. But when he talks sports, I listen...because I know it's one of his passions, and I often learn something. We tell kids to find what they love, and then do what they love in order to have a happy life. Sometimes what THEY love and what WE love is different. It doesn't mean you've failed as a parent, and it doesn't mean your kid is a failure, either.
So don't make him feel like one, or you'll keep driving him away.
Redtom take it easy with him, don't try to force anything on him. I raised 4 sons and none of them were the same. My third son was smart as a whip in school but got lazy, let his grades drop, I warned him to do better, he didn't, I whipped him and his grades came back up, a little later I lost him, he drown in a fishing accident, if only I could take that whipping back!
I hope you and your son can find a common ground. I am only 32 work with my father and mother every day. my family is not very affectionate family its allways been work first everything else second. I was born at 1.00 am and mom was back at work at8.30am same day with me in a basket. I have allways wanted to please my dad and probably miss out on some kid stuff along the way. now that I am a little older my dad and me get along much better. wished I went to college but I thought working with dad would be a better choice. but all in all I am fortunate to have a very good life and love my dad we don't ever say it but I know he doe and he knows I do. now that I have kids he turning into a softy. my parents did the best the could and that all anyone could ask for.
Wow, what a hot button issue! Had to go run an errand so I was away for a bit. Thanks for all your input. I should add to my post that its not so much "trying to make him like my interests" as it is, him not wanting to do ANYTHING. Oh, he does school and sports, but when I try to motivate like "lets go toss the ball and you can practice catching" Its Too: hot, cold, wet, windy, dark, bright (really). to do it. I try to stress that practice is what makes average players better but its to much of a bother. Today all I did was ask him to help me put in wood for 15 mins but he said no because he was in video games. So, WITHOUT the support of mom I made him do it. Which resulted in a pouting fit. He does like shooting which we try to fit in, once again, if it isn't too:hot, cold, windy, dry... you get the picture. I'm not pushing him to do anything. Quite the opposite. I'm going to stop asking pretty soon because the answer is always no.
Great advice Buzzman, as you said and I posted below, listen, listen to your kids. Ill never forget the documentary Michael Moore did about the Columbine shootings, the media blamed rocker Marilyn Manson, when Manson was asked by Moore what would you say to these kids, his response was "I wouldent say a thing, I'd listen to what they had to say, and that's what no one did" my father is the same way he never shuts up and listens, he just blows off nonstop. Then he wonders why my brother and I don't want to talk with him to much. I think that's great that you listen to your son, even if you don't like sports, it means alot to him that you listen. I wish my dad would listen.
RandyB(MI)
Well-known Member
My son was 17-18 before "WE" had some common ground. happens different age for all. Younger he said "bowling ain't even a sport" I was 205 avg bowler and entered a lot of tournaments etc. He finally got into it (without any encouragement from me) and went on to do very good. WE won over $1000 together in tournaments one season and he and another teammate won doubles in city tournament with his first over 700 series. Also got into "extreme badmitten" one year. had a lot of fun, lost a lot of weight and ruined a few rackets. He never did get into drag racing like I though but can't have it all. Give him time and leave the door open. Might surprise you.
Maybe too late now, but what bothers me is when you say you beg a 13 year old to do some chores. Our kids had barn chores when they were in second grade.....eight years old. They grew up with it, watching their older siblings, cuz it started with the first one. I have had neighbors with your issues- it always made me wonder, who is the parent? I"m more of a teller, not an asker, and certainly not a begger.
Ask him to teach you how to play a video game with him. Expect to get beat and look the fool. He knows what he's doing with that. But if you try to understand him and try some of the things he likes he may come around. Also at his age we as parents say grow up, at your age I was _______ . Then when they try to act grown up by offering an idea or suggestion we blow them off. It's a very frustrating time. If he has an idea listen. It may be good. If it isn't don't blow it off as stupid, explain what you see wrong with it. That's how he will learn. Act like his opinion is at least worth listening to.
