- Thread starter JD Farmer
- Start date
I used to get frustrated to no end when the older boy's girlfriend came first. I don't know HOW many times he'd take off to do something with her when there was work to do. I think the crap really hit the fan at maximum velocity the time he had to take her along to rake hay because she was so needy. The pin came out up under the tractor and the drawbar pulled out. He left it lay in the field and came home thinking he could take off since he was broke down.
Case Nutty 1660
Well-known Member
I still remember what "young Love" was like but I really hear what you are saying cnt
cole in mo.
Well-known Member
When the step kid was 14 he"d spend ever weekend with her folks. Tell him Friday morning be home tonight, we got work to do tomorrow, never see him till around 7
m sunday night. Got tired of his bs, started coming down hard on him, his gramps told him if he didn"t like living under my rules, he could move in with them. Happiest day of my life three days later when he did.
m sunday night. Got tired of his bs, started coming down hard on him, his gramps told him if he didn"t like living under my rules, he could move in with them. Happiest day of my life three days later when he did.Massey farmer
Member
Well, look at it this way, if the ball game helps keep him from
loosing interest in farming it might be a small price to pay.
loosing interest in farming it might be a small price to pay.
fixerupper
Well-known Member
One of the hardest things I've ever done was when I had to pull my son out of summer baseball because I couldn't be running him to practices and games and keep up with the livestock and cultivating. He was a heck of a good first baseman and was a starter on the team. No one within ten miles was on the team to carpool with and Marilyn was working. That was 20 years ago and I still feel bad about it. Jim
JD Farmer,
yup, I can remember not having to be asked twice by my dad to cut the grass or paint the garage or whatever. I was happy to help and work with him whenever he started a project. I used to sit on the curb waiting for him to come home from work. He worked lots of overtime, weekends and any time I got to spend with him I enjoyed immensely. I think the feeling was mutual.
Today, there is no volunteering to help, my kids (all girls) never come out to the garage or down to my workshop and say "need any help?" or even "watcha doing, Dad?".
Even the daughter's boyfriend never volunteers to help with fixing a car or such.
Don't get me wrong, they're good kids and will work their tail off on their jobs or on projects of their own, but helping me out? Not in the cards unless I specifically ask and then it has to not interfere with other things (like a ball game).
I believe a big reason for this is the advent of the Internet and Smartphones. Kids nowadays are glued to one or the other 24/7
yup, I can remember not having to be asked twice by my dad to cut the grass or paint the garage or whatever. I was happy to help and work with him whenever he started a project. I used to sit on the curb waiting for him to come home from work. He worked lots of overtime, weekends and any time I got to spend with him I enjoyed immensely. I think the feeling was mutual.
Today, there is no volunteering to help, my kids (all girls) never come out to the garage or down to my workshop and say "need any help?" or even "watcha doing, Dad?".
Even the daughter's boyfriend never volunteers to help with fixing a car or such.
Don't get me wrong, they're good kids and will work their tail off on their jobs or on projects of their own, but helping me out? Not in the cards unless I specifically ask and then it has to not interfere with other things (like a ball game).
I believe a big reason for this is the advent of the Internet and Smartphones. Kids nowadays are glued to one or the other 24/7
Nope, this is my daughter and son in law....and my grandkids ball game....I'm screwed, lol!
You would think one of the parents could miss a game...I mean come on here it's a freeking ball game for GS.
Sports nuts...
I am going to head out to see how it's drying and will get started raking in time to bale a few loads on the ground, my son and I will be working till dark tonight to get them loaded up. Only a small portion of what I have down and the rest I hope to get up in round bales tomorrow before the rain is due in here by 4pm.
You would think one of the parents could miss a game...I mean come on here it's a freeking ball game for GS.
Sports nuts...
I am going to head out to see how it's drying and will get started raking in time to bale a few loads on the ground, my son and I will be working till dark tonight to get them loaded up. Only a small portion of what I have down and the rest I hope to get up in round bales tomorrow before the rain is due in here by 4pm.
Traditional Farmer
Well-known Member
- Location
- Virginia
Once kids leave home and out on their own its great if they want to help around the farm sometimes but they sure don't owe the parents help all the time.They have THEIR family life and farm work isn't anymore important than any other.
rd 2N in mo
Member
So who are you mad at? Your Daughter, SIL or the grandkids? how old are they?
