prayers needed

What NOT to Say:

1. "This may be hard to hear, but..." Going through cancer, life is beyond hard enough. Unless you've gone through it, it's incredibly hard to empathize with its level of "suck." Don't make it any harder. Which leads directly into...

2. "I can relate." Unless you have gone through chemo, radiation, and a body part removal, it is almost impossible to be able to physically relate. Emotionally, maybe. Physically, meh. The thing is that people that have gone through this never, ever say "I can relate," or "I know what you're going through."

3. "This is part of God's bigger plan." If you want a cancer patient who loves God to start hating God, say this to said cancer patient. If he or she is not mad at God before this sentence is uttered, he or she is pretty ------ off now. "Wait, you think God did this? What a jacksauce!" Oh, and for an ever higher state of anger:

4. "God doesn't give you a cross you can't bear." It takes hindsight to understand the higher purpose if that is what you are looking for. You don't stand in a burning building and think, "Well, this is all happening for a reason." You extricate yourself from the situation, and then you reflect.

At some point during the battle, God-fearing or not, we all have a cross more than we can bear. It's only when we have it that our limits are tested, broken, redefined and rebuilt. Every single one of us have, at some point, given in.

To cancer patients and caregivers, you should not get mad when you hear these words coming from anyone: "I'm sorry you're going through this."
The reason people say it is simple: it's the right thing to say. It's what should be said. It's not pity; it's love, affection, concern, being polite.

"I'm sorry" is a way of saying "I don't know what you're going through because I can't relate, but it hurts my heart to know that you're suffering."

"I'm sorry" is good for casual friends, acquaintances, and strangers. But if you are utterly close to someone battling, there is one sure thing you can say to make them feel even a modicum of better:
"I will be here for you in any way you need, in any way I can."

My wife is in her fourth round of chemo with more to follow. And I'm sorry for her and everybody else going through the battle. And I am here for her.
 

Been there. Done that. If she has "Hodgkins" she has an extremely good chance of surviving this. There are different chemo protocols used in the US depending upon what part of the country you live in. Stanford Five is the name of a protocol used out West that has a success rate in the low 90 percentile. Her problem is her aorta. If its nearly collapsed and the oncologist panics they'll want to treat her with radiation first. If the tumor was found by accident and she has no symptoms she has a "little" time. GET A SECOND OPINION. The best physicians charge the same to treat her as the worst. Chemo and radiation will damage her body but the damage can be lessened with the right oncologist. If you have time, ask her doctor who the best oncologists are in your geographical area and demand a referral if you have not already done so.
 
Dgasper,

I like your post. Lots of times we don't know what the other person is going through. I know when I am in pain I am miserable.

I try to just ask "Is there anything you need..." Food, help around their house, talking etc.
 
She is in my thoughts. Please look into the diagnosis. Hodgkin's is complex, but is named after and found in the lymphatic system not the aorta Circulatory system). This suggestion comes from what I know from a friend that had a family member in remission after early detection. Jim
 
My thoughts and prayers are sent. Four years ago today, I lost my wife of 47 years to breast cancer after a five and a half year battle.
Larry
 
I have been on both ends of these thing several times. The question "Is there anything you need"? is really too open. The person is often in a tailspin of emotion and worry, and can't think of a specific need, or articulate it if there is one. It is better at first to offer something specific, such as, "can I do your laundry tomorrow, can I bring you dinner Tuesday, do you want me to sit with (the affected person), so you can get a break?"

One of the things that helped the most when my wife was injured last fall, was an organised "food delivery". Some one coordinated all offers of food so that it didn't all show up at once and rot in the fridge. Once she was home and healing, people came to sit with her so that I could go and work without worrying about her.
 
(quoted from post at 01:32:48 07/19/13) she's seeing a very good dr at MD Andersen Hospital in Houston...even the best need help...thanx everybody

You live in a good area for medical care. I'll keep her in my prayers and say a few more for her oncologist and nurses. They have a very rough job. I was pronounced clean in April 2002 and have two friends who had Hodgkins long before I did. One 21 years ago and the other over 45 years. She may derive some comfort knowing these are common numbers, even if it only lasts for an hour.
 
Praying for the lady and any and all others with Cancer. Been there twice in my life already at 70. Dave
 

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