Rick
old
Well-known Member
- Location
- Camdenton Missouri
Back years ago my son/stepson told me hey dad I'll never know how to drive a stick shift. Well he told me that but he learned because I gave him a motorcycle and told him he would learn to drive stick shift or eat handle bars. In doing so I sort of created a monster and now he can not drive an automatic because he destroy them. By the way he got his first bike when he was 13 or 14 and since then he has had a good number of them and he is slowly going toward tractors. The very first machine he ever drove was a IH TD=6 dozier at the age of 4. All by him self
Sounds pretty normal to me. From my experience kids drop out of the human race around 12 to 14 yrs old, then rejoin in the mid 20's, so be patient. Just don't say or do something you will regret later.
My 4 kids went through the same thing. Now their ages range from 29 to 38 and they are well adjusted productive people that even seem to like being around me.
One positive thing to keep in mind for down the road, grand kids seem to care what grandparents think. At least mine do.
My 4 kids went through the same thing. Now their ages range from 29 to 38 and they are well adjusted productive people that even seem to like being around me.
One positive thing to keep in mind for down the road, grand kids seem to care what grandparents think. At least mine do.
Have you noticed if he spends some time/works for $$$ for someone else, it's a whole 'nother ballgame?
Sometimes, the world, life experiences/work/money brings out a side of our kids we would NEVER see if we had to work with them every day/kept them at home.
At least, that was MY experience, and now a good friend of mine (who used to have all the answers) is seeing that with his late-teens son.
He works for a crusty/frugal/hard-headed welldriller and is HAPPY doing WORK he would never do for/with his Dad.
And STILL tells his Dad how dumb he (Dad) is!
Sometimes, the world, life experiences/work/money brings out a side of our kids we would NEVER see if we had to work with them every day/kept them at home.
At least, that was MY experience, and now a good friend of mine (who used to have all the answers) is seeing that with his late-teens son.
He works for a crusty/frugal/hard-headed welldriller and is HAPPY doing WORK he would never do for/with his Dad.
And STILL tells his Dad how dumb he (Dad) is!
Anonymous-0
Well-known Member
Stop feeding him, he will come around.
Anonymous-0
Well-known Member
I have a son that is now 26 years old. I tried to get him interested quite a few activities but he no real interest in outside activities particularily those envolving physical labor. Far from a "chip off the old block". When ever he was asked to do a task, he would first question whether it needed to be done at all. He always lost this battle which led to the next two issues which were: task completion date/time, and whom was to decide it was done satisfactorily. He believed since it was his assignment, he should decide these issues. Certainly at 6 ft 3 and 250 lbs he was certainly hefty enough to pull his own weight, but would much rather mess around with computers and computer games. He didn't get into drugs or other trouble, and I could trust him not to steal, so eventually stopped complaining and let him do "his thing". He didn't study, did take tough courses but graduated with a mediocre grade point average. Bounced around a couple of low wage jobs and completed a two year degree at the local junior college with slighly above a C average. Life gave him a rude awaking when the girl friend become pregnant and he had to buckle down to provide a living. Now with three small children and having trouble finding anything more than a minimum wage job, he has learned a few tough life lessons; one being that it was one of his better ideas not to burn family ties. He realizes many mistakes were made, and is now willing to make the considerable effort required to earn a marketable college degree The moral of this somewhat long-winded story is that although you should give guidance/encouragement, better let them do the actual driving and eschew constant conflict unless they are going to run off a cliff. If they succeed doing their "own thing", that is great. If things don't go so well they will listen a lot better if you haven't beaten the relationship to a pulp.
I have the same problem, 13 YO son, grades are fair at best,
B+ in Math,
A in Gym
D- in science,
D+ in Social Studies
C in language arts.
He will play video games all day....Which I do not let him. He has to grow up. I have taught him the work = money concept, but, what does a 13 YO need that is already provided, roof over your head, food to eat, electicity, gas bill, all is free to a 13 YO.
B+ in Math,
A in Gym
D- in science,
D+ in Social Studies
C in language arts.
He will play video games all day....Which I do not let him. He has to grow up. I have taught him the work = money concept, but, what does a 13 YO need that is already provided, roof over your head, food to eat, electicity, gas bill, all is free to a 13 YO.
I've gone through the same thing. Only thing my oldest wanted to do was spend my money, hunt and fish in nice weather and be pampered. He's just starting to come around at 24. Your kid, to me, sounds like a prime candidate for drug problems down the road. Mine was. I don't have an answer for you. All I can say is keep trying, let him know he's loved and do your best.
