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1-uppers and story tellers

F

farmer boy

Well-known Member
What are the wildest stories you've heard from 1-uppers that you know? This one guy that my Dad dealt with when I was younger always had the best truck, always a reason that his POS tractor was better then a newer one. Told a story of his younger years(mid-20's) when he had a souped up early Mustang or something up to 300mph out-running the cops. He was serious as could be about the speed. Just makes you shake your head. He was a trucker, so it wasn't a big surprise. There are a few others, but I can't remember them all or their stories.
 
When I was a Ford Service Manager, I had a fellow like that work for me. Anything he had was automatically better than anyone else's.

His torque wrench was more accurate, his acetelyne torch cut cleaner than anyone else's, (Although I can't recall why the torch came into play). He had no personality, if he thought a vehicle was a piece of junk, he said so, even if the owner was standing there. All he did was brag about his tools and any other activities he was involved in.

If things weren't going right on a job, he swore so loud you could hear him clear out in the showroom. I moved him clear to the back end of the service department, and you could still hear him in the showroom.

The Operations Manager hired him, and I finally fired him. But, that was a pattern. The Ops Manager would hire these dorks and a few months later I'd have to fire them for one reason or another.


 
I've known a few that were both and maybe they should have made a career out of story telling because their other life ventures never amounted to much. Like Goose said one guy always owned something that was instantly better than everyone-else's. Could have been something as simple and common as a Farmall H. At the same time anything dad and I owned was crap or we paid too much for. One fellow was so good at stories he had a lot of people fooled for a lot of years after he passed on. If I did not think somebody geographically nearby would get upset I would repeat some of the tales just to see how they measure up.
 
One of my brother in laws, no actually 2.

One keeps telling everyone what a great hunter, fisher and shot he is. Kinda funny but sense his boys got old engough to hunt he hasn't got a deer every year like before. Guess he isn't teaching them to road hunt. And every time he wants to zero a gun he comes to my place. Uses a lead sled rest, fire 2-3 rounds then says "I'm having a bad day" and I have to zero his gun.

His brother is a nice guy, will help you out in a heartbeat. But he lies about everything in his life to make himself seem more important.

Rick
 
Hahahahaha you just described my father in law! His 2wd truck is better than my 4wd ones, his jonesreds chain saw is better than my Stihls, his atc 3 wheeler is better than my 4x4 fourtrax, and his jd gator is better than my bil rhino. It is always 10 degrees colder than us outside at his house 10 miles away,,he lives at a higher elevation, and always has more snow than what we got. People just randomly stop at his farm to tell him how great his hay fields are, His 2002 dodge Dakota came from the factory with dual exhaust! Ect,,, I could go on all day! He's so full of himself!r>I love that term 1 upper! Lol
 
Some people's things are bigger, better and cost more than yours. They never made but one like it and if you found one you couldn't afford it anyway.
These people are always the KING Of B.S.
 
I forgot to mention my all time favorite, he can tell the stroke in his 4610 ford tractor is longer than the one in his 4600 ford, because he can hear the difference.,!!! Both engines are the same, 201 ci, and 4.4 inch stroke.,he also could tell my baler has 20 strokes per minute more than his buy watching it running at 1700 rpm,
 
Funny you'd mention the Jonsered chainsaw. I haven't seen this guy for quite a few years, but he had a Jonsered chainsaw, 95cc or so. He just went on and on about this saw, how much better it was , how much faster it cut. He came over one time to cut some firewood, and he and my Dad are cutting the same tree. He's bragging about how much better this saw is than my Dad's 75cc saw, how much faster it cut. He might have cut an extra 5 pieces every 10 minutes, but I imagine he told everyone else it cut twice as much. Don't get me wrong, it was a great saw, and I don't doubt it out worked a 75cc Stihl by a bit, but the way he went on about it.
 
I have a few like that around here. Best ones are when they tell you something second hand about something that happened to a neighbor not knowing the neighbor was you. Had a couple times like that and story wasn't close to accurate. Usually I just let them talk and laugh about it later. Nicknames are always(insert name) the liar. Makes it even funnier.
 
I also have nothing against johnreds or husky ect, maybe pulon pro is junk,lol, but I also don't gloat about what I have like him, it's just amazing how his stuff is so much better than anyone else's.
 
jay...
the hay field thing is true...i saw them from the road on my way past and had to pull over to tell them that they were the best hay fields from schenectady to utica.
haha.
still winter here...how about your house?
 
