Being prepared!!! Seems the young folks aren't!!! RANT!!

Middle son calls me late morning and asked me where the 10K generator is for the rented cattle yards. What?????

We have a rented farm that only has the well and waterer heaters on the electric service. Since we don't own it I have never installed an automatic generator setup. There is an old milk house that we just keep a 10K generator in. Just open the door and start the generator and plug it into the transfer switch.

The snow we got last night knocked down a tree that took down the electric line. So when my son did chores this morning the water was off and some of the waterers where frozen. He unlocks the shed and there is no generator. He calls me asking if I was using it anywhere. I was not.

So I asked him where the one from the shop was at. (smaller 8K one. It will run the well and about 2/3s of the heaters) HE said I really did not want to know. What the heck??? It seems my youngest son was using it at a friends and they dropped it off of the pickup coming home. They not strap it into the bed. Flatbed truck with out any side boards. It is destroyed!!!!

So I get dressed and head over to the farm. We have to move several pieces of equipment to get the old PTO generator out of the back of the machine shed. I asked the middle son why it was in the back as he had put the equipment away. HE said that since we had the backup generators he did not think we would ever need it. SCREAMING madd at this point. Had to cold start three tractors to get it out. I HATE doing that.

Get him heading over with the PTO generator. I go to the shop to get the K-1 space heater and some plywood to thaw out some of the waterers with. I checked the heater before I loaded it. ZERO FUEL in it. So I go and get the K-1 containers. I have four that are yellow just for this heater. ALL FOUR are empty. REAL HAPPY by now!!!!!

So I put five gallons of diesel fuel in the heater. Get over to the farm and the middle son has the generator going. It did not seem to be pulling much load. I asked him if he shut everything off and then flipped each breaker individually as we need them. NOPE just hooked it up, revved it to PTO speed and threw the transfer switch. The well pump had tripped the 220 breaker when it started out. The water heaters DID NOT trip out. I shut them off an went and checked the waterers out. Three of the four have the heaters melted down into the plastic liners as they had no water in them. Two of these three had burnt the element in half, they are submersible heaters. So the heaters are shot. $25 each thrown away. I am beyond mad by this time. I tell the middle son to WALK home NOW. IF he was still there in five minutes I was going to pound him to a pulp!!!!

I got the well going. Hooked up some hoses into steel tanks so the cattle could get some water. 500 head without water for hours. Thawed all the automatic waterers out. Replaced the plastic liners in the ones that had melted. Called a plumbing friend and he brought out some new heaters an helped me install them.

So five hours later the cattle where fed and watered. Have the tractor running over night until tomorrow. The electric company has to replace two poles an a bunch of wire. It arced as it went down and burnt the wires beyond what they will allow to be used.

Got back to the farm and the middle son an I had a REAL HEART to HEART talk.

Seems he used the last of the K-1 last week and just forgot to replace it. We have had two different days with freezing rain and then 6 inches of snow last night. HE did not think about needing heat anywhere. I told him to NEVER be completely out of K-1. When you use 2 of the four cans take them to town the next time and fill them!!!

Then I got on him about the generators. That PTO one is to be by a door at all times. It is a 75K one. It will run the entire farm or any of the houses.

Then I jumped him about not replacing things as they are broken. That smaller generator is used all of the time. HE was going to wait until after Christmas for the sales to be on. Two things wrong here. 1) The youngest son is who wrecked the generator. So he should be the one replacing it. YESTERDAY!!!! 2) Middle son should have told me ASAP about it. I have seen a dozen generators for sale on Craigslist. Guys are needing Christmas money now not later.

He is 31 years old. He managed a complete company in Dubuque. He should have been better prepared. He has worked with me since he was in diapers. I try to NEVER be caught not prepared. I told him that when you have livestock around you do not have days to get things working. You have hours at the most. So the things you always thought I was being an butt about are just for times like this morning.

I told him I will be there at 6 AM tomorrow. He had better have chores about done. We are going to inspect all the farms so we are not caught unprepared again. We are supposed to have 10-20 below zero temperatures tomorrow night here.