DaninKansas
Member
That's kind of what I was thinking. I helped my FIL once in the while on specific projects but I didn't sign on to be his hired hand when ever he wanted some help.
I never asked him to help us with anything except he helped us move once when my wife - his daughter was 6 months pregnant.
I never asked him to help us with anything except he helped us move once when my wife - his daughter was 6 months pregnant.
My kids (all in their 30's now) are still good about coming back to help with hay, on the one day a year we do it (I have it baled, we load 2 trailers, haul 15 miles, unload onto an elevator into the loft, and we're done). But it is hard to schedule, because rightfully so, their families come first. But the grandkids are getting big enough to come out too, so its getting easier.
But if you're up against rain, its a little different matter- maybe daughter could have taken son to game, so SIL could come and help, or something like that.
As far as the kid missing the game, forget it, unless its T-ball or very young kids. The whole thing gets much more serious as kids get older, and given the time of the year, its probably tournament time- so kid can't just bail.
But if you're up against rain, its a little different matter- maybe daughter could have taken son to game, so SIL could come and help, or something like that.
As far as the kid missing the game, forget it, unless its T-ball or very young kids. The whole thing gets much more serious as kids get older, and given the time of the year, its probably tournament time- so kid can't just bail.
Here"s the deal with summer baseball. 90 out of 100 of those kids will go on to become professional baseball players with multi-million dollar contracts. By keeping your child at home, you are ruining his future and his life. Same thing with high school football and basketball.
(This reply should be construed as sarcasm)
(This reply should be construed as sarcasm)
retired farmer
Well-known Member
It is all due to the way parenting has changed since the sixties. When I was growing up work came first, then play. After the sixties came parents got so involved with making a living and having the good life, they forgot about raising responsible kids and pawned it off on the school system and daycare.
I was lucky in that none of my kids wanted to play sports. They all helped us here on the farm. Never really had to do more than asked them to do something. It has been a two way street. They help me and their Mother when we needed it. Then when they where starting out I was able to help them out.
I disagree with the guys that say the "team work" learned from sports is so important. A job well done does that too. Sports teach kids that they can use it as an excuse to get out of work.
My oldest two sons have very good jobs. Their bosses have been out here on the farm. Both of them told me that my son's leg up in the companies they work with was their work ethic. They where not clock watchers. They stay until the job was done and offered to help other complete their's when a deadline needed to be reached. They both have six figure jobs because of that.
My grand kids even help out many times without being asked to do it. The horse girls are wanting to help with the hay this year. They already have helped two neighbors with some square bales.
I guess I am just lucky that the family works together pretty good most of the time.
I disagree with the guys that say the "team work" learned from sports is so important. A job well done does that too. Sports teach kids that they can use it as an excuse to get out of work.
My oldest two sons have very good jobs. Their bosses have been out here on the farm. Both of them told me that my son's leg up in the companies they work with was their work ethic. They where not clock watchers. They stay until the job was done and offered to help other complete their's when a deadline needed to be reached. They both have six figure jobs because of that.
My grand kids even help out many times without being asked to do it. The horse girls are wanting to help with the hay this year. They already have helped two neighbors with some square bales.
I guess I am just lucky that the family works together pretty good most of the time.
Meangreen
Member
I grew up in the 80"s & 90"s and was a small town city kid. We had t ball/baseball in the summer, flag football in the fall starting in 4th grade and then tackle in 7th and the other sports started in middle school. Now I see grade school kids in full pads playing games, sport schedules that are so compact that it can"t help but burn the kid out.
I was talking to one friend who was so glad her son didn"t play baseball this year because it would consume most of his time this summer. He"s high school age. Another gal I work with has a kindergardener and a 2nd grader and they have something almost everynight (dance, soccer, tball, etc.).
Like my dad said, he works in alot of schools, anymore the emphasis in school is sports and not education. You wonder why America is in such trouble.
I was talking to one friend who was so glad her son didn"t play baseball this year because it would consume most of his time this summer. He"s high school age. Another gal I work with has a kindergardener and a 2nd grader and they have something almost everynight (dance, soccer, tball, etc.).
Like my dad said, he works in alot of schools, anymore the emphasis in school is sports and not education. You wonder why America is in such trouble.
farmer boy
Well-known Member
Holy crap. This changes everything. You're bitching because your grown and married children put their own children ahead of helping dad. Are your daughter and son in law involved with the farm, meaning are they your partners? (not simply employees) That would be the only way they owe you anything.