Sometimes an adult male outside the family can serve as a mentor and that bypasses the hormone thing, which is a lot of the problem with kids that age.
Billy Shafer
Well-known Member
Sounds just like my son. I hope you can keep him off the drugs. Killed my son at 36.
Yeah, I'd sure listen to a drugged out retard in a Michael Moore film. Sorry Jay, I just can't believe you'd use that and them for a learning example. Just my opinion.
You can listen to them all you want, chances are it's all going to be about how they want this and they want that and how this is too hard and that's boring and why can't they do this and that and why do they have to work or help or do anything they don't feel like. That's what you'll hear. So you listen and then you give them the reality, which is that life is tough, they aren't the center of the universe and Michael Moore is a fat, blowhard that complains about the same system that allows him to be very, very wealthy. S-P-O-I-L-E-D B-R-A-T-S. Self centered, egotistical, lazy brats with no character. That's what our society has bred. Keep giving them everything they want and we'll keep breeding more and more of it.
Traditional Farmer
Well-known Member
- Location
- Virginia
Yea my 2nd cousin that lived on the next farm was like your son never interested in farm work and loved books.He graduated from college with an accounting degree went to work for a large accounting firm in DC worked his way up and is now a multi-millionaire.Being interested in farm work ain't really the route to riches or a good life in may instances.He'll figure it out let him decide to do what he wants.
being a parent is tough, but it's our job.
parent first, friend comes later.
I was raising a Man, so lots of work always.(both of us)
never asked, and if it wasn't done right, we'd do it again.
I always took him with me fishing, drag racing, etc.
some things he liked, some no.
And when video games were invented, I got right in there with him....and pool tables, foosball, go-karts...listen to him, or if a teenager that never talks, watch him for his interests.
When he got into the teen years, yep, it got tougher.
rules stayed the same and clashes were frequent.
Which, in a way, I welcomed. Again, I was raising a man that had to survive the world, not a sheep. And of course he wanted to get out on his own.
(and yes, there are times you just feel awful after having to do the 'parent' thing.....but it's our responsibility)
Best friends now, and he is going thru the same with HIS son.
He is a good father, which makes all my work worth it.
ps my son didn't have a bit of interest in old machinery then, but he sure is trying to get one of my old cars now!
and my grandson has always loved tractors
parent first, friend comes later.
I was raising a Man, so lots of work always.(both of us)
never asked, and if it wasn't done right, we'd do it again.
I always took him with me fishing, drag racing, etc.
some things he liked, some no.
And when video games were invented, I got right in there with him....and pool tables, foosball, go-karts...listen to him, or if a teenager that never talks, watch him for his interests.
When he got into the teen years, yep, it got tougher.
rules stayed the same and clashes were frequent.
Which, in a way, I welcomed. Again, I was raising a man that had to survive the world, not a sheep. And of course he wanted to get out on his own.
(and yes, there are times you just feel awful after having to do the 'parent' thing.....but it's our responsibility)
Best friends now, and he is going thru the same with HIS son.
He is a good father, which makes all my work worth it.
ps my son didn't have a bit of interest in old machinery then, but he sure is trying to get one of my old cars now!
and my grandson has always loved tractors
I dident mean it as a learning example, I was just pointing out
that the guy had something intelligent to say about the
situation. To an extent I agree with what he was saying about
talking to and listening to your kids. Seems like these days
parents ignore there kids, just my opinion.
that the guy had something intelligent to say about the
situation. To an extent I agree with what he was saying about
talking to and listening to your kids. Seems like these days
parents ignore there kids, just my opinion.
Don't force him to see things from your standpoint.. My Dad was from the old country , worked too hard for a meager living.. I didn't want that for myself.. He was a builder, and I turned in to a mechanic.. I could never do things to his elevated expectations.. This drove a wedge between us.. That didn't stop me from admiring his abilities and work ethics.. He passed early in life , wasn't able to retire.. If your son can stay off drugs , He'll probably turn out alright.. I don't see what the infatuation with drugs is , but it's gotta be a pier thing.. Everyone else is doing it ....I tried "grass" once and only got a case of glassy eyes from it... I thought to myself... " Self, there's got to be something better than this"..
