terrible day gets worse.dealing with dad...

as my saga continues I need to vent,bad,real bad.good news is im feeling pretty good,in fact going to bowling green for the weekend,im trusting my son and buddies to look out for me,i have confidence in all of them too.now the bad news,two words,ex-wife,i live on the home place in a house with the boy who is 20,the wife left about two weeks after I learned I had cancer for the 3rd time.this might sound harsh,but I absolutely positively hate her,about a month ago dad tells her she can come here anytime she wants,cause his names on the deed.we just talked a few hours and I cant get him to understand that I do not want her here for any reason whatsoever,none period.he thinks she should be allowed here to see her son,i say bs hes twenty has his own truck,and shes suppose to be living less than ten minutes from me.she has really put me in a bind and im not giving in,so I told him that in the morning ill call the county and see if I can rent a room near the hospital,for a while,or till I need a nursing home.i cannot stand the thought of her just coming in my driveway just to agrivate me daily,it has had a effect on me mentally,and he wont hear it..tractor part of the story is its the 3rd weekend in august,time for the national tractor pulling championships in bowling green ohio,i live to do this,it gives me drive to watch my son,i sure hope I make it till the 4th week of aug next year....

Man, I dont know what to say to that. I just finished up a two year divorce a little over a year ago. Two years of He!!

But at least she wont talk to me at all so I have heard boo from her.

Only cost me a new home, 80 acres of the home farm and $200,000 to boot.

Know why divorces are so expensive? They're worth it.

Hang in there.

Gene

I can under stand the hating the ex-wife. Here is question that may sound harsh but I am going to asked it anyway. If you are old enough to have a 20 year old son and an ex-wife why are you living in a house with your father's name on the deed??? Did you rent the farm/house for all these years or what? If you are paying rent, you are the person that controls who comes to your house. This is how the law looks at it. So unless your father lives there too he can try to allow her on the place but you can stop it if you really want to push it. Get a restraining order.

Sounds like life is giving you a kick in the chin right now. You father is a PIA and your ex-wife is not better. If you can afford it move. If your health is going down as fast as it seems you do not need the aggravation that your ex-wife and father are causing you.

we rent for 21 yrs,place was grandpas,then dads next was brother and mine.my marriage was never really good,i always revoked any inheritance,and turned down any property as gifts,as I thought I might lose it later anyway,i got married cause my gf got pregnant,i thought I was doing the right thing.i guess hindsight is always 20-20

jd seller,we moved into the original farm house that was vacant for a while,dad built a new house here in the 50s,brother was given some off the place to build on,and did.i just didn't feel comfortable at that time jepordizing my families livelihood in a bad situation.

88-1175: You are going to have to look out for your self in this. Trying to protect everyone else has caused your current issue.

I bought my first house over moving into a house my Grand father owned. I did not want any issues to effect my family. That was my wife and kids. The rest of the family became second when I got married. I always put my wife and kids first.

I bought the home farm here. The rest of the family wanted to keep an interest in it. I told them to either buy me out or name a price. Joint ownership does not work.

I have started out all my kids one way or the other. It always included them being on their own in a short time, usually in 3-4 years.

The one's wife was an issue way back. We just created a trust to own what he got helped on. He had a life estate on that property. So his wife could never have gotten her hands on it. They got straight and each put in half an bought the life estate out 4-5 years ago. She put some skin in the game when her Aunt left her some money. Until then I would not sign off on the transfer.

Like I stated earlier. You need to be worrying about your health. The farm will mean very little if you are too sick to do anything. Protect your sanity. Rent some place cheap until you are better. The son is twenty. He is old enough to provide for himself.

As for your Father he is tone deaf on what your ex is/was doing. I would not make him an enemy but I would not look favorably on him. If you read many of my post you see that I rarely mention my Father. He cheated on my mother for over 20 years. I have ZERO respect for him. We talk but that is about it. He lives 1/2 mile from me. I may see him once each week. That is enough. He can and does visit with my kids more but that is different.