Years ago when my daughter was in HS she dated a guy who had come with his family from Checslovokia (?)Anyway, as you can guess, anything we did, he had an uncle that did it better. We always had horses, and of course his "uncle" raised and trained the best race/show/roping/cutting/dressage horses in Europe. Daughter put him on her horse bareback and as soon as the horse started to WALK away, he leaned over to grab a metal fence post to get off and missed it gashing his side open.
Wife came home and saw gaping hole in his side and ran him to the lcl hospital. His mother got there about 2.5 hrs later and wouldn't accept our ins paying the bill. After keeping him for a few days, he turned out healthy, but about 3 weeks later, got a letter from my insurance saying he was suing us for 3.5 million dollars!
Found out that his parents had 4 other lawsuits going, trying to strike it rich in the USA!
Made me mad that the ins. co. settled out of court for $35K because it was cheaper than fighting.
 
Lol! Yep still winter over here! But I don't mind it. Alot more runing back and forth now taking care of my friends cows though.
 
When he encountered one of those guys, my dad would always smile and say "First liar doesn't stand a chance, around here."
 
Wayyy too many. I know a few who'll push you out of the way and say "let me show you how to do that".

The best story I ever heard about somebody like that was from a guy who worked in a factory. They were fixing something and a guy like that walked up. The job required hitting something with a hammer from underneath. This guy pushed them out of the way and took a swing. He missed and the hammer came up and hit him right between the eyes.
 
Fun thread.
Some of the people mentioned remind me of a line from one of my all time favorite novels:

[i:654c4848f0]"There are few people in England, I suppose, who have more true enjoyment of music than myself, or a better natural taste. If I had ever learnt, I should have been a great proficient."[/i:654c4848f0]
 
I used to work with a guy who insisted that he was an active military adviser to General William Westmoreland. He referred to him as "Westy". "Westy" called him often for his opinion on various military matters. One Monday morning he insisted that "Westy" had contacted him to chopper into Vietnam over the weekend and rescue some unfortunate cuss that was being held captive. Of course, he got the fellow out and left no survivors behind, and made it into work on time to boot. Without even messing up his hair. "Westy" got him clearance to fly along with the fighter test pilots. They had to fly fully armed, but they had to tape over the muzzles so the brass could tell they hadn't played with the guns. Occasionally they couldn't resist and would make a strafing run down the middle of the Mississippi River. He said the police all over the nation would contact him when they had a hostage holed up in a building. He'd bring out his 50 caliber tripod mounted machine gun and strafe the building about a foot below the level of the ceiling. That always brought the villains out with their hands in the air. This guy had never been in the military, and none of his feats ever made the news. I think our bosses were actually afraid of him - I used to tell my other co-workers that he was our proof of job security. He did have an impressive display of weaponry, some of which he brought down from the attic to show me. And one spare bedroom was stacked to the ceiling with supposedly full ammo cans. I looked at him as a ticking time bomb, but he lived til he died without hurting anyone, well, except in his vivid imagination.
 
well i think you hit it on the head ,they have nothing to report , so they exagerarate as they go ,,, kindalike the dem o c rats do ,.,.,m, like another said ,, its job security , if they keep losers like that on the lifeline , more than likely your own job is secure,.
 
Had a friend who had a very active imagination, which we attributed to an over-indulgence in banned substances in his youth. Had some very heroic Vietnam stories, that another vet said had the place names and timelines so screwed up that he couldn't even figure out what ol' Charlie was talking about.

But my favorite was when he was in the music scene in San Francisco in the mid-'60's. He was hanging around with John Fogarty, John Sebastion, Suzi Quatro and some others when they wrote the song "Suzi Q" as a tribute to her. He said her nickname was Suzi Creamcheese, and I never had the nerve to ask him why, at least in mixed company. Of course, Fogarty's band Creedence Clearwater made a big hit out of it (which they did). But after he left, I was thinking I had heard someone else do it- so went out the the shop, where I have my "oldies" collection. And sure enough, on the 1957 disc, was Dale Hawkins doing "Suzi Q". And I'm pretty sure he didn't write it in honor of Suzi Quatro, since Suzi would have been 7 years old at the time.
 
In the 80's, there was a newspaper editor called "Duke" here in the city who would show up at various affairs in his Air Force uniform decorated with ribbons and tell stories of his pilot's career in the service. Someone checked him out and found that he had never been in the service!

Soon afterwards, some shops were selling T-shirts with printing that said: "I flew with Duke! They sold a lot of those shirts.
 
