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Heading for divorce court

A

Anonymous-0

Well-known Member
Posting anonymously to protect myself from future prosecution, yea I know its kind of pointless.....

It’s to long of a story to provide all the details but the stepson issue is going to land us in divorce court. He showed up last night with a large dog and tiny girlfriend in tow asking to stay a month until they get on their feet. I said no, his momma over ruled me (for a week anyway). I said no dog. We already have two small dogs in the house and the domination issues are going to destroy the carpet. Again I was over ruled because the dog is not use to staying outside (IDGaS). This morning I am taking a leak outside because they have our only bathroom tied up for better than 45 minutes. Then I get to sit here and listen to them discuss finances. Between the two they are getting something like $630 a month in food stamps or whatever they call it today, which they graciously offered to pay us rent with by buying us groceries (NFW). After that I got to listen to them calling the various county agencies seeking free medical, free transportation, and free housing. Then #itch because they had to actually go to the county seat to fill out the forms or there was a waiting list. Talk about instant gratification, “Oh, I make a phone call and get a car and keys to an apartment”. I just about bit a pencil in half. Neither one has ever been on their feet and have “NO” desire to do so. Free ride is what they are looking for. They have bounced around wearing out their welcome for the last 6 years. This kid is 25 and hasn’t worked in the last 2 years much less held a job long enough to ever collect unemployment. Worthless POS………

My wife better hope I do not decide to walk, I just might take some of my tax money out of his hide before I leave. The way the courts work she would probably get everything anyway, so what do I have to lose? Maybe I can run him over with the tractor before the cops get to me. Now they are looking into getting declared disable so they can collect SSI for the rest of their lives.

The tenant is moving come the first of the year, having a big old house all to myself sounds pretty good right now.
 
I have good news. There is a government agency that provides people with housing etc. When I was in my 20's they and my contracting business folded, the government was able to give me a job, free housing and a bunch of other stuff. That agency isn't Health & Human Services, either. It's the Department of Defense. For over 200 years they have gotten young men back on their feet.
 
Does he have a tractor? Maybe you should get him one to work on. Seriously, I put up with that for 25 years and finally moved on. Ex's son started showing up a month after tying the knot and continued the appearances and finally moved in permanantly at 46 taking over the household, my wifes car, my dogs and she spent most waking moments in his presence taking car of a perfectly able person . He called me names, swore at me(so did she because I complained about him) He also had usage of her debit card stayed up all night and I had to tiptoe around the house while he slept daytime. Cost us well over $100,000.00 to keep him. (over the years) I finally left three years ago and now live scarce on SS and a few investment but I am happy. Get gpoing.
 
Hey I could use some that free stuff keep track of what he does and let us all know how he gets it done.
Walt
 
talk to a lawyer today and get things started now
you can decided not to go thru with this up until the final day in court
However you need to get control of this matter now as your wife will not

Good luck
 
The military is an option that everyone has the opportunity to at least try. It should be manditory, after being on welfare/unemployment or other for a year there should be a statement that asks if they have tried the military. They should have to provide a military disqualification letter before they get anymore free benefits.
 
Im in agreement to head for the lawyer and do it now. Like was posted you can always not go through with it. My family has rental property near a small "business school" we constantly have a steady stream of calls from people that are going there on some program that pays for their rent while in school. Everyone of them so far show up with some big story of what they are gonna do after they get finished withschool. We have never had one stay for more than four months before theyve quit school and are gettin kicked off the programs. Its happened so much we dont even consider them anymore. Theres tons of these people out there now including one of my brothers and his wife that are just looking for a hand out. Its very hard to get rid of them after they move in also. The courts are on their side you cant simply kick them out. In all honesty get a lawyer and get them gone.
 
Can't vouch for the other branches of the service, but the Marine Corps is NOT a reform school.

I doubt if he'd qualify, or cut the mustard if he did.
 
I had rental income from 1962 til 1974. The best tenants were the young Army officers from the nearby military base. They kept the place clean and no problem getting the rent. They were here for 6 to 8 months. When I started to get the white trash I decided to sell. Hal
 
I'm no supporter of putting divorce on the table over this. You need the wife to understand that while she is looking at the little boy depending on her for a diapper change, he is now a young man with no idea of what he needs to be doing to meet his obligations. He is no longer a child depending on his parents. He is a man that others need to depend on, and this needs to be impressed on him. It is not your wife's fault that she has mommy hormones running through her. That is no reason for divorce. Things, however do need to be made clear that for both your financial security, as well as your step son's survival, he needs to quickly reach the point of manhood.
 
I agree with others to see a lawyer now. One with a winning reputation. Preferably a woman - really, it helps.