JD Seller, I'll betcha dollars to donuts your parents had the same complaint about you, and their parents had the same complaint about your them.
You may have never played sports but at some time or other during your youth, there had to have been something (or someone) you'd rather be doing instead of farm work.
To every generation, the next one is always "the downfall of society.." Yet somehow enough young people grow up to be responsible adults that we manage to hold things together for another generation.
Frankly I don't think it's any worse now than ever. The reason it SEEMS worse is because there are a lot more people around and digital media makes it so much easier to stick our noses in other people's business.
You may have never played sports but at some time or other during your youth, there had to have been something (or someone) you'd rather be doing instead of farm work.
To every generation, the next one is always "the downfall of society.." Yet somehow enough young people grow up to be responsible adults that we manage to hold things together for another generation.
Frankly I don't think it's any worse now than ever. The reason it SEEMS worse is because there are a lot more people around and digital media makes it so much easier to stick our noses in other people's business.
smallercrawler
Member
Have seen it a lot, friend has 4 sons; from the time they were 12-13 they have contributed very little help to family even in "must do"/emergency situations due to their more pressing interests. However now (40 years later) that inheritance time is nigh they are already arguing about the division of the "loot". Their Dad (full time worker/part time farmer during this time) has told me how even though they're his sons, he is sorely dissapointed in them.
Traditional Farmer
Well-known Member
- Location
- Virginia
You folks ride horses an even bigger waste of time than playing ball and a lot more expensive.
As half of the work force in our family dairy, it was hard for me to play sports, but somehow I managed to go out for football. Didn't really care that much for it, but guys were expected to do it. Senior year I was to be starting center. Fall practice started in mid-August. I told Coach that I couldn't practice til school started because I was working for my dad, driving one of his tractors, as we did contract hay cutting all summer. If I'd quit to play ball he would have had to hire someone outside the family, and all our money was needed in the family.
Coach got real mad and told me not to bother, so I didn't. Finished the summer working for Dad and never really regretted the football thing. Coach was my algebra teacher senior year; made a 'D'. He never forgave me.
Coach got real mad and told me not to bother, so I didn't. Finished the summer working for Dad and never really regretted the football thing. Coach was my algebra teacher senior year; made a 'D'. He never forgave me.
Sounds familiar. The reason the damn ball game is more important is because they chose to make it more important.
I spent years and years listening to crap about how 50 or 60 or 70 or 80 or 90 hours a week wasn't enough and missed a lot of things I wanted to do while someone else ------ my time away making stupid work when the job could have been done hours before... so... guess what? Now the ball game or the concert or whatever I choose to do IS more important. If he don't want the hay getting wet he'd better grab some gears instead of teaching me about all the wonders of saving equipment at 3 mph. I've reached the point where I have 'zero' patience for having anyone else screw up my schedule anymore... and I've got an attitude about it.
Don't know what you're situation is but I suspect the inlaws set some other priorities other than hay.
Rod
I spent years and years listening to crap about how 50 or 60 or 70 or 80 or 90 hours a week wasn't enough and missed a lot of things I wanted to do while someone else ------ my time away making stupid work when the job could have been done hours before... so... guess what? Now the ball game or the concert or whatever I choose to do IS more important. If he don't want the hay getting wet he'd better grab some gears instead of teaching me about all the wonders of saving equipment at 3 mph. I've reached the point where I have 'zero' patience for having anyone else screw up my schedule anymore... and I've got an attitude about it.
Don't know what you're situation is but I suspect the inlaws set some other priorities other than hay.
Rod
todd hamilton
Member
hmmm...I was never quite asked if I "wanted" to do these things, I was informed that - we are going to mow yard, we are going to bale hay, we are going to plant corn, we are going to cultivate beans, we are going to roof the house, we are going to paint the barn, etc etc etc. Dad was not selfish though, had an old speedboat with a 75 Johnson just like the Alan Jackson song. Old Ford truck and camper, we had a lot of fun too.
