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Corny joke

R

rrlund

Well-known Member
A blind guy walks in to a clothing store with his seeing eye dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging him around over his head. The clerk says "Can I help you sir?". The guy says "No thanks,I'm just looking around".
 
Blind guy waiting for the light to change so he can cross the street. His dog suddenly just leads him right out into traffic, against the light, and he almost gets hit. He makes it back to the curb, takes a cookie out of his pocket and offers it to the dog. Bystander says "I'm sure surprised that you're offering him a treat when he almost got you killed." "Its not a treat, I'm just trying to figure out which end his head is on, so I can kick his a$$."
 
Here in Springfield we actually have a business with big sign on front "BLIND CLEANERS"

After passing it several times I said to my wife....No offense as I WOULD LIKE TO HELP THAT BUSINESS.....BUT I WOULD RATHER HAVE SOMEONE THAT CAN SEE DO MY CLEANING.
 
I heard that one on A Prairie Home Companion last night, and also the one about the 3M man and the guillotine. I didn't catch the whole show, though.
Zach
 
Id just come out of a shop with a roast beef sandwich a large chips , ear of corn and a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said"i've not eaten for two days". I tolde hiom "I wish I had your willpower"
 
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes.
The bartender says"no, this is a bar and we only sell beer and liquor"
The duck leaves.
Next day. the duck returns to the bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. The bartender repeats that "this is a bar and we only sell beer and liquor. If you ask me again, I'll nail your bill to the bar"
Again the duck leaves.
Next day, the duck returns. He asks the bartender if he has any nails. The bartender answers "no." then the duck says "do you have any grapes...."
 
I was involved in research feeding dolphins various foods while measuring their growth rates. Dolphins are known to jump out of the water and snag a sea-gull every once in a while so we fed some of them pure sea-gull meat. It was discovered that on this diet, they would grow to maturity very fast and then seem to live forever. I was coming back to the lab from the beach after I had caught a gunny sack full of gulls, when I encountered a lion asleep on the walk-way. I very carefully stepped over the lion, and then police jumped out from behind some bushes and I was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across a staid lion for immortal porpoises.
 
you youngsters that don't remember record players won't get this.

Two guys were talking and one said have you ever heard that something can happen to a pregnant woman that can effect the child, example a rabbit can jump up and scar mother and child is born with a patch of rabbit hair. The other guy says I don't believe that because when my mother was pregnant with me she was carrying a bunch of records and dropped and broke then all. You know that didn't effect-effect-effect-effect me at all. :|
 
ldj, I'm a young fella still, so if you try to take away my
turntable, we may have to come to fist-a-cuffs! ;)
 
A horse walks in to a bar and the bartender says "why the long face?".


Two baby seals walk in to a club.....
 
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