I had a foreman that was nicknamed Uncle B.S. he was the last man out of vietnam riding on the skid of the chopper. He was a good guy but you couldnt believe a word he said. Worked with a guy that had worked maintenance in a hospital. Said he had been called in to surgery to change boards in a heart monitor. Supposedly got in time with the patients heartbeat and swapped the boards between beats. I could go on and on. I think I attract those people.
 
A fella was always bragging on how many fish he caught. Me and my brother were fishing near where he had one of his trot lines and told him we were useing "secret"bait passed down from granddad. Naturaly,he said he didn't believe anything beat crawfish but we convinced him to try some. Truth is the fish had lockjaw and noone was catching anything at the time. We made a special trip to a local fish farm to pick up 8 channel cat carcasses that had been filleted out. Went out that evening after he went home and put a carcasss on each hook where our 8 "secret"baits had been randomly used. Drove him wild forever after trying to figure out what the bait had in it. His story about catching several nice cats and turtles eating them became one of his most famous stories. We refused to sell him any more bait after proving how good it works.
 
A distant relative (thank goodness)of my wife considered himself quite the shooter. Had this 700 Remington in .257 Roberts that he could shoot pop bottle caps off a tree a 600 yards!!!
I said wow, awesome eyesight!
 
I forgot about Larry. He's the guy I used to work with that had done everything you'd ever mention. The rest of us put our heads together to remember how many years total he said he'd worked at those separate jobs.......about 129. Didn't look his age at all.
 
My FIL used to say the same thing when he would hear a big one. Lots of folks like that here too. Just buy something local folks will ask "what did you pay for that, Oh you got screwed I just bought one and paid X# $ less" or " I just saw one at so&so 's for less." Of course they never have what you bought & if you look at so & so's they don't have it. OR sell something to them "You screwed me I could have bought that from so & so for less". That's when I'd like to break out the Dave2 people skills - give it back here 's your money and get the flock out of here.
 
Worked with a guy that used to be a city cop, said his patrol car was so hot, he could be sitting on the side of the road, and somebody go past him at 120, and he could pull out and catch then in less than a mile. Same guy said he once worked for the fbi, they'd send him a plane ticket to dc. Load him up with gold bars and send him to switcherland and have it converted to cash.
 
I work with a guy like that now. It don't matter what you are doing or what you are talking about he is an expert and has a story about it.
 
This post is really good, it got me to thinking, everybody below posted about someone they know that is a bs er or a 1 upper, my question is, do they even realize there like that? Do they do it intenisionly (sp) or are they completely obliveis (sp)to it?
 
(quoted from post at 16:44:14 03/20/13) This post is really good, it got me to thinking, everybody below posted about someone they know that is a bs er or a 1 upper, my question is, do they even realize there like that? Do they do it intenisionly (sp) or are they completely obliveis (sp)to it?
Click to expand...

My 2 BIL's really don't have any idea. The good hearted one has a lot of friends and they just let his lies go. The other one can be pretty petty. Has very few friends and people call him on his lies constantly. I'm amused by both of them.

Rick
 
Sounds like a guy that I knew in the Navy. Used to go on and on with story's about when he was in the San Diego police force. Part of our Classified Materials Courier training was to qualify at the firing range with a 45 cal handgun. After the first two shots the Chief conducting the range training ran up grabbed the weapon & him and threw him off the range. The targets were 3' x 3' at 25' distance & he hit the frame with both of his two shots.
 
I was actually thinking about this today, before I posted, and I've decided that they know exactly what they're saying/know that they're lying, but it doesn't occur to them that others can see right through their ridiclousness.
 
Love the replies, LOL We have a local watering hole owner who has been there done that.. except for inventing the internet... he gives credit to Al Gore for that. Figured out he must be 132 years old to do it all.
 
A family we know, the father and sons are the same and are dead serious that what they say is true. One story that comes to mind is the day they were baling hay and a storm was brewing up so didn't take time to unload wagons, just kept baling onto one wagon and when they were done it had 27 layers of bales on it and was to the peak of the barn roof in height.
 
One of our 8 man hunting fishing group "exaggerates" in all of his hunting fishing tales. We cal him,to his face, "Divide by two" So his 12 pt deer was a 6 point, and his 30 inch walleyw was a 15. That seems to make the story quite accurate.
 