Get your legal ducks in a row,and if things haven't gotten better by then, lay it out for your wife that you've had enough and exactly how you are going to proceed. Tell her this is her last chance if she wants to spend her life with you. And mean it.

Now the hard part: You have to prepare yourself to live without, well, maybe all your stuff. Resign yourself to the fact that you may have to give it ALL to her. But why is divorce so expensive? Because it's WORTH IT.

My goal, as it was with my divorce, was not to have to pay her a monthly check. She didn't want the house, so I re-mortgaged it and gave her a BIG one-time check. I found that easier to swallow than monthly payments. I didn't want to be beholden to her. And I'm not.

I'm monitoring a situation with my new wife - her 19 year old son, a loser by choice, just quit his crappy job for no apparent reason. Lives with his grandma, and they are both drug addicts. My wife is angry with him, and her mother, but still has this "Where did my son go? Who is this person?" attitude, as if he didn't do it to himself. He's doing it to himself, and until he reaches rock-bottom, he won't quit whining and conniving.

My wife is the best of her family, a very good person. Most of her family are drug addicts who know how to 'job' the system for all sorts of free stuff.

I love my wife very, very much, and she cares about me in a way my first wife never did. But her boy moved out and will NOT be coming back. If he does, well...I've been through divorce once, I can handle it again.

So hey! I feel your pain!

P.S. You were probably just blowing off steam, but DO NOT physically harm the son. It will only go against you in court. And she WILL use it, no matter how much he deserved it!
 
aint no way i would go to a female attorney to get a divorce ,, may as well go roller skating on a frozen lake ,,
 
More often than not, family court judges will be women these days. Most judges are lawyers. They tend to favor "one of their own". If you have any ambition of winning, or at the very least, getting a fair skrewwin' you are miles ahead by taking a woman attorney with you. Seen it pan out in favor of a couple dead beat inlaws because they did just that.
 
Sad. I did not have time to read many of the other responses. The wedding vows I took, clearly indicated that my wife had first place in my life and that I had first place in hers.
So you do not have first place in her life. Heartbreaking. The young people would be far better served by being forced to face and deal (themselves) with the situations they have created. What is happening is like buying booze for an alcoholic because you "love" them. This woman is ruining those young people.
 
Looks like you don't have much say so in anything my Grandmother used to call it "Under Petticoat Rule" This guy just didn't drop out the sky I'm sure there have been issues before and you didn't have the Nads to do anything about it before and you won't this time either.
 
You'll get dozens upon dozens of opinions here. Many will tell you to just set your woman straight then have her set her baby boy straight. That's easy enough to SAY, but anyone with a lick of common sense will tell you mommy will almost always take the side of her little boy. And 9 times in 10, you'll end up out in the cold if you try to teach him a lesson OR protect what's yours to begin with.

That said, out of everyone in this thread, YOU are the only one of us with boots on the ground at the scene of the battle. You will need to make up your mind if it's worth the battle or not.

If you decide to stand up for yourself, best move is to sucker punch the other side....Get in the first blow. Fire the first volley. ie, get a GOOD lawyer and get sonny boy/girlfriend/dog/maybe even wifey out the door any way possible. Cut your losses. It'll get ugly and you'll end up with nothing anyway, but at least mommy's boy won't get it all.

Easy for me to say.

IF IT WERE ME; I'd HELP baby boy get his free ride, then offer to help him move. That MIGHT save your marriage and get things back to some semblance of normalcy. Sadly enough, he'll probably end up getting a free ride through life with or WITHOUT your help. It's just that easy to be a worthless slug these days. At least he won't have his feet under your table if he's on external_linkBucks and getting full compliment of tater tickets.
 
I am not and never was a person who believed divorce was a solution to marriage problems. after all i stood up in front of the world and promised to keep her till death. but i most certainly can understand it!!!! my advice, try a seperation first, see if that helps.might not,might just delay the inevitable,but make sure your not blaming someone else for you or your wifes failings.things are rough for kids nowdays,not many jobs around for folks starting out simply because employers hire older folks with proven work ethics, and spend their training money there rather than hire young folks who have no experience whatsoever and take a chance on them.may not be the case here,and i couldnt say, but just the fact that he offered to buy groceries is something to his credit.and it proves that he is at least somewhat concerned. like I say , only you know the situation,and know all the particulars. one option, pay for him some vocational training,those type jobs are more often available..you may even talk to some of his old employers( take your wife also),see where and what his failings were,maybe you can help him there.your wife and you need to be on the same page certainly,no doubt about it.but allowing him to wreck your marriage, should be your last option. my OPINION of course,and im certainly in no position to address your problems in anyway whatsoever.i wish you luck whatever you decide,,,
 
Well.............everyone has heard the story..she got the farm....happened to me as well as LOTS of husbands......but..I did ESCAPE with my sanity!! If you can't escape with you sanity..then you are up the creek....So you will have to give up your toys for now...toys can be reacquired...sanity can not be recovered! Good Luck!!
 