RBnSC
Well-known Member
That is a sore subject with Me I wanted to play football. Dad would not let Me, always had work to do. He played even though he had to plow with a mule for his dad. Worked from the time I was big enough to do anything. Afternoons, Saturdays,all summer. Never did enough or didn't do it right never a kind word or an attaboy. During deer season I would run the combine on Saturdays so he could hunt with his friends. Now all he can do is worry about how his grandsons did in there ball games.
Ron
Ron
At first I thought you were complaining about a teenager who still lives at home and you are fully supporting. After I read that you are complaining about your grown daughter, her husband and your grandkid's ball game, I tend to think you are just looking for someone else to blame for your own poor planning.
I do hope you can still get your hay put-up before tommorrow's rains.
Do you have anyone lined up who can call on short notice to help out for these type of crisis in exchange for some good pay? If you can offer someone $25 to $50 per hour for emergency help you can select from some pretty good help that wants to work and knows how to get the job done right. That may sound like a lot to pay per hour, but it is not for many hours. When you compare the extra labor cost to the value of the crop saved it's really a bargain.
Avoiding these type of crisis is where a little planning really pays off.
RamblinMan
Member
I"m not young nor have loads of experience but would
gladly help out anyone close by me. (central IL)
gladly help out anyone close by me. (central IL)
My experience is somewhat different than some of the ones
mentioned below. I would not have minded trying out for sports
but felt it was futile. Farmers and therefore their kids were of
the lowest standing in our school district so they received
minimal consideration. I remember all too well the kids who
lived on the edge of another district wanting to transfer out of
our district to someplace more hospitable. A couple of the gym
teachers were decent but a common theme was that I never saw
any coaching for the sake of just gym class never mind to see
who was varsity material. If your mom or dad was connected to
management at the local factory or was a business owner in town
your odds were much higher in terms of pursuing what you
wanted. One of a few things that left a very bitter taste in my
mouth many years after graduating. At one point I wanted to
drop out not because of the academics but because the social
atmosphere was near poison.
mentioned below. I would not have minded trying out for sports
but felt it was futile. Farmers and therefore their kids were of
the lowest standing in our school district so they received
minimal consideration. I remember all too well the kids who
lived on the edge of another district wanting to transfer out of
our district to someplace more hospitable. A couple of the gym
teachers were decent but a common theme was that I never saw
any coaching for the sake of just gym class never mind to see
who was varsity material. If your mom or dad was connected to
management at the local factory or was a business owner in town
your odds were much higher in terms of pursuing what you
wanted. One of a few things that left a very bitter taste in my
mouth many years after graduating. At one point I wanted to
drop out not because of the academics but because the social
atmosphere was near poison.
retired farmer
Well-known Member
I was my own help on my place for ten years. Couldn't depend on anyone else to help. Still do everything by myself.
Paul from MI
Well-known Member
I was pretty lucky, my three boys were here to help when I needed them. Sometimes it took a fight, but they were here. Not so sue Dad would say that, racing motorcycles was kind of irresistible for me.
I have only been in a horse maybe 3-4 times in my life. My Grad Daughters have horse right here at the farm. They are learning work out of having them. The get up at 6 AM every morning and have their chores done before school. If they have after school stuff then they have to trade among themselves to take care of that. They also have to pay for the horse expenses. They do chores and have outside jobs for others to earn the money to keep them.
I would agree about the ones that Mom and Dad pay all the bills for. Also the adult women that waste time and money on pleasure horses.
I would agree about the ones that Mom and Dad pay all the bills for. Also the adult women that waste time and money on pleasure horses.
I don't care much what people do for recreation. I have no use for school sports, NASCAR, tractor pulls, concerts, professional sports. etc. I figure that's my business and those that like that stuff, well that's their business. But I do have issues when sports or shopping or partying or whatever causes a hardship on me. I think it's natural to complain. My oldest daughter is worthless as far a help and my oldest boy about the same. My 2 younger kids don't know enough not to help yet and hopefully they never will.
I'm pretty much a one man show, always have been, always will be. People are not dependable, so stop expecting help. Figure a way to do your stuff alone and if you do get help, it's gravy.
I'm pretty much a one man show, always have been, always will be. People are not dependable, so stop expecting help. Figure a way to do your stuff alone and if you do get help, it's gravy.
RamblinMan
Member
They must of pulled my email address thinking I was looking for a job. That was not my intention. Doing farm work is something on my bucket list. Kids are grown and I have lots of vacation time with no plans for using it. I would gladly donate my time just for the experience.
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