John M
Well-known Member
- Location
- Nunyafn business
Nope, they don't like very much I like, but there again, I don't like very much of what they like. That's fine though, they are each their own person, and I respect that!
My son was the same.We lived the country,we had no money.We raised him in a conservative Christian environment.Took him to tractor shows.bike rides,lots of family activitys.He hated farm work,but was good help when he did help.Totally rejected the farm.We had our share of battles/'wars'.But now at 24 years,he's thriveing in the Navy.He now talks with pleasure and pride of being a 'farm kid'.He no longer thinks Dad is a complete idiot.If fact he now brags on how smart/inventive dad is.It will get better.Be patient.I am really glad he did
not follow my foot steps.We could not be prouder..
not follow my foot steps.We could not be prouder..
I have two sons (and a daughter) The oldest was the way you describe when he was a teenager, completely uninterested in anything I was doing. He is 27 now and is still not interested in farming or machinery, but is a good man now and is doing OK. His son is 5 now and loves tractor rides, trains, and trucks, so might turn out more like his grandfather. He won't have the opportunity to grow up on a farm like I did, though.
My younger son is more like me than I am. He loves to fix stuff. When he was about one and a half, before he could talk, I was working on my plow, taking it apart to adjust the with of cut from 12" to 14". He crawled in my lap to "help" and I was fine with that, but then he tried to kick me out of the way so he could do it himself. That's where I drew the line. He has been fixing things ever since. He worked for a BTO for a couple of years and they loved the way he maintained and fixed the machinery he was operating, and called him "the welder man". Now at 21, he is a couple of months away from finishing his schooling for aircraft maintenance.
To sum up, same genetics, same upbringing, two completely different outcomes. By the way, my daughter is great with animals, but horrible with machinery. I think it's all the luck of the draw. All you can do is your best, and you have to leave the rest up to them and God.
My younger son is more like me than I am. He loves to fix stuff. When he was about one and a half, before he could talk, I was working on my plow, taking it apart to adjust the with of cut from 12" to 14". He crawled in my lap to "help" and I was fine with that, but then he tried to kick me out of the way so he could do it himself. That's where I drew the line. He has been fixing things ever since. He worked for a BTO for a couple of years and they loved the way he maintained and fixed the machinery he was operating, and called him "the welder man". Now at 21, he is a couple of months away from finishing his schooling for aircraft maintenance.
To sum up, same genetics, same upbringing, two completely different outcomes. By the way, my daughter is great with animals, but horrible with machinery. I think it's all the luck of the draw. All you can do is your best, and you have to leave the rest up to them and God.
Wheat Farmer
Well-known Member
I didn't think Dad was right, Dad didn't think Grandpa was right, Grandpa didn't think Great grandpa was right. I knew I was ALWAY right, so didn't have any kids. LOL
Bryce Frazier
Well-known Member
Hey, look at me! I personally haven't ever been too interested in what my dad does. He builds/restores muscle cars, water skis, and a few other things.
I like the idea of restoration, but I decided to jump into the world of tractors, and HE discovered how much HE like playing with tractors, so now he is kind of interested in something I do! He now has two Fairbanks Morse Z engines, and thinks they are just the best things since sliced bread, I have never had an interest in engines, until their was a 6 horse sitting in the shop......
Now I think they are pretty cool, and am working on trying to find my own!
Another big difference is the "farming" aspect of my life. I have never farmed before, never really done anything farm related, the most is working at a farm up the road helping with fences and hay and etc. HOWEVER, since I could talk, I have LOVED John Deere's ( obviously because they are the best ) my room has advertisement posters for new JD equipment on the walls, metal signs all around, and to top it off, mom made me a Queen size bed spread that is all JD. My parents have no idea where I got this Tractor gene in me, nobody has farmed in either side of the family for a long time, but it is my dream. Growing up people always asked me what I was going to be when I grow up, a farmer!
Then it happened... After I got my Eagle Scout, I was 13, that fall there was a very large Eagle Scout dinner, for the Inland North West Council (30,000 boys). Basically only Eagle scouts come, and they tell all of the others what they did for their project, and what they are going to be when they grow up. Every kid infront of me said that they were going to be a Scientist, Game Design, Banker, all of these huge "modern" jobs. Then my name was called and I went and stood up there, said I was a gonna be a farmer, and I think half the people there choked on their dinner... Oh well, it's my dream and their ain't no one a gonna stop me!