You are a leg up on them if you can see it coming. Had a friend who saw divorce in his future. He started to quietly sell things and move the money where it couldn't be found. tractors got "given" to old friends or he sold them and grossly understated the price. when he was in court he took the beating, but had enough put away to make up for it.
 
Right now the military can afford to be choosy about who the let in. 5 years ago they were begging and lowering standards - today they have many more applicants than they have positions to fill. Deadbeat worthless people are in the back of the line.
 
Yea right.....send em to the military. Years go if you failed to meet the standards they had ways of making someone shape up. It was that or the stockade. Now they just kick em out cause it's too expensive to jail em. If they don't want the military they will fail and get shipped home on a less than honorable discharge and thats it. No jail time, no beatings no matter how much they deserve it......many times owing the governemnt money that they will never be able to repay.......with a discharge that may keep them out of the work force for good. Why and the heck do you guys keep saying to send these young bums to the military? To units that may deploy to a combat zone? Where they could darn well cost a good young man or woman their life cause they are a POS?

You old pharts who were there years ago don't know what it's like now.

Rick
 
Have a short talk with Maw TONITE! Then, lay down the law to the houseguests. Don't take 'no' as an answer, and let them know who is boss and who ain't. Let them know there ain't no free lunches and it's work or walk time. I've had two come home that way, and they're still struggling, but surviving on their own and working.
 
To put it bluntly........Kick the POS out of the house.

When I left my parents house 20 years ago my mother made the statement, "dont think that you will be coming back if you feel like it" I had a decent job and I had to get my own place, it was time. I got married 3 years later.

You need to have a serious talk with your wife, her mommy instincts are allowing this kid to mooch off of both of you.
 
This has really stirred up lots of good discussion.

What I've told my kids, and what I've told my step kids is this: I'm all about mutual respect. Respect me, work with me, do the things you are supposed to do, and I will help you. I will respect you. This is my game. PLAY MY GAME, and it will be very beneficial to you. I will help you throughout your life, whenever you need help, I'll be there. That's the way it is for me and MY parents.

...on the other hand, if you think you're smarter than me, that I'm not worthy of your respect, that I'm a 'square' old man who don't know nothin' about the world today, well, see ya. Don't come to me when it doesn't work out for you. I tried. You didn't listen.

My oldest son is 22, should have stayed in college, but he's a hard worker who has a good job and isn't into anything negative. He had respect issues when he was a teen, and I think if he would have listened to me more then he would have stayed in college and would have a career now and not just s 'job'. But he's a good young man whom I get along with fine. He respects me now, and I'll always be there for him.

My stepson, though - he doesn't like me. Knows a lot more than me. Wouldn't listen. Tries to drive wedges between me and his mother. And he's decending further and further into He!!. Doesn't understand that I would have been there for him, if only he would have respected me. It's not an issue of whether he's my 'son' of 'stepson' - work with me, and I'll help you. Still time for him, if he sincerely wants to turn himself around. But I don't think he wants to yet. He enjoys that weed too much.

Doesn't bother me when someone wants to destroy themselves - but when it affects other people, now I'm pizzed. And it always, without fail, affects others.

P.S. I'm not that old - 41. But feeling older every day!
 
only way military would work now is if the rules were as they were in the draft era, and it"s not going back to that any time soon.
 
Why don't you make them work around the place to pay for room and board. Work 'em hard enough and they'll break a leg trying to get out of your house... The girl can dust, clean bathrooms, cook, get groceries, etc... You can get the guy to 'help' you clear that land/fence row that has been needing work all these years. When it rains, he can paint and re-arrange furniture. Nothing in the world wrong with having to work for your room and board.... Everybody does... Whatever you do, don't just let them sit on the couch all day and watch TV and eat your food. Oh, yeah, almost forgot, and they'll need to pony up all their food stamps as well...
 
In the long run it would probably be cheaper to divorce her than her son, his girlfriend and their dog suck all the money and life out of you.

Give it a little while an they'll figure out they get more money with kids and she'll start popping out grand kids on a regular basis. If you think the house is crowded now, check back when that happens. And there's no way mama will let them leave with her grandkids in tow.....
 
If I were you.I would tell the wife him or me. Let her pick who she wants to live with. If she chooses the two slugs. Then leave.
 