So make your life peaceful. If that means moving then so bet it. Your health is the main issue here. Attitude is very important in the fight you are fighting. My wife fought that battle for over 15 years. If she had a negative attitude that would have been much shorter.

jd seller,thank you.i read everyone of your post,and as many people do,i like your wisdom.again thank you

I'd hate her too. I've got a friend who fell off a roof about 8 years ago. He landed on a wheelbarrow handle and impaled himself. When he was still in the hospital they told him and his wife that he would be able to walk but that he would never be able to work again. The next day she told him that not only had she cheated on him almost from day 1 but that she had twice gotten knocked up by other guys and had gotten abortions both time. He let her have everything including the house. At the time she was teaching school at a Christian school. About a year later she was arrested for "aggravated DUI, resisting arrest, attempting to flee and assaulting a police officer". Well Jim and I found that amusing. Then the state took her license to teach and she got fired. Then she lost the house. She's had several live in boyfriends that have been abusive and have stolen from her. Jims just smile and says "karma baby, karma". I'm on his side in this too. She's a farm girl that wanted the big city. Now she wants him to take her back. She just came up here the other day after the latest boyfriend got arrested along with his ex wife for welfare fraud. Is telling Jim she's "ready to move back home" and is really sorry. Jim isn't buying it.

Hope things work out for you.

Rick

Well, it COULD be worse... she could have stayed around to make your life even MORE miserable!

(BT, DT, didn't even get the "T" shirt!)

Everybody should br devorced at least once in their life...it challanges charicter, wisdom, and truely brings a new perpective to ones life. Learn to cherish the people around you, look for the good things- forget the bad. Think good thoughts, be positive...life will be much better for everyone including you're self.

Have a good time at bowling green. That place is a heck of a great redneck fest. Won't be going this year cause I can't stand to be around my FIL.

You have cancer for the 3rd time. You can make the choice of letting her control your emotions and stress level or you can take charge of your own life and not let it get to you. Seems to me you have more important things to worry about than the old bag coming around. Make your choice.

Good questions and vent away no problem for me. As a small estate planning attorney I HEAR THESE TYPE OF STORIES ALL THE TIME. As far as your statement someones name is "on the deed" there can be several different types of real etate ownership and "estate holders" may have certain full or limited rights, so a persons name being on the deed isnt the whole story. You may want to consult with a trained professional about that deed and its ramifications and dont risk too much on lay opinions, theres too much at stake in my opinion.

Take care of YOUR self and YOUR interests and consider professional advice. Keep calm and sane in the meantimne and best wishes, hope it works out. PRACTICE THE SERENITY PRAYER you ONLY have control over yourself NOT others basically..

John T Country Lawyer

Only the best to you 88. Enjoy the weekend. Yup, time for your own place is what I"m thinking too. I hope if ever in your shoes I remember that song "Live Like Your Dying" and have some FUN. Like Bob I didn"t get the t-shirt either. I put my name on 3 kids not realizing 2 people with A+ blood cant have a O- child. Don"t love that one any less than the 1st one tho. The 3rd one has NOTHING to do with me so I don"t worry about him at all!!! Plus he don"t look like anyone on my side so.... Live and learn ~grinz~

May God grant you peace, wisdom and healing.

Be happy you still have a Dad to talk to. I lost mine in 1987. He was 66, I was 38. Miss him lots. Would like to argue with him now.

And I had bought my own place by the time I was 18. Maybe it's time for you to do the same.

When I discovered that I hated a coworker, I did something about it. I decided that I had to let him be who he was. I started to laugh at the things that used to make me mad. The WAR you are fighting is in your head. AND I am not trying to be nasty about it either. You have the power to control your emotions.

My brother has chosen to believe his step-daughters word over mine. I had a witness, but I am not going to involve that person in this pile of DOODOO. I can live without my brother. We will cross paths and I will be civil about it. I am sure that you can do it too.
Good Luck
SDE

JD, You're folks are the opposite of mine, my mom cheated on my dad on and off most of their marriage, including getting cash in the mail from people she talked to on internet chat rooms. There's more to it than that that I won't get into here tonight.

88- if you are paying rent, call the sheriff next time. I've found sometimes to get things through to family you have to blow things up a little. Padlock the place while you're gone, too, if you find someplace closer to the hospital.

How does your son feel about her leaving when she did? You might find he doesn't like her coming around all the time either.