I think some people lie so much they wouldn't know the truth if it bit them.
Others know what they're doing for sure. My grandfather was one of them.
We went to visit him in the hospital years ago, his final trip, and
my mother asked him what he was doing to stay busy.
In his slow southern gentleman drawl he said "Practicin' mah lyin'".
He had all the nurses hanging out to hear his stories.
He wasn't the one upper type, but he sure was a good story teller!
I remember one of his "life lessons" involved squirrel hunting with a slingshot
and how a rock will ricochet off a tree trunk at an upward angle, hit the next
branch up in the tree then gather momentum from gravity as it descends right
back to its point of origin.
Would have surely caught him right between the eyes but reflex made him duck
and stick out his arm.
Just happened to be the arm with the slingshot in hand, and durned if he didn't
catch that rock right in the sling!
He would have taken a second shot, but he was afraid he wouldn't catch it the next time!
His story, he could tell it any way he wanted. :lol:
 
I was a few years to young for the Viet Nam war but a few years back we hired a young guy who had been in the Army for nine years. After completing the paperwork for his first day on the job-a co-worker and I carried the newby to the jobsite. On the way the newby began to tell some "war stories" about his "time in Nam". Knowing his age and that he was lieing big time I (having read quite a few books on Nam) began to "tell" war stories of my own about Nam. Since I was older and could have possibly been the age to go to Nam I guess he swallowed it cause he quickly shut up and listened as I told several ficticiuos war stories. After we dropped newby off and headed back to the office, my co-worker says, "I didn't know you was old enough to be in the Viet Nam war." Guess I was a better liar than I thought. Newby never mentioned Viet Nam again either. Two liars in a stand-off.
 
I've heard so many ove the years I can't even begin to remember them all. What's always funny to me is when someone starts telling about all of their experiences and by the time they are done they'd have to br at least 100 years old to do everything they said they have done.

It's those kinds of people that make me think about the old saying, 'I'd like to buy him for what he's worth and sell him for what he thingks he's worth...' A deal like that could make a man rich in many instances.

True story, I shot the limb out from under a crow once at about 75 yards. In all honestly I could probably never duplicate the feat again because I really missed my shot...... I was aiming at the crow...LOL. Still, looking through the scope I swear that crow had as close to a look of suprise on it's face as a bird can muster when the limb it's setting on suddenly leaves out from under its feet....
 
I have been acquainted with too many of those "fly higher, dive deeper" kind of guys. One morning, in the drivers room before the start of the day. The new driver came in and had to impress everyone with his stories of how he saved the world. Not to be out done, The previous "biggest liar" got into a competition with the new guy. They were telling how many miles a year they had driven. When it came time for me to go open the shop, I got my calculator out and figured that the last number I heard meant that the truck that person was driving would have had to average something like 130mph 24/7 365. I figured that didnt leave much time for necessary things like fuel, meals, or my favorite, sleep.
Tim in OR
 
I enjoy a good lie told in fun as much as the next guy. But some people just don't know the limits of good taste.

Used to work with a guy who claimed he was on the NYS Board of Regents. Dead serious when he said it too. He had a GED diploma and no college. He actually did well for a high school drop out with a GED, but that wasn't enough for him. The Board of Regents thing was his most bizarre claim. His other, every day claims were so transparent they were boring.

Supposed horse expert came to the farm one day. She began listing her credentials. From the sounds of it she'd attended every high dollar clinic and worked with every big name there was. Seemed odd since she lived in a run down trailer and drove a beat up truck, but she seemed very sincere and I would never say anything to someone my wife invited to the farm. The last straw was when she was oogling one of my horses and went on about his size, "He must be 15.3, 15.4 hands tall!" Well, a hand is 4". The horse can be 15 hands, 15.1, 15.2 or 15.3, but he can't be 15.4 or he'd be 16 hands. Even my wife caught that in the stream of unending BS. We still joke about it.

The liars aren't as bad as the one uppers. I worked with a guy who was always "The only one...". He was the only one who ever did anything, doesn't matter what it was, no one else had ever done it or done it the way he did. It was worse when he'd start in to someone about being "the only one" who ever did something and he'd be talking about something I was right there to see him do or help him do and he'd never consider that I might not back him up 100%. He got promotion after promotion based on his being "the only one". To this day I just shake my head.

How about the butt kissers? Had a couple guys I worked with the were real bad in that area. They'd lie to someone up the ladder about what a tremendously wonderful person the guy they were schmoozing was. We had a class one time and a Captain was in the room. Mr. Schmooz was kissing up like a Senator looking for a bribe. The Capt left and I said, "Frank, doesn't the smell bother you?" He asked what I was talking about. I said, "Frank, if that Capt. ever stopped quick, your whole head would disappear up his backside." 40 other guys burst out laughing. Frank didn't even blush! :shock:
 
Always called those types "Hanks" after a MODIFIED version of the old Hank Snow song: I"ve been everywhere man, I"ve done everything!!!
 
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