PS it gets better. The youngest son calls me tonight. HE loaned the 10K generator out to a friend that is snowmobile racing in Northern Wisconsin until after the first of the year. The friend can afford to take a two week vacation, race a 20K sled and have a fancy tow behind trailer but can't afford his own generator. I told the youngest son that he had until tomorrow afternoon to replace BOTH generators. I don't care if he has to dive to Wisconsin an get that one or buy brand new ones. There will be generators in place before it gets cold tomorrow night!!!!

These boys can be the best in the world and then turn around an do the dumbest things. I think this is because I have always covered their butts in the past. That is now over!!!! They are going to have to learn. IT very well could be the hard way!!!

End of RANT!!!! LOL I thought I was done raising them after they hit adulthood!!!!

You sound like me have to be prepared for every thing my wife doesn't understand why I think like that. On the same token I'm the one who has to make sure my dad is prepared lol. I have to run the adult day care

I have a spare 21kW PTO unit if you get in a bind.

I am not surprised, My son is 43 yrs old, lives next door has two race cars, the world stops for fishing and hunting, fancy bass boat and New truck, and not anything that resembles rock in his quarter mile long drive way. When his mail box is so full the mail carrier can not get any more in it she lifts the flag. He was not raised that way but he has chosen his own path. Who am I to argue, but he will not get any help from me as long as this is his attitude.

JD you have false expectations...your 30 something kids are like mine and everybody elses

sic 'em sarge !,,.that's the jd seller we know and love and respect... also ,,. hope we never cross ,,. LOl,,.you are so right ,be sure you can balance your wrath ,so that them fellas fly strait and narrow and most of all don't kill their spirit and even worse never loose heart and give up ,,, you have got a group of GREAT AMERICANS to mold and temper ,it may take a lifetime LOL ,,.,but you gotta certainly know , together all of you do make a positive difference ...

Problem is he's a "manager" lol. I hate that word/title.

The kids do notarealize how much ou do, and have done. It is much the same way here.

Unfortunately some life lessons can only be learned the hard way. I know you needed to make a point but sometimes being very hard nosed can work to set things back more than correct errors. Some family farms broke apart because things got to a point where the only communication happened by shouting matches between father and son(s). It's hard to admit error because to many men it is also an admission of being weak.

Most of the guys that have worked for me on the farm, will use the last bag of feed at 4pm on Saturday, then call and say Hey Boss..we are out of feed.

Sorry boss, that tire was going flat when i parked it 3 days ago, but i forgot to tell you.

Sorry boss, i used the last can of Gasoline when i filled the mower last week.

Sorry boss, the toilet in the bedroom has been running over on the floor for a few days.

That is why they (farm laborers) are working on a farm for darned near minimum wage. If you add the cost of what they break, and the needless crisis that they create, to what I pay them, it is likely a decent hourly rate.

And that is why there will always be a need for supervisors.

I have watched many father and son teams grapple with learning how to work together.
Hopefully, your boys will grow out of it when the pain gets their attention.....but it is hard for a Dad to get out of the way and let it happen...especially if you feel the need to backstop for them. It's a real challenge.

They probably are dealing with Daddys money not theirs.

That was my job back in the day. Come home from college for the weekend and put everything back together that dad had broken. Once I moved farther away he bought some newer and better stuff. He was smarter than I thought.

After 40 yrs owning horses the other half still waits till almost winter before starting to look for hay supplier and then normally waits till 1-2 bales left before figuring out how to get more. Seems to think is only my responsablity to do it. She brought them into the relationship not me.
Let me get low on fuel and you know who needs to get it.

I worked my tail off as soon as I was big enough to reach the clutch peddle.Hauled hay when I wasn't helping Dad.When I had boys,I decided to let them have a fun childhood. I think it was a mistake.Both are good workers but seems often times playing comes first. They are 16 & 20 .I can still teach them .Good boys & I love them more than life, but I wish I had worked them harder from the start.

NY 986: I understand trying to balance these things. The thing that they need to do is start thinking ahead.