I now realize that I have been rambling on for some time, so my apologies for such a long post! Have a great weekend! Bryce
I like the idea of restoration, but I decided to jump into the world of tractors, and HE discovered how much HE like playing with tractors, so now he is kind of interested in something I do! He now has two Fairbanks Morse Z engines, and thinks they are just the best things since sliced bread, I have never had an interest in engines, until their was a 6 horse sitting in the shop......
Now I think they are pretty cool, and am working on trying to find my own! Another big difference is the "farming" aspect of my life. I have never farmed before, never really done anything farm related, the most is working at a farm up the road helping with fences and hay and etc. HOWEVER, since I could talk, I have LOVED John Deere's ( obviously because they are the best ) my room has advertisement posters for new JD equipment on the walls, metal signs all around, and to top it off, mom made me a Queen size bed spread that is all JD. My parents have no idea where I got this Tractor gene in me, nobody has farmed in either side of the family for a long time, but it is my dream. Growing up people always asked me what I was going to be when I grow up, a farmer!
Then it happened... After I got my Eagle Scout, I was 13, that fall there was a very large Eagle Scout dinner, for the Inland North West Council (30,000 boys). Basically only Eagle scouts come, and they tell all of the others what they did for their project, and what they are going to be when they grow up. Every kid infront of me said that they were going to be a Scientist, Game Design, Banker, all of these huge "modern" jobs. Then my name was called and I went and stood up there, said I was a gonna be a farmer, and I think half the people there choked on their dinner... Oh well, it's my dream and their ain't no one a gonna stop me!
I now realize that I have been rambling on for some time, so my apologies for such a long post! Have a great weekend! Bryce
Anonymous-0
Well-known Member
I lived in town, so when I was 12 years old I got a paper route...which I kept for almost 3 years. I learned about making my own money, paying my own bills, saving and paying cash in order to cut costs...and responsibility. Those newspapers aren't going to deliver themselves, no matter what you think you'd rather be doing. And I learned about customer service. If the old lady with the walker wants her newspaper hung on the inside door handle of her storm door, just tossing the paper on the porch isn't gonna get it. I also learned about deadbeat customers...the folks who'd keep promising to pay you, get 4 or more weeks behind on their bill, then they'd call the newspaper office to complain if you tried to cut off their service for nonpayment.
I also learned about being on time. It was an afternoon paper route, and school got out at 3:30. I had a couple of customers who worked in town, but lived out in the country...and they got off work at 4 o'clock SHARP. So I had to have their paper delivered to their car, or to the appointed drop-off spot, before these customers left work. I also had 4 "newsstand" stops in town...two drugstores, the ice house, and the local hospital. Those also had to be delivered in a timely fashion, or else the retailers didn't have the fresh newspapers to sell.
It also taught me that nobody gives a DAMN when YOU have a problem, if it affects THEM negatively. It doesn't matter if you're in a wreck or in the hospital...to the employer and to the customer, those are EXCUSES. And nobody likes people who make excuses. That's an important lesson for a kid to learn on a job.
I'd suggest that, if there is ANY job a 13 year old can legally do outside the family home, you send him in that direction. Learning to please an employer, or a customer, rather than just pleasing yourself, is one of the most valuable lessons a kid can learn.
I also learned about being on time. It was an afternoon paper route, and school got out at 3:30. I had a couple of customers who worked in town, but lived out in the country...and they got off work at 4 o'clock SHARP. So I had to have their paper delivered to their car, or to the appointed drop-off spot, before these customers left work. I also had 4 "newsstand" stops in town...two drugstores, the ice house, and the local hospital. Those also had to be delivered in a timely fashion, or else the retailers didn't have the fresh newspapers to sell.
It also taught me that nobody gives a DAMN when YOU have a problem, if it affects THEM negatively. It doesn't matter if you're in a wreck or in the hospital...to the employer and to the customer, those are EXCUSES. And nobody likes people who make excuses. That's an important lesson for a kid to learn on a job.