You really must be living in a cave. The military doesn't take the losers anymore. In fact, there are waiting lists that can stretch for a couple of years. You really are out of touch with reality.....
 
Airing you'r laundry on a world wide forum is not such a good idea...
Find a good friend and talk things through privately.
Been there, and crying in your soup doesn't help one bit, phisical attacks are old school and could land you in some serious trouble...so walk away from him if you can not handle it.
 
Before you end up with DIVORCE Paper Work /Started by ether of you .GET ALL ASSETS MORGAGED OR Sold [ Hide any $$$$ You can ].DONT OWN ANY Thing FAST! I HAVE Went Down the Road 3 years ago Finished,But took all most 7 years/Any items ARE ASSETS in Divorce Court, =Any thing With Your Name on It.If you get it to this .Get the Best Lawyer you can & Meanest Rat Because You WILL NEED HIM . O by the Way GET YOU CHECKING ACCT Closed [she will clean it out,Trust me /All so Any Savings Acct's ']& Hope You Get There FIRST!!!/Here it Realy Messed Our Farm Up,It Was an ASSET & the Equipment owned by the Partner Ship and my Personal items.I am over $75000 in th hole over it & the Farm =We will never figger the cost !
 

Sign of the times....

The Government WANTS people to live like that...it makes LOYAL Constituents...as verified by the last election...

I KNOW we all should be "PROUD"...

Are "They" the SMART ONES..??? I am not sure, anymore...

Ron..
 
BTDT.

Why do you suppose they had the bathroom tied up for 45 minutes? I'm sure you have lots of theories, but let me throw this one out: 45 minutes is about how long it takes to shoot up heroin, then recover enough to show your face in polite society.

You moving out is not the solution. Nor can you fight your wife and her darlings. What you have to do is to have a private discussion with your wife as to why you consider their behavior unacceptable, and what you expect from them if they are staying in your home. You can start with the bathroom problem. Make your expectations things that are immediate. Saying "you have to get a job in ten days" won't work because ten days will come and go with no job but plenty of excuses. Telling them the bathroom is off-limits from 6 to 7 am because you need it then is something for which they can't make up an excuse.

Consider requiring Sonny to take a drug test as a condition of staying under your roof. 35 bucks will buy you a home drug testing kit at your corner drugstore, good for opiates, amphetamines, pot and a bunch of other good stuff. Plop it down in front of Junior, and with a little luck he'll be so offended he'll pack his bags on the spot. If he does agree to pee in a bottle, make sure you follow him into the bathroom and watch him closely. Trust me, Little Timmy knows a lot more about drug tests than you do.

If you can stick it out, and you and your wife stay on the same page, eventually it will sort itself out. But in the meantime, you need to do a few things to protect your finances: Any and all financial documents need to be under lock and key. That includes bank statements, tax returns, blank checks, cancelled checks, even stuff from closed bank accounts. Little Mikey and his sweetheart are likely to have a keen interest in them. Ditto for anything else you don't want them getting into. Password protect your computer and secure your files. Set up separate computer accounts for you and your wife , because she WILL give her password to the little lovebirds when they ask for it. Do not let your wallet out of sight! On the other hand, don't suggest to your wife that she hide her purse: It will expedite their departure when your wife notices her pocketbook coming up consistently light. (Little Bradley might not be willing to steal from Mom, but Little Snookums will have no such reservations.)

Stick it out, and some day you'll laugh about it. Or at least that's what they tell me. This too will pass.

Good luck.
 

First, see if you can check what you marriage vows said. Most likely for better or worse. Just because half of America is too abundant to be tied down to them doesn't mean that it excuses a good conservative like you. You need to try to put the son and GF in background and work on your wife to bring her around. You have, for the time being, lost the ability to have any affect on your son, but if you can be united with your wife you maybe able together, to help him after the law may have been able to bring him part way around.
 
...the vows also probably said something about love, honor, cherish...

If his wife is putting her bum son over her husband, she is not honoring him. At the beginning of his story, he said something about being too long a story to tell all the details - I'm guessing those details have to do with an overprotective mother who can't see the situation for what it is.

I agree that he should do whatever it takes to save his marriage, as long as he doesn't have to put his morals & values aside and play second fiddle to this moron kid and his gf. There is a point where you have to be true to yourself.

I agree whith your advice to put the son & gf in the background, but it takes two tango; his wife must be willing to work with him.
 
She will never stop "protecting" her baby. She is on an emotional buzz. The Mother will sacrifice anything, anybody and herself for her offspring. As previously stated, hubby is rated 4th in the house and only valued as a cow to be milked. Should the source of $$$ dry up, there will be a change.
 
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