What really set me off, when I got out to the cattle yard, was the fact he was setting on his butt inside the cab playing around on his smart Phone. He never even CHECKED to see if anything was running like it should after he started the Generator.

These cattle are only weeks away from shipping. There is close to a million dollars walking around on that farm.

I never go to any of the cattle yards/barns and not walk around and check everything out. It only takes a few minutes but can save you plenty.

IF he had a suitcase full of a million dollars of cash in his attic I bet he would check it every day.

He came to me in August with the idea of taking over more of the duties on the farm. So far he has done fairly good at it. He just gets distracted at times an drops the ball. HE worries about the long terms stuff too much and forgets to watch out for the day to day stuff.

I am seeing that they may need to switch around how they do things some. The second son is better at day to day stuff but is not a good long term guy. HE worries about today too much. I am thinking they need to work thing differently.


They have had an easy life in many ways. Maybe too easy. I may have let up too much when their Mother died. The youngest three where all small when she passed, 12,9, and 3.

I think all of us with kids have gone through this. I keep a couple of tank heaters on the shelf incase one goes bad. It's a 25 mile drive to replace one. I make sure the torpedo heater is full. It's only a mile and a half to get fuel. But I know if I get one of my all adult kids to do anything I better check behind them. And I know I taught them better than that. Couple of years ago my oldest (in his 30's at the time) needed my heater. He lived about 30 miles away at the time. I told him sure but that I would need it within the next 36 hours so use it and get it back. I called about 12 hours later and he tells me that he got his pipes thawed. I ask when are you bringing my heater back. He tells me well we were coming next weekend and I'll just bring it back then. I told him no, I need it in the morning (using back up tractor to feed hay, no heater on it). He says something about not having enough gas. So I drive to get it. Funny thing was when his pipes froze a couple of weeks later he has the money to go buy his own heater.

Rick

my dad was always the type that would look and find what you did wrong he was very controling being german probably didnt help .
yet i bought and paid for my own farm run my own buisness and can do more than the average but the way my dad treated me still affects the things i do today granted your boys dropped the ball big time but sometimes people will be like what you till them. ive been in your shoes working in factories and seen some real stupid stuff and its hard not to let loose good luck and i hope it ends well i never talked to my dad the last years of his life i didnt do that willingly butt because i had to for my own peace

I LOVE this story. Laughed mu bu-t-- off! I am the one who has three generators. Win-power 2.2k, Homelite E3000, and a Homelite 180 A75, 7500kw unit. They are all beautys. Now my old man got hold of a International Electrall unit many years ago and BURNED it up running a power drill cause he didn"t blow out the air circulation screens!! I never had kids cause you stand a 50/50 that you get a wonderful one or a total looser dumb as-- idiot trouble maker. I always like the bumper sticker that says "the more people I meet the more I love my cat-dog -horse what ever you want. My rant.

This is the key to the problem. JD has a lot of money on the hoof in real bad winter weather. My kids were always "why do you get upset when we break something? We didn't mean to". Because it costs money, money derived from mine and my wife's toil sweat and blood. And really my kid's are/were pretty good but would be the first like JD's boy to say "oh we loaned the generator to Fred for his vacation - what's the big deal Dad?" But it is just a couple of days before Christmas, be thankful for the blessings of their good health and loyalty. Do what I do smile drink lots of bourbon!

I think it is normal. 28 year old daughter call a week or so ago. Dad, I"m in the ditch! Why? I don"t know.

So I load up straps come alongs ETC and drive out there. Before I even leave she calls, " Dad, are you on your way?"
Gimme a chance!

Get there and I see tracks and kerfluffed snow but no car. So I call, Hey what the hell is goin on?
Oh the town truck came by and helped me,I am almost to your house.
You are gonna come home and put my snow tires on for me right?

You don"t have your snow tires on?

Uh no you never did it for me!

The older I get the smarter my parents became.Of course now that they are gone I am the older one passing along my knowledge.One of my friends daughter closed the hood and removed the fender blanket and drove the family car to town with no oil in it.I quess tried to go to town would sound better.