I'd suggest that, if there is ANY job a 13 year old can legally do outside the family home, you send him in that direction. Learning to please an employer, or a customer, rather than just pleasing yourself, is one of the most valuable lessons a kid can learn.
I only read a few posts but I'll echo what some others have said. He'll be much happier and you'll have a better relationship if you get interested in something he enjoys rather than trying to get him to like the things you enjoy.
My boys were very good athletes. They loved playing baseball and excelled at it. My wife and I put our interests on hold for many years to support the boys in their interests. Not just going to their games but to other activities they were involved with. One of those was Scholastic Bowl which our oldest son was involved in as well as Math Counts in junior high. You said your son is smart. Ask him if he'd be interested in Scholastic Bowl. The competitions are actually fun to attend, but often the parents come away feeling kind of dumb compared to a bunch of junior high or high school kids. Another benefit is the kids have study groups to prepare for those competitions. They build some strong friendships during those times.
The other thing is you said he's 13. It's rare that a 13 year old is going to be interested in doing stuff with his dad.
My youngest son is now in his late 20's. Like me, he's been interested in cars and racing from an early age. We both enjoy stock car racing. I like traditional hot rods and customs. He won't give that kind of car a second look, but he likes modern sports cars which I don't care for. He's his own person. That is good.
One more thing about your son. He's 13. More than likely his interests are girls!
I do agree with what you are saying.
Paper route............Not a chance, unsafe conditions for delivering papers on a dirt roads where I am at. And, hardly anyone gets the paper anymore. I do have him working for me, shoveling snow now, in fact 2 hours ago I had him clear a path out of the garage.
I strongly believe that instilling a work ethic into kids, boys mostly is key to making them men. Any boy that does not work to some degree starting at 12 or 13 becomes a whiny wimpy runt. My wife has him carry bags of groceries in 2 times per week. Then there is the grass cutting in the summer. Then using the wheelbarrow too. The list is endless.
Paper route............Not a chance, unsafe conditions for delivering papers on a dirt roads where I am at. And, hardly anyone gets the paper anymore. I do have him working for me, shoveling snow now, in fact 2 hours ago I had him clear a path out of the garage.
I strongly believe that instilling a work ethic into kids, boys mostly is key to making them men. Any boy that does not work to some degree starting at 12 or 13 becomes a whiny wimpy runt. My wife has him carry bags of groceries in 2 times per week. Then there is the grass cutting in the summer. Then using the wheelbarrow too. The list is endless.
Had time to read the responses and dwell. Its interesting-all the variation. Lets see: Be a parent first/ Be a friend first, Leave him be/ Put him to work, Don't be pushy/ Don't let him be lazy, Punish him/ Don't punish him, Let him find interests/ Get him interests or he may turn to drugs, Be a good example all will be fine/ Seek an outside example, Make him work/ Too much bossing and he'll leave asap, All you need to do is show good ethics the rest will follow/ You must inject into his life. Quite interesting. Most got my point- some didn't. I work hard daily-He sees that, We worship regularly-he takes part, We discipline-he knows that. I show interest-he has few. I thank you for your time.
Similar threads
We sell tractor parts! We have the parts you need to repair your tractor - the right parts. Our low prices and years of research make us your best choice when you need parts. Shop Online Today.
Copyright © 1997-2024 Yesterday's Tractor Co.
All Rights Reserved. Reproduction of any part of this website, including design and content, without written permission is strictly prohibited. Trade Marks and Trade Names contained and used in this Website are those of others, and are used in this Website in a descriptive sense to refer to the products of others. Use of this Web site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy TRADEMARK DISCLAIMER: Tradenames and Trademarks referred to within Yesterday's Tractor Co. products and within the Yesterday's Tractor Co. websites are the property of their respective trademark holders. None of these trademark holders are affiliated with Yesterday's Tractor Co., our products, or our website nor are we sponsored by them. John Deere and its logos are the registered trademarks of the John Deere Corporation. Agco, Agco Allis, White, Massey Ferguson and their logos are the registered trademarks of AGCO Corporation. Case, Case-IH, Farmall, International Harvester, New Holland and their logos are registered trademarks of CNH Global N.V.
Yesterday's Tractors - Antique Tractor Headquarters
Website Accessibility Policy