What you're saying is that they are not quite on the ball like your niece?

I have an older brother that is now 83 and still doesn't know how to act responsibly. He had Dad in an uproar as long as he was on the farm and even afterward.

I just do my best to avoid him at all times so he doesn't get me mad - or get his hand in my pocket as he is always short of money.

Oh your done raising them now your teaching them. My Dad taught me a lot and I learned a bunch more by making mistakes.
1st story--I was 18 or 20 living at home and going to school. Working on something wooden in the garage had a hammer in my right hand, the one with a really expensive watch on my wrist with nice expansion band. Got all upset over somthing and threw that hammer on the ground and the watch followed it. Instantly I wasn't mad picked up the watch to find it was destroyed--the last time I ever threw something to vent rage.
2nd story--I'm 70 now and loaned the use of a extra pickup to a young man that is on hard times made worse by drinking just a little too much. Wife is giving me what-for for that. And I am recognizing the error/risk--now I need to correct the issue and still be able to help this kid understand he needs to quit drinking. It's affecting his work quality, family life, who will associate with him, everything in his life and I don't think he sees it yet. I'll probably have to walk away to get him to see the problem.

I agree ! Until its there money getting spent and there equipment getting ruined. The lesson is hard to learn.

The learning curve in life is steep.Middle or upper management always has a fall back person.When doing things for yourself the buck stops with you and your good or bad decisions.

Your son learned a valuable lesson on being prepared for the worst.

Vito

Well, I hope it works out well for you. I know that I would not have stood for being told to walk home like a ten year old. I don't think that humiliation is a good learning tool. He is probably investigating other work opportunities at this moment.

Its not just the young folks these days,when the power was off here for 6 days and lots of snow on the ground very few in my area were the least bit prepared as far as food,water or a way to stay to stay warm.Most had very little food in the house,no wood even if they had a way to burn wood for heat.Had a guy down the road get real mad because I wouldn"t let him have one of my generators and the reason was the time before when the power was off I let him use one and told him then to get a generator because I needed all of mine of course he never bothered.
MOst people these days are like cage raised chickens have had everything handed to them and never have to think for themeselves to survive.They better hope and pray the system we have never collapses because it"ll be a lot of folks that won"t survive.

You should do what my wife's dad did years ago when she wanted to get a drivers license.He told her when she could check all the fluids,change the oil in the car and change a tire he'd take her down to get her license and she said she learned it all in one afternoon.She's about the most responsible person you'd ever meet and with a great 'can do' attitude and its because of the way she was raised

I know from experience that the more one does for those around them, the more those around them expect. Although you want them to be more prepared it was you who came to the rescue when things got bad or went awry. I can understand the ramifications of not doing things correctly or the cattle being out of water on a monetary stand point. I even agree with all parts of your rant. That being said you may have to take another step back if you truly want the boys to accept all the responsibility being given them. There are five farms in my town with adult children working on them. Ours is the only one the kids make the decisions on, the others are employees. The discussion has come up numerous times with the neighbors on why their children don't take more responsibility and make some decisions. Dad told us long ago I'm here to advise you and I'm holding the checkbook, otherwise good luck & have at it. Time to sink or swim, use the tools I've given you.

I doubt he's looking for work elsewhere or should even bother if I'd of had an employee pull a stunt like that I'd of fired him on the spot and he'd would have had to figure out how to get home.

(quoted from post at 20:52:11 12/22/13) I worked my tail off as soon as I was big enough to reach the clutch peddle.Hauled hay when I wasn't helping Dad.When I had boys,I decided to let them have a fun childhood. I think it was a mistake.Both are good workers but seems often times playing comes first. They are 16 & 20 .I can still teach them .Good boys & I love them more than life, but I wish I had worked them harder from the start.

Click to expand...

I'll bet your father said the same thing about you too when you were their ages, and his father before him.

They don't call them rebellious teenage years for nothing. You think nothing is getting through, but it is. Some day down the line they'll have an "AHA!" moment and it will all fall into place. It's just not something you can beat into them. They have to find it themselves.

The key is applying just the right amount of pressure in just the right places to get things done to your satisfaction, without pushing so hard that they just shut down and walk away. Whatever you do, don't give up.

Showcrop:

Well he might have been mad at me but here are a few things to think about.

1) The walk home is only about 1500 feet.

2) He had the chores to still do there.

3) I am not pushing for my sons to farm. IF they want to that is great but it would not be the end of the world if they do something else.

4) I don't need them on the farm. They want ME to help them farm. That is a big difference. MY farm is paid for. If they go do something else then I just cut back on the number of cattle and rent maybe the next door farm for the pasture and hay. I do not NEED them to live the life I have made for myself. It is their turn now to make their lives into what they want.

5) The real important thing is this. The walk may have embarrassed him but I can guarantee that me knocking him on his butt would have embarrassed him more. I was that MAD. I have not been that PO in years. It was much better for him to get out of my sight than to stay there right then. Good parenting??? NO but I am human and can only take so much STUPID in a day.


I have had kids now for 45 years. I am still working out all the kinks. I am far from perfect and never will be.

Something must have worked because he had the chores done at 6 AM this morning and a list of what he had found that needed to be done around the farm. We did a quick walk around and he did a GOOD job looking things over. That is want really gets me. HE knew what he should have been doing but until I pointed out he needed to think about the cold/weather it did not compute. What happens down the road when I am not here anymore??? That is my worry. That is why we are trying to do this now.

He does not usually need the chores done that early but I always tried to do them earlier when ever we have bad weather. IT was -5 this morning. Plus anything that is wrong needs to be fixed today as there will be fewer options in the next few days because of Christmas.

The funny thing is that my Oldest son was just about as mad as me over the whole deal. The younger two told me this morning that he really chewed their butts too. LOL He is 45 So I guess the other two will get it with time.

Breakfast done so BYE until this evening!!!

(quoted from post at 06:45:58 12/23/13) Showcrop:

Well he might have been mad at me but here are a few things to think about.

1) The walk home is only about 1500 feet.

2) He had the chores to still do there.

3) I am not pushing for my sons to farm. IF they want to that is great but it would not be the end of the world if they do something else.

4) I don't need them on the farm. They want ME to help them farm. That is a big difference. MY farm is paid for. If they go do something else then I just cut back on the number of cattle and rent maybe the next door farm for the pasture and hay. I do not NEED them to live the life I have made for myself. It is their turn now to make their lives into what they want.

5) The real important thing is this. The walk may have embarrassed him but I can guarantee that me knocking him on his butt would have embarrassed him more. I was that MAD. I have not been that PO in years. It was much better for him to get out of my sight than to stay there right then. Good parenting??? NO but I am human and can only take so much STUPID in a day.


I have had kids now for 45 years. I am still working out all the kinks. I am far from perfect and never will be.

Something must have worked because he had the chores done at 6 AM this morning and a list of what he had found that needed to be done around the farm. We did a quick walk around and he did a GOOD job looking things over. That is want really gets me. HE knew what he should have been doing but until I pointed out he needed to think about the cold/weather it did not compute. What happens down the road when I am not here anymore??? That is my worry. That is why we are trying to do this now.

He does not usually need the chores done that early but I always tried to do them earlier when ever we have bad weather. IT was -5 this morning. Plus anything that is wrong needs to be fixed today as there will be fewer options in the next few days because of Christmas.

The funny thing is that my Oldest son was just about as mad as me over the whole deal. The younger two told me this morning that he really chewed their butts too. LOL He is 45 So I guess the other two will get it with time.

Breakfast done so BYE until this evening!!!

Click to expand...

Well situations are different. I worry about my 71 year old cousin whose son works the 200 milker farm with him, yet appears to be allowed no responsibility. It appears that my cousin needs his son. I was perhaps a little more hard headed than most. When I was 18 I knocked my father down so that he didn't get up, because he was beating on my younger sister, and I didn't take well to his brand of discipline, which consisted of beatings with no discussion. I am glad to see that your son apparently recognized his shortcomings.

I got good grades in school and worked hard on the farm too while growing up. Still my parents managed to find fault in what I did. After trying to farm with family as a young adult I could see things would never change, so I eventually bought my own place. Things still go wrong and I still make mistakes but at least I didn't have to put up with temper tantrums. The only serious mistake your son made was not checking everything was working after hooking up the generator. Everything else was minor or someone else's doing. Sorry you had a bad day, but I think you over reacted.

Everyone seems to have had the same experiences with their kids, me included.
Jd, when you showed up the next day and everything was done like you wanted...did you take the time to pat your son on the back and say 'good job' ?
THAT will go a lot further than an asschewin.
Speaking from my experiences, of course!

I have had a few days like that, hang in there.

I've seen it happen time and time again, the kids that never leave and go somewhere else never realize how good they have it and how easy it is to screw it all up.

I've seen it in construction and farming - the best operators/managers are the ones that grew up in the business and then worked for someone else for several years before they came back to the family operation. And I don't mean left home for a 4 year vacation at college before coming back to the family business knowing it all. They actually need to work for someone else that can teach them and fire them and send them looking for their next job. Dad will yell and beotch about everything under the sun, but tomorrow you'll still be his son and you'll be doing what you did yesterday.

I also would have been beyond mad. Problem seems that since "we" the older generation are either prepared or otherwise able to work thru a catastrophe they aren't sensitive to potential worst case scenarios. Realize the amount of money at stake is too great to just walk away and let them figure it out, but that lesson would stick. Unfortunately my experience shows that one can't expect much improvement until they suffer the consequences. As Gold Rush's Tony Beets said: sic "lessons cost money and good lessons cost more".

Same can be said about the old guys. They will not spend money and put things off till the very last second.
Then expect everyone else to drop what they are doing to go get supplies that the old man should have ordered weeks a go.

(quoted from post at 20:59:15 12/22/13) JD you have false expectations...your 30 something kids are like mine and everybody elses

Click to expand...

AMEN to that!

The perils of not being able to do everything yourself to your own satisfaction and having "others" mess your stuff up.

These are the stories my Father wouldn't tell because he was afraid it would indicate poor parenting skills...

I can't stand running out of stuff like that either; always come home with 1/2 tank of gas in vehicle or fill it up, fill fuel cans up immediately after using, keep blankets and flashlight and jumper cables in car and trucks, have alternate heat sources. Cold weather can kill : think more in the winter about consequences; even wearing adequate clothing is important=you may be out longer than expected. It is easier to be prepared than to deal with an outage or shortage in an emergency. Mark

I admire you for being able to do it. My dad and I were often at loggerheads with each other. We both believed in 'my way or the highway'. So much so that I ended up seperating my farming from his in my 20's. Its funny, I'm 46 now, running my place and his now that he's gone (been gone 4 years this week) I realized this past summer, I've become him.

He's 45 and you still have to give him instructions like you did when he was a teenager? WOW, something in the training went awry.

Iowa Jim : The sons in this post are 31,28 and 22. My oldest son is 45. He has his own farm operation and a VERY good off farm job. We just share ownership of some larger equipment and do some joint purchasing of inputs for price advantages.

The older two of the these three have been part time farming for years but they have had Day jobs. They did not do much of the planning, just the finish after work. The middle one just switched to full time farming early this fall. I actually made the mistake of stepping clear out of the day to day stuff. I just assumed they knew why/when they had been doing some things. So we are working the little details now.

The youngest has good days and bad days. There are getting to be more good days. LOL

Wish my dad had been like that.

FFA has a program to work kids into the decision-making on a piece of ground.

4H and FFA were a waste because if you weren't working, you were losing money.

Or so said my dad.

I've been very pleasantly surprised at my oldest boy since he moved back home last week. We were without power for several days here and he's been a fantastic help. He's not the same druggie whiner he used to be. The hard part is figuring out where we go from here. He sure is getting a lot of thank yous from me lately. Maybe what I taught him did sink in after all.